Thursday, 28 February 2019

Part 16 : Perfect Imperfection...love..

As the early morning sun shined down upon her tear strained face, ridhima frowned a bit, and then almost at the same moment the strong fragrance of the mehendi on her hands, reached her....as all the memories from the night before came back in a flash, she sat up in her bed wide awake now....and looked at her hands....slowly, with tears in her eyes, she traced the letters of the name on her hand, thinking of the resolve she had made last night before finally dozing into a disturbed sleep.....initially her impulse had driven her to decide to break off the wedding in the morning itself...but then as she had sat down, just sorting out the million thoughts which were swamping her head, she had realized with resignation, that this had to be it....she reasoned, hard though it had been in that state of mind...that as the gupta heiress this fate had been decided the day she was born into the house...her marriage, whoever it was with, would never be the kind of fantasy she had wanted....it would be a deal....the only thing that could be changed is the names involved in the deal....and so she told herself, as she had for everything else in her life....to just take what comes to her....she knew it would be extremely hard, because she had to live with the truth that the man she had loved, and still did she admitted swearing aloud for the first time in her life....was the same who had cheated her....and was marrying her for a deal....a marriage cum deal would be painful in any case....but this was probably
the worst way it could have happened she thought....but still....too much had been arranged and announced....she had compromised her happiness all life, what was the issue in doing it now....yes she reasoned....she would just do it the way it had been planned....and then smiling bitterly she remembered the wish she had made on the shooting star and said to herself "u wished for this to happen ridzi....for his dreams to come true....there u are then....true they have come indeed, are u not excited mrs. malik????" saying this in the most hateful tone possible she started laughing insane....ultimately ending in sobs.....then when there were no more tears left, she spoke up yet again in a hardened wife "so u married for the deal mr. malik....well have it your way....the deal will be all u ever get...for thats what u married...a deal...not a woman......"then softening a bit "dont worry honey, i will never again impose this one sided relation on you...never again will my love hinder ur path to success...."

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He saw her fake smile hidding the stone expressions beneath it well enough for the whole world....except him..he alone knew what it felt like to her at that moment, for he was undergoing exactly the same heartbreak, the same helplessness, the same impossible to bear torture....for different reasons of the same cause....the wedding...the day he had dreamt of as a dream come true with her, had been worst than a nightmare...and now as the group of the five young people sat together inside the malik mansion, going through the fun games for thw newly weds, all armaan could wish for was for all this to get over so they could go their room and he could finally talk to her....he alone knew how hard he had tried to see her and talk to her all day, but one statement from ridhima when she finally took his call had stopped his further efforts...he remembered with a stab of pain her cold voice "armaan...no groom should see his bride just before the wedding...its inauspicious, and though all that does not and never did matter to you, i would appreciate if you maintained the sancticity of the ceremonies...i will see you in the evening...have to go now..."saying so she had cut the call....and he had just stood rooted to the spot for minutes, until rahul had pulled him along firing a tirade of questions and comments none of which he heard....now as they finally let him go after he paid them, whatever few thousands he had in pocket, he entered his room, which was decorated the perfect way....he would have smiled, knowing muskaan had done it for them all by herself, but the scene in that beautiful surrounding ripped off whatever was left of his heart....slowly he walked towards her, as she, having already changed, and without realising he was there, was fixing a seperate bedding on the couch across from the decorated master bed....putting his hand out to hold her, n then not sure, pulling it back he just spoke "what r u doing ridhima????" ridhima turned around without much expression said "o ur here, sorry did not hear u come in....iv taken out ur night wear, its on the bed....n suzzane, thats her name right, she left the milk too....do u need something else??" he tried to read the look in her eyes but there seemed to be none...."yes there is something....i want to talk to you....please....ridhima you have to give me one chance to explain....and why r u putting this bedding here???" armaan asked, hoping to not get the obvious answer from her.....she sighed, then looked up again "armaan please....i want you to know, that its fine...i felt bad about the deal....very bad...but thats not your fault....its just me, i dont think logically n lucratively.....everybody in our status thinks professionally n so did u....u are smart at ur work n will make an outstanding professional, there was no reason to have given up a deal like this one.....theres nothing u have to explain.....n about the bedding, well we are both grown up matures....i would hate to see you wasting your time in worthless obligations of a relation which has a complete professional basis....you dont have to bother about pleasing me anymore, i can see the situation clearly now, and dont intend being an obstacle in ur growing success....and dont worry....we have had a legal public wedding, i know how to hold the grace of that relation in the world outside this room....but in here....i will give your space, and you leave me to mine....n well, i have to wake up early tomorrow morning to make breakfast for everyone, its a tradition, so ummm....good night!" n as she was going to sleep in the make shift bed, armaan pulled her back n said, "NO! u dont seperate our space into ur n mine, do u understand that????" "ur hurting me armaan, if you actually could anymore, just let me go" n she struggled to pull herself out of his grip, he let her lose, pulling her hand back she said..."you are right, there isnt your n mine here, its all yours...." and saying so, tears flowing down her eyes she moved out of the room before he could stop her and quietly made her way downstairs, glad that most lights were now out, n everybody had gone to bed....as she was sliding down the last hallway leading to the garden, an arm pulled her into a room and she turned around shocked to see...."mumma???"

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armaan just fell on the carpet like a bundle....sobbing uncontrollably, his head in his hands cursing himself for his very existence in her life, for ruining her dream...for taking away every smile from her face....unable to think for the life of him how he could ever win her back into his life, if he could......

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"yes ridhima...i need to talk to you...i should have done this ages ago, but i will now, hoping that the damage my silence has caused is not irrepairable....will u sit and listen please?" not knowing if she really had another option, and also because for the first time she realized what she needed so badly right now was a mother, ridhima just hugged radhika, completely breaking down....while the latter just patted her head, in a comforting way and slowly made her sit on the bed, hushing down her incessant sobs gradually....and then at long last she spoke again "are you ready to hear some hard facts ridhima????i hope you are beta, because you alone can now save this house from doom....and i am really counting on u for that...." ridhima was listening, disturbed though she was, she had now for quite sometime had high regards for this neglected lady of the house, and she was sure she wanted to hear out what her mother in law had to say to her....and anyways she thought, nothing radhika was going to tell her could be worse than the truth she had learnt over 24hours ago...."yes mumma, um listening, and i am guessing whatever ur going to tell has something to do with reason um here right now crying before you, instead of my husbands bedroom..." that one sentence reaffirmed to radhika that she had indeed not overestimated this young girl when assuming she could solve the troubles of her home...so she started telling her the story, from a little less than 3 decades ago, going back to her grad days at oxford....she told ridhima everything, each truth that had been long burried but not lost within her for years now....as the night went on, ridzi could not stop herself from thinking, n here i was thinking i am the most tradegy stricken person in the whole wide world....more than ever now, she admired the lady, she had silently accepted as her mother just weeks ago.....as the story rolled towards the past one month, radhika continued giving her facts....and then at the end she said "ridhima beta, i will not deny that armaans initial idea about this wedding was indeed nothing but the deal, thats the way he had been groomed....but i have not missed a single chance of observing the rapid transformation in my son, since u entered his life....and believe me when i say, i am not saying this as his mother, but yours, he trully loves you....i was watching the news last evening when he got back home....and though he is not aware, i was the only one in the house other than him, and stood outside his room for several hours, hearing him break down....i had thought when the engagement was first announced of telling u all this, but seeing the change in him so obvious in just that one week preceeding the ring exchange, i admit having got selfish, n seeing that u were the only hope for armaan n this house now, i stayed quiet. but now i know what a big mistake that was...its just that i never thought, having got the deal in his hands, samrat would ever bother himself with ur married life anymore, n since i could see how happy u both were together i decided what was happening was for the good...please forgive me beta for this grose misjudgemennt, which seems to have ruined so much in just " "no mumma" said ridhima interrupting her the first time in several hours now..."things could have been ruined is what u should say, had u not shown me this reality....omg i cant believe i was shoving a life like that away from me without giving it a second try....and when armaan tried so hard to....."and her sentence trailed into a silent mournful gap....but within moments she had a new determined look about her....she looked at radhika and said "thanks mumma....i had always wished for a mother....a family....love....and finally when i found the man who gave me all that, i did not take a moment to drop my trust on him....it took just a headline for me to let him go....omg...what was i going to do....but not anymore mumma....ur rite....i will fix this thing....and i know exactly what to do.....i should get going now mumma...there's alot to do and very little time" saying this she hugged radhika a last time and went quietly to her room, only to see armaan cuddled up on the floor next to the couch....clinging onto the frame she had gifted him....she hated herself in that one moment for having done this to him....but then remembering her resolve, she again looked determined, smiled a tight smile....and as she went to move him, with tremendous effort finally lifting him to the couch, she looked at him for a while....then softly she kissed him on his forehead, and said "i wont let you down armaan...i promise...never again..."

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Spln

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