Tuesday, 17 September 2019

AR os : Baarish

LAGI AAJ SAAWAN KI PHIR WOH JHADI HAI
WOHI AAG SEENE MEIN PHIR JAL PADI HAI

The melodious patters of water droplets hitting the ground sang wonders. Sometimes it even lulled me to sleep, into sweet simplicity, into wave after wave of sweet surrender.

I found that it soothed my thoughts, just listening to it. Just listening to rain. It talked and whispered as I listened. It washed away the complications of life for a time being. It halted life. It made me stop and give in as it broke upon my skin whenever I was caught among the barrage of falling water.

Astronomy is not one of my best subjects. I'm actually quite horrible at it, though I find it shamelessly fascinating. My interest in the matter was probably what brought me to the tower, that and the shockingly beautiful thunderstorm.



A loud clap of thunder sounds. I can feel it reverberate through the stone beneath my feet. I can feel it radiate through my chest.

I peer out into the pearly black expanse of the sky. A shocking streak of lightning splits the sky for half a moment. I can see the sharp spindles and the bright white light.

Parbat se kali ghata takrayi..paani ne kaisi yeh aag lagayi, I silently sing. The thunder rumbles again. The lightning is only three kilometers away.

Will it visit me here?

I hope so.

The rain is beginning to fall harder now, faster.

CHAP. CHAP. CHAP

It's rhythmic. It's fascinating.

I am protected by the stone overhang, but I know what it would feel like to have the rain touch me.

I want to feel the rain.

The stone railing isn't very thick. Perhaps it's only five or six centimetres wide. It stands up past my waist. Slowly, I lift a leg. The stone my foot grabs hold of is darkened by the rain and a bit slippery. My leg is getting wet. I smile and lift my other leg. Shakily as always, I stand.

My eyes flick down. I am thousands of meters from the ground. I'm still smiling.

I tilt my head heavenward. My grin growing. The rain splashes on my face, it's droplets spreading, trickling, over me.

It's exhilarating, just like I knew it would be.

My toes curl over the edge of the rail. My stomach is dropping. I've always been afraid of heights.

Somewhere, deep down, I know that this is a bad idea. Horrible, really. Dangerous, actually.

But I don't care.

I feel alive.

More than anything, I want to feel alive, and for the moment, I do.

I can feel my heart pounding a thousand times a second. I can barely hear myself think, but it feels so good.

I am soaked, through and through. My hair is dripping down my back. My clothes are sticking to my skin. My feet are glued to tiny specks of rock and debris. But it feels so good.

I look down again. I smile big.

Another peal of thunder sounds. It echoes over the castle, through me.

Once more, I turn my gaze above, to the sky, to the dark clouds, to the direction of the descending rain. My mouth is open in a grin of ecstasy as I shriek in pure, unadulterated joy.

Distantly, I hear a voice. Distantly, I hear the slam of a wooden door against stone. Distantly, I hear pounding footsteps. But it doesn't matter.

I feel an arm wind around my waist. I almost jump out of skin.

When did he get here?

"Riddhima!" He is furious. "Pagal ho gayi ho kya?"

I'm staring at him blankly. What is he on about?

He pulls me from the rail....

"Dimaag kharaab ho gaya hai tumhara?"

I cock my head at him. I don't understand why he's so angry.

"Answer me!" he shouts. It is almost as loud as the thunder.

My eyes are wide. He's scaring me.

His arm is still around me. We are very close.

The rain is still falling. It keeps landing on me. It still feels good.

He yanks me, desperately yet gently, out of the falling rain, under the roof.

"What is wrong with you?" His voice has taken on a new tone. He is no longer angry. He sounds daunted. That scares me even more.

"Nothing is wrong." I speak words that are only the truth, though my confusion is evident.

"Why were you going to... kyun kiya tumne aisa?" He is stumbling over his words. He never does that. He is always sure of himself.

"Maine kuch nai kiya, Armaan." I am still confused, but my voice is soft. I'm surprised he can hear me over the rain, the thunder. "Aur main kuch nai karne jaa rahi thi sachiii "

"Mujhe laga tum..." he trails off, seemingly horrified.

"Oh," I say, understanding, finally. "Nai, Armaan. nai, main toh yuhin."

He closes his eyes. He inhales deeply, trying to ground himself.

"Riddhima, Main..." His eyes are still closed, and when he opens them, I am surrounded in a sea of hazel. "Main darr gaya tha."

I notice something, everything right then. The way his inky black hair is plastered to his forehead, whether it is from the rain or from over-exertion, I don't know. I notice how his eyes are wide and alarmed and how his chest is heaving from adrenaline. I see his feelings, his fears, and his desires.

My hand raises on its own volition. It hovers over his cheek, brushes past his eyes. He turns towards the touch and my heart swells.

It doesn't really matter what's going on anymore.

"Don't be scared," I mumbeled. "main yahin hun..kahin nai jaa rahi."

"Mujhe laga tumne aaj phir mujhse door jaane ki sochi." When he says this, I knew that it was what was bothering him most.

"Nai naa Armaan..ab jab tum mere sath ho toh main kyun aisa karungi...yahan tak ki ab toh aisa soch bhi nahi sakti main..meri yeh zindagi ab sirf tumhare liya hai," I whisper and I mean it, totally and completely.

The hazel of his eyes burns into the ivy of mine.

"I promise," I say, my voice strong, but soft.

"I want to believe you."

"So believe me."

I push myself up onto the balls of my feet. We are so close. The distance is diminished as I press my lips to his in a fiery kiss that tops the rain, lightning, thunderstorms and the astronomy tower.

The arm of his that is around my waist still tightens. Whether it is in surprise of reciprocation, I can not tell. He does, however, recover from his astonishment quickly, and when he does, it feels fantastic.

I wonder briefly how I ever could have lived without this. Without his lips against mine, without his care, without his concern... without his love. But then, I decide that it doesn't matter. The only thing that matters is that I'll never have to live without it again.

In this moment, in this irrevocable love, I am truly alive. I am exhilarated, alive and everything I'll ever want to be. Forever.

The rain poured on...harder nd harder.

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Love,
Neha

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