Sunday, 3 December 2017

Part 9 : Remember this (Arsh ff)


Shilpa sat in the library of the hospital reading a medical journal as there was an interesting article relating to amnesia. As she read on she was a bit dejected as the article did not tell her how to regain her memory. She closed the journal and sat back with a huff thinking what to do next she had already talked to muskaan who was satisfied with her recovery. Shilpa had asked her about her continuing loss of memory to which muskaan had responded by telling her to relax and let her mind recover.
Shilpa breathed in deeply and exhaled hoping to let the frustration she felt out of her system. She dropped her head on the table and rapped her forehead on the table.

Rahul: hey! I'm coming no need to bang your head.(shilpa lifted her head to see rahul perched on the edge of the table. He flashed her a cocky grin and leaned in close to her and whispered) no need to hurt yourself my answer is yes! Yes! And yes!  (the cocky smile remained but his eyes were watchful)
Shilpa leaned back in the chair: I wish you would drop the act and talk normally!
Rahul smiled easily: for that you'll have to join me for coffee and let me tell you I won't take no for an answer.
Shilpa got up and walked towards the door with rahul tagging along: for your information I don't drink coffee but I'll keep you company while you drink that vile thing.
They entered the cafeteria and sat at a table while rahul ordered coffee for himself and juice for shilpa. When the orders were placed infront of them rahul leaned forward on his elbows towards shilpa: admit it! You wanted to spend time with me! go on say it! I don't mind.
Shilpa laughed: you know! I understand why muskaan finds you so annoying but I have to admit I like you any way.
Rahul quirked his brow: so muskaan finds me annoying!
It was Shilpa's turn to quirk her brow: as if you don't know or don't go out of your way to annoy her.(looking at rahul's surprised face) don't look so surprised, you are not as hard to read as you would like to be.
Rahul sitting back in his chair: but you are every bit as mysterious as needed to make you  fascinating. But tell me why were you trying to give yourself a head injury. Wasn't one head trauma enough for you.
Shilpa grimaced: maybe I was trying to bring my scrambled brain back in order by banging my head. (when rahul kept looking at her) well it is the way it works in hindi movies.
Rahul: Shilpa you are doing remarkably well who was brought in almost dead why don't you give yourself a break.
Shilpa: I can't just let life pass me by. I have to solve this thing, I can't take the not knowing. Tell me what to do b'coz I have seriously run out of ideas.
Rahul looked at her solemnly: most of you know yourself. The point is the brain is an unchartered territory. Especially in the case of amnesia we try and not interfere the healing process as we don't exactly know how or where it is impacted. We don't know how exactly or when the memories are going to come back. If at all you are going to be able to recover.
Shilpa stayed quiet and kept looking at rahul, making him continue: it is quite possible that your brain is not ready to remember, maybe the events that led up to your attack and the attack itself were so traumatic that your brain needs time or it wants to forget. It is also possible that you might regain your memory slowly in flashes or you might regain it in one big flash which is triggered by a memory or event. Shilpa it is also possible that if/when you regain your memory you might not remember this time.
Shilpa looked up quizzically: what do you mean?
Rahul shrugged: there have been some cases where when the patient has regained their memory they had full recollection of all their life events but there have been some exceptions. In such cases when the patient recovered their memory they forgot the intermediary period.
As rahul finished there was silence between them and then shilpa spoke: thank you rahul!
Rahul smiled his most charming smile: dosti ka asool hai madam no thank you, no sorry. That is if you consider me a friend.
Shilpa rolled her eyes: maine pyaar kiya! God! I luv salman khan! But I believe thank you's and sorry's are more important in friendship.  Especially when the friend is as sweet as you.
Rahul acted insulted: sweet! God!(making shilpa laugh) stay happy and forget about your memory. It'll come when it is ready in the meanwhile enjoy life.
Shipa smiled and nodded her head, she knew he was right but it was going to be an uphill task. Shilpa decided to live in the moment, she tried and not think about the past. As the weeks turned into a month, shilpa physically became stronger and took an additional job as the receptionist at sanjeevani. She also forged good friendship with rahul and muskaan and all four of them used to hang out together.
Whereas armaan was concerned, shilpa was trying to keep some distance between them so not to repeat the incident in the kitchen again. It was not so difficult to do as armaan was also doing the same but keeping the distance didn't mean not looking. Keeping the distance didn't mean that when he walked into the room her heart didn't speed up. She tried and tell herself that armaan was a friend just like rahul but knew that is not true.
She smiled at rahul who was sitting across from her and thought why rahul didn't affect her.  He was a good looking guy, was funny and sweet but then armaan walked into the room and everything else faded. She gave herself a shake and turned to respond to muskaan's question.
Armaan sat next to shilpa and tried to steel himself against her fragrance, which was a mix of soap and powder with something inherently shilpa. When her arm brushed his hand he tried not to react but when she turned her face towards him and smiled he knew he had it bad. He knew he was attracted towards her but also knew that it wasn't a good time to act upon that attraction.
Shilpa had started to go home by herself instead of waiting for armaan. It was just another  day and shilpa went back home without armaan. She knew it would be another hour before armaan came home and decided to change. Before she knew two hours had passed but armaan hadn't come back home. Shilpa waited for another hour but armaan didn't come neither any message came from him. Shilpa thought for a second then dialed muskaan's cell and asked about armaan but muskaan had no idea about his whereabouts.
Shilpa then dialed rahul's cell as armaan's cell was not reachable. Rahul answered on the second ring and shilpa asked him about armaan.
Rahul: shilpa! armaan might not be coming home tonite, he was upset when I last saw him.
Shilpa: why was he upset? What happened?
Rahul sounded tired: he lost a patient! And now he is taking it bad. I tried to help him but he said he wanted to be left alone.
Shilpa: where is he?
Rahul after a pause: at the hospital! Probably at the roof top!
Shilpa cut the connection and left for the hospital. After twenty minutes she reached the hospital and made her way to the roof top. As she got out on the roof she spotted armaan sitting on the floor with his back against the small brick wall that went around the roof. Shilpa quietly went up to him and sat down beside him. Armaan looked terrible, his hair was mussed so were his clothes and his eyes had a bleak expression that she had never seen before.
Shilpa: rahul told me where you were! I called him to ask where you were when you didn't come home.
Armaan: did he tell you why?
Shilpa: he said you've lost a patient (when he  stayed quiet) was he your first?
Armaan looked at her and snapped: no! but he died b'coz of me!(looking at her surprised expression) bet he didn't tell you that!
When shilpa stayed quiet the words burst out of him as if a damn was released. His eyes were glazed as if seeing images only he could see. He rubbed a hand across his eyes: I thought that everything was under control I had looked at the latest results and made the necessary adjustments.
Shilpa quietly: so why are you beating yourself up?
Armaan yelled: b'coz I was not paying enough attention. I was distracted and complacent. I was busy in other things and didn't give enough time to the case. It's the same I did with you.
Shilpa surprised: I don't understand!
Armaan miserable and guilty: I acted like a jerk brought you to my place and then forgot about you, I pushed you in slitting you wrist.
Shilpa breathed deeply trying to calm her nerves: armaan! Yes! You acted  like a jerk but that does not mean that you are responsible for my actions. Armaan! I made the stupid decision of trying to commit suicide b'coz I didn't have the guts to face the reality not b'coz you weren't there to hold my hand.
Armaan kept his face averted making shilpa grab his face and towards her: Armaan tell me! were you not paying attention on this case, did you miss any treatment plan.
Armaan frustrated: shilpa you don't understand! The point isn't this!
Shilpa grabbed his face again: I do understand! I understand you armaan! You might be perfecting the act of walking across water but we who care for you prefer the man. Don't you understand armaan! Its ok to feel bad b'coz someone died especially under your care but to hang it around your neck and torture oneself, with only if is pure stupidity. Armaan you care! And this shows what a wonderful human being and doctor you are.
When armaan raised his eyes to hers she could feel her own sting against the emotion reflected their but continued: armaan! You have always stood by me and pushed me to move forward in life. You have never let me get pulled down no matter what the circumstances, then why are you doing this to yourself.
Armaan shook his head: I don't know whether I deserve your trust.
Shilpa smiled: you might be ready to give up armaan but I'm not giving up on you. As for trust is concerned don't you know I've got excellent judgement.
Armaan looked into her eyes and saw the trust and belief in him reflected there: I don't hold a chance against you!
Shilpa's smile faded: then don't try (before armaan could respond she got up immediately and held out her hand) come on! Enough of this mopping around! Tomorrow is another day with a lot of new patients to look after! Come on lets eat something I'm starving!
With that she started walking towards the stairs with armaan following behind her a bit slowly.
Dil kyun yeh mera shor kare
Dil kyun yeh mera shor kare

Idhar nahi (armaan was being stopped by nurse once to check on reports)
Udhar nahi (armaan again got stopped by another doctor who was confirming a prognosis)
Teri Ore Chale( but when shilpa turned around and their gazes met armaan could only move in her direction and ignored all the people who were calling his name)

Dil kyun yeh mera shor kare (they sat at the kitchen table eating Chinese take out while shilpa relayed to him her daily routine)

Idhar nahi (Armaan tried to keep his mind on the conversation but failed as his gaze got locked on a grain of rice that was stuck to her lip)
Udhar nahi
Teri Ore Chale (when he couldn't take it any more he leaned forward and plucked the rice grain from her lip both acting as if nothing had happened.

Zara der main
Yeh kya ho gaya
Nazar milte hi
Kahan kho gaya

The next day at the hospital armaan walked into the cafeteria and saw shilpa surrounded by the doctors and other staff as she and rahul had a bet going on about something)
Zara der main
Yeh kya ho gaya
Nazar milte hi (as their gazes met across the room shilpa smiled at him in acknowledgement making armaan forget his surroundings)
Kahan kho gaya
Bheed mein logo ki woh hain wahan
Aur pyaar ki mele mein akela Kitna hoon mein yahan
Dil kyun yeh mera shor kare
Dil kyun yeh mera shor kare
Idhar nahi
Udhar nahi
Teri ore chale

(Armaan and rahul were playing basket ball when trying to score a point rahul pushed armaan, making armaan end up with skinned elbow. Shilpa rushed to armaan's side, who was sitting on the sidelines with muskaan and watching the game. As she cleaned his elbow with bottled water and a towel armaan got lost in the fragrance of her hair and her sweet smelling breath that feathered across his skin as they sat close)
Shuru ho gai kahani meri
Mere dil ne baat na mani meri

Shuru ho gai kahani meri
Mere dil ne baat na mani meri

Had se bhi aaghe yeh guzar hi gaya (as she shifted closer her knee brushed his thigh but he could feel the impact through his sweat pants. Each graze of her fingers on his arm, the hitch in her breath made the wanting for her rise in him)
Khud bhi pareshan hua
Aur mujhko bhi yeh kar gaya

Dil kyun yeh mera shor kare
Dil kyun yeh mera shor kare
Idhar nahi
Udhar nahi
Teri ore chale


Amani

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