Monday, 19 August 2019

AR OS : Falling in Love... With Love

Armaan Singh Mallik is my name. I am this person; just this person. I am nobody special and I don't give a damn about what the future wants from me. I just wake up, breathe, and go back to sleep. I sometimes go for a drink, when I am utterly depressed. There was just nothing left in the world for me. Living is a pain, and loving is hate. Sleeping is being wide awake, and crying is laughing like a maniac. Everything was upside down. Will anything ever find me? Will there be a reason for me to want to live again?

Like every other I walked into the store, and placed my bag on the broad leather chair beside me, and sat down behind the counter. No one ever came here, to buy books. It was the year of 2011, who reads books anyways? It is the time of movies, videos, and well, sex.

Hearing the door's chime the second time in the day, I couldn't believe someone was actually going to buy a book. She walked in with grace, and timidly asked me if I knew where A Walk to Remember would be placed. I had no clue what she was talking about. She told me it was by Nicholas Sparks and that I could look in the directory. This girl knew more about the shop than I did. I quickly looked in the directory and lead her to the shelf.

"Have you read this book? It's one of my favourites. I finally saved enough money to buy it. How much would it cost?" she smiled while she talked. I couldn't help but stare at her heavenly skin and her gentle voice. She was definitely one of a kind.

"Uh, this one is fifteen dollars." I answered her in my typical hoarse voice.

"Oh, uh, never mind I will just get it some other day." She stepped away as she placed the book back on the shelf. I knew she didn't have enough.

"Uh, how much do you have? We have a special discount offer going on." I didn't know why I just lied to her, and I didn't know what made me do it. The smile on her face made my lips turn the sunny side up, slightly. The way her whole brightened up, I knew this was my good deed of the day.

"I have thirteen dollars, is that enough?" she replied smiling widely.

"That will be perfect, and don't forget the book!" I had to exclaim as she almost walked out without it.

"Uh, if you don't mind can I leave the book here?" she asked apprehensively.

"Sure, but can I ask why?" this girl was driving me up the hill, she was making me curious.

"It's just that my father doesn't approve of me reading about such stuff. He feels it's against the religion. I will come read every day, if that's not a problem?" she finished leaving me astounded.

"Yeah, you can come whenever you feel like it. The store is open from nine in the morning to 9 at night. I am always here." I finished off with a grin. Smiling never felt good, what is happening with me?

As she left, I couldn't help but wonder what was in that book. Why was it so special to her that she was saving up for a fifteen dollar book?

I decided to close up early that day, the owner would never know. He couldn't give a damn about what was going on here anyways. Nappanee is a small town in Ontario, Canada. Tourism is the reason for the revenue here. Every day I see people I haven't seen before, and I sincerely hope this girl isn't a tourist. If I want to believe it or not; she has sent these unknown emotions sprouting inside me. She makes me want to live again. She is different, and definitely intriguing. Her bright personality makes me warm. I couldn't wait till tomorrow.

The Next Day

                She walked in wearing her faded yellow sundress with her sun hat. Her hazelnut-brownish golden hair extended down to her mid-waist. She looked better than anyone I have ever seen. What was it about her that made me want to cradle her in my arms and never let go. I was changing, and it felt good.

                She excitedly asked me if she could read aloud, and I gladly obliged. She will fill the void in my day, and I will be able to know why she loves this book so much.

                As she read I couldn't help but notice the sense of satisfaction on her face. I don't remember if I have ever seen such a simple beauty before. She makes Aphrodite rage in envy. As I continuously admired her face, I noticed it was time for lunch. She must be awfully tired.

"Uh, would you like to go get some lunch?" I was nervous; I was never the asking girls out type of person. She was special. Like in the book, Jamie reminded me of her. Jamie is the person which completely changed Landon around. She made me want to be better; she made me want to live forever. This girl is unknowingly becoming my life. What was it that connected me so badly to her? What is it that she makes me want to be with her all the time? What is this alien feeling, because this is definitely not hate or pain? This is different.

"Sure, where to?" she looked up from the book smiling her best. Her smile sent frenzies down my heart; I wanted to continue to be the reason of her happiness.

"How about China Cottage? I love the food there, if you don't mind of course?" I asked. I wanted this to be the best meal of her life; the meal which she and I have together.

"Yeah, I don't know any restaurant around here, as I just moved in. I already love this place, and wouldn't mind to eat anywhere." She finished leaving me ecstatic. She wasn't a tourist. She was here to stay!

I gleamed at her, and held her hand in mine as we walked down the street. I smiled at everyone, for a change. No one believed I was the same Armaan, maybe she was the angel in my life. The reason I am still alive.

As we munched on the noodles, she talked endlessly about anything and everything. I eventually told her my name, something I hadn't told her yet. She sweetly replied that she is Shilpa. I knew that I was a goner; she was making me a person again.

When we returned back to the store, I realized that we left at such an interesting point in the book. Landon was going to take her out. As I found out that he had fallen in love with her, my world came crashing down. What I felt for Shilpa was love. I didn't want that. I really didn't want that. Everything that I love and cherish goes away from me. As I excused myself, I isolated myself in the back room and cried my eyes out. I never cried. Not when mom died, and not when Reem died. Reem is my sister; she died at the age of 10, when I was 20. Life was never fair to me, and I cannot be unfair to her. If I ever claimed her, even she will go away from me. I can't endanger her; I am just an unlucky fellow. There was nothing good about me.

She came in searching for me and saw me on the floor all balled up. I always believed when you want to cry, laugh, but laughing cannot do what crying can do. Today, when I need to let myself out, I can only cry.

She came in and put her hand on my shoulder. I couldn't hold it in anymore and dug my face in her stomach and cried. I couldn't hold it in anymore, all these years I have acted like I don't need anyone, like Armaan Singh Mallik doesn't give a damn about what the future has in store for him, but the truth is now he cares. Now Armaan Singh Mallik wants to live and be a better person for her.

I gently gave in to my insecurities and said, "I love you" not expecting her to say anything back. I broke free and was ready to walk away when I felt her hands crawl along my waist. As I deeply exhaled, she placed her head on my back. I knew this is what I wanted. "I may love you too." She whispered, and I knew; I could get her to fall in love with me; after all I was Armaan Singh Mallik. I wasn't that bad was I?

As she gently kissed my shoulder I pulled her around into my arms; I wasn't going to let this one go. I had fallen in love with love.


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