Wednesday, 26 May 2021


8th JUNE, 2013



My life wouldn't have been the same if you wouldn't have entered it in the first place. I did not need you. Ever. I did not even know of your existence. I did not believe in true love and unlike any other girl, I never waited for my prince charming to come on a white horse and take me with him, for I knew all this is not true, is bull shit. My heart was a four chambered close room with no doors, I still wonder how you managed to carve one. You, mister was not supposed to enter my heart. I never gave you the permission. Only I should've known you never waited for permission. I knew myself so well before I met you. I knew I would never fall for the stupid feeling called love. I knew I was not that kind of a girl. I hated love. But with you around, I should have been more careful. I should've kept a check on you, on myself. I still hate myself for being so lenient with you. if only I had one single idea that if I let you close, you would keep no distance at all, trust you me, I would have never let you
come near me. I would have never let myself be happy. You played with my feelings. You molested me. Emotionally. You changed all my emotions of hatred and abhorrence to love and worship without me even knowing about it. I had promised myself I would never let a man come near my heart. I would never let my parents' history repeat with me. You wanted to know it once, right? When I said I didn't wanna talk about it…well, I'll tell you today, my mother…loved a man, well coherently my father. And he did not love her. At all. He used her and left her, for another woman, his wife. I knew if I let a man come near, all he would do with me is what you did! You tricked me into loving you. you played with my life. I can never ever forgive you armaan. Never. I always told you I wasn't meant for love. And you always told me to trust you. I did, I trusted you armaan. And what did you do? You left me the same way that man left my mother. Only I cannot complain about it to anyone. You have no idea how am I living my life here armaan. And whenever I tell anyone that you betrayed me, they say god was being greedy about you. He was jealous that I had you and so he called you. But I know, it isn't god. It is you. You left me on your own whim mallik. You left me coz you did not love me. You were a liar when you said you did. You were a liar when you said you will stand by my side in hell and high water. Why didn't you simply stand by my side when on the road that day armaan? Why did you have to push me away on the side? Why did you keep standing there in front of that car armaan? WHY?

I just wanted to tell you that I am not like you. My love was true and it will always stay so. And if you think I am a coward and would stop living, you are wrong! I am a strong girl. A strong widow, now and a very very strong mother. You thought you would leave me and go away and I would stop living my life for a man like you? Ah! Never. I will live my life and live it happily. And you mister, would still have to wait many a year more up there for me. And you better keep waiting. For I will come, to you, wherever you are. Main itni aasani se tumhara peecha nahi chodungi! I know you ran away for you had so many responsibilities here. And do you even know all your responsibilities are mine now? I am a mother and I have to be a father as well. But just to let you know, I am fulfilling all my responsibilities well. Very well. I wish I could see your expressions right now. In your face mallik! In your face! Ha.





She folded the piece of paper and kept it in her secret file with the other letters she had written to him over time. It was time for her baby's nap, she had to rush. She had no time for romance with this stupid man. Anyways, the day's quota was over!


There is a reason I said I'd be happy alone. It wasnt because I thought I would be happy alone. It was because I thought if I loved someone and then it fell apart, I might not make it. It's easier to be alone. Because what if you learn that you need love? And then you don't have it. What if you like it? And lean on it? What if you shape your life around it? And then it falls apart? Can you even survive that kind of pain? Losing love is like organ damage. It's like dying. The only difference is, death ends. This? It could go on forever .


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