Tuesday, 1 October 2019

AR os : The Unplanned

"Kya Hua Maasi??"
This was the first question which came out of my mouth, when I saw my princess coming towards me. She came and slept holding me.

"Armaan, wo tujhe dhund rahi thi.........wo tujhe dhund rahi thi armaan............wo tujhe dhund rahi thi"

A large smile of relief spread over my maasi's face saying that. I looked at the face hidden in my chest. I caressed her hair, kissed her temple and held her close to my heart. I gave a small smile dreading that nothing bad happens now following it.

I gestured her and she left the place. Now all the lights outside are off. A thin ray of light from street lamp is coming through the window. She moved in her sleep and I again patted her to sleep. I wish our dark life too gets a similar ray of hope.

Hearing her rhythmic breaths, I again started day dreaming.....dreaming of a perfect happy life with her. Now at least dreams don't cost us anything. What if god has been unresponsive to my requests, am still allowed to hope........hope of a bright future of us.............umm.........means hers.

My doctor just made a round on my floor. Dr. Rahul, My Dr. and My Dear friend, asked me through eyes about her being in a patient's bed. I smiled and he understood. Being known to everything, Rahul allowed her to stay. As much as I deny the fact that the way she entered in my life was filmy or cliched, it was alike. A long time ago, a palmist saw my hand and said- You will always be prone to uncertain, unplanned and unpredictable incidents in life. At that time, I let it go with a laugh, but it proved true now. It was so fast that I could not even get the time to rethink or even THINK once!!

But if my life wants to give me such beautiful surprises, am always ready to embrace it with a wide smile. But I know as much as it is good for me, its equally tough and challenging. Moreover I cannot be selfish to thank god for this event because it involves her as well and in a way that i dont want her to get involved. She is suffering and she does not even want to know!!!!!!!! SIGH***

One year ago
I was coming back form Rahul's wedding and was on highway. Sometimes your passion for work goes against your personal wishes. I wanted to stay with all my friends there but my meeting with those impatient delegates could not be postponed for another day. Already they had created so much fuss for delaying it at the end time because of suddenly announced wedding ceremony of Rahul.

I was driving, listening to FM in the middle of the night and having my red-bull. I saw a car being crashed into one side of the road. I sensed the emergency seeing the state of the car. I went towards the car. He was a middle-aged man, may be in his early fifties. I checked his breath. He was alive. With heavy difficulty and a little will power from the semi-conscious man, I put him in my car and drove towards the first spotted hospital in my way. The man was groaning and I drove fast while trying to relax him. Thankfully, I saw a hospital. Not looking very great, but hell, its an emergency. At that time, I remembered my friends' words that Armaan Mallik never gets tensed. I smirked. Those 15 minutes in car with that man, I know what a thing is called STRESS!!!!

The doctors attended the emergency and were wise enough not to get rigid about the formal procedure. He came out and said- Its just not the case of external injuries, this man has definitely got something wrong with him for quite a good amount of time. Now neither I nor the doctor knew about the history of the patient And damn, even the man's cell is out of working''!!!!!!!!!!

Is there any other unplanned thing, Lord???????? Why you are hell bent upon giving me the experience of this TENSION thing!!! Suddenly an idea striked me and I went back to his car on the highway. There was no other way to find it. I checked the documents of the car and found the person's residential address. Oh he lives in the same city. Thank GOD!!! I just escaped from breaking my own records of calmness'.

I reached the address''..WAIT'''..Why only AM doing all of this?????'.. Oh man, you knew that only you were that fast and smart to do such works'.But still''..NO, stop thinking and fulfill your responsibility of a good citizen and remember the promise you made to yourself- "You will never stop helping the needy persons" Remember dude???? Yaaaaaaaaaaa, how can I forget? Its my duty.

I knocked at the door as the house bell was also out of working. I wondered if the person's family is also out of working'. I chuckled at my bad joke......Heyyyy, don't make fun out of this, you idiot. It's a matter of someone's life and death.

A young boy of his mid teens came out and answered the door. I saw a skeptical lady behind him and understood that no lady will open the door of her house to a stranger at such an odd hour of the night. I told him in a PLANNED way'..(the first thing tonight which fortunately found a place under this category) that Mr. Shashank Gupta faced an accident and as assumed I got a wild reaction from the family. They were panicking, panicking sooooooo much. I tried to make the atmosphere calm but they went in a fury to go towards the hospital without even waiting for me!!

I was about to turn around, when a sleepy anxious girl opened door of one of the front rooms. She was surprised to see a stranger. I understood and told her the situation. She got tensed but atleast she was not so wild. An exception in the dysfunctional family, i suppose. She just turned to the idol placed in temple and prayed something. What this girl is up to, I thought. She came towards me and politely requested me to take her to the hospital. I silently obliged. While I was driving back to the hospital, I heard my phone ring'. No no, it was not my ringtone, then I checked. Oh it was my alarm ringing that I set up yesterday thinking that I will reach my home by 4 and wake up around 5.30 after a quick nap. Means it was 5.30?????????

LORD!!!!!!!!! I had my meeting at 8. I just cursed those delegates to choose such an odd timing. Now what am supposed to do? I cannot leave this family, at least not now. They all need me here. It means the meeting has to go. Okkkkkkkk, what I can do??? The situation in hand is more urgent than the meeting. And as if it makes any BIG difference to my company!!!

We reached the hospital and the girl rushed inside. I followed and reached the room and there'''''

The sudden death of the person even shook me. I didn't react properly. The patient was a cancer victim of last stage, and amidst cries of his wife, I heard her complaining his dead husband furiously about why he did that??? So does it mean that he deliberately hit his car?????????
Ohhhhhh shitttt, now I understood the reason behind that car accident, because roads were not busy and moreover weather was clear ruling out the possibility of fog.

The lady fainted right away. Their daughter screamed and the doctor went towards her mother. Now before I could make my way towards them, their son rushed outside, shouting at the top of his voice that his father cannot go, he cannot go.........I ran behind him to stop him. The girl was trying to match her steps with me. Oh crap, why is he running outside the premises.

Ashu, ashu rukja'ashuuuuuuu rukja please, tujhe meriiiiiiiiii''''''''''''...............................................................................
He came in front of a mini van and she could not complete her sentence. I was disabled to do anything. The incident immediately hit me badly. For the first time in my life, I was witnessing such a thing. Almost mechanically, I turned sideways to see her reaction. She did not do ANYTHING. She neither screamed anymore, nor shouted and not even collapsed like her mother.

That day went, and still am not lucky enough to hear another word from her mouth. The sudden destruction of her father, then brother and in the same day of her mother left her with something which took away her EVERYTHING and left her with nothing. And My Riddhima has become a lifeless living being......!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I don't know why all did this happen in front of me. I was not related to them but seeing the whole situation in front of me brought tears to my eyes also. I tried to extract some information out of her but she was'''.I cannot even find words to describe her condition because it was incomprehensible for me. I went to her residence and asked in her neighborhood and got to know that they were living here on rent and shifted here just two months ago. The family did not mix up well with anyone. So none of them knew anything about them. Not even their background.

Now I didn't know what to do. I thought about taking help from Rahul. But I cannot disturb them on their functions. With the police involvement, I thought I would get some help in finding rest of girl's kinship. But when I saw one cop eying that poor girl shamelessly, I got conscious. She was not in her senses and I was afraid that if I left form there leaving her as their responsibility, then I will be the one facing the wrath of her lost family's souls. No, I can never leave her like this. Fine, if all this was destined to happen making me a witness, then now this girl will be my responsibility.

With that thought, I completed the formalities of funeral of her family. I made her stand, I was hell worried now. She was not even blinking her eyes. I immediately called for doctor. He asked me to treat her in the same hospital. But no, that was not possible. I have to leave from there and moreover what is left for this girl, here? I should take her with me to delhi, maasi can take care of her. Unknowingly, I brushed past my hand over her head.

I went to her home and with the help of a lady living near by, packed her necessary belongings and was locking her house, just then I glanced at a picture frame, having photo of the siblings and it read- Aashish And Riddhima. I whispered- Riddhima and took a glance at her standing by my side. I again whispered RIDDHIMA, but this time it was not my tongue saying that but my soul. I thought for a second about it, but then just hushed it away. I locked her house and made my way outside. She was not moving.

So I held her hand. Instantly, just instantly, I felt as if I was going to hold this hand through out my life. I found it weird and made her sit in the passenger seat. With so many doubts in my mind and no solution, I drove towards home. In beween, I kept getting calls from my office. I was too tired to make anyone understand anything. I just messaged my P.A that due to sudden change of events, I would not be able to make it to office. Thankfully, Atul, My secretary did not coax me much.

I reached my house. I had tried to make her eat something in the journey. But she was just staring in zero. I called maasi outside my four storey home. She asked me smilingly- Arrey tumhari koi dost aayi hai??? I said- Maasi, I need your help. She understood, something was serious. She said- chalo, lets take her in. I made her get out, but I noticed that she stumbled and still did not react. She was worn out completely. I picked her up sensing her health right then, and stepped inside. Hey again, again an instant feeling while stepping inside crossed me, We were coming together in my home and its because we are made to be together forever.

Now, this was getting crazyyyyy. I took her to guest room and asked maasi to change her clothes and clean her a bit.
I went to my washroom and had a long hot shower. Just one question was in my mind now, What I will do now. Many a time, I have surprised myself doing things for which I did not think before. And it always thrilled me. But now there is no thrill, no excitement or curiosity. Just one thing- What future holds for me now, and ''. For that girl, Ridhimaa!!!!

I asked Rahul to meet me whenever he arrives back to Delhi. Luckily, he came back on the same day. After narrating him everything, we called for a Psychiatrist as per Rahul's recommendation. After running out some tests, it was discovered that Riddhima has become a victim of Schizophrenia. She does not talk, she cant feel her surroundings, she cant do anything on her own. All she could do was to stare without blinking.

After understanding her condition, there was no way that I could send her to any hospital for treatment on her own. These days cases of misbehaving with patients has been increasing. I decided she would remain at home only and would get all her treatments here. Rahul genuinely asked me why I was doing that? I just shrugged off my shoulders and asked- Why so much......with her only???

Having a vulnerable life between my arms, I removed her hair coming to her face and kissed her temple again. I can understand why maasi was so much relieved today. Me, maasi, Rahul-Muskaan, every one tried to get out some reacton from her. But she always remained nonchalant. Her physical state has been ok now. Its just about her emotionally unresponsive behavior. I always used to check her the very moment I came to home after my office. Though I never got any answers, I used to chat with her. I still always hold her hand whenever I have to take her somewhere.

One day, when I came late from office, I noticed her asleep but she was constantly moving. Might be a bad dream. First I though to wake her up, but suddenly stopped myself. I wanted to see her reaction on completion of the dream. May be she says something. I was sitting on her bed, when she woke up with a jerk and gasped loudly. She incidently kept her hand on my arm and saw me. She kept looking at me for some minutes.

I patted her head and made her go back to sleep. But she kept staring me all the while before the sleep could take over. I informed about this to her doctor and he said- it was a good sign. May be she started recognizing you.

And now, look at this. Maasi told me that she was finding me all over the house. Why??? Huh, because I didn't come home for two days. I was stuck in another city, thanks to the recent riots taken place there. I got myself wounded in all the mishaps and Rahul straight away admitted me here. And she, she came to the hospital with maasi to find me. Yes, Am in seventh heaven. Why should not I be? May be all my efforts are showing some color now.

Again, the next morning, I started her routine with me kissing her forehead. She felt it and opened her eyes. But again closed her eyes for a small nap. Looks like, she didn't sleep well in last two days. I asked Rahul to send her doctor. She came and after analyzing everything, got immensely happy. She said- Riddhima is understanding somethings now. She was able to decipher armaan's absence.

I just hope everything comes back to its place. I want to hear her again. I got discharged and was sent to home. Again at night, I felt someone's presence near my room's door. I opened it to found riddhima there. She didn't say anything but just went and slept on my bed. I found it very strange. I sat by her side and held her hand. She was again staring at me. I don't know what made me to do that again, but I also slept with her. Again she was in my arms.

The same routine followed now. She would sleep with me only. Initially maasi got apprehensive about this arrangement but understanding that it might help riddhima, she agreed. I also never dared to do anything wrong. To me she was a very precious and delicate thing. Even wind can harm her.

Having her in my arms every night gave me a sense of completion. I knew she had become an inseparable part of my life. But all I want is to make her well first. Even if it means she has to go away from me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

One weekend Rahul Muskaan and her brother came to visit us like usual. We were sitting in our garden with a quiet Riddhima by my side, facing the road. Rahul's Brother in law Akash went outside. He was talking and smiling on the phone when a truck on a full speed came towards him. He was facing the opposite side. Suddenly Riddhima shouted standing on her spot-

In the meanwhile the truck balanced itself and applied breaks. We were shocked at the sudden turn of events. I saw the similar scene now, The same Riddhima with her hand outstretched in front, with no reactions and standing still. Akash came to her seeing her state and held her shoulders and spoke- Didi, main theek hun, mujhe kuchh nai hua, main aapke saath hi hun.

All of a sudden, Riddhima hugged him fiercly and touched him all over his face to feel him and then she fainted. Her doctor visited and we all were waiting for her to gain consciousness. I was hell worried. Worried if anything bad happens, then. But others were hopeful of a miracle. She came in her senses and kept opening and closing her eyes more than frequently. And the first name which she said was Ashu in a faint voice. She opened her eyes and started searching something. I thought she was finding her brother but to my surprise, she stopped her gaze at me and again spoke Ashu, but this time with immense pain. And She started sobbing, I went to her and held her hand. Through out all the while, she kept looking at me, crying by taking her brother's name. This time I too cried feeling her pain, but  I was content, I was  feeling that now its going to be good, now it will be solved. I knew with her look that she fought with it FINALLY.

After some days of care from my side and motherly love depicted by my maasi, Riddhima got back to normal. Surprising was that she still slept only when I meet her every night. I was living in the days of happiness. Again my routine started and ended with Riddhima's face. I started calling her daily from my office just to'....umm.....just to make sure that she is fine' Ya, that's it'

Things started changing from the moment Rahul asked me to send Riddhima back to her relatives as now she can tell us about her acquaintances. I delayed the issue on the pretext of one thing or another. Whyyy', I think I know but am too rigid to accept it. One day Rahul asked her himself about it, And the answer she gave........I wish I had never heard that. She said, She was engaged to her childhood friend who was living abroad at that time. Rahul contacted him after finding him and He was coming soon very soon.

I pretended to be happy, I really did but still......wait something is bursting inside me, I need to rush out of this place right now. I left them where they were and went to my room. I breathed hard for some minutes. Tried to drink water which I failed to gulp and it came out of my mouth. But then I noticed it was not only my mouth spilling water, it was my eyes also. They were flowing, hey why........whats up with you.........why yo........And I could not think any further and accepting my defeat, I clutched the side by curtains and hid my face in it, giving my self some place where I can shed those tears which never used to come till I met Riddhima. The girl who came into my life without my permission, and who is planning to go from it, again without my permission.......Hell!! ...Now should I behave like everybody else and ask god about it.....Na, Armaan Mallik never did that........But give it a damn, From past one year I have been doing everything which contradicts my personality.

Ok God, am not going to blame you for anything. I remembered my grandfather's words- When we think its not planned, means god has planned it already. I was so not like my usual chirpy self in front of Riddhima and others. Rahul noticed that but did not question me. Because I know he already knows about it, but he will not ask me'.That Means its good if it remains inside ourselves only and does not find a verbal gate.

Sigh**Neeraj, Riddhima's fiancee is coming tomorrow with his family to take my Riddhima'Not mine, Riddhima only. All the days in which I used to pamper her, love her, care for her and talked to her in return of no words'I started thinking she was mine, my responsibility because god gave her to me'But I think I over estimated God's reaction. Dude she was your duty which you fulfilled. Its over now. You are not allowed to think any further.

Neeraj with his family came in the morning. The very moment I welcomed them inside my home, I told myself that it was her last day at my house, means in my life. They thanked me profusely for taking care of her and telling me their inability to locate her.

Riddhima came and Neeraj hugged her. My heart felt something very strong'I felt a sharp pain and let out a small groan which only I heard. Neeraj started taking Riddhima towards the car but Riddhima was looking at me and I was looking at her. In all those  days, Riddhima did not speak to me much except a thanks one day and mumbling my name once in everyday and whenever she said it- I felt that I was being blessed by nature in every possible way.

She wanted to go, I presumed it when she did not show any interest in speaking to me. And today is the day, she is going. Ok, fine'I will TRY to live with it. And it should not be difficult, what can be difficult for a guy who was never tensed and sad. Though these claims had challenged themselves in past strongly around Riddhima.

Riddhima did not move and we all were waiting'waiting for WHAT'.She looked from Neeraj to me again and moved towards me. I kept gazing at her with a blank mind. She came and spoke-

Am tired, I cannot shift again and again from one place to another or''

looking into my eyes she further said-

From one life to another. God took them away from me and made you My pillar of life. Now am not allowed to go, its not in God's plan. If it was, then Neeraj would have found me a long back. I said your name everyday, to feel the hidden meaning behind it besides its unsaid importance in my life and you know what I found'

I was still looking in her eyes, not moving an inch from my place, My hands laid quietly where they were, only my tears were the proof that I was active.

You are the soul which I found
When I was away on an unknown ground
You are the hope which never makes sound
Speaks to me only when god is around
I felt the immeasurable Love that died down
On the day My relations were badly astound
Now I have the Bliss to Feel you in every round
Whenever god will put me in an uncertain crowd,
You are the only blessing of which Am proud
Please tie  me with your self in a sacred BOND!

And then there were no words, just the warmth of arms around each other, promising to go on a journey where whatever comes in the way, the one sure thing was their union and love which will keep them together forever'..

by kshanikaa

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