Saturday, 15 December 2018

part 15 : Lucky...Who? Me...?

From the time he I got to knew that he has to leave for the work I don't know myself as to why I wasn't feeling right'it's not like this is the first time he had gone out but this time it was something different..Something I can't express in words, something wasn't right ..this feeling was haunting me again and again and the way he talked to me over the phone' after that I tried so many times to talk to him but every time the response the same.. "the no. you are trying to call is switched off.."'  I had no other option but to wait for his call  i was getting restless looking at my phone..i was roaming here and there , tried my best to divert my mind to something else but no use..the more I tried the more I thought about him..when I couldn't take it any longer I asked mom to let me go..initially she was a bit apprehensive considering I was close to my fifth month but I had to see him at any after much persuading she finally agreed to let me go but not before giving me all the instructions'she wanted to tell armaan but I stopped her as I wanted to surprise him but never in my wildest dream I thought that I'll be getting the shock of my life'

I was waiting for him in the lobby for the past 2 hours'I could have stayed in the room but I wanted to see the expression on his face, the excited 'surprised look , instead I got a more bigger surprised no not actually surprised I was shocked to see them together in that position.. nayonika was all over him and he instead of pushing him off had his hands all around world came crashing down could I see my husband or a matter of fact no wife can see her husband with someone else'all these months when were together flashed in front of me as I saw them walking past me'was our love meant nothing to him? Was his feelings towards me fake?..did he actually ever loved me or it was just me who was imaging it?.. all this time when he said he can't see him crying, when he said he loves me , when he said he can't live without me ?.. was all this a lie..? was he playing  with me all this time..?.. all these thought came crashing in my mind as I felt my cheeks getting wetter by the passing second'..don't I deserve to live like a normal person , why can't I live happily like other I indeed so unlucky that I have to live alone all my life'I wanted answers to my questions as to why?..why me..? but at that point of time I didn't knew what to do'I just wanted to go away from him, away from everyone, it was impossible for me to even stand there for any longer and without saying anything I left the place'

My head was paining like hell and I didn't knew what to do, where to go but I knew one thing that I wanted to go away from him'I was walking out from the hotel when I heard his voice' "riddhima'" but I didn't turned  and waited for him as he was the last person I wanted to see at that time' I was walking away from him when I saw the speeding truck coming towards me. But this time I wasn't scared ...for a mere second I wanted the truck to hit me , I knew I was being selfish as I had a life inside me and I was just thinking about myself but at that point of time my brain had stopped working'. I closed my eyes as I saw the truck meters away from me as my felt someone pulled me away' I opened my eyes as I saw him standing in front of me' "what's wrong with you?.." ' this was the first thing I heard from his mouth' what's wrong with me..he still had the guts to ask me what's wrong with me..what does he want that I should welcome him with open hands ..i should say.. well done armaan I am so proud of you thanks for playing with my feelings, thanks for playing with me' what the hell does he want from me now'I didn't knew what was wrong or what was right' all I knew was that I just wanted him to stay away from me'

"riddhima say something'" he said again as I looked at him specially his eyes as I tried reading him but I saw nothing. There was this blank expression on his face which I had never seen before'not been able to understand what he must be thinking right now I tried pushing myself away from him but the more I tried the more I felt his grip on me getting stronger' .

"riddhima I am talking to you.."  he shouted looking at me' his anger was increasing with each passing second as I tried avoiding looking at him..but feeling his nails digging under my skin I looked at him and saw his blood shot eyes.. there wasn't any guilt visible on his face instead it was anger written over his face' the person standing in front of me wasn't my husband my armaan..he was just a stranger whom I was seeing for the first time'

"armaan leave me alone.." I whispered as this was all I could muster up at that time'I wanted this to be a dream..but it wasn't? ..all these months I was living a dream ..a dream that I was made to believe but it all vanished today as I saw the reality in front of my eyes'

"armaan just let me go ..leave my hand.." I twisted my hand, even tried pushing him off did everything possible to make him let go of me but I couldn't ' the weakness inside me which I was trying so hard not to let come out was slowly overpowering me  "Why Armaan Why..?.." I asked with teary eyes as I stopped myself from pushing him off'.feeling his grip getting lighter I looked at him and for the first time I saw my armaan as I saw the tears in his eyes'

"armaan i trusted you' I loved you..then why?.." I asked as I saw him coming closer to me and pulled me into a hug'I cried my heart out as I always felt safe and secure in his arms but today I wasn't ..i was feeling disgusted at myself as I realized what I was doing' the person who I trusted the most betrayed me and I am crying on his shoulder'Pushing him off I shook my head as I saw him looking at me in disbelief'.

"no armaan'I hate you'I hate you..I HATE YOU'DID YOU GET THAT..?" I screamed at the top of my voice and started moving back from him as I saw him coming towards me'

"riddhima listen to me'first you calm down..let me explain..please..." ..

"there is nothing to explain armaan..i saw everything and you stay away from me'just stay away from me'.i don't want to see your face..i hate you..i can't believe I ever loved you..i hate you..armaan I hate you'" I was moving back looking at him but I stopped when I saw him turning around and moving back to the hotel

I stood there like a lifeless body who has no emotions, no feelings as I saw his disappearing figure and soon he was no more there'the tears which weren't stopping a second ago stopped coming out, the anger and the frustration which was building inside me was no more. It was just the pain left inside me, a pain of betrayal, a pain of being deceived, pain which I got for doing what? Loving him'

 when my mom left I knew I had someone to count upon , although me and my dad never shared the father daughter relationship but still there was someone for me count much he hated me but still I knew that he'll be there for me whenever I needed him'even when my dad left I wasn't this heartbroken as I had armaan besides me'I always loved him more than anyone else in the world'but now where should I go.. is there anyone else left for me'is there?.. I asked looking at the sky but even I knew the answer .. rubbing the dried tears off my face I turned and started walking ..where?..i didn't knew myself ..i didn't knew where to go or what to do .. all I knew was that today I have realized that I am the unluckiest person in the world'

I was still walking when I felt someone walking besides me' I stopped, turned and saw him standing beside me ..he took hold of my hand and this time I didn't protested or shouted or tried pushing him off as I didn't had the strength left to say or do something' I was just obeying his orders and did whatever he wanted me too'I was walking behind him when I saw a car coming towards us and stopped in front of us'armaan took the keys from him and making me sit inside the car , he ran towards the other side and started the engine'

The whole journey he didn't said anything and even I didn't asked anything..i was looking out of the window when all of a sudden I felt the car stopped'I didn't even turned and looked at him..i was looking out of the window when I saw him standing in front of me and opening the door 'he took me out of the car and for the first time I looked around and saw us on some old bridge with no one around us and surrounded with dense trees'I looked at him and saw his back towards me as I saw him kicking the dust in frustration'I was just looking at him as he turned and looked at me'

"riddhima please listen to me..i don't know what you saw or what you didn't but the truth is there is nothing going on between me and nayonika..believe me.."' I saw the desperation in his voice, on his face and for a mere second I wanted to believe him but believing him meant proving myself wrong..if any other person had told me about this I would have seriously slapped that person but this time it wasn't any one else , it was me 'I saw them together and  he still wants me to believe him...

"riddhima please say something'.hit me, slap me , shout on me or say whatever you want to but say something' your silence is scaring me'"

"I want a divorce'Armaan.." I said looking straight in his eyes' for the first time I felt I was doing something right'me and armaan were never meant to be together.. .we both were tied with each other and it's best for both of us to live our separate lives ..

"what.." he looked at me in shocked which was a bit ironical considering the fact that I was at the receiving end..but I had made up my mind so without wasting any more time I told him one more time'

"I want a divorce'DAMN IT.." I shouted looking at him

"Riddhima..please'believe should I make you believe me .."

"Armaan if you still think that I am gonna fall for this then you really don't know me'I don't want any explanation from you  I just want a divorce'if you can give me than it's okay otherwise my lawyers are going to talk to you'" I said and started walking away from him still thinking that maybe he'll stop me or he'll do anything to make me change my decision..but..

" I'll give you the divorce'" that was it..the end of my life' I didn't said anything as there wasn't anything left and quietly sat inside the car'  we reached the hotel and he booked me a separate was getting harder for me to stay in front of him..all the emotions that I was so trying to suppress were ready to burst at any moment'. And without even looking at him I went inside my room, locked myself up and sliding down the door I cried in pain'

With a knock on the door I looked around and saw that it was morning already.. the whole night I was crying .. my head was  paining very badly and was about to explode at any moment' I touched my forehead and felt a bit feverish..standing with much difficulty I looked at myself in the mirror.. my hair was all messed up , my whole body was cryong in pain...i didn't even thought as to who is outside knocking at the door so early and rubbing my tears I went to open the door and saw her standing in front of me'.

"nayonika.." came out of her mouth as i saw  her smirking at me'

loads of love...


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