Friday, 7 September 2018

part 5: You Best Thing Ever Happen To Me(ss)

Part 5 – The trust is All I Have

(Ae dil hai mushkil – Title)
Tu safar mera, Hai tu hi meri manzil
Tere bina guzara, Ae dil hai mushkil

Tu mera khuda, Tu hi duaa main shaamil
Tere bina guzara, Ae dil hai mushkil

Ridhima was lost in this song. She heard it first time today being a doctor means to loss on some great stuff while treating patients but that worth all when they see them walking out happily after being treated well. But it wasn’t what she thinking now all she is doing now was to live this song. This song is what she felt for armaan or she wanted to say to him.
She always think he is the one who take all the efforts in their relation it’s always armaan how took pains to keep their relation alive even after all the work he do. She have her family with her to help her around her work at home but he have no one. He hold his house work himself then working in hospital treating people and at the end taking all the efforts to keep her smile with his own surprises.

Mujhe azmaati hai teri kami, Meri har kami ko hai tu laazmi
Junoon hai mera,  Banu main tere kaabil
Tere bina guzaara, Ae dil hai mushkil

Yeh rooh bhi meri, Yeh jism bhi mera
Utna mera nahi, Jitna hua tera

Tune diya hai jo, Woh dard hi sahi
Tujhse mila hai toh, Inaam hai mera

They have reached her home armaan who was also lost in song living it as much as ridhima stopped the car but didn’t took any effort to move her or tell her that they have reached her house. He know ridhima know they have stopped but she isn’t moving her head but her fingers were moving on his arms indicating him that she isn’t sleepy. Getting to know even she is living in the words of this beautiful piece of Combination of lyrics and musical notes. He let her be while he rested his head over hers. Still sitting in the car out ridhima’s house in parking area they were deeply involved in song.
Mera aasmaan dhoondhe teri zameen, Meri har kami ko hai tu laazmi

Zameen pe na sahi, Toh aasmaan mein aa mil
Tere bina guzaara, Ae dil hai mushkil

Maana ki teri maujoodgi se, Yeh zindagani mehroom hai
Jeene ka koi dooja tareeka, Na mere dil ko maloom hai

Tujhko main kitni shiddat se chaahun, Chahe toh rehna tu bekhabar
Mohtaj manzil ka toh nahi hai, Yeh ek tarfa mera safar
Safar Khoobsurat hain manzil se bhi, Meri har kami ko hai tu laazmi

Adhoora hoke bhi hai ishq mera kaamil, Tere bina guzara ae dil hai mushkil

Their love isn’t incomplete leaving out few line of it or you may say few words of it they both stand by the song. It’s their feelings for one other.
Ridhima lifted her head up and look into armaan’s eyes saying “Armaan leave just few words of this song behind and every other word of it and the meaning hidden behind it is what I feel for you armaan. In your relationship it was you always who took all the steps to let your relationship stay fresh as a flower early in the morning. Be it the fights we had, nok-jhok we did in front of all, the manifoying way of yours, or the irritating thing you do to make him get angry at you, then your surprises. Everything, each and every thing that you do for me, for us is what keep your relation alive ‘YOU ARE THE BEST THING THAT EVERY HAPPEN TO ME’  armaan I can’t think my life without you every time we fought over something serious and you left me it was the worst days of my life. I can’t loss you armaan. You can never leave me no matter what I say or do. You have to be with me no matter what even if we fought over serious issue even than you have to stick to me to make me realize that again that you are the only one I can about. You have to take less pain for our relation I should I also do something for you sometime it’s not only me in your relation it is you too in this. So never let me take you for granted in anything.”

Cupping his face she continued “I love you armaan for what you are and for all the efforts you take for me, for us. And I promise you armaan I will always keep you happy no matter what. I will away keep loving you and will always keep you happy I won’t let any sadness to come to you” ridhima confessed her heart out after song made her emotional while tears were flowing out of her eyes.

Armaan who was listening to his basket speaking out her feelings, her heart out didn’t stopped her. He very carefully and softly lifted his hands to wipe her tears away “I know basket. I know you will do that, even I will do the same basket. I will always keep you happy. I won’t let you miss your parents even we will come to meet them every other day I promise you and you can stay with them even when you feel like too. And ridhima you know it’s not just me who love you this much, you say it’s me who take every effort to keep your relation alive but you are wrong Basket. It’s never one person who can keep up with relationship it need both people into it as much as the other one is. I admired you Ridhima as for you managed to love a guy to this extent that I couldn't think about anyone but just you. Ridhima I have love my mom and dad too but when they didn’t showed me their love or you can say when I felt no love from them I drifted apart from them gradually. But with you I am stuck in love not moving out of it or not even wanted to ever. So it’s not just me it’s you too ridhima. It’s for your love for me that holds me back and it take lots of effort to love someone up to this extent that he can’t think anything else. So it’s both of us much in love to let other win at least in this topic about who love the other one more. It’s simple as that, that I love and same as much as you loved me” with this he once again kissed her forehead and her nose too before hugging her.

Though both of them didn’t wanted to leave each other but they know they have to go now it’s getting late. Ridhima wanted to ask armaan to stay back with her but she know that it can’t happen he need rest and for that he have to go back home to sleep so she kept her desire to stop him within her. Armaan too wanted to stay back but he know it can’t happen Dr.Shashank and Padma aunty won’t like plus he  don’t want to make things difficult for her so he too kept it within him the desire to stay back. So seeing ridhima enter her home he reverse his car to drove back with no mood to go home as there will be no one to care for him. The one who care for him, he let her go away. Stopping his car somewhere he thought for some time of what to do when his gaze fall on his phone kept on dashboard of car. Picking it up armaan made a call, on the other side the phone ring indicating the call from armaan. A hand-picked the call up with smiling lips. “Hello Armaan” is it was none other than ridhima whom armaan called.
He stayed silent not speaking even a word but all ridhima could here was his breathing sound making her know he is not in any trouble or anything. So she his name again “Armaan” this time armaan just hmm-ed “Missing me armaan” and with her that word armaan nodded his head with pout visible on his lips as if ridhima can see him. “Where are you” ridhima asked him smiling over not so talkative call. Knowing its just 5 minute he have left so he must be somewhere near and haven’t gotten to his home still. “Around Super Market near you house.” He said childishly making ridhima smile broadly. “Why are you not going home armaan” she was talking all sweetly with him with smile on her face as if manifoying a baby “I don’t want to go” armaan said sulking “Why so” ridhima questioned back “No one is there waiting what I will do even if I go back” he said making ridhima smile fade for a minute knowing who lonely days he have but soon she brush the thoughts aside asking “You want to come back here” he immediately nodded his head in yes whispering the same on call “yes”. “Then Come back armaan” ridhima said and within no minute armaan smiled widely on her invitation and once again he took U-Turn to go back to his basket.
Reaching there he called ridhima. “Basket Isn’t Dr.Shashank home” armaan asked her in half mind to go and half mind not wanted him to go and drop his basket in trouble. “Armaan papa have gone for some conference he will be back tomorrow evening. Mom is in her room probably asleep and nani have gone to lonavla to call bua personally for our wedding...” ridhima assured armaan “You wait I will open door for you don’t you dare climb any pipe” warning him she made her move towards her mom’s room to see she was lying with eyes closed in her room. So ridhima made her way to the entrance opening it she pulled armaan inside and then locking the door she took him in her room still pulling him with her.
Armaan was still staring at ridhima with puppy love stuck expression on his face making ridhima smile whole heartily “What happen armaan” she asked coming inside standing beside the bed where he was sitting “I love you basket” armaan simple confessed his love to her not getting any other words in his mind to express his feeling right now. Today it was emotionally high for him. He is a sentimental person but every time he got emotional he simple shrug it off, but today he can’t or you can say he didn’t wanted to/ he wanted to live in the moment. Before may be when he got emotional he shrug it off thinking he can’t show his weakness to anyone not even ridhima as at that time they were in un-stable relations. They use to have fights and then just simple breakup be it for name sake but it do have hurt them both. But now he know ridhima now. He know that they are in most stable relation now. They are in phase now when he can say that they can break themselves but won’t be able to think even about to break the other one’s trust. All these things in his mind made him all sentimental at the moment.
Ridhima who heard his confession all of a sudden and then saw him zone out in his thinking still with love stuck expressions she just move a step ahead and pulled his head near herself hugging him around her waist. She pulled his head which eventually rested on chest holding his head from behind from one hand she cares his hairs with other hand. “I love you too armaan” she whispered it so lightly that even armaan was able to hear it in fading way.
She keep caressing his hairs for some time then moving ahead she sat near the bed post leaving distance between herself and armaan making armaan tensed for a minute. His expression changed from loved one to scared one. He suddenly got hell scared firstly seeing ridhima moving away from him and secondly seeing her sitting leaving distance between them. He looked towards her with fear filled eyes to which ridhima just patted her laps. And within an instant armaan laid his head on her laps holding her tight yet comfortable grip on her. Ridhima keep caressing his hairs still.
She knew he never talk about his parents and his loneliness but today he got to remember his lonely days of life making so emotionally down. He is like a scared kid at the moment who is just 3-4 years old and want his mother to hold him in her arms and promise him that she will never leave him no matter what. And that kid never understand the language molded in words but he understand the language of actions, love, care and support. And she wanted that to provide him right now.
A while later Ridhima asked armaan to wait she will be back after changing in relaxing cloths. Armaan who was resting his head on her lap shifted beside her on the pillow hearing her asking to change and come back without any words. He too got up from the bed, walking up to the window he looked outside staring at the moon admiring it with few memories running in his mind.

In some time Ridhima came out changed into silk blue night suit. She saw armaan standing by the window, moving towards him she hugged him from behind resting her head on his shoulder. “What happen armaan” armaan whose hands were above resting on window frame came down holding ridhima’s hand over his waist. “Nothing. What will happen to me? There is nothing” ridhima drawback her hands and made armaan turn towards herself. He looked down on floor not wanting to see in ridhima’s eyes he fear he will break down if he even for a second looked at her. Ridhima was very obvious to armaan’s emotional state so she cupped his face and made him look at her and as soon as his eyes rested on her a tear few from his eyes. Seeing the tear drop from armaan’s eyes her eyes to whelmed up automatically. Wiping his tear away with her thumb as she have already have cupped his face in her palms, she said “Armaan if you will share it will strength our relation, it will help you come over your fear and bad memories. And you are my strongest armaan Na then how can you fall week when you can be strong holding me” ridhima asked him lovingly.
Armaan wanted to bring everything out of him, all his past, his fear, his pain, his loneliness in front of ridhima and share it with her but he himself don’t know how to put them in the frames of letters to form words or sentence to come clean with his sentiments at the moment. “Sit here” she said lightly pushing him on the space below the window kept with mattress.
While she settle on floor on her knees in front of armaan. He tried to oppose but she kept her figure on his lips “Shhh… I am Okay. Now listen to me” all he could do was to nod on her words. She cupped his face again in her palms looking her eyes with his “Armaan. I know you have a lonely childhood but armaan now neither you are in childhood nor you are lonely anymore. You have me beside you armaan. Now you have me to take care of you to think about you and to dream about you about us. I know you loved your mom dad in childhood and wanted them to give you all the attention a child wants from his parents their love and care but they were not able to give you that but I am here na. I am going to love you so much that you will forgot every pain of your alone times back in early age. Armaan I won’t say that I will never let you sad life in one or other way bring sadness in everyone’s life but I promise that in those sadness I will be there with you holding your hands and pulling ourselves out from it. Armaan share you pain with me I won’t bring pain to me but a joy. A joy that there is someone to whom I matter so much that he depends on me for his every emotions. You always share you happiness with me, you give me all the credits of your achievements but you keep your pain and suffering within you thinking it will trouble me. No armaan they won’t trouble me as much as seeing you struggling without letting me help you will. Hmmm. Will you share it with me now what’s troubling you today” armaan asked as a tear roll down his cheeks which she wipe away with so much love. Armaan to moved down sitting on his knees just a cm away he pulled her into his arms hugging her as tightly as he can wanting to absorb her within him.
After a while ridhima stood up on and holding armaan’s shoulder she pulled him up on his feet then made him sit on the window seat. Armaan settle with his back resting on window wall behind and pulled ridhima in between his legs letting her rest her back on his chest. He hold her hands on her waist resting his face on her shoulders. Few minute it was silence around, ridhima wanted armaan to share his pain himself now after whatever she said a while back she don’t want to push him more. “It was all lonely basket. When I was kid mom use to have little bit of time for me while dad was nowhere in the scene. When I was a little old nearly 4-5 years mom to resume her social work while dad was again nowhere but gradually when I came to little sense of life I saw mom dad fighting always. At the age when every kid get scared of one or other theories of his mind he run and seek his solace in his mother’s arm I was thrown into a hostel. When I boy grows up he have many changes in his body that agitated very unpredictable behavior out of one’s system without his control at that time all that growing up kid want was a guidance from his father but I was rotting in hostel. When a teenager is walking into total different phase of his life he want his mother to teach him what’s right way to walk on and tell him what’s wrong he is doing that will destroy his life but I got no one. I was all alone then bi came into my life when I shifted from boarding school to college I came out to live as a paying guess that’s when Shenaz bi came into my life as a mother that’s why I always loved her and cared for her as she was the first person in my life I felt loved and wanted with. She didn’t have her own children so she took me in with open arms and that’s when I started taking life seriously listening to every word of her as a command. She made me leave my abusive habits. I was getting into alcohol and smoking but she caught me and told me not to else she will leave and that day itself I burnt out all my hidden packets of cigarettes and flushed out few remaining bottle of alcohols. That was last day I touched any of them. Ridhima I have fought with everyone in boarding as when children in summers use to go to their home I remain in hostel. All alone in that dam building of 5 floors. I use to get scared even of going to use washroom once the sun set off the sky. I use to starve as at that time canteen and the mess was out of cooking stuff. And when children use to come back when session start they taunt me of my loneliness and un-loved child or in their language they said to me as un-wanted child. It wasn’t easy to survive it all ridhima. That’s why I came into boxing and bike racing. I use to take all, my anger out in boxing and due to bike racing I gain attention of few people which eventually decrease their comment on my loneliness. Than you came in my life ridhima. You were a pampered child you knew what love is what family means, what it means to be with the one you loved and they love you back. With your care for everyone around you won my heart when I started to fall in love with you I never came to know. It was just you all around so to gain your attention I started irritating more and that gradually made you come to me one or the other prank of mine made you come to me first to complain and then to take your revenge prank on me. I forgot all my loneliness gradually and today all of a sudden I felt too lonely I don’t know why but I felt like back in childhood days all alone.”
With this a tear flowed from his eyes on ridhima’s hand moved out of his grip on her tummy and moved backwards without turning around she placed it on his cheek. While other hand still gripped armaan’s other hand over her tummy.

Aayushi Gupta

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