Monday, 21 May 2018

part 31 : Arrange Marriage - Backseat to dreams or the Driving seat

After it was done Armaan walked up to the room and stood in the balcony attached to it looking at the kids playing in orphanage backside of the house.
Ridhima came there looking for Armaan seeing him standing out in open air she too walked up to him and stood beside him looking at the kids not saying anything for some time. It was silence between then only.

“Can you see these kid Ridhima how much they are happy in there small world. You know ridhima these kids at least know that they don’t have their parents to look after them so they don’t have any expectation from anyone. See that kid in the corner he fell while playing he even got hurt but instead of cribbing or crying he went one side cleaned his leg with small tap there and then he is back to play. But you know when these small kids have someone to look after them, they ought to get attention and when they don’t get much needed importance they cry a lot to catch that attention. Ridhima every kid in the world want their parents to love them so where I am wrong if I want that same love from my parents ridhima. I want to forget everything but every time I see them I feel betrayed not getting the support from only people that are my world. I want to understand them and their actions but I can’t justify them even in my heart as I can’t find any real reason to see them in place which is helpless-not-able-to-help.” Poured his heart still looking lost. “Armaan I know what pain it is to have loved ones and even then you don’t get to feel their presence in need or being loved. But Armaan there are always things to that are sorted over the game of words.” Ridhima tried to make him see through properly. “I want to play that word games ridhima but I can’t play it alone. I need to have the person in front of me to play it with me. You want me to have proper conversation with my family and to forgave them but tell me something ridhima how can you expect me to understand their situation when they are still hiding things from me. How do you want me to forgive them when they themself don’t want me to tell everything that lead them to stay back not helping or telling me why they never looked back to me or you.”
He continued "Ridhima it was not easy at all. Not at that time not now, it was not just about me but this have to do with you too. I have brought you in my life promising that I will protect you from everything but I failed in my vows. It was not all physical torture it was emotional breakout too. I wanted to protect you, guard you from everything, I want you to be happy but I can't keep any of these things at its best. I don’t know why but I feel like betraying your trust in me like I have killed you happiness."
Hearing him out ridhima felt touched by his care and affection. It’s been few month that they are back now bringing a mature and emotionally stable Armaan back but something so pulling the Lively Armaan back. He was caring then he was caring now, he was loving then he was loving now, but he was full of life then which is missing now...
"Armaan why do you feel like you betrayed me, there was nothing you can do at that time. I know and understand the circumstances that we both were in but Armaan it have nothing to be blamed on you. I know if there could be a slightest of chance you would have not let that happen" ridhima ensured Armaan keeping her hand on his cheeks making him look in her eyes. But Armaan diverted his eyes from her before speaking ahead. "There was a chance ridhima I got that chance in the very start. The people who kidnapped you were wheeling you out of the hotel when I saw you being taken away but I just looked over it as the face was covered but I have noticed the kangan you wear. If I had been alert it wouldn't have happened in the first place it was all my mistake that cost us so much loss of everything emotion, time together, love and care." ridhima once again made him look in her eyes holding his cheeks in both her palms.
"Its okay Armaan there was no way you would have let this happen if you knew it was me. Please Armaan don’t think so negative about yourself. Think positive that finally we are here together once again away from all those torture. Hmm"
"I am trying ridhima but seeing them I can’t forget what u and I have suffered from" Armaan said with sigh.
“Armaan may be they were suffering too. It’s not that only we were suffering may be they have something here as well. We know only our side of story what about their story, just for once try to find about it.” Ridhima reasoned his thinking.
“I want to know about it ridhima I really wanted to know but they are not willing to talk about it. They are just keep on hiding things from me then how I am supposed to know about it. I Know even you know about it still no one ready to tell me why, am I not the part of the family.” He asked.
“Armaan dad doesn’t wanted to hurt you so he is hiding it from you and so have asked me to be quite about it.” Ridhima defended
“So how do you want me to understand ridhima? I want you to tell me please for me to get out of this. Please.”
“Fine I will tell you Armaan but then you will not take things in other direction. It was fate no one would have done anything. And for once you would not start again with blaming yourself. Then I would tell you deal.” Ridhima wanted to be ensure that he would not blame himself.
“Okay I will try” Armaan said.
“Actually Armaan when we were there dad do wanted to come but then shubhankar jiju said that his health is concern to let him fly so instead of him shubhakar jiju will try help is there. But then Police came knocking the door arresting him for no reason. So he couldn’t fly there to help. Then after that one after the other threats start to came in. They blackmailed shubhankar Jiju targeting mom on death threat and then they blackmail Dad saying they wil put Keerti di life to end.”
“Knowing Keerti bhabhi is having another life in her dad did everything to protect her while shubhankar jiju to do his best to protect mom. Still under the covers both of them keep trying but from one or the other way they would get to know about it. At last they tried to execute their plan on mom but then shubhankar jiju burn his passport in front to them so they left mom and so as they did with dad. That’s the reason they can’t do anything for us Armaan. They were never enjoying it in here, they were suffering not same but to great extent. In all this mom had a small heart arrest too but she came back strong in hope to see you all safe and fine. Armaan they don’t want to tell you this as they don’t want to put pressure on your brain but I guess you need to know about it so as to come out clean with family. But Armaan please don’t blame yourself. Please.”
Hearing her he felt numb, not reacting any how hearing it Armaan just moved from the place he was in. “Armaan” Ridhima called him but he never replied or stop. He went inside the room and sat the edge of the bed. Ridhima sight, she keep standing there looking at him wanting to give him some time to digest all the happening.
After 15 minutes. Ridhima came in she sat beside Armaan without saying anything she just put her hand on his hand that was kept on his legs. He just looked beside him seeing ridhima he just leaned in on her for support. She just hugged him keeping his head on her chest caressing his hairs trying to comfort him.
“Why us ridhima… Why us.” He asked but She have no answer to what he is asking. “Maa Kaise hai aab” he asked her.
“Ek Bar tum khud baat kar lo Armaan unhe acha lagega.” Ridhima try to make him talk.
“nahi mein kaise… mein ne itna sab bol diya bina kuch pata hua, kya gujri hogi maa pe.” Armaan said feeling all guilty and disgust of himself.
“Nahi Armaan Tumhe kuch pata nahi tha is liya aisa ho gaya, tumhara pain bhi nikalna jaruri tha Armaan. Janti hun shayad words sahi nahi the par Armaan vo situation bhi sahi nahi thi. Ek baar maa se baat kar lo vo naraz nahi hai tum se Armaan” ridhima keep trying.
“Vo naraz nahi hogi janta hun par ridhima mein kaise shakl dikhun unhem unhe face karne ke himat nahi hai mujhe mein ridhima. Itna sab bolne ke baad himat nahi bachi mujh mein.” Armaan told ridhima.
“Armaan Aisa nahi hai, tum agar aisa sochoge toh kaise hoga Armaan. Chahe tm time lo par Armaan maa papa ke pass chalo Armaan bahut pyaar karte hai vo tumse.” She comfort him.
“Ridhima ek baat puchun” Armaan asked staring at her face.
“Haan Bolo na”.
After a silence of a minute Armaan asked her “Tumhe kabhi kisi se kou shikayat nahi hui… Kabhi is ek saal mein… tumne kabhi kuch nahi kahan pehle din se you were there for me… par kabhi apne bare mein nahi bola tumne… Kyun ridhima. Kya mein is layak nahi hun ki koi bhi mujhe kuch nahi batata. Itna kamzor hun kya mein.” He asked all emotionally worked up.
Ridhima keep staring at him not knowing what to say and what not to. It wasn’t like she never felt to breakdown and tell someone how she is and how she was feeling. It was just that the day she ran from their and saw Armaan in that state all her emotions get directed into concern.
“Ridhima” Armaan once again called her. But ridhima was lost, then she walked away in her own thought, feeling over powering her brain to work properly. Armaan who was looking at her felt bit disheartened but then the look on her face told him something, so he don’t want to ask her more about it. He realize it was not just him but ridhima too have gone through lot emotionally if not physically as him.
Letting her be as she want Armaan just keep standing by her side without saying a word. After some time she move in the room and laid on her side, Armaan to join her closing all the curtains and lights. As soon as he laid beside her she move herself keeping her head on his shoulder. He was a bit surprise with the move as she have never done that in all the times they were together and to top it all she was not speak for an hour now and this sudden move was obviously take anyone by surprise.
Armaan move his arm keeping it below her head while his arm spread out on the bed.
“Jante ho Armaan Jab mein bhagi thin a wahan se mein bahut dari hui thi kis pe bharosa karun kiss pe nahi pata hi nahi tha, kyun ki jab mein wahan thin a tab sab FBI wale hi log aate jate the. Toh bhag ne ke baad bhi kaise FBI pe bharosa kar leti mein. Par wahan Alex aai, She was Indian Shayad is liya us par bharosa ho gaya. Bahut dari hui thi mein, itna ki mein kisi ko dekhna bhi nahi chahati thi. Phir tum bhi nahi the itne time tak mera sath.” she took a pause.
Armaan whose arm was extended on the bed which was below her head was now folded as she stop, keeping it on her head caressing her hairs.
“Phir Mein ne us room mein tumhe dekha. Tumhe aise dekh ke pata nahi kahan se mera sara dar chala gaya, bus ek feeling thi ki tum aise kaise. Pata nahi sara dar sirf ek emotion mein direct ho gaya vo bus concern mein. Mujhe kudh nahi pata chala ki kab mera sara dar khatam ho gaya dimag mein sirf ek sawal tha ki tum yahan aise kaise.”
Armaan was caressing her hair while she was caressing him on his chest as if caressing his heart.
“Armaan us samay wahan us halat mein mujhe bus ek cheej mehsus hui, hum dono bahut kam sath rahe hai apne is ek saal ki shaadi mein par jante ho Armaan jitna time hum ne saath nikala hai na us mein pata nahi kaise kab, par Armaan I Felt happy, I felt being taken cared off, I felt taking care of someone, of u. I felt being loved. Jante ho Armaan wahan tumhe dekhte hi mujhe samjh aaya ki shayad mein tumse pyaar karne lagi hun. Par jab hum yahan aaye aur tumhara yun har baat pe mujhe dundhna , mujpe depend hona acha laga. I really felt loved Armaan.”
“Tum jaana chahate the na ki mein ne kyun kabhi kuch nahi kahan, vo is liya Armaan kyun ki tumhe dekh ke, tumhare pass wapas aane ke baad i never felt that unsafety that would make me scare of what had happened. I felt loved and this realization made me forget all.”
“I Love you ridhima” Armaan confessed before ridhima can even give proper words to her all the explanation minute before.
Ridhima was shocked to hear him confess instead of her, she looked at him rising bit on her elbow. Looking in his eyes she saw a glimpse of old Armaan whom she married. A cute shy honest and caring one.
“I love you too” ridhima too confessed seeing the honesty floating in his eyes in form of tears. Keep kept her head back this time on his chest. He too pulled her in his arms more closely.
“Shayad issi reason se mein bhi asambhal pa raha tha bus farak itna ho gaya ki tumne apni feeling pehchan li aur mein ne thoda time laga diya. I am sorry ridhima, apne dard mein itna ko gaya tum pe dhayan hi nahi de paya. Ye bhul gaya tha ki tumne bhi safar kiya tha mera saath saath..” Armaan said hugging her.
Ridhima was feeling as if she have opened her heart after long long time to someone. It been ages since she felt like sharing her feeling with someone, it was her mom with whom she use to share but then after them she never shared her feeling with anyone not even her keerti di to much level.
There was a silence for some time, but ridhima just wanted to put a stop to it. “Armaan I guess aapko maa ke pass jana chaye…. She isn’t well aur ab toh apke sare sawalon ka bhi jawab mil gaya hai apko. Toh wapas chale apni family ke pass.”
“Nahi ridhima” Armaan said getting up sitting on the bed giving her his back. “Kyun” ridhima asked sitting behind him keeping her hand on his shoulder.


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