Friday, 14 June 2019

part 13 : Come Back to Me

Armaan stared at her as she stepped down from the white limo behind Rahul and Muskaan. Closing his eyes he composed himself as he feel the familiar lurch in the pity of his stomach. Their eyes met and Armaan wasn't surprised to Riddhima averting her gaze away from him. I deserve it he thought. As she walked down the red carpet alongside Rahul, Armaan felt a stab of pain. As the camera flashed all around them.



He could have been there in Rahul's place. Been there with her on the biggest day of their life . Their talents and achievements were being recognized and they could have been celebrating together now, only if he hadn't………they would have been over the moon with a new addition to their lives, only if he had……





Sitting down feeling totally shattered he cursed himself
feeling numbness take over. This pain, this feeling was nothing compared to what she had undergone because of him. What he had put her through was like a nightmare as he now thought of nothing but about it. If only he had only one chance…..to undo it all……..he would give up anything and everything he had for that one moment to go back in time.





But did he deserve a chance?? He thought!.  I don't even deserve a chance I guess,  feeling his eyes moist as he recalled how living without her past  months had been a living hell specially ever since he came to know she had lost their child that night…and his love! All destroyed by him







He had returned two days later to their home, after the fight and was ashamed no doubt he thought. The two days after the fight had cooled him off and now thinking coolly about it he felt terribly ashamed of his beastly behaviour. Deep down he knew he was responsible for whatever happened that night. He knew he had been at fault right from the start of the evening. How he now saw the damage his ego and attitude had done.







He knew there was nothing going at all between Rahul and Riddhima. Riddhima………as the name surfaced on the tip of his tongue he opened his eyes to see her greeting everyone with her warm smile. He saw her as she giggled with Muskaan and smiled weakly. How he wished he had not been the one to wipe off that loving smile from her beautiful face forever. Armaan knew he had broken her; the false plastic smile plastered on her face didn't fool him.







When he had arrived two days later after that dreadful night he had found her no where in sight. Opening the cupboards he had gone in a state of shock seeing all her belongings gone. She had left him. He had called up Rahul who had informed him she was in the hospital and requested him to stay away. Armaan had panicked and landed up at the hospital despite Rahul's request. But he only reached there to be informed that Riddhima had been discharged. It was then that Armaan had gone to Rahul's office and had demanded an explanation. How stupid am I?? Armaan now wondered. I demanded an explanation from the man who saved my love???





Rahul had gently told him she was fine, though she was in a state of mental shock as the child had died! Armaan remembered how he felt the earth beneath his feet move the moment Rahul had spoken the word child.


"Child??"


"Yes Armaan, she was pregnant right?? She must have told you. That day in the party too she had come to meet you only, as she had feeling off since morning. Armaan I am very sorry for your loss. She says she slipped. And I believe you guys fought right?? As she doesn't want to see you . Like the moment we mention your name she shudders with fright and starts crying. Give her some space Armaan. Let her recover from the shock. Then you can make up. After all she lost your child so she needs time to get out of shock .And needs your support too. But since you fought just leave her alone for sometime hey .Maybe she's taken the loss in a hard way. I guess she slipped after you guys fought. "







Armaan still felt the same shudders and the feeling of having his heart stop as recollected this. He remembered walking out of Rahul's office in a total daze .  Loosing his sense of direction. He felt all his five senses stop as the truth sank in. Riddhima hadn't slipped. He had pushed her……..he had killed their child.


Armaan felt like crying out aloud even now. To take away the guilt, the shame he felt, the regret he wanted to show. He had taken heed of Rahul's advice and not made attempts to meet Riddhima at all.  Partly because he was too ashamed to show his face to her.







He couldn't think how he would ever face her again. He had let his ego, his jealousy, his aggressive nature take control of his life and in the event loosing the only person he ever loved the most.





He felt disgusted with himself as he now saw his bloated ego responsible for everything. He had taken her for granted, had treated her like dirt. Made her feel used and wasted and had been jealous. Armaan felt like killing himself as he thought how jealous he had felt seeing her rise to fame independently. His pride had been wounded he would feel seeing her fame. Months without her had made him see things much more clearly. He had left her alone and didn't dare show her his face initially.


But after months of separation he couldn't take it anymore. It had been the day when her mother had passed away and he knew she must be depressed. And finding her from the local pub had just been his luck. He took it as his chance to make up to her. But she had left him wounded much more then he ever felt in these months. He just wanted a chance…….as the ceremony began he looked up. He clapped hard as she won the award of the best songwriter of the year.  He now felt truly happy for her only wishing he was there by her side today…as she gracefully thanked Rahul and Muskhan for everything…







As he heard his name being called out for the best debutant music director he rose from his seat. Seeing her smile distinctly at him he grimaced. If she weren't giving him a chance, he would snatch it now with both hands





*********************************************


"So Mr Mallik, a few words on winning the award?" Armaan smiled at the host as the cameras and flashlights buzzed clicking his pictures…he took out the noted paper in his hand and looked at it and then back at her…taking a deep breath.






"People usually thank their mentors, their parents and everyone, but for me, I will just thank God that he gave me the strength and force to achieve what I willed for. But …they say behind every successful man there is a woman, in my case its true. The only woman I ever loved who is solely responsible for my success. In fact whatever I am is because of her. She is means everything to me"


Armaan stopped gripping the mike tighter stealing a glance at Riddhima seated right in the front row. She sat frozen looking at him wearily and frightfully. Smiling he continued.







"This award is for her…Baby I am sorry …I uh!"


Armaan paused feeling tears brewing in his eyes. He knew Riddhima would be crying as well and forced himself not to look at her. He knew he would break down and not continue if he saw her face, her tears. And he had to do this.


"I still love you a lot and will give up everything I have. I am ready to do anything to have to get you back in my life. Just one chance is all I ask for. Each minute in these past months when you have been away from has felt like living nightmare. I hurt you and I know my pain is nothing compared to yours. But believe I have changed, just one chance…….Rid…." he paused stopping himself from uttering her name as he felt each eye in the hall on him. He knew each of his spoken word was being filmed, was on air and he wasn't ashamed of publicly apologizing to her. This was least he could do to undo what he had done.







"Just once chance……." He whispered fixing her gaze on her. Armaan felt tears roll down his eyes as he saw her get up and run out without glancing back. No…….he couldn't fail, no she had to forgive him, she couldn't walk away this time.


As he saw her running out it finally dawned. She had left him. She hadn't given him the chance……she had left him….forever……





*********************************************







Riddhima cried uncontrollably as she the driver drove off from the venue. What was his problem??? Couldn't he just leave her alone??? He was a closed chapter in her life now. She was trying to move on, forget him and here he was opening up those wounds again? They still stung as though they were fresh.

Public apology didn't mean she could ever forget the pain. She wasn't ever having him back in her life. Never again……





*********************************************







Riddhima looked out of her window pulling the curtains aside hearing the roar of an engine die down outside her gates. It had been three months now, she had shifted to her own home .A small little house just on the outskirts of the city. She was proud at her progress.





She was finally moving on in her life. And the emptiness Armaan had left behind seemed to filling up slowly. He had made no attempts to contact her in these months it has been a year now, and infact she had heard nothing about him at all. None of the celeb magazines or newspapers had mentioned anything at all about him like before. Infact it seemed after the award he had sort of disappeared. And she wasn't keen on knowing his whereabouts anyways.

Seeing Rahul get down and making his way up her driveway she moved forward to open the door.





"Hello Rahul, so early today?? Hows Muskaan?? Anything special??" she smiled as he stepped in.





Seeing his grave face she asked.





"What's wrong???"





"Riddhima it's Armaan, you have to come along immediately."







He pulled her arm only to find her pulling back.









"No am not going anywhere. He can do whatever he wants, he is a closed chapter in my life." She stopped him coldly.









"Riddhima I know whatever happened …………..but Riddhima admit it, you loved him, what if he was dying???"







"Then let him….."







"Riddhima stop this ok, this is worse, you have to come to see him at least. Then you are free to go….." Riddhima looked at him leaving the house.






"But where are you taking me??? Where is he?? Is he hurt or something?? In the hospital???" she looked at him confused as he lead her out.



"No he isn't in the hospital; we are going to his place to See him and you can decide yourself, I won't force you to stay back." he stopped as he opened the car door looking at her pleadingly. Riddhima got in with out any more arguments fearing what was up next.


Closed off from love
I didn't need the pain
Once or twice was enough
And it was all in vain
Time starts to pass
Before you know it you're frozen

But something happened
For the very first time with you
My heart melts into the ground
Found something true
And everyone's looking round
Thinking I'm going crazy

But I don't care what they say
I'm in love with you
They try to pull me away
But they don't know the truth
My heart's crippled by the vein
That I keep on closing
You cut me open and I

Keep bleeding
Keep, keep bleeding love
I keep bleeding
I keep, keep bleeding love
Keep bleeding
Keep, keep bleeding love
You cut me open

Trying hard not to hear
But they talk so loud
Their piercing sounds fill my ears
Try to fill me with doubt
Yet I know that the goal
Is to keep me from falling

But nothing's greater than the risk that comes with your embrace
And in this world of loneliness
I see your face
Yet everyone around me
Thinks that I'm going crazy, maybe, maybe

But I don't care what they say
I'm in love with you
They try to pull me away
But they don't know the truth
My heart's crippled by the vein
That I keep on closing
You cut me open and I

Keep bleeding
Keep, keep bleeding love
I keep bleeding
I keep, keep bleeding love
Keep bleeding
Keep, keep bleeding love
You cut me open

And it's draining all of me
Oh they find it hard to believe
I'll be wearing these scars
For everyone to see

I don't care what they say
I'm in love with you
They try to pull me away
But they don't know the truth
My heart's crippled by the vein
That I keep on closing
You cut me open and I

Keep bleeding
Keep, keep bleeding love
I keep bleeding
I keep, keep bleeding love
Keep bleeding
Keep, keep bleeding love
You cut me open and I

Keep bleeding
Keep, keep bleeding love
I keep bleeding
I keep, keep bleeding love
Keep bleeding
Keep, keep bleeding love
You cut me open and I
Keep bleeding
Keep, keep bleeding love


jia

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