Saturday, 17 November 2018

Chapter 2 : Where Did I go Wrong

Jan 8th 2007

 It's just 10 days since I am married and life is shit, oops, I shouldn't talk like that? Should I? whatever diary, I am dead, I never realized how big this house is, or rather never went into details of the house, the past few days I have been doing nothing but cleaning up the clean house more cleaner, I mean how much can I make it sparkle, but mom in law insist, she says "what will happen to Armaan after I have gone, and to the house?" now that bugs me a lot, am I a dead now? Or simply one of those beautiful show pieces in the house that does nothing but stands the whole day and wait for
themselves to get cleaned when dust invades them. But the pretty stuff here, those glass stuff chandeliers don't even have a chance to get dust on them, aint I 24X7 dusting them, no waiting scrubbing them to the very last speck of dust (incase any) on mom in laws orders, she supervises me, and I hate that, I am capable of doing it myself. Today was a horrible day, I mean more horrible than the other days, I fell off today while mopping, my leg slipped from the stairs and I cam tumbling down the last 7 to 10 steps, don't remember, like I watch the details when falling, my leg hurts a lot, thankfully my right hand is fine so I can write now, but my left shoulder is swollen and red or purplish by now. Mom in law of course wasn't bothered, she gave me the 1st aid kit and told me such things keep happening and that's how you get immune to it; immune to what I thought and I am still thinking, immune to not getting tired working so much or immune to hurts like this one. I hope Armaan comes home soon, it's going to be 10:00 PM and my tummy is starving, he mentioned some meeting.

Diary Contd

Gosh, I didn't know when I fell asleep, he's sound asleep now while I write, its 2:00 PM, but I am awake, thought I'd fill you in, no idea when I will get time again to attend to you,

Ok so I must have dozed off for about 10 minutes just about after 10:00, I heard some noise out there, I thought I was dreaming but soon I knew mom in law and Armaan were arguing. It was 11:00 PM then, I pretended to sleep, I only heard "mom, your being pointless, I don't see anything wrong in her going off to sleep before you?" he seemed quite angry, frankly I got worried, "that's because your too blind son, soon you will know". Complete silence except the climbing stairs noise, I quickly pulled my hair and arranged it over my shoulder and neck (didn't have time to pull over the dressing gown) so he doesn't see my swollen shoulder, soon he was in the room whose door he banged, I couldn't see, I wasn't facing the door, I felt my back prickle, I knew he was looking at me. I simply was lying there, shivering, the window was open, I had dared not pull the bed sheet, I didn't want him to know I was awake, the wind rustled into the room, he went closed it and sat next to me at the edge of the bed behind me, I couldn't see him, I still kept my eyes tightly shut. I felt his hand pushing the hair off my neck and face, "no no don't" my mind kept on praying, "please don't see it"

A few minutes after trying my best to convince him that it was nothing but a little scratch I found myself soon looking at him and he aided my swollen ankle, "hurting?" I only heard. "No, just a little bit!" staring at my now white band aided ankle. Those few moments of silence when you don't know what to talk definitely means there is some tension, I for one didn't want to bring the tension by asking what happened down there, but I was afraid he would ask me something, and I am one of those last people on earth to lie to him diary, you know that.

"Did you have dinner?"

"No, was waiting for you, u freshen up, I'll get dinner"

"No wait here, I'll freshen up and get dinner for us myself. Don't go. Right?"


"How did you fall?"

"Oh, err, nothing, small slip, was mopping"

"Does ma know your hurt?"

"Ye'. No she doesn't!"

There at that moment he caught me, why can't I lie to him diary? That's so unfair.

His nose flared, ok he looks cute when he is angry but I didn't want another bomb in the house at this hour of the night diary, I mean whats the use, he goes and blasts at her and she does the same, pointless leading to nothing except hatred, I didn't want that, so I pulled him back down firmly as he got up, he plopped back on the bed and waited for me to talk, instead I simply said "can we please have the arguments after you have aided my shoulder too?", I said cutely pushing the hair away from my shoulder exposing my clear back and shoulder. It worked, just like I thought, but soon I found my plan of hooking him backfiring on me, the moment those hands touched my shoulder my spine shivered, like someone was gliding ice down my back. The sensation in my stomach was so unexplainable. The hot breath was on my shoulder, my stomach churned, it always happened; no matter how many times he had done it before.

"Why do I ache so much for you?" his hot breath bored into my shoulder.

"And why do I crave so much for you?" I replied.

"For once answer me Riddhima, don't question me back" he roared before I gasped as a permanent love bit was imprinted on my shoulder.

His kisses trailed down the length of my neck and I started to feel the sensation again in the pit of my stomach, I ached for him more, my hand went to the back of his head as his hand slide down my back as he unzipped my dress. All my physical aches were gone, but that ache that comes from within didn't extinguish, it became wilder, I was so much on fire, "I love u so much" was all I could say before his lips took mine. His kisses trailed down and his finger caressed the hollow of my neck and lower exploring the cores of my femininity. A cry escaped my throat, a cry that surprised me beyond imagination, I just let my self follow his rhythm. The length of his body on mine and the face against mine face felt like heaven, I pulled the duvet over him covering both of us and held him tenderly with both my hands; his face rose to look at me, a tear dropped from my eye, he kissed it away and lay beside me, his mouth demanded more of me, soon I forgot the temporary pain I experienced in the few minutes of synchronized rhythm.


He shut the book, not quiet wanting to absorb more, his ache awakened for her, his body throbbed.

He was sitting in a cabin, quite vast, it was neat for a change, and the fan above was turning at full speed in spite of the chilly weather outside, and so was his mind a tornado of thoughts, "where do I find her? How will I face her? What will she say? How would she react? Will she be happy or angry or still hurt? Does she ache for me even today?" So many thoughts ran through his mind.


Riddhima felt as if she was back home, back to college the same campus the same 1st day college excitement the new comers frightened faces, anxiety, all in one, she was glad she was back here, she could finish her education start working. The weather was as calm as always.

She went to the allotted class where she found her name and went and sat down when a girl with very bushy hair came and pleasantly said "hello" to Riddhima.

Riddhima looked up and didn't recall who she was though she said "hello" back in response.

"Riddhima Gupta?"

"Hey, how do you know my name?" scandalized, she didn't want anyone to know her yet.

"I am right; actually I saw your name on the student achievements board", smiling ear to ear.

"Oh, yeah I had once got national award for badminton and best student of the year, and got 1st rank in 12th too, is it that you're talking about?"

"Exactly, Hi I am Muskaan", giving her hand.

"Hi, err'." She didn't know what to say, coz Muskaan knew she was Riddhima.

"Riddhima, Ridhz in short, ok?"


They both laughed while shaking hands, "shouldn't you have secured graduation earlier?" Muskaan questioned hesitantly.

"Err, no, I actually stopped after 2nd year, had some problems, so now I am continuing."

"So you're older to me then?"

"Yes, I am 22" winking at Muskaan in a friendly way.

Just then the bell went off, many entered the class and occupied the seats as Riddhima made place for Muskaan to sit next to her, and a boy came hurriedly and sat next to Muskaan, and she deliberately ignored the boy.

After the prayers the excitement in the room was definitely on, Muskaan spoke such a lot, chapad chapad all the time, but Riddhima loved it, it diverted her mind, soon she got to know the guy who came and sat next to Muskaan was Rahul and that Muskaan was angry because he was late.

They waited but no lecturer came in at all, now that's funny, no lecturer 1st hour 1st day? But who cared, all wanted to only talk.

Then walked in a man that temporarily shut all the noise in the class, especially among the girls, but while they looked in awe, Riddhima's eyes widened in utter bewilderment.


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