Saturday, 20 July 2019

Part 7: How to Kill your Husband

It was night time when riddhima walked back in the house. It'd been a busy day but finally everything sorted to atleast give Padma a bail. She's been on her toes all day and now she was starving. Beside a packet of crisp and a cupcake, she didn't eat anything, okay maybe a small cup of Starbucks Iced Coffee Blend to cool off in one of those hot summer days. But beside that her stomach was dying for some food. She made her way to the open kitchen of the house and switched on the light. Before she could make pot noodles (aur kuch to banana aata nahi madam ko), someone closed her eyes from behind and she let out a shriek.

"Ssshhh" someone whispered near her ears and why did that someone's voice so sounded like her husband? She sniffed around and THERE! She smelt his cologne and that shampoo of his. Before she could guess armaan's name and win the guess who game, she felt his lips on her neck and let out a small gasp. He traced his lips all the way up her throat and to ears, her eyes still closed. "Surprise." he whispered as he took his hand off her eyes and riddhima turned around to face him.

There he stood with washed hair and a few locks falling on his forehead, giving him those chocolate boy looks. He was wearing a white shirt with a half of the buttons open and his sleeves rolled up to his elbows. He seemed so relaxed yet so charged making the air around them thick with tension. Riddhima felt her throat dry and tried to pull voice out of her vocal cords.

"What surprise?"

Armaan could feel her tightening up, no that's not good. He needs her to loosen up a bit. "Look at the dining table wifey"

Riddhima looked over his shoulder and saw the table was romantically decorated for two in a cosy corner of the house. The table was lit by fancy candles and oh my...the food! Riddhima's mouth watered as she saw all types of different food on the table along with the best wine- chardonnay to wash down the food with.

"Man shall we attack? I am dying to dig in." Riddhima said breaking her face in a big genuine smile.

The same smile she gave Abhimanyu in the morning when he gave her a cheque. Armaan thought grimly. "Sure let's attack" Feed the prey before slaughtering her

Both of them sat on the chair which Armaan pulled out for riddhima. She noticed with a raised eyebrows and he just shrugged non-committedly.

"Do you know the quickest way to a man's heart wifey?" armaan asked her while taking a sip of his wine.

"Through his chest with a sharp knife" riddhima beamed at her intelligence and armaan coughed up the wine.

"I went to the doctors a few ago and asked him is there any way for long life" armaan said with a cocky smile "He said get married. It won't help but the thought of long life will not come" and started laughing. Riddhima just rolled her eyes. Are we having one of those backfire conversation again?

"Why is it so hard for women to find to find a man who is sensitive, caring and good looking?" riddhima asked with a melodramatic sigh and then answers cheekily. "Because those men already have boyfriends"

Armaan smiled at this and shook his head at his wife's humour. She always has an answer. "It's so difficult to understand god sometimes. He makes such beautiful things as women, and then he turns them into wives"

"Marriage a fun-packed, frivolous hobby, only occasionally resulting in death" riddhima said stabbing her fork into the chicken and gobbled up a big chunk."In all these years, I have learnt a few things about husbands" she said while sipping a wine and armaan leans forward with an amused expression. "1.)If you think a way to your man's heart is through his stomach, you're aiming too high.

2.) The best reason to divorce a man is health reason: you're sick of them.

3.) Never trust a man who says he's the boss of the house. He probably lies about other things too.

4.) If you want a nice man, go for the bald ones. They try harder.

5.) A women's work that is never done is the work she asks her husband to do.

6.) There are a lot of words you can use to describe men - strong, caring, loving - they'd be wrong but you could still use them." Riddhima finished and armaan shakes his head. It was his turn now!

"You know there a few many things, man wished women knew" armaan said smirking and riddhima narrows her eyes. He continues anyways. "1.) If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. Just get your fat arse in the gym" riddhima chocks on her rice and opens her mouth to protest when armaan stops her by continuing "2.)If the toilet seat is up, Learn to put the damn thing down.

3. Don't cut your hair. Ever. It causes arguments when we comment on it.
4. Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if we can find the perfect present...again!
5. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you  don't want to hear.
6. Sometimes, we're not thinking about you. Live with it.

7. Shopping is not a sport.
8. Anything you wear is fine. Really.
9. You have enough clothes.
10. You have too many shoes.

 11. Ask for what you want. Subtle hints don't work.
12. Yes, No and Mmm are perfectly acceptable answers.
13. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor. Now.
14. Your Mum doesn't have to be our best friend.
15. Foreign films are best left to foreigners.

16. we don't know what day it is. We never will. Mark anniversaries on  a calendar.

17. The male models with the great bodies you see in magazines are all gay. Face it.
18. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad and angry, we meant the other one.
19. Let us ogle. If we don't look at other women, how can we know how pretty you are?
20. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say  during commercials.
21. Consider Sport a mini-vacation from you. We need it, just like you do.

22.  If you want some dessert after a meal - order some. You don't have to finish it. You can just taste it if you like but don't say "No, I couldn't/shouldn't/don't want any" and then eat half of mine." Armaan finished and riddhima just stared at him with round popping eyes. She took a big gulp of wine and thought for a moment.

"You are so horrible. You know that saying is so true, Not all men are bas***ds, some of them are dead!" this time riddhima stabbed the chicken with knife and armaan laughed bitterly.

"Why do brides wear white on their wedding day?" armaan ignores her indirect threat and asks her another question. "To blend in with everything else in the kitchen"

"The day I start cooking for you, you should know that either I fell madly in love with you or I am just feeding you creamy food to induce a heart attack...If I were you I wouldn't take any chances" riddhima said with a smirk.

"Ah that hurt wifey. My wife dresses to kill. And she cooks the same way" armaan sighs deeply and eyes riddhima with anger as she burst into pearls of laughter. Acts so innocent! "Let's clear up" he said while standing up and collecting their plates. They cleared up and started loading the dishwasher. "So what are going to do about sasuma? Seriously riddhima your family is a perfect example of god's unique creativity. I mean Termination beach on cape CATASTOPHE! Now that's  a place to go on a holiday" armaan taunted riddhima with a pleasure and riddhima's head snapped towards him.

"Shut up okay. If you can't say anything good about my family, then keep your mouth shut"

"It's not that I don't like your relatives. Infact I like your mother-in-law better then I like mines"


Riddhima huffed and went into the bathroom. What does he think of himself? Kutta kamina, jahannum ka keeda! She took a quick shower and increased the water temperature to VERY HOT. Her muscles relaxed as the red hot water ran through her shoulders.

After taking the shower she wrapped the towel around her shoulder and then realised that in anger she forgot to bring her PJs in the bathroom. Her robe was in the wash aswell. Reluctantly she stepped out of the bathroom and ran towards her wardrobe. She rummaged her clothes and took out her silk PJs when suddenly she felt someone behind her. Her body betrayed her and her heart started to thud. She knew who was behind her.

Armaan saw her running towards their wardrobe in just a small skimpy towel around her. He knew exactly what he had to do! It's time for revenge baby, and even though revenge is best served cold, tonight he's going to give her the hottest revenge of her life. Hot...that it burns...

Armaan snaked his hands on her hips and pulled her towards him harshly. Her back crashed into his front as she let out a big gasp. She turned around. "Armaan" riddhima took a step back, staring at him. "Do you want something?"

"As a matter of fact..." he stepped closer, blocking her escape and pulled her closer, crushing her breasts against his chest and covering her mouth with his. "We can resume what we started two days ago" he murmured, cruising his hands up her back.

"What are you saying?" As if she didn't know.

As if she could think of a right response...the sensible response which will save her from heart break.

"We could spend tonight...together, getting to know each other better...enjoying"

She could feel his demand in his fingers and stared into impatient eyes. Less than 2 days ago, she'd seen passion burning in those eyes. It was still there, dark and smouldering. One move, one spark and they'd ignite.

She wanted to burn with him like that again. But then what? A few nights with a dinner thrown in and everything's finish. He was suggesting a fling. She didn't do flings. And she didn't do them for very good reasons.

She continued to back away until her back hit the wardrobe door. "I know what you're asking. Forget it. I enjoyed that night and I'd be lying to pretend otherwise but--"

His mouth swooped down on hers again, cutting her off her protests. His beautiful bewitching mouth. Tormenting her with all kind of sweet temptation, promising all kinds of dreamy delights.

She wanted more and he gave her more...

He lifted his head to look down at hers. "It was good between us that night and I want to pursue it. So do you" he said arrogantly.

She closed her eyes. Denying it, denying him, denying herself. "No"

"Look me dead in the eye and tell me you don't want to continue what we started" she opened her eyes and burning brown eyes met passionate black ones. Hunger clashed with passion.

He whisked his thumb on her lips. "I don't want you to-" one hand skimmed down her from neck to navel, down "-to...stop" she finished with a moan. She tried to move but her body had a will of it's own. "I can't think when you do that..."

"Then tell me you don't want this and I'll stop" he murmured while tracing his lips over her chin and down the side of the neck made her arching backwards.

"This is crazy" her eyes drifted open.

He lifted his head, watched her with a grin promising everything...just for tonight, then tomorrow morning she's in for a little surprise! "Then let's get crazy together" he said while dragging her towards him and stopping her from saying anything with a hard mouthed kiss. She didn't miss a beat as she went wild with him. Both ripped each other clothes off and eager hands exploring each other's bodies. He traced his finger from her spine and went below. Curves he'd not expected, dips he'd never seen and the long due anticipation made it a lot more exciting. Breaking the kiss, he picked her up and carried her to the bed.

Like a man dying of starvation, his eyes devoured her body, shimmering in the room's soft glow. Exquisite. Perfection.

Where have you been all my life?

The question hovered in the back of his mind, unsettling him momentarily. He dragged his eyes back to her face reminding himself she was here now, his to enjoy, his to pleasure, his to use...

So why did he hesitate to touch? Why his brutal plan of revenge was on shaky grounds?

Her eyes were taking their own erotic journey of his body. like a soft glove tracing his body smoothly with her gaze. Ooh guilty pleasure.

"Don't stop now" she demanded

He looked at her and chucked out a half throaty laugh, "Do I look like I wanna stop?"

"No..." her eyes glittered with hunger.

Armaan bend his head and locked his lips in hers. Protection.

The world they'd created ground to a halt. With a frustrated groan, he withdrew his hand. "Condom." he said while getting up and pulled open a side drawer where he found the necessary item.

Riddhima bit her lip at the unavoidable delay, appalled by not thinking that herself. But before she could think, his hard body was stretched out on hers again, pressing her in the mattress.

He rode inside her with one swift thrust gliding inside making her bucking to meet him, gasping his name. She lifted her eyes and all dark, all powerful eyes met hers. In that single moment of mutual connection, she surrendered freely. She could get used to this...


There was nothing like waking up next to a warm women in a cool air conditioned room. His mind shifted unavoidably to his plan. His revenge. Now that he got what he wants, he'll show riddhima her real place! He got off from the bed, pulled on his trousers and went upto riddhima's side of the bed.


"Mmm" she stirred in her sleep and then slowly opened an eye to look at him contently. She started smiling like a retard looking at him with those dreamy eyes. Armaan's heart lurched and for some unknown reason he felt bad for doing this to her. No armaan don't go on her innocent charms. You saw her yourself with that modi yesterday! "Good morning..." she said cheerfully while stretching her arms but armaan's face remained granite cold.

"You're fired from Mallik empires!" He said heatedly while throwing a termination letter on her.

Riddhima wiggled her brows in confusion and shock. She was still in the effect of aftermath and armaan was throwing a termination letter on her face?

"What are you talking about?"

"You. Are.Fired!!! is it too hard for your sarcastic brain to understand?" he snapped but felt a pang in his heart seeing riddhima's face wilt like a drooping flower.

"WILL YOU BLOODY TELL ME WHY AM I GETTING FIRED MR ARMAAN MALLIK?" riddhima's lid blew off and she snapped as well.

"I fire you on the suspicion of passing our confidential office information to the biggest rival of Mallik Empires!"

Riddhima scratched her head and looked at him as if he was speaking gibberish. "WHAAA?" She asked impatiently. What the hell is this guy talking about? Has he lost it after last night? Did she literally blew his mind off?

"I saw you meeting Abhimanyu Modi yesterday in the pub. Sneaking around wifey to meet my rival eh?" armaan said acidly and riddhima winced.

"Abhimanyu is-" armaan cut her off with a bitter laugh.

"I wouldn't be surprised if you say that he's your ex or something along those lines. After all you both looked quite close. By the way, how much did he pay you to buy the information? Kitne mein bik gayi riddhima?" that was like the slap on riddhima's face.

She wrapped a sheet around her and marched angrily towards her handbag from which she fished out a cheque. "Isi ki baat kar rahe hona tum? Yeh lo dekh lo" she threw the cheque on armaan's face. He looked at the cheque and saw that it was written to a charity function riddhima is organising. A punch in the gut and swoosh all air came out. That's how he felt. Shit shit shit!!! Riddhima is holding a charity function to raise money for her mum and abhimanyu was just donating money!!! What has he done?!!

"I am sorry riddhima. Shit I didn't even think about it! Oh man what have I done?" before he could say anything else, he felt a pillow on his face. He looked up slightly shocked to see a furious riddhima throwing everything else on the floor.

"SO IS THAT WHY YOU SLEPT WITH ME LAST NIGHT? TO TAKE BLOODY REVENGE? YOU'RE SO SICK!!!" She threw a vase at him and he ducked so the vase crashed on the floor behind him.

"Riddhima calm down. It was a genuine misunderstanding." Armaan tried to explain but it was futile.


"You never asked me for help. When I asked you yesterday morning, you said everything was-"

"KUCH NAHI SUNNA MUJE. GET OUT OF THE ROOM BEFORE I KILL YOU WITH MY STUN GUN" riddhima marched over her handbag again and pulled out a stun gun making armaan to back towards the bathroom door.

"No lag jayega. You use these things on rapists and kidnappers. Not on your husband" his back touched the bathroom door and riddhima came upto him with a stun gun.

"TO KAMINE TU KAUNSA SADHU HAI? KUTTE KAMINE TU TO UN LOGO SE BHI ZYADA BATTAR HAI. TUJHE TO MUJE PEHLE HI MAAR DENA CHAHIYE THA" armaan opened the bathroom door and ran in, locking the door behind him. Phew that was close. Aaj to riddhima ne maar hi diya tha!

"KHOONI KHANDAN" Armaan shouted from bathroom and heard the door banging.


Armaan reminded himself NOT to eat any food made in home. He just couldn't take the risk. After a good half an hour armaan peaked out of the bathroom door. He took a shower and tried to wash of the regret but just couldn't. He shouldn't have done that. Ughh how can he be so daft? He should've atleast asked her first. When he scaned the room in search of riddhima- the phulan devi and found her sitting on the bed with her head down on her knees. That pang of guilt came again.

"Riddhima..." armaan said reluctantly and she looked up with red eyes.

"I was a virgin you know" she said simply and armaan felt the burden on his chest getting heavier.

"Oh I am so sorry riddhima. I just couldn't think straight when I saw you with that modi. I don't know what happened to me...I felt kinda betrayed"

"You know why man like virgins? Because they can't stand criticism" riddhima said sourly while going to the bathroom with a loud bang of door behind her.


Riddhima climbed the steps of the Mumbai jail. Her mood was grim already with all the tensions and responsibilities. It'd been 2 weeks since the big fight between armaan and riddhima. After that riddhima started sleeping on the sofa and dare armaan come and touch her. He seemed to be withdrawn as well. Huh whatever! In the past 2 weeks she arranged the charity function for her mum and she raised a decent amount of money to hire the lawyer. In the past two weeks, armaan and riddhima hadn't spoken a word. Okay armaan might have said a few odd sorrys but that he can take to hell with him! Today was the first hearing of padma's case and riddhima was feeling jittery enough.

When Richa Chaudhry strides into the Mumbai jail, riddhima ask her right away how's Padma's case is looking. Her serious face darkened. "Not that good. The prosecution have Cherry's testimony that Padma had been very upset over last couple weeks over shashank's adultery, rather very shameless adultery." She stubs out the cigarette with a heel of her boot to comply with the NO SMOKING  rule.

Riddhima went to meet her mum in the visiting room along with Richa..

"The prosecutor served me with his case and he's building quite a case against you, Padma" Richa tells her. "So don't get your hopes too high"

"Case? What case? There is no case."

"Apparently you told your hairdresser that there is an afterlife- after your husband dies. And did you or did not say that there are only two days when a husband is fun to be around? The day you marry him...and the day you bury him?"

Riddhima gawked at her mother. These were the jokes riddhima used to crack in front of her mum. When did she learn to use them?

"Well, that's right. And "Where there is a will, I want to be in it". Yes, Yes, it's called wifely humour. I was being faceticious. Who are all these witnesses stabbing in the front?"

"MUM! You learnt these one liners from me didn't you? OY VEY!" riddhima groans while slumping her head in her hands.

"Well that's what I am trying to say. It's called wifely humour. They can't use these against me!"

"Life's tough am afraid" Richa says and explain the rest of the case to Padma. As Richa prepares to leave, Padma sighs loudly.

"The chaplain here suggested I give thanks for what I've got in life" Padma breaks in a little sobs. "But what have I got riddhima? Imprisonment for something I didn't do, good for nothing in-laws who thinks I killed their chiraag of the house, a lesbian cellmate..."riddhima looks at her mum with pity. "The whole country thinks of me a murderess and I am supposed to be burying my husband, a feat made more difficult by the fact that he may still be alive somewhere. Oh, yes I feel fantastically thankful at this point."


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