Monday, 2 April 2018

Part 29: YOU INSIDE ME (AR)

It's been a long day both for Ridhima and Armaan… Ridhima tried her best to act lovingly to Shaan but her thought kept on thinking about Armaan…how was he right now??? Can he survive without her??? Or is he already forgot all about her and ready for a new love??? Can he do well again in his career??? When he had ultimately damaged it before??? Or was he still crying, mourning the ruining of their love and dreams??? Ridhima sighed…she knew that whatever that is going to happen to Armaan after this, had nothing to do with her anymore…she had chose Shaan…yes, she chose him…out of pity and humanity but not love… Ridhima picked up her bag…she wanted to go home…to cry aloud on her bed…where the bed was once a prove that Armaan was belong to her…Armaan had slept there, lay there, teasing her, kissing her, hugging her… Ridhima wanted to be on that bed…to feel the presence of Armaan's warm body…to taste the smell of his sweet hair…and to hear the heartbeat of his heart when he was sleeping… Ridhima knew that all the things that Armaan had done on that bed will continue to linger on it… Ridhima would never forget…oh, yes she would never forget…no one could take that part of Armaan away from her…no…not wanting to waste any time on Shan, Ridhima quickly walked outside his hospital room…she needed to cry…but will she cry when she is alone??? Her heart had stopped beating when she remembered the look on Armaan's face when she returned their ring to him… Ridhima sighed again…she wanted to run…and so she did…it was raining outside the hospital…under the rain,Ridhima kept on running…the rain that dropped on her, just like the tears that was washing her heart inside her body…a broken heart that will never beat in it normal way again…

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Armaan walked inside his room…he slammed his hand hard on the dressing table…he looked at his own reflection on the mirror there…it is a face of a very handsome man…the face of an idol…but the eyes looked dangerous and murderous… Armaan hated his own look…if he don't own that look, the idol look then perhaps he can love someone normally like other people…and perhaps he will not be related to Amar and love a girl name Ridhima who related to Radhika… Ridhima …when the name came across his mind, anger burst up in him…but sadness overcome that anger…sad…yes…he is a sad man right now…he had lost his career and now he had lost his love…and most of all is, he is all alone…a knock on the door, make Armaan turned around…

"Can we come in???" asked atul… Armaan nodded and he walked to his bed…he collapsed there…laying with his back on the bed, he covered his face with his hand…he could tell that someone had sat next to him…the others probably had sat on his coach or on the carpet down by his bed…

"Armaan …we have something to tell you…" said Aiba… Armaan sat up and faced him…he looked so fragile and empty…

"What???" he asked weakly…rubbing his neck; he held a hand before Aiba started talking again…

"If it is about Ridhima then drop it…I don't want to know…" he warned…Aiba looked to Rahul…the truth is, both of them knew the real story behind Ridhima's sudden action on Armaan …and the two had filled in the truth to Atul and Ohno…Ohno who was also on the scene with Armaan had also claimed that he knew something was wrong with Ridhima because she didn't even looked at Armaan in the eyes when she mentioned about her love to Armaan was just a game…she was lying…

"But you need to know…then you can judge her…whatever you want to…" said Atul… Armaan looked at him…his anger rise up again…

"Judge her??? I don't have to judge her!!! All I need to do right now is to judge myself!!! How come I can be so stupid to fall in love with a girl like her??? Just because she shown up in my dreams I just followed along the path and love her!!! I am the world greatest idiot!!!" Armaan said loudly…he got up from the bed and took Ridhima s picture on his bedside table…he tried to break the frame by making a gesture like he want to throw it away but he can't…he would stop halfway and the frame remained in his hand's grip…he yelled in frustration…

"You can't do it Armaan …you will never able to…because you love her…part of you is telling you that she is lying right when she said everything between both of you was just a game of hers???" Rahul asked… Armaan turned his head to look away from his friends…he threw the frame on the bed and sighed…he felt so transparent when he was with them…they knew him too well till whatever actions he do will always be understandable by them…

Armaan … Ridhima love you…she did…but she decided to break the engagement because it is the best way to save your career…our career…" said Ohno…

"How do you know??? You heard everything that she told me earlier…" Armaan snapped back at him, turning around at Ohno…

"Yes…and so do Rahul and Aiba…and trust me…they heard something more honest than whatever Ridhima told you and our manager," replied Atul... Armaan remained silent…if this was true, can he still have Ridhima in his life??? He calmed down a bit and sat down facing all his friends…

"Explain…" he said to Aiba…Aiba nodded…

"We went to see Muskaan when you and Ohno got out to see Ridhima …Muskaan told us that Ridhima was acting weirdly when she heard the news that Shaan tried to commit suicide when he heard about what had happened between you and Ridhima…" Aiba started… Armaan held a hand to shut him for a while…

"That ugly gait tried to kill himself???" he asked in disgust…they all nodded…Rahul had this ugly look on his face like he would love nothing more than to kick Shaan straight to die… Armaan groaned…

"Well, then you made that announcement and Ridhima was blamed both from Shaan's parents and our manager…and I think that makes Ridhima broke your engagement…she wanted to save your career and at the same time, she wanted to save Shaan too…so she took all the blame on to herself and decided that the best way to save everyone is by breaking the engagement…she knew that our manager would love this plan since he really wanted to save you and Arashi…that's why she called him out and do the break up skit with you just now…she wanted you to hate her…to forget her and leave your life as normal as before…before you get to know her…" Aiba continued… Armaan closed his eyes…why did you have to be so stupid Ridhima??? How can I ever forget you??? I had known you before I even born… Ridhima …suddenly, her image formed in front of Armaan's eyes…he could see her smiling, laughing, crying, pouting…he could see her when she was sleeping in his arms…when she was kissing him…the feel of hers never left him… Armaan opened his eyes…

"I want to go and see Ridhima …" he said firmly…the others looked at him…

"Are you sure??? You will make everything more complicated then…what if she was with Shaan??? He will try to kill himself again," said Atul…part of him wanted Armaan to stay…when things had turned into this kind of situation, he saw a new light in their career…he wanted Arashi to live on…but part of him wanted Armaan to be with Ridhima again…after all, he is a best buddy to Armaan …and honestly, he didn't like seeing Armaan all heartbroken because of her…but…argh!!! Complicated!!!

"I know…I know…but I just need to see her now…that's all…" he answered stubbornly…he picked up his car keys and went outside…the others exchanged looks…Rahul lay on Armaan's bed and closed his eyes…

"Man…I really need to step out from all of this drama…" he said…Ohno sighed…he got up and moved to the door…

"I will go and sleep…perhaps when I get up later, this will all turned into a nightmare…" he said and leave…Atul shook his head…

"It won't be that easy leader…" he said in a small tone…then he lay next to Rahu and curled on the bed…closing his eyes…Rahul looked at him and smiled…

"Seems like it is easier for you," Rahul said…Atul had drifted to sleep…Aiba laughed…he went to lay next to Rahul other side…together, they too drifted to sleep…it was a very tiring day for them…
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Ridhima got down from the bus and walked straight to her house…she didn't even paid attention to where she is heading too until she bumped into someone…it nearly took her off balance and she felt herself falling but a strong arms caught her and hugged tightly to his chest…Ridhimablinked…she knew this arms…it was Armaan …she gulped…
"What are you doing here??? I told you we had done!!! Don't come and see me anymore…I don't love you…I…" Ridhima tried to say that 'I don't need you anymore' but she was stopped halfway when her lips was covered with Armaan's…she felt herself frozen…a kiss like this will only make her hard to leave him…she pushed Armaan away but he don't even budged an inch…he just pasted his lips on her…Ridhima stopped pushing him…she could tell Armaan wasn't kissing her…he just wanted to stop her talking…Ridhima unglued their lips and looked into his eyes…the rain heavily poured down on them and Ridhima didn't know whether he was crying or it is because of the rain…

"Why did you lie to me??? Why did you have to say that you don't love me and everything that had happened before was a just game to you???" Armaan asked her…his gaze burning into Ridhima's eyes…quickly, Ridhima avoided his gaze…she looked down at her feet and let out a chuckled…

"I don't lie you know…I never…" but she didn't get to finish her words again as Armaan stopped her again this time but hugging her tightly…she feel suffocated when her chest was pressed against him…he hugged her to tight until she felt she can't even breath…but it was in a good way…she is willing to stop breathing if that is what it takes to be in his arms again…and that is when all her defend broke off…she hugged him back hungrily…wanting to just melt in him…her tears flowed violently, wetting Armaan's shirt who had already soaked because of the rain…her sobbing became harder… Armaan kissed her lightly on her hair…when Ridhima cried, he knew at once that his friends were right…Ridhima lied…for the sake of him…she chose to hurt herself…and Armaan hated himself for not realizing it…he hated himself for believing that she had not love him…

"I'm sorry…I'm sorry that I love you…" Armaan said…Ridhima cried harder when she heard Arman…she pulled away from his hug and violently kissed him on his lips…she circled her arms around Armaan's neck…pulling him closer to him…tears kept on flowing as she realized this is going to be their last kiss…their last hug…and their last meeting…it is going to be a real goodbye after this…and Armaan seems to get it too as he kissed her back…locking her body to him by circling her waist with his hands…they kissed like forever…nobody were willing to stop and break off…until a car passed by and the driver yelled at them…

"Go get a room you two!!!"…that's when they broke off…Ridhima looked into Armaan's eyes… Armaan wiped her tears away but it kept on flowing…

"You won't ask me why I chose to leave right???" Ridhima asked between her sobs… Armaan nodded…unlike Shaan…he won't forced Ridhima to change her mind once she had decided…even when her decision was tearing them apart, was killing him and hurting him, he knew that the reason was all for his sake…for loving him…so he won't burden her to make a choice…to choose him instead of Shaan…because that will hurt her more…and hurting her was the only thing that Arman don't want to do…since he hurt her so much the moment he declared that he love her…

"I will always love you…no matter you are Amar  or Armaan …I will always do…" she said again…and Armaan nodded, his own tears flowed down his cheeks…Ridhima kissed him again…slowly, she pushed Armaan's hands away from her waist…looking at him, she smiled…

"Thank you…for loving me…all this time…" she said…she turned and walked away…she wiped her tears away…she told herself that she can do this…she is Ridhima …and Ridhima  will never let anyone suffered for her own happiness…

"If there is another life…I will surely make you mine again!!!" Armaan suddenly shouted over the rain so that his voice will carried to Ridhima…Ridhima stopped walking…she turned around and laughed…

"Don't you think that it will only hurt us more??? We tried it twice Armaan …but fate just…fate just…don't agreed with us…God don't want us to be together…" Ridhima yelled back at him  Armaan  gulped…

"Goodbye…my dear Pinocchio…" Ridhima said at last….they stood apart…some distance away from each other's…Ridhima smiled…and Armaan smiled back at her…tears flowed down both on their cheeks…Ridhima turned and walked…she wanted to yell for her own bravery…celebrating the fact that she had done it!!! Leaving Armaan and going on with her new life…she wanted to dance, to sing and shout for her braveness, walking away from the man she loved the most in her life…but she felt herself going numb and tears kept on flowing…the moment when Muskaan opened the door, she collapsed into her hug…and the last thing Ridhima saw was Muskaan worried face and her lips moving calling her name…
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Armaan got into his car…he looked at Ridhima's house…and felt a hole in his heart growing bigger…he had left his heart to the girl who had just entered the house just now…and he was glad that he left it to her…because he knew that the girl was going to treasure his heart…he won't call her name again…from now…that girl will became 'that girl' to him…calling her name would mean that she is still real…and she is no longer real to him…she was a dream…and he should really get up from his long sleep now… Armaan started the car…his tears had dried on his face…he won't cry anymore…he is going to live up to that girl expectation…he will be Armaan Maik again…the famous idol in world , …and he would buried Amar part in him away…away from himself…he switch on the radio and the DJ said happily over the line…

"And now people…this is the song from Arashi…hmm…I wonder when we can hear news about them again??? Will MALIK survived his position as Arashi then??? What do you people say??? Let cross our finger and hope that he will make it with Arashi…personally, I love MAlik…he is such a great singer and actor…let's support him and Arashi okay??? Here it goes then…Firefly…"…. Armaan drove away from Ridhima's house…he knew this song too well…Rahul had written down the rap part… Armaan listened half heartedly when the song started…and he stopped in front of the traffic light when the boys started singing…

You and I believe in love
You and I believe it all
You and I looked at rain
Eyes like a firefly

His thoughts when to that girl as the lyrics caught his attention…they do believe in love…they do believe it all…all including their past as Amar and Radhika…they had just looked into each others in that rain…and her eyes was just like firefly…

Goodbye to the town soaked in rain
We just stand still at loss for words
Your eyes are like firefly burning with loneliness
I can't move just by looking at them

Yes…they did said goodbye to each others in that soaking town just now…and they both stand there but no words can come out from either of them…her eyes burning with tears and he was frozen to see her crying…

We are hurting each other
How would I heal you???

Oh..yes again…they really did hurt each other…he love her and she love him…but the fact that they can't be together was too true to ignore…so they are hurting each other…and there is nothing he can do to heal her…

Weeping in the rain
The rain looks like firefly love is falling like tear drops
I just want your love
Separating our hands I love you from the bottom of my heart
I won't forget this night even if I cry

She was weeping in that rain…because their love is falling like the tears that dropped to their cheeks…and he only wanted her love…but they need to go separate ways now and he will kept on loving her deep down from the bottom of his heart…and yes…of course…he will never forget this night…

Gazing at the flying lights
They lean toward each other
Slowly burning that day counting with fingers
Rain, firefly, lady, firefly, baby….

Rahul's rapping part… Armaan chuckled…what is with the love song nowadays??? How come they put in some rap inside those sad lyrics???

There are gentle days in every corner of this room you used to sleep in with smile
Our happiness we couldn't make it possible
Armaan remembered her sleeping in his room…remembered her warm body against his body…remembered how she had once kiss him here in this car on his cheeks…but the happiness of that memories can't be real…it is impossible to have them…

Now there's a very far distance
Sometimes I strangely wanting you
And you're still in my mind
Rain, firefly, lady, firefly, baby

But he also realized that there was a huge distances separating them now even when he desperately want her to be with him…and yes she will stayed in his mind forever and ever…

There are so many memories here
I can't move one
The traffic light changed it color just now…

Armaan smiled…he laughed…his memories with her are all pilling up and he seems to be unable to forget it…it will kept on flashing on his mind like he was reading a book full with beautiful pictures…the traffic light turned to green… Armaan stepped on the gas and took full speed of the road heading to his house…the song ended with a long 'lala…la…la….la…' and Armaan smiled more widely…

"Thanks for everthing…and goodbye…" he said slowly…he picked up his phone and dialled his manager's number…the time has come for him to move on…he knew just what to do so that she will be proud of him…and he won't feel scared anymore…he have that little firefly in his heart to keep himself going on…that firefly will bring to him all the

 strength to live…since that firefly is her in his heart

 Heaven

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