Sunday, 16 December 2018

Last part : Lucky...Who? Me...?

"armaan baba…you are awake..see I bought your favorite food just how you like…." A middle aged woman entered the room with the food tray in her hand. She entered the room quietly without causing any disturbance and kept the food on the side table. She made me turn my face and look at her as she bought the morsel near my mouth…making me eat the food which I hated, somehow finished it just for my love. The lady who is sitting in front of me is my governess cum nurse who is taking care of me since the past 11 months. From the time riddhima left me alone my whole world changed and I was left alone…armaan malik the once party animal, the independent guy who was always surrounded by people was left alone all by himself. His life was now dependent on other's for even small thing… he is living for her, her happiness coz this is what she wanted him to do. After wiping and face and giving me the medicines she left the room and I turned back into my dream world.

I turned and looked at her, she was smiling at me. She was standing right in front of me wearing the same bridal dress exactly looking the same when I saw her for the first time. I can never forget the day. She was walking down the stairs wearing the red lehenga , looking like the perfect bride , no my perfect bride, the shyness and the nervousness purely visible on her face but there was pain in her eyes which may not be visible to other's but it was clearly visible to me. mine was an arrange marriage but I wished I would have met her earlier. How can I forget one of the most embarrassing moment of my life. I was caught checking her out .The man who made other look at him, who was always checked upon by the other sex was checking his own wife. Although I was caught red- handed, I wasn't ashamed.. hey I was just checking out my would-be-wife at that time, but there was another reason too.. I saw her smiling coz of me and made me smile too…her smile was like a small child, so sweet, pure, innocence but it didn't last long and how could it , after all her dad wasn't noticing her at all, he never really cared about her and right now even I don't want to talk about their relationship but my respect towards him is more than I have towards my dad. Till the time he was alive he always blamed riddhima for everything but still he was much better than my dad and I am not at all ashamed to even admit it…

When me and riddhima were married we were nothing but compete strangers at that point of time. I didn't knew what she liked and even she didn't knew anything about me or may be a little as I was the famous page 3 person at that time.. but there was something about her which attracted me towards her, something which I am still clueless about. I can still remember it was out wedding night and instead of spending night with her, I left her alone and went to party with my friends. I married her coz of dad and initially I had no plans to even consider her in my life but all my resolutions and plans failed when I saw her and if I hadn't left her that night I am sure it wouldn't have been possible for me to  control myself, I mean how much can a man control..after all I am human too. But that doesn't mean we never moved further. We took our relationship to the next level step by step like a gradual started with hugging and holding hands and then came our first was the best thing to happen to me after our wedding that's what I thought before we took it a step further, you know two souls becoming one. How can I forget that night, it was so romantic but a fit filmy too like we too being drenched head to toe in rain and then taking her in my arms I took her inside and the whole night we made love. She surrendered herself completely that night. She never protested in any way without knowing whether I loved her or not. Remembering about that night I still feel goose bumps inside me.

Not everyone gets what they wished for and I am not exception. Initially, for me this whole marriage was nothing but a deal but the more I got to know about her and the more we came closer to each other , I knew that I can't stay away from her. the day we confessed our love to each other I knew she is the one for me. we had our bits of fights some serious and some cute ones also, yelling on each other on the top of our voices. But it never lasted for more than a day and we were back to our usual self. As the song describes "shayad yahi to pyaar hai". We were head over heels in love and I even forgot about the deal but he didn't and that's when the problem started.

How mad he was when I told him that I won't leave her and I won't divorce her. I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her. Me and my dad had a heated argument for the first time ever. But I didn't cared at all.  I knew that I love her and always will no matter what. For me being with her and spending each and every moment beside her in happiness, in sorrow was what I wanted.  I wasn't in a dilemma anymore and I did what my heart told me too- what I wanted to do.   I had even made up my mind to tell her each and everything – starting from the deal to the divorce paper.  But I couldn't even do that. I was scared , scared of losing her. My heart said she won't leave me but my mind wasn't allowing me. So after much thinking I finally made up my mind of telling her but surprise-surprise, how could I forget about my dad. I wonder if he was actually my real dad or for him I was just another thing like others. When he knew that I won't help him in his plan he did the impossible , he made riddhima sign the divorce papers without even letting anyone know about it. That day, me and riddhima had our first serious fight. She wasn't at fault at all and I took out all my frustration on her . for the first time I shouted at her . she got so scared that inspite of me being at fault, she was the one apologizing to me.  I  mustered some courage to tell her but again I couldn't as we got the news of her dad demise. It was during this time I got to know about her relationship with her dad. She took the news so badly that she went into depression and seeing her in that condition made me re-think about the deal.. Should  I tell her or not?.. I had seen my friends not caring about their parents when they don't care about them. They were the rebel's ones. But riddhima was different. Although her dad never really loved her , she still loved him and that's what made me change my mind.  The insecurities which I had buried inside me started creeping out. Riddhima was never the strong –determined women when it comes to anything related to her heart. If she took this news so badly how is she gonna react when I'll tell her about the deal. And that's when I made up my mind to do it my way without telling anyone- not even her. Now when I look back, I know not telling her was my biggest mistake. The more I tried to keep her away from the mess , the more we both fell into it. I was digging our own grave without knowing at all.  If that wasn't enough , came the biggest surprise- riddhima was pregnant. It was the happiest moment as well as the saddest moment. how can I forget that day?.. I actually fainted hearing the news. I was so happy that I'll be a dad soon but along with it the fear of losing her increased. She wasn't alone anymore. There was a life growing inside her and no matter what I had made up my mind that I won't let anyone harm her or our child.

The plan had to be put into action soon and that's when nayonika came. Who would have guessed that nayonika whom I considered my friend was the one who wanted to destroy riddhima. She was the only one beside me and dad who knew about the deal and she left no stones unturned in making sure that riddhima left me. The day when I shouted on riddhima , it wasn't just coz she signed the divorce papers. That was the day when I found out about nayonika real intentions and how she and my dad were playing games together. I wanted to slap her, blast her, shout on her, ask her why?...why did she do that to me?..why?.but then I realized it was no use. She won't ever agree to a single thing . on the contrary she'll go and tell riddhima about everything and even show her the divorce papers.  The only thing left for me was to make nayonika believe that I still don't love riddhima and I am just staying with her as a part of the deal. Everything was going perfect and according to my plan. I just had to make her believe me and make her give me the divorce papers. The trip was a part of my plan and that night if riddhima hadn't come there , I would have got the papers.  But destiny had planned something else for us. Riddhima saw us together and my worst fears came true.  I broke her trust completely , her eyes told me everything without her even speaking a single world. I wanted to hug her, kiss her, tell her each and everything but didn't  had the courage left to even stand in front of her. The damage was already done and as I was still thinking about what to do next, she asked me for something I could never give her-Divorce. And even I told her that I'll give her the divorce. I don't know what made me say that but at that point of time my first priority was her health. She was getting hyper with every second and during that stage of pregnancy it wasn't good for her and the baby. The whole night I was thinking about what to do now, her face coming in front of me. I needed to talk to her and that too soon before something else happen. I reached her room and was about to knock when I heard nayonika's voice. What was she doing there?.  I pushed open the door and was shocked to see riddhima holding the gun pointing towards nayonika. I had no idea from where she got the gun. But how can I forget she wasn't alone. Nayonika was there too and even though nayonika wanted to destroy her , I never in my wildest imagination thought that she'll try to kill riddhima.       

"riddhima give the gun to me.." I said standing in front of her as I saw her holding the gun… her eyes were bloodshot red and she was looking pale like a lifeless body. She was scared as I saw the gun shaking in her hand as tears were coming out of her eyes. I wanted to hold her in my arms. I wanted to tell her that I love her but my brain wasn't helping me at all. I opened my mouth but words were not coming out .  "Riddhima give it to me…please"  it was just a whisper that came out of my mouth  as I tried moving towards her but had to stop when she pointed it on her temple. Anger, pain, fear, desperation and the thought of losing her today was clearly visible in front of me. She was standing in front of me and still I couldn't do anything. Before I could react I heard the shot.. BANG.. she stood still with no expression on her face looking at me, the gun dropped from her hand and running towards her I held her in my arms before her body could hit the floor.

I was sitting on the bench waiting for the doctors to come out. Nayonika was in the other OT with doctors operating upon. The bullet had pierced her heart and the way nurses were coming out and going inside, I had the feeling that the chances of her survival were very less. i was praying when I felt someone's hand on my shoulder. I looked up and saw the doc standing in front of me. The expression clearly stating the news is not a good one.

"I am sorry mr. malik but we couldn't save her.." My world came crashing down as his words sunk in m head. "Save who?." It was all I could muster up not knowing myself if I want to hear the answer or not. "Ms. Khanna she lost a lot of blood while coming here. We tried our best.." hearing him a sigh of relief rushed through my body and I thank the almighty . Her death wasn't a shock for me. She deserved it. She tried killing riddhima and got herself killed. Somewhere deep inside me, I felt happy that she won't trouble us anymore not knowing what was coming in my way.

One more hour passed and I had no clue what was going inside the OT. The nurse replied the same thing again and again.. "sir, we are trying our best..". what does it mean by we are trying. I knew nothing gonna happen to them then why was she telling me the same thing.  I just wanted to hear one thing-  riddima is fine. Her weak, vulnerable face when she shot nayonika was visible in front of me. at that point of time I wished I had a time-machine. I would have never let anything happen to her. the doctor came out of the room and I looked at her.

"I am sorry Mr Malik but we couldn't save your child and.."

"And what ?…" I asked her as I saw her shaking her head negatively…

I entered the room and saw her pale body lying on the bed with tubes and needles attached to her body. I sat on the chair beside her and took her hand in mine. Kissing it softly, I looked at her face as tears rolled down my eyes and landed on her hand. "I am sorry riddhima.." was all I could whisper. What else am I gonna tell her?..i knew it was all my fault. I should have never hid anything from her in the first place.

Feeling a strong grip on my hand, I opened my eyes and saw her opening her eyes weakly. 

"I am sorry armaan.. I couldn't take care of our baby" she whispered as the first drop of tear came out from her eye.. "hey…" I said wiping the tears from her eyes not knowing that my cheeks were getting wet too. I sat on the bed beside her and took her hands in mine. "it was not your fault riddhima. It was all mine. I should have told you everything. I am a bad husband, I couldn't even take care of you and…". I looked up and saw a faint smile on her face.

 "why are you smiling?.." I asked her wiping her tears… "you look like a small baby when you cry" ..she said as she bought her hand slowly and placed it on my cheek. I kept my hand on her and kissed her hand.. " Please don't leave me.." my voice was breaking with passing seconds as fresh tears made their way out.

"hold me armaan…. for the last time.." she whispered sobbing . 

"no.." I whispered as I laid beside her holding her. she wrapped her arms around me and her lips touched my cheek.

"promise me you'll never cry and you'll take care of yourself…." I shook my head negatively still holding her. For the next few moment we both didn't said anything just embraced each other..

 "I love you armaan and always will.." her hands fell off my back. Her eyes closed and a faint smile on her face.  I held her cold, lifeless body and cried my heart out as the doctors came running into the room.

I lost everything that day, my baby, my riddhima, my life everything . Even the real armaan was dead. I was living just coz she wanted me too. I could never move on with my life knowing that she sacrificed her life for me. She knew from the start that her body can't handle pregnancy, she still moved ahead without caring for her life not even thinking about me. How am I gonna live without her. This house where we spent our life together wasn't my home anymore. It reminded me of her. What all this house, this family and especially I did to her. it reminded me of the pain she went through coz of me. It was getting impossible for me to live in this house anymore and that's when I decided to leave this house forever. I took out the wedding album when a paper dropped out from it. I opened the paper and it was a letter from riddhima.

 Dear Armuu…

By the time you'll read this letter , I won't be with you. I know what you must be thinking right now but I had no other option. I know how it feels , when your parent's don't support you and I don't won't to be the reason of your separation between you and your dad. Yes armaan I know about the deal. i got to know about it when my dad died. the letter which you read from my dad wasn't the only letter. there was one more letter in which my dad told me about the deal between you and your dad and I also know that given a choice you'll chose me , even it means leaving your parents. I don't want you to leave them coz of me. I was married to you as a part of the deal, in return you gave me much more than I could ask for. You know my mom used to say that one day your prince charming will take you away and shower you with love. He'll make you feel that you are the luckiest person in the whole world. I used to smile listening to her. When I got married to you , I never expected anything from you. But you gave me everything armaan. you thought me how to live, love, enjoy every moment, you made me believe that even I can be lucky for somebody. So what if we can't stay together. I will always cherish the time I spent with you.  take care of yourself  and stop crying . I am crying that doesn't mean you have the right to cry too. you look like a baby when you cry…………………………………………………………………………………………………….. ……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….. I Love You

                                                                                                                                             Yours forever


The paper flew out of my hand as I slid down on the ground. Her words kept echoing in my head. I hate you riddhima…I hate you.." I screamed in pain… she wanted me to move on and that's what I did.. I packed all the stuff, picked up my car keys and left the house forever. I started the engine without knowing where I want to go, what I want to go. Driving carelessly I lost control of my car and hit the other car coming from the opposite side. The car flipped and my head got hit with the steering wheel. I opened my eyes when I felt something warm on my forehead. I tried looking out when I saw her standing few meters away from me, looking and smiling at me. I smiled back, took my hand out asking her to hold it  but before I could say or stop her I felt darkness in front of my eyes..

 I don't know after how long I opened my eyes. I looked at the surroundings and saw everything white. I thought I was dead but then I heard someone calling my name and I realized I was in the hospital. It's been one year since I am lying on this hospital bed. I haven't spoken a word since the last one year. the nurse comes everyday and gives me the medicines, my governess comes with the food and I spent the remaining day thinking about her. Every day I pray for just one wish that is to meet her and I think time is not that far. Anyways it's time for me to go, I am tired now. Closing my eyes I saw her face as "riddhima" escaped from my mouth for the last time..

                                                                                THE END         

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