Thursday, 13 July 2017

part 19 : Loves Me Loves Me Not

(they talk for a while n ridz observes that he is dull and not looking at her...he looks pale n low)
Ridz: [may be bcoz of fever]
(three days pass by n ridz is noticing a change in him...he doesnt look into her eyes...doesnt come close to her...being very calm..she decides to enquire...stops him in the corridor outside the classroom)
Ridz: (touching his cheek) armaan, wats with this beard??
Armi: (smiles) i was..
Ridz: (interrupting him) dont tell me u r too busy to shave?

Armi: hmm...no, was just lazy
Ridz: (frowns) doesnt look good on u
Armi: hmm
Ridz: r u angry at me for something?
Armi: no, y
Ridz: u r not talking to me properly..i thought u r angry
Armi: aisa kuch nahi hain...dont imagine things!! dimak par zyada zor mat do chasmish..pehle se chota hain
(he giggled..but there is something missing in his voice..he is not being himself...but hearing chasmish from him after a long gap, she felt happy..the word which made her frown is making her smile now..rahul comes to them)
Rahul: hey ridz, time to do some monitorgiri
Ridz: hmm??
Rahul: almost everyone in the class agreed on the tour, u need to talk to princy
Ridz: ohh!! u guys also come with me plz
Rahul: ok, but we'll wait outside..call us only if needed..he gets hyper for no good reason
Ridz: ok
(they go to principal's chamber..ridz goes in n talks to princy)
Princy: ok, but i can allow only 2days, not more than that..and u have to take a lecturer with u
Ridz: sir, only 2 days?
Princy: (sternly) yes
Ridz: ok sir, thank u[kadoos kahi ka, iska kya jaa raha hain hum tour pe gaye tho]
Princy: who's organising it?
Ridz: rahul and armaan sir, they r standing outside
Princy: call them in
(he gives some care instruction and they come out)
Rahul: kya yaar, u could have asked for some more days na
Ridz: be grateful that he agreed ok

Next day:
(they stay back after the college to discuss about the arrangements..rahul leaves after sometime)
Ridz: u r looking better today..wat was wrong with u?
Armi: arre, ek hi baat kitni baar poochogi? bola na kuch nahi (slightly rude)
Ridz: (sulking) sorry, i wont ask u again
Armi: bura laga?
Ridz: nahi, bahuuut acha laga, i feel like dancing away in happiness
Armi: oooo!! someone knows sarcasm too (giggles)
(ridz turns her head away)
Armi: ok ok, sorry
Ridz: hmmfff
Armi: ab chale? raat hogayi
(he drops her at home)
Armi: ridhima, hmm...i wanted to tell u something
Ridz: abt wat?
Armi: uh..dont get mad if u dont like wat i say..ok?
Ridz: okay
(he comes close to her...closer n closer)
Armi: hmm...actually...i..i wanted to say that
Ridz: [i know wat u r going to say but i will give u a tough time armaan]
Ridz: (whispering) hmm..i m listening
(he moves back n takes her hands into his...looks into her eyes)
Armi: i love you
Ridz: ok
Armi: (shocked) OK??!!!
Ridz: yeah..ok
Armi: wat kind of answer is that..ok it seems...do u love me??
Ridz: ya, i do...we love our friends right?
Armi: not that love..LOVE...i mean love as in love u know..like a girlfriend boyfriend (raising eyebrows)
Ridz: ohhhh...like that..so,u want to make me ur sixth girlfriend??
Armi: no...actually u r the first serious one
Ridz: n how long is this going to last? 2months or 3months?
Armi: forever (he moved forward n planted a small kiss on her lips)
(ridz is smiling, blushing...happily turns aside n touches something...something soft...groping in the dark...she opens her eyes to see her hand on the pillow)
Ridz: SHITTT!!! this was a DREAM??!!!
(disappointed...gets up n sits on her bed...remembers that he just dropped her at home n left)
Ridz: [but wat an awesome dream!! i m going to do the same when he actually does that...haha...majaa ayega?? but wat if he doesnt tell..should i express first?? no no no no..he started all this..he was the one who was flirting with me...y should i make the first move?? hmmfff]

(ridz feelings are getting stronger by the day..gets excited to go to college..waits for armaan to enter the class, pass by her, doesnt miss a single chance to see him, talk to him n be with him...day dreams romantic things with him..she wants to be with him every moment but is very confused with armaan's behavior..he is no longer dull but he is not staring at her, he turns his eyes away whenever she looks at him..being very casual..one day, she goes to sit beside him in economics class)
Armi:(surprised) u want to sit here?
Ridz: ya, for a change..bored of the same place
Armi: (smiles) hmm
Ridz: want to be thrown out again...boring subject(chuckles)
(armaan is silent..just smiles..class starts n armaan is concentrating on the lecture)
Ridz: [why the hell is he so casual now...when i was not sure abt my feelings, he made me believe that he is interested in me and now i m in love with him..but he draws himself back...ahh!!! come on armaan, flirt with me..i want to be close to you...i m missing the love for me in those hazel eyes...God!! wats going on..he loves me or not?? shall i ask him directly?? no..may be he is confused the way i was...may be he needs time...lets not hurry things..i will wait for some more days before talking to him abt this]

(Final exams r over..they go on the tour...armaan continues the same behavior...he teases her, irritates her but maintains the distance...he is not the same armaan who used to not leave a single chance to go close to her..she thinks of asking others if they know anything abt this...all are going for sight seeing after lunch..anji n ridz r walking together)
Ridz: anji, do u see any change in armaan?
Anji: change?? wat change?
Ridz: hmm..i mean...he is not talking to us much
Anji: i dont think so, he is with us all the time n we r having fun together na
Ridz: hmm
Anji: y r u asking that?
Ridz: nothing, i just felt so
Anji: hmm...lets go
(ridz thinks n realises he is the same with others..he was different towards only her and that too only when they both r alone, he used to come very close n flirt...she remembers keerti's words that he makes it look natural infront of others...so obviously, they wouldnt know..she leaves a big sigh)
Ridz: [only i n he know wats going on]
(they keep straying around the mountains...stopping at some nice views...they stop at a place.. all are scattered in different groups...then they see a board for a suicide point)
Ridz: hey, lets see
Sap: no way!! i m scared of heights...i wont come..u go
(ridz walks up to the point n holding the rail looks down..she suddenly feels a jerk with two hands holding her shoulders..scared to death...she yanks up to see armaan grinning...heart pounding with fear..she looks at him dreadfully...fear being replaced by anger)
Ridz: YOU!!!
(starts beating him, messing his hair, tickling....doing everything he hates...he is laughing madly)
Ridz: idiot, stupid, duffer...arghhhh!!! gir jaati tho??
Armi: par girne nahi diya na..pakadke hi daraaya
Ridz: how generous!!! u scared the hell out of me...arghh!! (still angry)
Armi: (laughing) thats wat i wanted..OMG!! there wasnt a single drop of blood on ur face when u turned...GOSH!! that was a sight!!
Ridz: ya ya..sight!! u wait n see!! i will make u a sight
Armi: i shud have taken a picture man!!
Ridz: shut up
Armi: n paste it on notice board in college
Ridz: shut up!!..teri tho
(she tries to hold his hands..and hit him or do something to take out her anger..her two hands r not enough to hold his hands..he just twists his hand n her grip goes off...trying again n again with frowned face)
Armi: wow!! nice trials...himmat tho dekho...chuhe ke size ki hain..aur mujhe pakadne ki koshish??!!
Ridz: eyy!!! chuha kisko bola??
Armi: no no.. actually, chasmish chuha
Ridz: arghhh!!
(chasing him..running all over the place...they stop gasping under a tree...until she moves with a jerk n catches him..he is too strong for her hold...tables turn n she is under his grip now...holding her wrists at her back...nullifying her attempts to break loose..he tightens the grip making her come closer...he looks into her eyes..she is enjoying the closeness)
Ridz: [YES!!...finally!!! the love i wanted to see in his eyes...but..no, oh no...its fading away..no armaan, look at me!!]
(he breaks the eyelock n releases her...moves away)
Armi: i m sorry
Ridz: [huh???!!! sorry??!!!] its ok
(he goes away)
Ridz:[after so many days of waiting, i saw the look in his eyes..but that was just for a second..why?? OH GOD!!! wat is his actual intention??!!]
(they go back to their resorts..play games...chat till night...n go to sleep...ridz is unable to sleep...armaan is becoming a puzzle for her)
Ridz: [y did he change suddenly? he made be believe so much like he loves me...wat happened then?? we have fought so many times, came closer....but he never said sorry, y today??!! ]
(after an hour of tossing in the bed, she finally falls asleep..next day, they have a good time seeing some more places...singing, playing dumb sharads,antakshari...armaan sings well...looks at her while singing romantic lines but quickly turns towards someone else when she notices)
Ridz: [hey bhagwan!! wats wrong with him?? give me some clue!!]

Back from the tour:
(two more days left for college to start...ridz is missing armaan badly..wherever she goes watever she does, she keeps seeing him...calls him up now n then but she wants to see him once...her face brightens up with an idea n calls him up)
Ridz: armaan, i want my C++ textbook
Armi: ok
Ridz: now!!
Armi: kya?? u want a textbook in holidays?? bookworm ban rahi ho chasmish
Ridz: no yaar, my friend wants it..she is from a different university, their exams r on now
Armi: ohh ok, will give u today evening
(proud of her plan she smiles smugly n pats herself...waits for evening..armaan comes to her house...gives her the book)
Armi: i will go now
Ridz: arre, wat so urgent
Armi: hmm...nothing
Ridz: be here for a while then
Armi: ok
(they r silent for a while..ridz is feeling awkward...never was there such a dull moment between them..looks at him...he is lost in thoughts...she gets lost looking at him)
Ridz: [kya horaha hain?? where is our relation heading??]
(TV is on...armaan takes the remote n starts changing the channels...wrestling program n he stops..she smiles remembering their fight in anji's house for the remote...suddenly he gives her the remote)
Ridz: its ok, u see
Armi: no, not in a mood to see
(ridz takes n changes the channel...tom n jerry..she stops)
Armi: woah!!! cartoons??!! u r such a kiddooo
Ridz: (smiles) see..its so much fun to see them fighting
Armi: n here i was thinking that u hate fights
Ridz: ofcourse i hate the real ones..this is for fun..see how cutely they fight
Armi: like u n me
Ridz: i m jerry, smart!! (smugly)
Armi: aahaha..u can be jerry bcoz u r smaller than me..not smarter
Ridz: no, i m smarter than u
Armi: ok, fine
Ridz: [huh??!!! y isnt he fighting with me!! where is my old armaan who used to bug me at every possible chance!! where did i lose him?? he stopped flirting and now, he doesnt want to fight also??!!]
(he leaves after a while n ridz is left confused..confused about his feelings, confused abt his behavior, confused about their relation..its not friendship anymore..atleast not from her side)
Ridz: [he loves me or not??]
(picks a flower from the vase..remembers the game n starts plucking the petals walking into her room)
Ridz: [loves me!! loves me not!! loves me!! loves me not!!..]
(ends with loves me)
Ridz: yippeeee
(she remembers all the games her friends used to play in school when they liked any guy...she starts playing them...FLAMES ..result is "adorable"..pouts)
Ridz: [adorable??!! not love??!!! hmmff..no, actually marriage would be perfect!!]
(calculates the love percentage)
Ridz: [70%..good but only 70...it should be 100 atleast 99]

Next day:
(she is getting bored and thoughts abt armaan r making her even more restless..she goes up to the terrace and stares at the road down)
Ridz: [come on armaan, kuch tho kaho please]
(she remembers all the incidents between her and armaan)
Ridz:[he had many times made me feel that i m special for him...not just a friend..or was i misunderstanding him?? hmm..his every action is so confusing...i can take it however i want.. i chose to take them as gestures of friendship but now i hope they were gestures of love..but how right am i?? and all those times he came so close to me n my heart skipped beats...isnt it bcoz he loves me??]
(she thinks thinks n thinks unable to conclude anything..she sighs and looks at the empty road)
Ridz: [lets do this...if the first car that comes on this road is red in color..he loves me]
(she is seeing eagerly..a black car comes)
Ridz: oo no!!
(goes down into the hall padma gives her a cup of grapes..she puts one in her mouth)
Ridz:[ok, loves me loves me not again]
(starts eating them saying it in her mind.."loves me loves me not loves me loves me not"..."loves me" and one more left in the bowl...she doesnt want to eat it..doesnt want to even accept its existence in the bowl...ignores it n starts watching TV)
Padma: take it..just one left
Ridz: no enough
Padma: u dont have place for one small grape in ur tummy??
Ridz: no (looking at the tv screen)
Padma: crazy girl!!
(takes it away...and ridz is left feeling idiotic at her own activities)
Ridz: [i m really going mad..i cant handle this anymore...i need help...who can help me?? KEERTI!!!..yesss..she knows my concerns from the starting..i need to talk to her]
(goes to her home)
Ridz: keerti...i want to tell u something
Keerti: haan bol na
Ridz: woh..actually..i m in love
Keerti: armaan??
Ridz: (surpised smile) haan, how did u know??
Keerti: i knew it long ago..i donno wat took u so long to realise
Ridz: i was just testing my feelings
Keerti: tho ab aagaye tere test ke reports??
Ridz: (smiles) many days ago actually
Keerti: (angry) u dint tell me??
Ridz: sorry baba...ab meri problem suno
Keerti: haan bol
Ridz: i m confused abt his feelings
Keerti: wats there to get confused..he loves u
Ridz: u r going by the way he used to behave with me...but he stopped that now..he is being very casual...first i thought he is flirting, then he started giving me some serious attention...he took me to his home, did somethings he dint do for any of our other friends...he used to come very near to me....now i m sure abt my feelings..i donno wat made him change...he is behaving very normally with me..he is maintaining distance...like how he behaves with anji, muskaan or sapna...n there is this 'love is nonsense' funda of his also..i m confused yaar
Keerti: hmm
Ridz: i dont expect him to propose saying 'i love u' in a filmy style...but i need atleast some strong action from his side that he loves me..i cant just go on assumptions right? now if i turn back n see i found many such hints in the past, but not now..i just cant figure out his actual feelings now
Keerti: may be he is thinking the same way like u..if u love him or not
Ridz: but i love him na
Keerti: you n me know that, how will he know...probably u never gave him any clue that u love him
Ridz: clue??
Keerti: ya..hmmm..something to make him know ur feelings...some gesture
Ridz: kaisa gesture
Keerti: u must know that..how can i tell how he understands things
(ridz thinks n shakes her head)
Ridz: ye clue vlue mujhse nahi hoga yaar..i m dumb in these matters..any other solution??
Keerti: then talk to him directly..tell him wat u feel
Ridz: me??
Keerti: is there any rule that a guy should come up first to express his love..u can also do that right?
Ridz: yaaa....but...wat if he laughs at me?
Keerti: arre..u've been friends from so many days...he will understand ur feelings even if he doesnt love u..which is most probably not the case..i think he loves u
Ridz: but wat is stopping him to say it clearly?
Keerti: may be he is afraid abt ur reaction
Ridz: hmmm..cud be...college starts tomorrow..i will talk to him


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