Tuesday, 11 December 2018

part 11 : Lucky...Who? Me...?

Running through the hospital door I looked at her face to see tears rolling down her cheeks….i was about to tell her everything when we got the call that dad had a heart attack and is in the hospital…we reached his room and saw him lying on the bed surrounded by doctors…before I could react to say something riddhima entered the room .. "DAD…" she screamed as doc's turned and looked at her…they asked her to go outside but instead she started pushing them off… "DAD…DAD…." She yelled as I entered the room trying to get her out of the room… holding her by the shoulders I tried taking her out off the room..but she started pushing me off too…. "riddhima…listen…riddhima..come on let's go…let them do their work…"…."no armaan I want to see him…armaan…please…." I could see the desperation in her eyes and her voice ..the desperation of a daughter to see her dad…I had never seen her like this before… .but I had to take her outside no matter how coz her behavior was disturbing the doctors… "riddhima…look at me…riddhima….RIDDHIMA" I shouted as I looked at her face…she stopped pushing as she stood still looking at me…her face all turned pale…. "come with me"…grabbing her hand I took her outside the room and made her sit as I saw the doctors trying their best and doing everything that is possible…. Holding her trembling her hands I sat next to her and looked at her face to see the pain very clearly on her face… "riddhima…he'll be all right.." I tried assuring her and I knew that whatever I was doing was wrong…coz when I looked at the doc face I knew something wasn't right…but I just couldn't see her like this….


The doctors came out of the room and looking at their faces I could see me fears slowly hovering on me… riddhima turned and looked at doctors as I stood behind her holding her shoulders as she needed me the most… "papa….pa…pa…how his he….say something… SAY SOMETHING" she grabbed his collars waiting for his response… somewhere deep down inside I think even she knew the answer… "we are sorry…we tried…"……… "you tried…. you killed my father ….how could you do this to me….HOW COULD YOU…" releasing him she turned around and looked at me and hugged me ..sobbing in my arms i let her cry as I felt her grip becoming loose…releasing her I looked at her face to see her unconscious in my arms….

Sitting next to her I took hold of her hand and looked at her face to see her sleeping on the bed…the pain still visible on her face…I had no idea how she is going to react…I was sitting next to her with no one beside me ..mom and dad left this morning for some business trip and nayonika..no way..even rahul was out of the city..but even if they were here I knew that they couldn't do anything..i had to do everything by myself....kissing her hand I touched her forehead as tears dropped from my eyes…...i knew I had to be strong for her…she needed me the most at this time….but looking at her I just wasn't able to control myself.…how the strong headed playboy ARMAAN MALIK was so weak at that time…I wasn't so weak when my grandma died…maybe coz I was never that close to her.…riddhima is the first person with whom I can be myself…with whom I can share everything…everything….but have I ? no…I haven't  told her anything and I don't think I'll be anytime soon…how could I ?...this is not the right time…

Seeing the phone buzzing I wiped my face and left the room….dad was calling me…of all the people he was the last person I wanted to talk at that time….. after trying my level best to avoid his call I pressed the green button..composing myself…i closed my eyes and took a deep breath and placed the phone to my ear… "dad….yes dad no she is still not conscious….okay …" …..i was still talking to him when I heard riddhima getting out of the bed crying hysterically….cutting the call I ran inside the room as I saw her screaming …. She was sitting on the floor ..crying her heart out…covering her face with her hands… "PAPAAAAAA………" …I couldn't see her like this..and sitting next to her I took her in my arms to feel her crying her heart out…….



It's been almost a month..and from that day onwards our life changed completely….the smile from her face completely vanished ….i tried so much to take her out but day-by-day she was getting into depression… she stopped talking to me properly…even cut down her appetite….she used to reply only when someone used to ask her for anything….even mom tried so much but her behavior was same with everyone….and this was scaring me…I knew this won't be easy for her to come out…but she was taking this very badly…i even stopped going to office just to take care of her..but after few days she insisted me to go..even though I wasn't convinced but I agreed only when she told me that she'll be fine…but I knew she wasn't fine…I had heard her crying almost every night…how much she tried to put a brave front face of me…I knew she needed me…I tried so much to make her talk to me but it was like as if she created a wall around herself ..not wanting anyone to come close to her…. not sharing her feeling with anyone…and I hardly knew any of her friends and family members ..who can talk to her....but seeing her cutting herself completely from everyone I couldn't take it any longer….. so one day I made up my mind to talk to her….

I entered the room and saw her sitting on the bed ….sleeping…it looked as if she slept crying on the bed as dried tears were still on her face..coming closer to her I wiped her face and saw a paper in her…taking it out of her hand I made her lye on the bed without disturbing her…and went to the couch and opened it…it was a letter from her dad….



Dear Riddhima

I know by the time you'll read this letter I won't be with you anymore…this was something I wanted to tell you but didn't had the courage to say it..so I am writing this letter for you and I hope that after reading this you'll forgive your dad….

I don't know how to start ..where to start…whenever I close my eyes I remember the first time I took you in my arms…you were just born and you looked exactly like your mother…the same eyes ..the same nose ..same features…when I took you in my arms I felt my world complete…I can't express how I felt that day..and you know the first word that you said was… "DADA.."….your mom was so jealous that time… she used to tell me how she tried making you speak "MAMA.." but you used to make those cute innocent faces and shaking your head you used to call dada….we were the perfect family…then when you went to school the first day you were so scared..you weren't  releasing my hand and I had to took you to your classroom and wait for you outside the classroom till your classes weren't over….and when you stood first in the class how you used to ask for the gift and we used to spend our father –daughter time together..…I can never forget those days coz they were the best days that I'll cherish forever….but when your mom died…I just couldn't accept the fact that it was an accident…I was so selfish in love that I blamed you for everything…I know whatever I did was wrong…but I guess when I realized my mistake I was late….i can never forget that day..it was the day when my life came in front of me crashing down…the perfect family picture shattered into pieces…..and I couldn't do anything…I loved your mom so much that when she left ..i took out all my anger on you without thinking that she was your mother too…and you loved as much as I do or maybe more….at that time we needed each other the most…but I threw you out of my life blaming you for her death…I became selfish ….selfish in her love….that I completely knocked you out from my life….and the distance between us became so big that even if I wanted to I didn't had the courage to come face to face and talk to you…ask you to forgive me for the sin that I had committed….and I even made you marry the boy who you hardly knew at all without even asking you what you want whether you are happy or not…just for my selfish reason…I am sorry beta I know I can't change the past…..but I'll always pray for happiness in your life….

I AM SORRY MY CHILD….if you could.... please forgive me so that I can die peacefully….

YOUR DAD…..



Closing the paper I went and sat on the bed as I looked at her…she had suffered so much in her life but never complained about anything…she never told me about her relationship with her dad…. "how could you do this to me riddhima…."…. all these years you did what all your dad told you to without even thinking about the consequences….

Wiping off my tears I got up and made my way to the other side of the bed but couldn't sleep at all….as the letter kept flashing in front of my eyes…. Today you have proved riddhima that you don't love me…otherwise you wouldn't have hide this from me…but not anymore riddhima…and I'll make sure of that….



Opening my eyes I looked around and saw her coming out of the bathroom…I again closed my eyes as the letter flashed in front of my eyes…. "i have to talk to her"….i told myself and making up my mind I got up from the bed to see her going out of the room… "riddhima…."I said as she stopped and turned…. "yes armaan….." she said ..her voice still quivered..anyone can tell that she was crying a while ago…. "riddhima I want to talk to you…NOW.." I said emphasizing on the last word…to see her looking at me slightly scared…grabbing her hand I made her sit on the bed with me sitting in front of her on the floor…. "riddhima….i want to talk to you about this…. "I handed her the letter as  I looked at her pale face…. "Armaan….From..where…you…." I pretty much expected this reaction from her…. I think she wasn't ready to accept the fact that I knew everything…or a part of it….. holding her trembling hands I got up and took her in my arms to see her sobbing badly…. "armaan…papa……….I…I miss him so much…armaan…papa…" this was the first time since we came back from the hospital when she cried her heart out..and this was much needed..the pain she was hiding inside her needed to come out…and today was the day….i rubbed her back to calm her down but never once told her to stop crying….as I wanted her to cry. ..flush out all this pain for ever….

Not hearing her crying anymore I looked at her face and cupping her face in my hands I wiped her tears and kissed her ….after a month I felt that my Riddhima is back….as I felt her responding back….but before I lose my senses I had to talk to her…I had made up my mind that I'll finish this today for ever…

Breaking away from my kiss I looked at her face to see her looking at me nervously…. "tell me riddhima…." I whispered to see her nodding as I waited for her to start….

Getting up from the bed she stood at the window as I sat on the bed…. "armaan…i…i…" she was trying her level best to speak up but the hesitation was there….and even I didn't forced her as I knew that this is something about which she hasn't talked to anything….and it will take time to open up….       

Caramel_21 

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