Saturday, 21 February 2015

part 40:I will bring my basket back

Riddhima just finished her dinner that was just a roti and a little sabji and was about to sleep. Usually Padma would be with her but tonight she hadn't. Riddhima did not want to ask Armaan so she just had dinner for the sake of it and then tried to lie down.
A: Ruko Riddhima...thodi der baithi raho; tumne khaana bhi theek se nahi khaaya hai toh main thoda doodh le aata hu use peelo taaki tum dawai kha sako.
R: Mujhe neend aa rahi hai.
A: Haan toh so jaana par dawai khaaye begair nahi; aur uske liye pehle tumhara kuch khaana jaruri hai. Tumhe agar kuch aur chahiye toh bolo main... She just nodded her head so he sighed and told her that he would be back with the glass of milk. By the time he came back to the room he found the bed empty; he turned around as he heard her moan and found her standing by the bathroom door with the support of the side table kept outside. He instantly placed the glass on the table and ran towards her; his gaze fell on her leg's dressing which had blood stains on it. God knows how she had managed to walk till there all by herself.
A: Riddhima?? Ye kya bachpana hai; tum kyun aa gayi yaha akeli, main aa raha tha na! He picked her up and placed her on the bed while she continued groaning as her wound had opened up. 2 minute main toh main aa raha tha Riddhima. Agar tumhe washroom jaana tha toh mujhe bula leti main help kardeta na; aise akele chalkar pair par strain dene ki kya jarurat thi tumhe? Chalo...vaise bhi tumhare dressings change karne hi the. Ye lo tum doodh pee lo main kit nikaal deta hu. She took the glass and drank the milk slowly taking her time.

A: Tumhe fresh hona tha na...chalo pehle fresh ho jao fir dressing kar lenge. He helped her walk till the washroom making sure she does not strain her hurt leg at all. As soon as she came out and he settled her on the couch; he held her leg to change the dressing.
R: Umm...na...nahi...mujhe change nahi karvaani dressing. Maa...aa jaayegi tab kardengi.
A: Riddhima Padma mom nahi aa rahi aaj. Main kar det...
R: Theek hai...she got up and again tried to walk on her own towards the bed; toh main kal Maa se keh ke change... Armaan who was just sitting quietly till now had had enough. She was just been adamant; not only had she hurt herself walking all by herself not letting him help; but now she was not even letting him change the dressing.
A: STOP RIGHT THERE RIDDHIMA! He picked her up and placed her on the bed with her legs hanging down. TUM CHUP CHAP AB YAHA BAITHOGI AUR MUJHE DRESSING CHANGE KARNE DOGI; SAMJHI? DON'T TRY TO RUB ON MY WRONG SIDE RIDDHIMA; THAT'S NOT GOING TO BE GOOD FOR YOU. SO JUST LET ME DO THE DRESSING.
    He said all of it sternly but as he saw her nervousness he sat down besides her and calmed his nerves.
A: Riddhima tum...sigh...he could see that she was feeling very uneasy though he did not understand why but thought to better not make her suffer more. He caressed her cheek and put a fringe behind her earlobe; Theek hai; you aren't comfortable yet toh it's okay; par mujhe tumhare pair ki dressing change karne do. It's bleeding na Riddhima, baat ko samjho tumhe bukhar chad jaayega. Aisi laparvahi mat karo; bas main tumhare pair ki dressing change kar deta hu; hmm? Fir baki sab main vo Padma aunty ko bol dunga subah change karne ok? She just nodded her head and seeing her atleast do that he kissed her forehead. He sat down and opened her dressing and could see her wound bleeding. Taking the solution on the cotton he started cleaning the wound blowing air on it simultaneously so as to reduce her pain. As he was done with it; he got up and just stared at her. Once he cleaned his hands he removed her medicine packet but as his gaze fell on her he found her staring at her hand which was covered in the dressing.
Umm...Riddhima...kya hua? Dard ho raha hai kya? She nodded her head in no and was playing with the rim of her shirt; rather he felt as if she was trying to get rid of it. But he knew she wouldn't talk about anything to him right now so he just handed over the pills and glass of water to her. She took it quietly and then he tucked her in the bed covering her with the blanket but she instantly pushed the blanket away. In any other case he would have felt weird about it but seeing her current state he understood that she was just not herself. She was frustrated and hurt; so he just let her be and turning the lights off he went over to the couch hoping that the sleep would engulf his senses giving him some relief for atleast some time.  Just as sleep had started to take over his senses he heard her screaming and as a reflex he sat up wide awake. He found her sitting on the bed trying to move away from something and was trying to push off all the things that were in her access. Turning the lights on he ran to her but she had successfully got down the bed by then and was shrugging God knows what off her.
Riddhima??...Riddhima kya hua?
Armaan...vo hatao use...vo vo...cockroach...vo use...hatao...
Riddhima relax...he hled her shouders and looked around but found no cockroach anywhere around. He was a little bewildered as she was never that scared of cockroaches.
Nahi Armaan...vaha...vo ...hatao use... he shuffled the blanket and pillows to show her that there was nothing there.
Riddhima yaha kuch bhi nahi hai. Shaant ho jao. She at once went all quiet but her eyes were streaming down tears continuously. He tried to hold her hand but she pushed his hand away.
Tum...jao...so jao Armaan...main...main... tum jao
Riddhima tum...as he tried to support her since she wasn't strong enough to walk by herself she harshly pushed him away making him stumble.
Maine kaha na tumse...JAO YAHA SE! Mujhe tumhari koi jarurat nahi hai. She held her hair crying her heart out. Mujhe kisiki jarurat nahi hai. Just go...go away...mujhe ak... He held her through her shoulders pulling her closer.
Stop it Riddhima; just stop it. Stop running away from me. Stop running away from yourself!
Armaan chale jao...mujhe tumse koi baat nahi karni...jao yaha se.
Really? Tumhe mujhse koi baat nahi karni? Huh? He pulled her up dangerously close making her face him ; toh har baar jab bhi kuch hota hai mera naam kyu aata hai tumhari zubaan par? Jab bhi kisi ki jarurat hoti hai; mujhe hi kyu pukaarti ho tum? If you really don't need me then why do you always keep asking for me? Huh?... Riddhima look at me...she tried to free herself from his hold but she was nothing in front of him right now to even move an inch away from him. She kept turning her face away as he tried to make her face him.
Just look up at me once God damn it! Why the hell are you doing this? Kyu dur bhaag rahi ho mujhse? Tumhe kya lagta hai; I don't understand that how you are avoiding me. I can't see how tum kis tarah apni nazar chura rahi ho mujhse?
Armaan mujhe kuch nahi sunna...kuch nahi kehna...ch...chod do mujhe! Mujhe kuch nahi dekhna...
Kyun? Kyun nahi dekhna tumhe? Haan? Maine kya kiya hai?
Armaan mujhe jaane do.
Nahi Riddhima aaj nahi...maine kya galti ki hai? Tum baki har kisi se baat kar sakti ho; par mujhse nahi...kyun? Meri taraf dekhna bhi nahi chahti...kyun? Aakhir mujh...
NAHI DEKHNA CHAHTI MAIN TUMHE...NAHI SEH SAKTI JAB TUM IS TARAH MUJHE DEKHTE HO; JAB MUJHE ITNA PYAAR KARTE HO. I NO MORE DESERVE IT. MAIN IS LAYAK NAHI RAHI. MUJHSE NAHI HOTA YE SAB...MAIN NAHI DEKH SAKTI TUMHARI AANKHON MAIN. TUMHE MERE PAAS NAHI HONA CHAHIYE ARMAAN! YOU SHOULD GO AWAY...JUST LEAVE ME ALONE...MAIN TU...
KYU? JO GALTI US KAMEENE KI HAI USKI SAJA KHUDKO KYUN E RAHI HO? Mujhe kyu de rahi ho?
Kyunki jo hua mere saath hua. Mujh main himmat nahi hai tumhara saamna karne ki. Kisi ka saamna karne ki...main...
   He held her face and made her look up forcefully...
Tum ne kuch bhi nahi kiya hai Riddhima. Jo kiya hai usne kiya hai; aur tumhe guilty feel karne ki koi jarurat nahi hai. Tumhe is tarah sharamnaak zindagi jeene ki koi jarurat nahi hai...And dare you push me away from yourself...she somehow pushed his hands away and tried to walk away but fell down in that attempt. She hid her face in her palms and started crying hysterically. He just stood there trying to figure out a way to console her. He wanted to run and take her in his arms but he feared that she would not accept that. He knelt down in front of her and held his hand up wondering whether to hold her or not. Hoping against the hope he now sat fisting his palm tightly watching her cry; but just then she moved her hands away from her face and held her hands out for him to embrace her in his arms. That gave him some relief and he instantly moved ahead and took her in his arms, but even before he could wrap his arms around her he could feel her clinging on to him with all  the strength that she was left with. She held onto him as tight as she could. As she kept pulling him he realized that she was trying to hide herself in him; to just be away from everyone; everything! Finally coming out of his thoughts he wrapped his arms around her carefully not to hurt her in anyway. Caressing her head he planted few kisses in her hair feeling her and also making her feel his presence. For the first time ever he was happy to see her cry today as that was a sign that the dam had finally broken. She had to get those things that were haunting her; out of her system. He held on to her tightly and let her sob on his chest. Her body shivered as she was wearing a flimsy shirt of his which barely protected her from the cold wind and as soon as he sensed that he instantly wrapped her in his arms and took her to the bed. Kissing her forehead he let her be in his arms while he pulled the blanket over them covering her properly making her comfortable in his lap.
Riddhima...shh...baby it's okay...main hoon na tumhare saath. Tumhe ye sab nahi sochna chahiye. He held her face and wiped her tears.
Tumhe jo kehna hai vo kaho...agar mujhse nahi kahogi toh kisse kahogi hmm? Kuch mat socho; jo bhi hai bas bol do. You need to get all of it out of your system Jaan. Just let it out. Aur mujhse nazarein churaana band karo; kyunki main kabhi tumhe khud se alag hone hi nahi dunga toh tumhari ye koshishe bekaar hain Riddhima!
   She held his collar tightly as if asking him answers to her questions;
Main sirf tumhari hu Armaan...sirf tu...tum hi...mujhe chune ka ha...hak rakhte ho...toh fir usn...usne kyu...mujhe kai...kaise chua...main sirf tumhari hu na Armaan...mujhpe...sirf tumhara haq hai...sirf tumhara...toh usne aisa...kyu kiya mere saath? His eyes filled up as she demanded an answer in between her hiccups. Her helplessness and pain was so evident that he felt like killing that b******  Rishab right away.
      Main...main kitni koshish karti hu...vo sab bhulaane ki par...she looked down at her body and started pulling the dressing and tried to rub her body as if pushing something off herself; ye saari chotein mujhe bhulne hi nahi deti kuch. Main khudko is tarah nahi...dekhna chahti Armaan...tumhari aankhon main...apne liye pyaar de...dekh kar...dum ghut ta hai mera...mere paas vo...vo pyaar nahi hai...tumhari aankhon main humesha mu...mujhe apni parchai dikhti hai...jo...mujhe nahi dekhni...mujhe ghin aati hai khud se...main...
Riddhima...Riddhima meri baat suno...
Armaan nahi...ye sare ghaav...mujhe khud par nafrat karne par majboor kar dete hai. She again started rubbing off the dressings but he held her hands.
       Armaan...mujhe ye sab...ye nikalna hai...mujhe ye...ye sab hatao na Armaan...mujhe fir se pehle jaisa hona hai...mujhe sirf tumhari hona hai...mu...
Shh...chup ho jao Riddhima. Bilkul chup! He stopped her as she was hurting herself and took her in his embrace to provide her some relief. But the truth was that her words had taken away all the tiniest relief that he was left with. His face too was now covered with tears but he was just trying to clear them to hide them from her.
   Tum sirf meri hi ho Riddhima...aur humesha meri hi rahogi...tumhe koi mujhse alag nahi kar sakta. Jo kuch bhi hua; bohot galat hua par usse kuch badal nahi jaata. Tum meri thi aur meri hi ho. Usne agar tumhe chua bhi toh ye mat bhoolo ki tumhari rooh; tumhari jaan toh mere paas hi hain. Vo chaah kar bhi naahi toh tumhe haasil kar paaya aur nahi kabhi bhi koi tumhe kuch bhi kar paayega kyunki tumse pehle use mujhse gujarna hoga! Riddhima kuch bhi hota use pehle sab theek ho chukka hai...so just forget all of it. Haan usne kuch jakham aise jarur diye hai jinhe bharne main waqt lagega aur vo waqt tumhe bilkul milega par Riddhima uski ya fir kisi bhi aur ki koi harkat tumhe mujhse alag nahi kar sakti! Tumhare dil ; jaan aur rooh par sirf mera naam hai, sirf mera haq hai. Aur use koi chahkar bhi nahi mita sakta. Main aisa kisi ko mauka hi nahi dunga.  
         She snuggled into his arms and cried and cried clinging onto him. Armaan did not stop her from crying this time; but he just consoled her and caressing her head and patting her back as she cried like a small kid in his arms with no inhibitions in letting out all the pain through her tears.
   After a while; her tears subsided but she still kept shivering and hiccupping. He tried to detangle her to make her sleep but she never budged to leave him.
A: Shh...bas bas...bas hua bacha...shant ho jao. It's all going to be fine...dekho tum safe ho na ab; chalo chup ho jao.
    Somehow he finally detangled her and held her face and all that he could see was her tear stained face; her eyes puffed and her trembling lips. Rubbing her tears off he caressed her cheek and them nade her drink some water.
A: Thodi der aaram kar lo Riddhima. Tum bohot thak gayi ho; tumne dawai bhi khaayi hai...
      He could see the drowsiness in her eyes but she just leaned back on his chest.
R: Mujhe nahi sona.
A: Kyu...neend nahi aa rahi? You have to rest baby...aisa kaise chalega?
R: Nahi sona Armaan... Fresh tears trickled down from her eyes and landed on his chest that is when he held her face;
   Please Armaan mujh...
A: Shhh... She was about to retort but he placed a finger on her lip; Chup; bilkul chup.
   Just listen to me carefully Basket...mujhe pata hai tumhe bohot takleef ho rahi hai. Jo bhi hua use bhulana aasan nahi hai. I understand it's really difficult...but what I also know is you HAVE to let it out. It's really important for you to just speak up and let it all out of your system Riddhima.
    Tum kab tak aisi roti bilagti rahogi Riddhima? Vo bhi us galti ke liye jo us Rishab ne ki hai...uski saja tum kyun bhugtogi? Kya tumhe mujhpe jara sa bhi bharosa nahi hai Riddhima?
R: Tum sam...ajh nahi...ra...he ho Arm...aan. Kya batau main tumhe...us... us...ki har baa...t mu...jhe khud...se nazre mila...ne nahi deti...main tumse kaise kuch...
A: Riddhimaa! He held her chin up;
 Maine pehle bhi tumhe samjhaya hai aur firse keh raha hu; jo hua usme khud ko dosh mat do. U don't have to be ashamed of yourself!
R: Par main...Kya batau... kis tarah usne mujhe tumse nazre milane layak nahi choda...ya fir...
A: Nahi bas main itna jaana chahta hu ki tumhare dil main kitna dard bhara hai; taki vo sab bahar nikal pau. Ye janna chahta hu ki usne kis tarah aur kitni chot pohochai hai taaki tum un saari jakhmo ko bhula pao; aur main un sabka hisaab use sut samet lauta saku! Use us har chot ki bharpai karva saku aur uski har ek ek galti ka use ehsaas karvau.
      Holding her hand he caressed her wound; and traced the mark on her forehead.
A: Tumhari sharer par usne jitney bhi nishaan diye hai; us hare ek nishaan ke liye use afsoos karvau! Aur ye sab main tab tak nahi kar sakta jab tak tum mujhe kuch nahi batai Riddhima.
   Main apni Basket ko vaapas chahta hu...us Riddhima ko jo din bhar mujhse ladti thi; mujhe daant-ti thi. Jab hasti thi toh poore dil se hasti thi; na koi jhijhak na banavat. Uski aanhein jo maasumiyat jhalkati thi.
   Tum meri us Basket ko mujhse dur karne ka koi haq nahi rakhti Riddhima. Isi liye just let it all out. Kaho jo bhi tumhe sata raha hai; itne dino se pareshaan kar raha hai. Vo har aisi yaad jo tumhe sone nahi de rahi; us sab ko once and for all; just throw it out Riddhima!
       She cried as she could feel the pain and anguish that his words held. She too was tired of crying but she didn't know what else she was supposed to do. But as she looked up at him and saw his eyes looking at her with love and concern; waiting for her to speak up; she finally decided to say it all once and for all.
R: Us din...jab tumne mujhe ghar choda aur Sanjeevani laute uske kuch hi her baad Rishab ghar pe aaya...usne kaha...ki use kuch important discussion karni thi. Par fir...pata nahi kyu...achanak vo mere paas aaya aur...aur mujhe chune ki koshish karne laga. Maine use rokne ki bohot koshish ki par vo...he was stronger than me Armaan; I wasn't able to fight him back. Maine use samjhaya ki vo galat kar raha hai...par vo...har baar jab maine use kuch kehne ki koshish ki...he hit me to make me quite.
    Armaan's jaw tightened and his hands gripped the bed sheet out of fury. How he wished it would be Rishab's neck instead of the bed sheet.
R: Usne jis tarah mujhe chua main... He rubbed her arms as he could feel her trembling with fear.
     Tumhe pukaar rahi thi main Armaan. Par tum nahi aaye...maine kaha tha tumse ki kuch galat hone wala hai...par tum nahi mane meri baat!
      Kisi tarah main vaha se bhaag nikli; par jaise hi bahar aayi tumhari gaadi se takra gayi aur fir vo accident... Par mujhe us accident ka koi afssos nahi Armaan; kyunki uske baad main tumhari baahon main thi! Main vo sab kuch bhool jana chahti thi; job hi usne mere saath kiya vo main bilkul yaad nahi karna chahti thi; aur shayad isi liye main vo sab bhool bhi gayi.
     Par fir jab tum mujhe Panchgani lekar gaye; vo mere saamne aaya. Jaise hi maine use dekha...vo sab...mujhe sab yaad aa gaya. Main bohot dar gayi use vaha dekhkar; tum bhi nahi the vaha. Vo jaise jaanta tha ki...main tumse kuch keh nahi paaungi; isi liye vo...vo chahta tha ki vo tumhare saamne mujhe...mujhe... she broke down as she did not have the guts to just say anything about his disgusting intentions.
  He took her in his arms and caressed her head; while she continued crying holding onto his collar tightly.
A: I understand that you were scared aur tum vaha se chali aayi ghar; par what I fail to understand since then is; Agar tumhe sab yaad aagaya tha toh tumne mujhse baat kyu nahi ki? Jab main tumhare paas aaya that oh kyu mujhe nahi bataya sab kuch tumne? Tum agar usi waqt mujhe sab bata deti toh main us Rish...
R: Main dar gayi thi Armaan. Mujh main...mujh main bilkul himmat nahi thi umse kuch bhi kehne ki. Maine bohot koshish bhi ki...ki main tumhe sab kuch bata du; main jaanti thi ki tumhe bata dungi toh tum sab theek kar doge; mujhe kuch nahi hone doge...par pata nahi kyu main kuch bol hi nahi paa rahi thi Armaan.
A: Shh... Theek hai bacha. Don't cry...koi baat nahi. Theek hai ...
R: Kuch theek nahi Armaan; meri hi galti hai. Agar us waqt tumhe sab bata deti toh vo dubara mujhe tumse dur nahi le jaata...mujhe din bhar us andhere kamre main band nahi rehna padta. Mujhe usne bandhe rakha; jab chaha tab mujhpar haath uthaya. Main roti rahi; tumhara intezar karti rahi; aur vo...meri haalat par hasta raha.
     Main kamzor pad rahi thi Armaan. Main toot chuki thi. Mujh main ladne ki himmat khatam ho chuki thi. I felt so helpless. Vaha...vaha us kamre main chuhe; cockroaches the. Mujhe kabhi cockroaches se itna dar nahi lagta tha Armaan... par vaha...mere haath pair bandhe hue the aur...aur vo jab mere pairon per rengte the toh... Main khud ko jitna helpless feel karti thi ki...us itne se kide ko bhi main jab khud se dur nahi bhaga paati thi toh mujhe bohot ghussa aata tha khud par. Main us waqt jitna helpless feel karti thi I just can't... Vo dubara toh nahi aayega na Armaan? Mujhe firse tumse dur karne?
A: Bas...bas Riddima. Enough ...chup ho jao bacha... koi kuch nahi karega tumhe! Usne bohot badi galti ki thi jab pehli hi baar usne tumhari taraf aankh utha kar dekha tha. Par ab main sab jaanta hu na ab; tum mere paas ho! Main tumhe kahi dur nahi jaane dunga ab; hmm?
R: Mujhe dar lag ra...
A: Shh...koi darne wali baat nahi hai. Maine kaha na tumse; main tumhe kuch nahi hone dunga.
         Holding her face he wiped her tears and kissed her eyes and forehead.
   Jo bhi hona tha ho chukka. Tumhe jitna rona that um ro chuki; ab bas. Tumne mujhe bata diya na sab kuch; ab is sabke baarein main bhool jao; kyunki ab is sabke maarein main jo karna hai main karunga! Aur ab tum apni aankhen band karogi aur is sabke baarein main sochna band!
   She was about to retort but he himself closed her eyes with his hand and placed a finger on her lips. He made her lie down besides him and covered her with the blanket; but she instantly turned and gripped his hand tightly as he moved a little away.
A: Main kahi nahi jaa raha. Bas lights band kar raha hu.
      Turning off the bedside lamp he slid down and took her in his arms. He patted her head as he knew she was very drowsy and would fall asleep soon; and as expected she was asleep in a few minutes as her breath turned shallow against his chest. She kept trembling in between and he knew she must be having all those thoughts again; so he was up the entire night to comfort her everytime that she would flinch in her sleep. Everytime that he felt she would wake up; he just caressed her forehead and kissed her head whispering sweet nothings in her ear to make her feel his presence near her so that she would go back to her sleep.
    Now all the pieces were falling into places. All that Rishab had done was crystal clear and Armaan was very much clear about what he was supposed to do now! There was no way that beast was getting away easily; Armaan decided that he would make sure that his life was hell here ater. All that he had done to his Riddhima was unforgivable; and he would make sure now that; that guy who was the culprit was going to suffer and cry for mercy! He looked down at a calm sleeping Riddhima in his arms and kissing her forehead made a silent promise to her of making Rishab suffer hard for his deeds.

Jennifer

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