Friday, 9 February 2018

Part 33: Remember this (Arsh ff)

Armaan stood there silently looking into shilpa's eyes which were sparking with anger and something more b'coz he didn't want to look to closely he tried ignoring her and moving past her. As he was about to move past her he felt rather than saw shilpa block his path before he could do anything she placed her hands in the middle of his chest and pushed him backward. Even though he outweighed her by a good 20 pounds she managed to take him by surprise as he stumbled backwards and grasped the edge of the desk to avoid falling.

Armaan looked up at her with his blue eyes shooting daggers: have you f****g hell lost it!
Shilpa felt as if the top of her head had just blown off: don't you dare swear at me! and if I've lost it its b'coz of your stupid games you are playing instead of talking about whats bothering you.
Armaan clamped his jaw against the sudden burst of anger he felt as she stood there with anger vibrating out of her. He felt angry with himself as even though he was irritated and angry at her he still loved, as he stood there looking at her a thought occurred to him. He could push her away, she was angry he could push her buttons and make her leave.
Armaan: the only thing bothering me is your pushy behavior
Shilpa clenched her hands into fists: you know what I'm sick of armaan! I'm sick of this act you keep putting on b'coz your eyes give you away. So if you'll stop being chicken and man up we can sort your problem(she ended her sentence with a jab in his chest with her index finger)
Armaan shook his head as he averted his gaze from her: you are really something shilpa! you are the one who has a problem with being rejected and you are saying I have issues(he laughed scornfully) have some respect for your self!
Shilpa went silent for a second making rahul and muskaan scared as to whether armaan had actually said too much. Shilpa stood there vibrating with emotions and then she took a step forward closing the gap between armaan and her: you are saying that its over between us. That you no longer want to be with me.(when armaan stayed quiet looking somewhere above her head, shilpa grabbed his face with her hands and made him look into her eyes) say it! Say it to my face that you don't love me and I swear I'll walk out of here today and from your life forever.
Shilpa gave him a slight shake: say it armaan! Look me in the eye and say it.
Armaan opened his mouth to say the words that will take her away from him forever. He put the tip of the tongue against the roof of the mouth but couldn't push  the words out. He stood their cursing himself and her for making things so hard.
Shilpa gave a sad smile: you can't even say the words and you expect me to believe you when you say you want me out of your life.
They stood there in the silent room looking at one another one trying to reach beyond the barrier the other had erected to see what was the actual problem while the other was trying to hide behind the barrier. Armaan stood there looking in her eyes and willed himself to look away from the love and pain reflected in her eyes: at times love is not enough to keep people together (he managed to drag his eyes away from her face)
Shilpa felt the all too familiar frustration rising in herself: it was more than enough before I regained my memory. It was enough for you to propose to me in the middle of rahul-muskaan engagement, it was enough for you that you had slid this stupid rubber band on my ring finger (pointing to her ring finger where she still wore the band)
Both rahul and muskaan drew in a startled breath as they were not aware of this development in armaan shilpa relationship.
Armaan felt a sharp pang on seeing that band on shilpa's finger, he looked up to see her looking at him hurt and anger. Shilpa waited for him to respond to her jab but he stood there looking at her with eyes that burned with intensity.
Shilpa: what now? Haven't got any answers! Then let me help you! All your problems have come to the surface since I've become shilpa malhotra.
Armaan felt something inside him snap: what do you want me to say?(he retorted sharply) that you're right? Well dammit yes! (making shilpa go silent) maybe you don't want to accept it but things changed the moment you regained your memory. You are not the same shilpa that you were before.
Shilpa couldn't help but push: ya right! What all of a sudden I sprouted horns? (her voice dripped with scorn for his reasoning) plz you and your pathetic reasons be a man and own up to the actual reason.
Armaan couldn't take her constant jabs, he lunged towards her grabbing her by the shoulders: you think I'm pathetic, that I'm making excuses.
Shilpa defiantly: I don't think I know!
Armaan growled: you think this is a joke! May be you don't want to see the differences but that doesn't mean they don't exist. This can't work, we are too different. We belong to two different world's shilpa I can't give you what you need. (he was still holding on to her arms as if realizing he immediately let go of her) There's nothing I can give you that'll make you stay in the long run, we don't belong in each other's world.
Shilpa stood ther looking at armaan's face which looked tortured as he tried to explain: love is not enough shilpa(he looked at shilpa with sad eyes) I know! You and Steve (making shilpa look sharply at him) you belong together you are from the same world. It will last!
Rahul- muskaan stood still as if made of stone, they couldn't believe what they had though to be one of the most beautiful relationships was unraveling before their eyes. Muskaan had one hand pressed to her mouth to stop herself from intervening the other hand she had clenched on rahul's arm to keep him from launching at armaan.
Shilpa took a shuddering breath as she stood there looking at armaan, who looked as if he had run a marathon. The emotions he had suppressed so long had come out in a burst leaving him breathing hard. Shilpa's lips trembled as she tried to control her emotions: Since the day you called quits on us I have been cursing steve for making things difficult here at the same time I had been inadvertently also blaming myself. I  thought that there must be something that I had done to make you doubt me! something that had you convinced that it couldn't work out between us.
Shilpa stopped as she couldn't continue, she pressed a fist to her mouth trying to choke back a scream of pure outrage. When she was in better control of her emotions: I cursed steve for coming between us! I cursed myself for inviting him in the first place (her voice shaking as tears formed in her eyes) but the truth is this armaan, it isn't me who has brought someone between us, its you. (making armaan, rahul and muskaan look sharply at her)
Shilpa spoke with her voice full of emotions her eyes shimmering with unshed tears: yes armaan! You! You brought ridhima between us! You brought your experience with her in our relationship!
Armaan shook his head: you don't know what you're talking about!
Shilpa: don't i? it didn't work out between you two! She didn't wait for you and continued with her life! (she looked sadly at him) I don't have to be a shrink to know that you are waiting for me to decide that I don't want to be with you. The sad part is when I was just shilpa when I had no past you never once doubted me or yourself. But when I regained my memory, the idea that there were other people in my life, I had a life which was not connected to you made you insecure.
Shilpa couldn't stop the tears from flowing down her face from the corner of her eye: the most painful part is that you were right! Love is not enough! Love without trust is not enough! Its never going to last. For the last two months I've been trying to convince you that we deserve to be together. I'm trying to tell you and make you believe that no matter what I'm not going to give up but the joke is on me. It takes two people to make a relationship work and you've already given up.
Looking at shilpa's face armaan realized that he had never seen shilpa cry before, tears were streaming down her face as she looked back at him. Shilpa breath hitched as she looked in armaan's eyes and saw no hope for them: trust! Armaan! Its vital! when you don't believe in me, in us! then I might convince you for a day or two but what after that.
Shilpa felt a sharp pain in her chest bringing a fresh spurt of tears as she looked at the beloved face of armaan: If someone had told me that such a day would ever come I would've never believed them! I still feel as if this is a nightmare that I'm trapped in (she tried to laugh but ended up hiccupping on a sob) I love you armaan!(she looked at him through her tears) but I have to let you go!
Muskaan whimpered as she looked at shilpa's heartbroken words, Rahul's arms tightened around her involuntarily.
Shilpa: you were right! There is no future for us!(she tried to smile but her lips were trembling badly as she tried to keep the sobs from breaking free)
Armaan face lost what little color that had been in his face, he stood there looking ashen and wood faced. Something inside him broke and he opened his mouth to say something only to be stopped by shilpa who place her hand across his mouth.
Shilpa shook her head: don't! you'll ruin it! I'm letting go armaan not b'coz I don't love you but b'coz that I love you enough to realize that you don't want this.(She tried valiantly to blink back the tears but failed) I just want you to remember something, this is the last time we're meeting after this I won't be bothering you. (She had to stop as the prospect of life without armaan brought a fresh round of tears) I want you to remember that I didn't abandon you armaan! You remember this! When you think back to today I want you to recall that I wanted to stay but …(she trailed off as she looked in his eyes which were too bright)
She stood there with her hand on his mouth waiting, waiting for only god knows what, she stood on her toes and placed a kiss on his mouth. It was a simple kiss just lips on lips which lasted for about 2 seconds but made shilpa want to cry more. She drew back and looked into armaan's face for the last time memorizing every detail of his handsome face: good bye armaan!
Shilpa turned and walked out of the office and for all intents and purposes from his life. Armaan stood there with his arms half stretched towards her as if to stop her. His eyes held the haunted look of a man who had lost everything, his mouth opened as if to call her back but then closed.
Rahul stood in shock unable to believe that everything could go wrong in one day in the space of 5 minutes. He felt sorrow and rage war inside him, at the end rage winning making him explode: you son of a *****! (As he charged towards armaan who just stood there waiting for the blow to land)
Muskaan managed to grab on to rahul's arm in time making him stop: no rahul! Don't!(she also had tears flowing down her face) leave him alone rahul!(turning towards armaan she wanted to shout at him and hit him but he was her friend also) armaan! Armaan are you alright?
Armaan finally turned to look at muskaan looking like a man who had just come out of a trance, looking disoriented: I'm…(for the life of him he couldn't say he was fine, he just shook his head and walked out of the room)
Shilpa had no idea how she managed to get back home. She laughed bitterly even when tears flowed down her face as she thought how she had no home. Even though she lived in garewal mansion which was suppose to be her home but it was armaan's house which she believed to be her actual home.
She sat in the library with her arms wrapped around her middle rocking to find some comfort and solace from the pain she was feeling. She looked at her desk where a picture of armaan was sitting in a frame.  Looking at him smiling indulgently at her with love in his eyes she felt her heart break into pieces as she realized that everything had come to an end. She curled up on the floor with armaan picture and starting crying. This is how rahul-muskaan found her, muskaan immediately went to her pulling her in her arms.
All shilpa could say: I hate him! I hate him so much!
Muskaan looked up at rahul with tears in her eyes as she held on to shilpa. Rahul stayed close running a hand through her hair trying to comfort her. After some time shilpa managed to control her tears as she looked up at rahul who was looking at her with anxious eyes.
Shilpa looked at rahul with pain filled eyes: rahul! Can you do me a favor?
Rahul crouched down beside her cradling her face: anything!
Shilpa smile crookedly: could you go over at armaan's and break his legs and yes his arms also.
Rahul stilled for a moment amazed at the strength that shilpa was trying to exhibit even though her heart had been crushed. Both of them knew that they were incapable of hurting armaan.
Shilpa tried to start a life she got up in the morning with the resolve to start a new life without armaan but wherever she looked she could see armaan. The urge to call him or to just drop in was too much but she didn't b'coz she meant each and every word she had said. She sat there in the big house willing her broken heart to start to live again but all her heart wanted was armaan. She sat there alone wondering what to do when she realized that she wa unconsciously tracing the scar on her wrist where she had cut herself. As son as she realized what she was doing she stood up making up her mind to leave this place, not only this house or city but the country altogether. She decided to go back to States.

If I
Should stay
I would only be in your way
So I'll go
But I know
I'll think of you every step of
the way

And I...
Will always
Love you, oohh
Will always
Love you
My darling you

That is all I'm taking with me
So good-bye
Please don't cry
We both know I'm not what you
You need

And I...
Will always love you
Will always love you
You, ooh

I hope
life treats you kind
And I hope
you have all you've dreamed of
And I wish you joy
and happiness
But above all this
I wish you love

And I...
Will always love you
Will always love you

I, I will always love
Darling I love you
I'll always
I'll always


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