Wednesday, 3 January 2018

PART - 24 : I want you to hate me



The maddening loud heart beats as well as the rough caressing of chilled evening sea breeze were more than enough to make her visibly tremble in her position.. besides the chills nd goose bumps, her breathing was so loud that his scrutinizing, boring eyes captured each n every rapid rhythmic rise & fall of her chest perfectly.. Though they were distance away staring at each other, still their actions
were crystal clear to the person standing opposite longingly.. they were so lost in their own world dat neither he shifted his empowering gaze from her eyes nor she tried to break the connection.. in fact both were staring straight into each other's eyes wth so much emotion nd intensity as if it is the only way to read their respective heart n soul.. for armaan her eyes were conveying pain, fear, gratitude & satisfaction where as for riddhima, his eyes were conveying affection, care, understanding nd love.. all which she fears most.. all which she longs most.. oh armaan! Why did u come here? She sighed nd finally unable to bear her mental torture anymore she looked away breaking their connection..
Abhi who was actually tensed of riddhima's reaction after seeing armaan, was waiting expectantly to receive  her usual shouts along wth her arrogant taunting replies but surprisingly his expectation didn't get fulfilled this tym.. he actually got no glare or arrogant shouts! Shocking but hopeful.. gathering courage, finally after some tym wen he peeped into riddhima's side, his lips couldn't hlp but curved into a small satisfactory smile seeing both of them so lost into each other.. may be he has done right bringing armaan here.. may be riddhima, too, has some different feelings for him.. may be there's still little hope of getting back the old riddhima! Praying in heart earnestly, abhi quickly controlled his thoughts nd thn making a straight face he started.. "umm.. riddhi.. wohh armaan.."
but as soon as abhi's voice echoed in the silence riddhima's chain of thoughts broke.. at once she closed her eyes to prepare herself for the coming events.. quickly recollecting her left out stamina, she interrupted abhi to continue further.. "not now abhi.. I think we should move now.. it's really quite late nd badi ma must be waiting for u.. we can talk about this later or may be u'll need some tym to prepare urself about... this.." riddhima intentionally paused before uttering the word "this" nd then throwing a dirty glance at armaan, she pronounced the last word so meanly dat forced abhi to reconsider his thoughts all over again.. does she actually hve diff feelings for armaan or it's all my mere imagination?? I hope it's the 1st one or else god knows how I will face the angry riddhi tomorrow!..  job hi ho.. kal ka kal dekhenge.. filhaal I've to give armaan his share of chance.. determined, abhi gave riddhima a positive nod accepting her offer of discussing this matter tomorrow while indicating armaan to move ahead..


"umm riddhi.. I've to go to di's house.. armaan tujhey ghar chod dega.. thik hain?" abhi said trying his best to sound casual as soon as they reached the parking lot..
Riddhima at once looked at abhi unable to believe her ears.. did he actually say that or i'm imagining things now! she felt aghast but continued anyway.. "for ur information abhi.. I CAN drive nd I've my car here too.." her tone was too authoritative clearly showing the finality of her decision..
Abhi sighed but decided to try his luck once more.. "I knw dat riddhi.. but I won't allow u to drive again today after ur stupid race of hours! Nd..." abhi stressed on the wrd and wen he realized dat riddhima was about to protest against his reasoning.. "and it's not a request but an order of mine! U better listen to it becoz it's u who has juz broken her promise but still I've forgiven u.. don't u think u deserve little bit of punishment? After all promises aren't meant to be broken alwaz.." as soon as abhi paused, riddhima scowled deeply clearly distasting his idea of punishment.. abhi chuckled nd thn going nearer, he said cupping her cheeks affectionately.. "riddhu.. plz.. I knw how tired u are.. mein abhi tujhey driving karne ki permission nahi de sakta.. it's god's grace ki iss bar tujhey chhot nahi lagi but I won't risk it now knowing how tired nd disturbed u are.. plz meri baat man le.." abhi paused knwing very well wat his lill sister will say now nd as expected she nodded her head in a 'yes'.. though unwillingly but she agreed.. "tu bahot boora hain.. I hate u.." she complained but hugged him anyway making both the men smile at their princess.. truly she's still a kid from heart.. nd this can be seen only wen this brother-sister duo are together.. armaan nodded his head sideways smiling heartily over his thoughts..


"okk guys, byee.. armaan hope u don't mind dropping riddhi home nd riddhuu.. plz kuch ulta seedha mat karna ghar jake.." abhi said after settling on his driving seat while riddhima sighed hearing his accusation.. "mein jaan bujhke kuch nahi karti, abhi.. nd it's not in my hands.." riddhima said indirectly conveying the inner message by the tone of her reply.. "u hve to learn to ignore her, u knw dat ri8?" abhi said helplessly clearly knowing how each action of her so called mom agitated her to no extent resulting herself wounded nd devastated.. "yeah I knw.. nd I'll try... dnt wrry.. (pause) waisey kabsey chapar chapar kar raha hain.. late nahi ho raha hain kya aab ?? Aur agar itna hi tym hain toh tu hi ghar chod ne na mujhey..." riddhma quickly changed the topic wittily making abhi lose d battle as uaual.. "nahi nahi I'm leaving.. mujhey sach mein jaldi hain aaj.. bye riddhu.. bye armaan.." abhi said starting the engine, finally leaving AR alone in the parking area...


"chalein??" armaan asked softly coming behind her.. riddhima who was all busy in waving abhi, trembled as soon as his words hit her ears.. this is going to be tough.. too tough to be handled dat moment.. she is still nt prepared to fetch him in crowd nd now thnx to her stupid best frnd, she has left all alone wth him.. god knows whether she will be able control her heart at all becoz this proximity was in deed shaking her..
finally, inhaling deeply she gathered some courage nd turning slowly, she muttered a soft "hmm" while smiling hesitantly at d end.. armaan, too, nodded not knowing wat else he could say...


Both are completely mum in the car.. while armaan was stealing glances every now n then, riddhima juz kpt on staring outside the window being all lost nd worried.. though neither of them took d initiative to strt a conversation but in reality they were too eager to kill the prevailing torturous silence as soon as possible..
"umm.. riddhima ek baat poochun? Sach sach bataogi?" finally armaan asked not being able to control anymore..
"depends on wat u're going to ask, armaan.." she replied simply still not turning her gaze..
He sighed but continued anyway.. "wohh.. wohh tum mujhey dekh ke gussa toh nahi ho,na??" he paused baited breathed while counting each second in heart until she replied..
"tumhey kya lagta hain.." she asked shifting her eyes onto him finally.. nd as soon as their eyes met, he gasped seeing her blood shot, tedious, helpless, painful eyes..
"nahi.." he said confidently but thn again asked.. "nahi??" for assertion.. riddhima wasn't expecting him to counter attack wth one simple wrd spcly not wen he's juz sealed his opinion so determinedly.. nd hence she quickly turned her gaze, fixing it back on the fast moving road outside, fearing the coming events of the day to no extent! She's truly not prepared to face any question of him! Not today! No matter how simple it sounds! Moreover, wat will she say anyway? Dat she's too happy to see him there.. too happy dat he neglected the world but chose her.. too happy dat he travelled for hours to check whether she's fine or not.. no! she can't say that..  but she can't control her heart either! Clearly some disaster is going to happen.. a beautiful or worst disaster! But whatever it is.. she was sure dat it'll tangle her life even more...


Though her eyes were wide open but nothing was able to catch her attention.. the sight of greenery which alwaz soothes her mind, failed for the first time to compose herself.. she felt exhausted battling continuously with her temptation and morality.. temptation of accepting him, including him, loving him back wth all her maddening passion nd desre where as morality of protecting him from the death trap which he's completely unaware of.. the death trap of power, money, love & obsession! She knows how brutal it could be but still her heart was pleading continuously to be selfish for the 1st time.. to select her happiness over all the negative consequences!.. pleading her to neglect all but choose herself this tym! But can she do that? doesn't her happiness lie in him nd his life only? but thn why her all rationality vanishes whenever his over powering eyes meet hers.. Why his blue emeralds alwaz offer unconditional, self-sacrificing, undying love to her! Why his eyes seem like as if he knew everything yet already to die if needed! she sighed.. this can't be possible.. he can't knw anything but wat if he actually knows everything! Wat if he's alrdy to accept her knowing how dangerous she can be.. She felt tired nd frustrated.. She had waited for this day since ages but now wen life is actually welcoming her wide armed, she has some non-removable thorns in between.. some which came uninvited, where as some were included as a result of her own past choice.. god! why can't life play simple wth me!! She closed her eyes in exasperation feeling suffocated under the pressure of building tension..


Armaan who was waiting anxiously gave in at last wen he saw her closing her eyes without taking any attempt to answer him back.. but his ears shot up wen suddenly he heard her soft yet painful comment a few minutes later.. "itna bhi kareeb mat aao armaan ki baad mein pachtane ka mauka bhi na miley.."
Nd as soon as he registered wat she juz said, his gaze quickly shifted upon her.. nd there she is.. sitting all lonely lost in her thoughts looking outside the window searching for her own answers.. he at once knew how broken she was dat moment.. now, after knowing how horrible her life is, he knws her mental turmoil too well.. but before he can arrange his thoughts, she said again.. "kyun door nahi jatey tum armaan.. kyun nahi kartey tum mujhsey nafraat .. kyun dusro ki tarah blve nahi kartey ki riddhima gupta sirf apney liye jeenewali ek selfish, arrogant bi***..." but before she can complete the wrd "bi***" he protested wth authority.. "don't.. juz don't.." he said wth so much finality dat she came back from her trance at once.. she cursed herself mentally for opening her heart out.. she shouldn't hve said all these.. god knws wat is happening to her!
But armaan till now has parked the car aside nd thn coming down he opened her side of door... thn bending upon her side, holding the gate, he said again determinedly yet emotionally.. "don't u dare to say such a wrd about urself, riddhima.. tumhey koi haq nahi hain apney barey mein aisey kehne ki.." his emotions were getting better of him.. he has heard alrdy lots today.. still he can't come over d fact how a person can face so much from her birth yet never complained! How in spite of having so much pain buried deep in her heart she never revealed! How nvr waiting for any return, she alwaz hlps others while accepted all hatred from their side wide armed! Why isn't she allowed to be happy? Why she's alwaz sentenced to be on the receiving end.. why.. nd his list of why's goes on n on...
 riddhima smiled vaguely hearing his authoritative command.. how she alwaz craved for someone to fight against her just for her! "mat aao itney pas armaan.. jal jaoge.." she said painfully indirectly forcing him to bend more pressing her against the seat now.. "I don't care.." he declared determinedly while bringing his right palm over her left cheek..
"yeh pagalpan hain armaan.. u dnt knw anything about me.." she said gasping wth each move of his caressing..
"trust me.. I don't want to either.." his voice was soft as feather..
"u are not understanding armaan.. tumhey andaza bhi.." she kpt on ranting while closing her palms in tight fist controlling with all her might not to reciprocate..
"sshh... hear me carefully riddhima.. mujhey koi fark nahi padhta tumharey past se.. I knw kuch toh hain tumhari life mein joh tumhey apney aapko chupane ke liye majboor karta hain.. par trust me mujhey uss reason se fark nai padhta.. all I want is to erase dat portion from ur life permanently.." he said softly while bringing his lips too close to hers..
"don't armaan.. u're making it harder for me.." she pleaded finally on the verge of breaking..
"thn don't.. don't force urself, riddhima.. don't let ur mind suppress ur heart this tym.. tumhey bhi haq hain khush rehne ka..jeene ka.. ek baar try karke toh dekho.. kya pata zindegi fir mauka de ya na de.. plz don't back out,riddhima.. plz don't.." he said with so much emotion dat her eyes finally broke into tears.. finally for d 1st tym someone peeped deep into her soul making her all weak yet contended..
"ar..." she tried but her voice failed to utter anything..
"sshh..." he shushed her nd then wiping her tears off he confessed.. "I don't knw wat u actually feel for me but.. but I luv u riddhima.. u've no idea wat u've become to me.. may be someday I'll be able to express ur necessity in my life but for now.. will u give me a chance? Will u allow me erase all dose haunting memories of urs.. I want to see u smile, riddhima.. I want my love happy.. will you?" he paused but then captured her quivering lips earnestly wen he saw her closing her eyes next moment surrendering completely to him nd his love... oh riddhima! It was all his mind could say dat moment as he finally realized how devastated nd vulnerable she actually is as she poured all her pain, longing, need and desire through that one simple soulful kiss allowing him to peep deeper inside of her heart n mind..


_______________to be continued________________
sargam

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