Thursday, 14 March 2019

part 35 : Tumhare hum


Riddhima

I wake up in the morning and look around the empty room. The maroon silky bedsheets are still untouched, the champaigne is no longer chilling, and the flames from the candles have extinguished long ago. I get up off the floor and throw my dupatta across the room in anger. I am so fruastrated with my life, nothing can ever go right. I start approaching the bed, forgetting about the broken bangles scattered across the room. That pain is nothing in comparison to the pain Armaan has given me. I walk into the shower to try and relax, but my anger didn't lessen like it would normally. I just couldn't come to terms with the fact that I was not really pregnant. It was all a lie, but I couldn't accept it. The only reason I accepted this marriage was for the sake of my child, but now I have no reason… none what so ever. The thing that hurts the most is that I was starting to believe that somewhere down the line I would have taken a chance on Armaan again so that we could be a family… I would have done anything for the happiness of my child, but now there is no child. Why does he continue to hurt me?


I step out the shower and put on a magenta pink sari. I was trying to look presentable for my in-laws. As much as I hate Armaan, I respect his parents as my own. He may have given me pain that's unbearable, but it's not in my nature to take out my personal vendetta against him on his parents. Armaan will never learn the importance of a relationship; everything is just a game to him. Emotions means nothing to him, it's completely worthless to him. If he valued emotions, then he would have known that this is the absolute lowest anyone can possibly go. He always knew how much I loved children, and he used that as my weakness. I know his weakness though, it's me and I plan to use that to my advantage.

I grab all my belongings and exit out the door, taking another glance at the suite. I soon find myself walking out the hotel and stop as soon as I see the cloudy sky and rain continuesly pouring down. I hear the thunder rumbling at a distance as my eyes catch a familiar sight lying across the bonnet of a familiar sports car. He is completely soaked. For a second I feel sympathy, but after that second has passed, the hatred surges through my body once more. I ball up my fists as I approach the car and start yelling, "ARMAAN WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?!" He slowly opens his eyes looking at me tiredly and then his eyes grow wide in shock. I'm guessing it's because of the fact that I'm actually talking to him, but he is being a complete idiot. If he gets sick then I will have to play the role of the good daughter-in-law and take care of him. He slides off the car and starts saying, "Riddhima about last…" I raise my hand in the air and give him a warning with my slightly red puffy eyes, signaling him to not talk to me. Thankfully he gets the message and quietly sits in the car.

During the ride, Armaan side glances at me occasionally and then looks ahead. His sherwani clings onto his body and his hair is disheveled because of the rain. I realize my own hair is wet from the rain, so I gently shake out the ends in order to get rid of the excess water. I can feel Armaan staring at me, but I ignore it. I keep staring out the window, not wanting Armaan to see tears streaming down my face. Tears are a sign of weakness and that is something I wouldn't let Armaan see. We soon arrive at the Mallik Mansion and by now the rain has become a light drizzle. I wipe my tears away and open the door of the car. Armaan gets out of the car and calls out my name, "Riddhima!" He tries to talk to me, but I walk away towards the main door of the house. Armaan gives up and slowly follows behind me.

Arjun and Arohi open the door and make way for me and Armaan to walk in. As soon as we walk in, I start feeling a little better. These people may be blood related to Armaan, but not from the heart. His family is amazing and I can't believe he would want to live away from them. He would never understand the heart of a mother, longing for her son. Tears start to form again with that thought. I look away trying to rid these tears before they fall. I take blessings from his parents, while Arjun slaps Armaan on the back, gives him a hug, and then ushers him into the livingroom. Arjun and Arohi sit together, Naina Mom sits next to me, and Armaan sits next to his father. They all start talking about the wedding and how beautiful it was. Then they start making awkward and comical references to last night causing me to be embarrassed, while Armaan looked away completely looking guilty.

Soon it's time for me to leave for my parents house so, Billy Papa tells Armaan to drop me at my parent's house. Armaan nods and stands up. I get up and quickly follow out the door. I sit in the car and wait for him to get in. He drives me to the Gupta Mansion and parks the car in front. I reach for the handle as I hear Armaan say, "Riddhima we need to talk." I don't turn around to look at him when I reply, "There is nothing left to talk about Armaan. For the world we are married, but there is and never will be anything between us!" Armaan nods slowly as if finally comprehending my words. He just says, "I'll pick you up at 10 o'clock." I just mumble, "Whatever" as I walk out the car.

I walk into my house and hug my parents crying my eyes out. They hug me happily and I try to reassure them that I am happy in this marriage. After completing all the rasams I just help my mother in the kitchen and talk to my father in the livingroom. I always loved the simplicity of my family, we behave so normally with each other even though things have changed. I don't even realize where the time had gone because at ten o'clock I hear the doorbell ring. I run to open the door, forgetting that it is Armaan who is here to take me away from everything I know and love again. He looks at me awkwardly, and before I can say anything my father approaches us from behind. My father says, "Armaan beta, come inside." Armaan looks at me as if asking permission. I look at him strangely and give him a dose of my attitude as I stomp back into the kitchen. I hear my father laugh as he hugs Armaan saying, "I think she missed you." I roll my eyes at that. Yeah right, I was actually happy to be away from that jerk also known as my husband.

Armaan starts talking to my father, while I help my mother in the kitchen. That's when I hear this very loud sneeze. I know it could only come from Armaan, so my immediate reaction is to slap my forehead in frustration. My mother tells me to make Armaan some tea, so I do hoping that he gets well so I won't have to take care of him later. Armaan is so selfish sometimes and I bet he slept outside in the rain on purpose. How the heck can anyone fall asleep in the rain is beyond me… I give Armaan his tea and he takes it hesitantly. Just then Naina mom calls asking our whereabouts. Armaan hangs up and apologizes, "Papa I think it's getting late, Riddhima and I should go and let you two rest." My father smiles saying, "Take care of yourself and tell me if my princess doesn't take care of you!" My father laughs, while Armaan laughs a bit sadly. I hug my parents one last time before exiting out the door. I don't even wait for Armaan because I don't want him to see the tears in my eyes. I need to stop being so darn emotional!

During the ride home, Armaan could not stop sneezing so I hand him a tissue box. He takes it saying, "Thanks." I reply haughtily, "Whatever." It sounded so mean and I was just about to apologize for my tone, but realized who I was apologizing to so I stopped. I pushed away any guilt that claimed that I was responsible for his ill state. We get home and talk to Armaan's parents for a while. Naina mom says, "Armaan beta you need sleep, you will feel better! You both look exhausted." Armaan nods and we both get up to go to our bedroom.

As soon as we walk in, Armaan locks the door. I stop in my tracks and turn around slowly unsure of what Armaan is about to do. He completely ignores me and takes a pillow from his bed and throws it on his sofa along with a blanket. He then walks into the bathroom, shutting the door a little loudly. I was completely stunned that he didn't even try anything. I half expected him to try and touch me, talk to me, or even plead with me, but he completely ignored me altogether. Well at least he gets the message loud and clear. He comes out the bathroom and falls onto the sofa with a thud. I just walk into the bathroom and quickly walk out in sleepwear, falling asleep on the bed.

I wake up periodically because of Armaan. All night long I keep tossing and turning because Armaan keeps sneezing throughout the night. I have to get up and turn up the heat because of him. When that didn't stop it I have to get medicine out of my purse. I stand infront of him calling out his name until he responds and shove the medicine in his hand, and then collapse on the bed. He swallows the medicine and finally falls asleep. He may have fallen asleep, but completely ruins my sleep. I spend the remainder of the night staring at the ceiling thinking about my life.

***********

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