Friday, 16 June 2017

part 16 : Beetein_Lamhe


PART - 16


"a picture perfect.. isn't it??" riddhima shivered hearing the sudden whisper in her ear.. nd automatically her eyes blinked breaking her trance nd a sweet smile came across her lips.. now it is going to be a perfect picture to her with HIM beside her cherishing this moment TOGETHER.. she sighed contently nd looked side ways to see the love of her life...


There HE was.. the love of her life.. her husband.. her armaan.. who was busy looking lovingly at his daughter n grandson cherishing the moment wen he heard her saying.. "I miss u armaan.. I miss u very much.."

armaan's gaze broke nd he looked at his wife who is on the verge of crying now.. "mujhey bahot boora lagta hain armaan.. jab tum aisey apni arima aur armu ko dekhte ho.. chah kar bhi unhe choo nahi pate nahi baat kar pate ho.. kyun hua aisa armaan.. kyun hua woh accident.. kyun chalein gayee tum humhey chod kar.. tum tum.."

riddhima broke down completely but before her hiccups becomes louder, armaan quickly put his hand on her mouth.. "riddhima.. jaan.. sshhh' arri uth jayegi.."
armaan pleaded nd she kept on staring at him helplessly.. her eyes were bleeding.. bleeding wth immensely painful tears' but still she nodded her head positively controlling her hiccups nd armaan removed his hand slowly' riddhima gulped lungful of air as soon as he removed his palm nd shut her eyes tight nxt'

"jaan.. tum aisey toot nhi sakti.. remember u promised to me to stay strong.. u can't break down riddhima.. u simply can't"
armaan kpt on saying this taking her palms in his nd riddhima looked at him at once feeling the difference in his voice' nd wat she saw made her gasp.. she wasn't expecting this in her wildest dream.. the sight juz made her panicked as well as shocked.. oh my god!! he is crying.. riddhima thought nd shattered seeing his vulnerable condition.. he never, till now, broke down in front of her but today all his resistance broke.. riddhima wanted to engulf him within her arms but failed miserably.. arima n armu are still on her lap.. she can't move in his direction properly.. she felt helpless'

"armaann.." she whispered but he was still in his critical condition.. he was still saying all dose lines again n again holding her palms tightly as well as shedding lone silent tears' it was like he is repeating dose wrds for himself only.. he wants him to stay strong becoz it's not riddhima but he who is breaking now' riddhima called him again but no use.. he is lost.. lost in the immense darkness of loneliness, pain n agony' he needs her but she is stuck.. wat she should do.. she looked at her lap, then at armaan nd thn back at arri n armu nd sighing deeply, she released her right palm from armaan's ti8 hold wth gr8 difficulty' armaan was too lost in his own thoughts to realize anything nd this gave her opportunity to do wat is now needed most..

Riddhima patted arima's head lill loudly nd after some time arima opened her eyes.. it took some time to realize that she was sleeping on her mumma's lap.. nd as soon as she realized, she got up wth a jump nd looked at her mother guiltily.. "mumma.. pair (leg) dookh raha hain,na?? I'm so sorry mumma.. pata nhi kaisey aankh lag gayee.."

Riddhima plastered a smile quickly nd answered keeping her voice as normal as she could' "nahi arri.. aisi.. (sigh).. aisi koi baat nhi.. wohh mainey socha tujhey aur armu ko sone mein takleef ho rahi hogi, jagah kam hain,na.. iss liye.." but in stead of trying so much, her eyes welled up wen she felt armaan putting his head on her left shoulder nd a fat tear dropped dere from his eyes.. nd wth this all her try broke to control her calm..

"mummaa??" arima panicked' "mumma.. kya hua?? Aap ro kyun rahi hain??"

Hearing his mothers loud panicked voice, junior, too got up quickly nd found his naani crying..
"naani.."

Now it's going to be hell difficult for her to control the situation' wat can she say now!! she felt clueless nd as if it was not enough she felt armaan's hold tightened around her hand.. he is still not in his senses.. "plz god.. plzz hlp me.."

"naani' aap ro kyun rahi ho??" now it's junior's turn to get panicked.. he can't tolerate his darling granny sad.. nd wat he hates most is tears of his mom n granny..

"mmm.. armuu.. wohh.." riddhima was searching for an excuse but was failing miserably.. but it was like god heard her prayer nd decided to help her because arima's next question gave d solution for her problem..

"mumma.. pair mein bahot dard ho raha hain na?? move nhi kar paa rahi ho na aap??" arima's voice was slow as whisper due to immense guilt.. how can she be this much of irresponsible.. she should hve thought this before sleeping on her mumma's lap.. how can her old fragile legs bear the weights of the two..

When arima felt sorry, junior sighed in relief.. he thought on diff track.. he thought his granny was missing naanu all of a sudden but hearing his mother, he accepted her doubt to b correct nd went quickly to bring spray'

"here.." junior extended his hand which was holding spray to his mom nd smiled understandingly.. arima looked at junior wth teary eyes nd took d spray thankfully.. but before she could apply, riddhima said.. "now it's better arrii.. tu yaha rakh de.. agar zaroorat hui toh main laga lungi' aur.." riddhima paused.. "I'm fine.. guilty feel karna bandh kar aur jake so ja.. main sach mein thik hoon bachcha.." arima nodded her head meekly putting the spray on the side table..

Riddhima looked at her nd felt bad but how she can handle arima now.. she has alrdy a vulnerable armaan beside her.. but arima too needs a support now.. her eyes fell on junior who mouthed to her "I'll manage naani.. u dnt wrry.." riddhima smiled in between all chaos seeing how her lill armu is being mature day by day nd she blinked her eyes thankfully.. junior in return smiled nd thn coming closer to his mom, he patted her hand nd said in a complaining voice.. "wat's ds mom?? It's 1AM now.. na khud so rahi ho na humhey sone de rahi ho.." arima looked at him lill startled..  but thn smiled understanding this sudden accusation from her son.. she caressed his head lovingly nd turning to her mother said.. "good 9t mumma.." riddima, too, smiled nd said.. "good 9t arri.. gud 9t armuu.."

Soon both left switching off the light but as soon as they left, riddhima switched on the lamp kept beside her bed.. it was spclly made for her as she has a habbit of studying books till late night but her darling husband was nvr able to sleep wth lights on.. dat's why after lots of bickering armaan allowed a lamp set nxt to their bed but only at her side so that he can slp peacefully holding his wifey nd his wifey,too, doesn't get cranky for not being able to read her fav story books.. god.. she is such a book worm.. it was armaan (senior) 's patent complaint.. he alwaz said that his wifey loves her books more than him..



Back to the current scene,

Riddhima switched on the light nd turned towards him.. who was still lost in his pain.. today finally she got d chance to meet his pain.. although armaan nvr expressed his pain before nd alwaz behaved normally in front of her but she knew he, too, miss their old time.. yes, it's good that at least they two r still together but it's nothing compared to their old happy time.. she knew how difficult it is for him to see his princess in front of his eyes every time but still he can't go nd hug her.. nd armuu.. he nvr got a chance to feel him, touch him, love him.. riddhima sighed miserably to see the raw painful emotions of armaan.. she alwaz expressed how she missed him but she alwaz forgot wat he is missing.. he is missing lots more than her.. he is missing his LIFE' nd wat can be worst dan dat.. she felt rotten inside her feeling how selfish she had been all d tym, she nvr thought for a moment before brkng dwn in frnt of him nd he, too, nvr complained but hlped her thoroughly to recollect herself nd become normal all over again.. nd may be she would nvr realize his side of torture if he won't hve broken dwn in frnt of her.. today she actually felt wat he has gone through while cheering her up.. how much his heart bled during cracking stupid jokes.. how much he fought wth his pain to control his tears seeing her in pain.. nd this juz increased the burden of guilt inside her.. she nvr doubted d depth of his luv today she actually felt its intensity.. he alwaz said, he loves her more dan she does but she nvr agreed but after today dere is no doubt about this.. yes, he loves her more.. much more than she can imagine.. much more than she actually deserves..

"armaann.." riddhima turned completely nd hugged him tight.. without wasting a second, he made himself comfortable in her embrace.. but stayed mum..

"armaan.." riddhima tried once more but no reply.. she knew wat he needs now.. he needs her nd now no wrd is required.. it's the silence dat can calm his shaking heart' so, she stopped calling him..

They stayed in each other's embrace for a long time.. god knows how long but finally wen armaan got his solace in her arms, he composed himself nd broke d hug..

"u okk??" riddhima asked as lovingly n caring way as she can nd in return he juz nodded in yes, plastering a faint smile..

"I love u.." nd as alwaz riddhima's confession erased all pain from his heart nd he smiled truly.. "I know.." he winked nd got a playful smack on his chest nd in return he hugged her lovingly pecking her forehead..

"sorry jaan.. pata nhi achanak se aaj kya ho gaya tha mujhey.." armaan said slowly putting his head over her while hugging her within his arms..

Riddhima smiled hearing him nd said.. "achanak se kuch nahi hua armaan.. parhaan aaj  pehli baar tumhari asli feelings merey samne ayi hain.. kyun chupaya itney din apney aap ko apni riddhima se armaan.. kyun kiya tumne aisa??"

Armaan closed his eyes n sighed deeply.. "kyunki main tumhey dard mein nhi dekh sakta, riddhima.. aur mujhey pata hain tum toot jati ho jab bhi mujhey rote hue rekhti ho.. after all main tumhara superman jo hoon, (armaan chuckled saying this nd got another smack from her).. i knw i knw tum yeh kabhi nhi manti nd issey alwaz joke kehke bhag jati ho but (again seriou).. i knw yeh joke nhi sach hain.. tum jab bhi problm mein hoti ho tumhey pata hota hain ke main ayunga aur tumhari problm chutki mein solve kar dunga.. tum bahot zyada dependent ho mujhpe riddhima, nd i knw dat.. aur jab kabhi main toot jata hoon toh tum bahot dar jati ho.. aur na chahte hue bhi tum wohh dar mujhsey chupa nhi pati.. tumhari ankhey mujhsey sab keh deti hain.."

Riddhima was mesmerized hearing him.. he knows!! of course he knows!! ussey pata nhi hoga toh kissey hoga.. after all he is her armaan who knows her better dan she knows her, herself... she felt blessed to hve such an understanding and caring life partner..

he kissed her head once again nd said.. "nd i dnt want u to be afraid of ANYTHING.. tumhara superman sari duniyan ko toh bacha nhi sakta par tumhey zaroor protect kar sakta hain.. har mushkil se.. har darr se.. har dard se.. itni takat hain usmey.."

Riddhima broke d hug nd looking straight to his eyes, she said.. "par iss ka matlab yeh nhi na armaan ke tum apni true feelings ko mujhsey chupao.. apney dard ko mujhsey chupao.. itna bhi pyaar na karo armaan ke apney dard ko hi bhool jao.."

"riddhima.." armaan tried but she stopped him.. "ek baar soch ke dekho armaan.. agar main aisa karti toh tumhe achcha lagta?? Tumhey andaza bhi hain ke kitni guilty feel kar rahi hoon main abhi.. I'm feeling rotten.. I'm feeling terrible armaan.. kaisey.. kaisey nhi dekha mainey aaj tak yeh sab.. kaisey main itni selfish ho gayee.. kaise armaan.." she broke dwn again but this time with guilt but before he could handle her she started.. "aur fir bhi tum mujhsey itna pyaar karte ho.. kyun armaan?? Kyun meri khushi ke age tumhe kuch nhi dikhta?? kyun tum merey samney apney aapko bhool jate ho? tum itney achchey kyun ho armaan?? kyun?? u knw wat.. i dnt deserve u' tum bahoot achche ho armaan.. bahot zyada.. aur main.. main kitni selfish hoon... jissey aapni feelings ke age koi dikhta hi nhi.. woh bhi nhi jiski duniya srf main hoon, srf aur sirf main.. joh bas merey liye jeeta hain.. merey liye hasta hain.. i'm sorry armaan.. i'm truly vert sorry.. u desrved better armaan.. u deserved better.. tumhey mujhsey shaadi nhi karni chahiye thi.. main.. main'" she choked'

"aaj keh diya riddhima.. fir kabhi kehna toh door sochna bhi mat.." armaan's determined voice made her look towards him.. "tum bahot achchi ho riddhima' aur merey liye tumse achchi koi ho hi nhi sakti thi.."

"par armaan.." but armaan again cut her in between nd wiping off her nonstoppable tears, he said.. "kaha na nahi.. mujhey meri patni ke khilaaf kuch nhi sunna.. khud ussey bhi nhi.. samjhi tum??" nd he embraced her in most loving way..

"no matter wat.. but u was, are nd will b my priority jaan.. meri khushi tumse hain.. jab tak tum khush ho, I'm happy' aur mainey aapney aapko nhi chupaya, bhala armaan bhi kabhi riddhima se chup sakta hain.. mainey sirf unn jazbaato ko dafan rakha tha joh humari khushiyoon ke beech aney ki koshish karti hain.. unn dard ko joh humse humari hasi ko cheen na chahti hain.. aur tumhi ne kaha tha,na' ke unn yaado se door rehna hi achcha hota hain joh aaj ki khushiyo ko cheen sakti hain.. aur main bhi bas wohi kar raha tha.. par pata nhi aaj kaisey main kamzor pad gaya aur band kiye hue sarey dard bahar aa gayee'"

Armaan paused nd riddhima tightened her arms around him..
"par aab main thik hoon ridhdhima.. I'm fine' so relax, okk??"

Armaan asked but dint get any reply, only felt her arms getting tightened more'
"riddhimaaa'"

He asked detangling her wth gr8 difficulty nd cupped her face lovingly..
"kya hua jaan?? Dekho.. I'm fine now.."

But riddhima removed his hand nd again held him tightly..
"plz armaan.. plz.. dnt leave me now.. juz stay.. plz.." riddhima pleaded..

"par jaan wat happened..??" he got panicked

"plzz kp holding me armaan.. mujhey fir se unn yado mein jane mat dena.. plz armaan.. mujhey unn yado mein nhi jana.." riddhima pleaded more.. nd in return armaan hugged her tightly knowing where she is landing all over again.. nd he has to bring her from there as soon as possible before she got drowned into her most painful memory.. he felt her shaking in his arms nd tried to save her at once..

"jaan.. dnt.. dnt think about that day.. u won't think about dat day.. suna tumney' u won't .. rriddhima.." armaan tried his best to divert her mind but it was too late.. she is alrdy on that very dreaded lane'

"ridhima.. jaan.. dnt think about that plzz.." his voice broke as well knowing she is alrdy lost in dat memory.. the most painful memory of their lives.. he,himself, never dare to step on that lane.. it was a close door for him alwaz but today he couldn't hlp but entered that past after soo many years' may be today he is really weak over his emotions.. after breaking dwn in front of her juz a few minutes ago, he collected himself wth gr8 difficulty but now this shaking nd crying riddhima in his arms doing nothing but taking him along wth her to live dose horrible day despite of his unwillingness' feeling himself getting lost today for d 2nd tym, he closed his eyes at once nd automatically his grip against her tightened as dat day starts playing in front of his eyes giving him second round of torture'



''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

"hello.. kaun??"

"hello janeman.."

"armaannn' u moron.. stop being cheesy.."

to be continued.................

sargam

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