Thursday, 17 October 2019


She heard a loud sound from the guest room, that was his room. She knew she had upset him but it wasn't her fault after all. And when she was trying to understand things around her and still getting comfortable with him,Tickling her was not what he should've done.. things were not same as the past now..but she still felt guilty for shouting at him like that. He hadn't said her anything and had simply strode to his room. And now was taking out anger like this, throwing out things. She was a little scared of approaching him at this time, but she felt a wierd comfort too..a small voice at the back of her head saying he needed her and that she should go and talk to him..

She slowly opened the door to his room and peeked inside.. he was fuming with anger and from what she could see, probably crying too. Before her mind could decide whether to go to him or walk out, her feet already started walking in his direction..

"uh...shilpa..uhm..kuch chahiye tha tumhe?" his expressions changed from anger to concern in the friction of a second..but she stood unmoved.. "tum hamesha itna hi gussa karte ho? Aur uhm..aise hi gussa thanda karte ho?" she pointed to the bits of coffee mug lying scattered on the floor..

He sighed.. "hamari shadi ke baad maine kabhi itna gussa kiya hi nahi.. in fact i don't remember the last time maine aisa feel kiya ho.." he said sheepishly and sat on the bed..

"yeah..its kind of a first time experience for me too.." she made a light hearted comment and he smiled politely..

there was an awkward silence now..nobody knew what or how to talk. Things had never been so unfamilier bewtween them.. they had no idea as to what was to be done..

"uh.." armaan finally broke the ice but his sentence was interrupted by a beeping sound in the kitchen..

"oh its the coffee..i'll get it.." shilpa said and hurried to the kitchen..she had been making coffee when he had thought of trying the tickling thing on her and it had all gone wrong due to her reaction. He hadn't expected anything like how she shouted at him for coming so close and touching her without her permission. He sighed once again reliving it in his mind.. he had tried everything to make things fine, to get his old shilpa back..

"armaan?" he looked up to find her standing with two mugs of coffee in her hand..


" can tickle me.." she uttered nervously..

"what?" he stood up amused. Just a few minutes back she had shouted on him like hell and now she was herself saying it was fine if he tickled her?!

She kept the mugs on the side table and stood in front of him, with her arms wide open, indicating he could do anything he wanted.. "you can tickle me all you want.."

he slowly moved to her..she was sure he was going to tickle her now..he was even smiling and she felt a little nervous..she wasn't still comfortable but she said it only so he doesn't feel bad. After all he too was having a hard time.. things had changed for him as well...

he stood in front of her, still amused by what she was saying and how cute she looked..he wished he could giev her a tight kiss right then and solve evrything.. but alas, life isn't that easy..

he held her hands and entwined their fingers.. "i will tickle you.. and i'll tickle you a lot..don' tworry... but at the right time.." he spoke to both of them, to her and to both a ray of hope for a bright future of togetherness.. and that's exactly what she saw in his eyes.. a ray of hope..that everything was fine and that he would give her her much needed space..that there will be a right time..

" piyein?" he asked naughtily and before she could withdraw her hands, he kissed them lightly..still staring in her eyes..feeling her and seeing what she felt..

they sat on the bench in the back garden..both having their cups of coffee in their hands and staring into nothingness..shilpa had suggested they have their coffee there for she wanted to explore that side of the house too..she had seen it but wanted to sit and enjoy there.. and of course, he had not denied..

"i'm sorry for shouting like that.. i was kind of new for me and-"

"its okay shilpa..i understand..i should've taken things slowly.." he sipped his coffee and answred..

"but uhm...was of our things? I mean.. did we do that?" she asked sheepishly.. and he chuckled once again.. things had changed so much, and yet everything seemed the same.. she was the one who had changed totally, and she felt still the same.. her eyes were still as innocent as her words..

"yeah..very much..tickling you was my all time favorite.. of course iritating you too.. and teasing you..and..and so much more.." he started with enthusiasm..telling about something he loved but as he started saying.. he actually realized how none of it was true for now..and he had no idea whether it will be true ever again in the future..

she sensed the disappointment in his voice.. "i know its difficult for you armaan... but i'm sorry i can't even promise you that things will be the same as they were.." she felt guilty for his situation.. if there was soemone who was paying the most, it was him. And even then he was trying his best to let her adjust and have her own time..

"as if you know how things were in the past!" he teased her..

"why don't you tell me? I want to know what kind of a couple we were.. you said fighting with me was your all time favorite?"

"not fighting idiot.. teasing you.. we didn't fight that much..not that i recall.."

"we didn't fight? I'm sure you're lying now! Pyar ho gya iska matlab ye nahi ki hum ladte hi nahi honge!" she chided him and hit him on the arm..

"acha? Matlab you can believe that you actually fell in love with me and married me and you can't believe we didn't fight?" he rubbed his hand where she had hit him and teased her back..

"of course! I ache se remember how much we used to fight! And i don't know about you, but i loved fighting with you!" she held his arm and rested her head on his shoulder.. he noticed that of course, it was first time in three days that she had herself taken a step to come close..she was here, voluntarly leaning herself against him and smiling..he made his grip tightter around her back slowly putting his head over hers. He wanted to take things slow of course, since that was the best for her, but he also wanted to be close to her, as close a he could be..

"acha armaan..." she started off.. without changing any position, much to his pleasure.. so she was finally getting comfortable around him.. he knew it was a long way to go, but a small hope was a big step in itself..


"tum hamesha hi itna gussa katre the? Jaise abhi vo cheezein tod rahe the?" she looked up in his eyes and asked in the most innocent way.. how he wished things were like before.. he wished there was nothing to tell her.. he wished she knew everything about them..

"abhi toh bataya tha na andar.. aaj hi thoda upset tha.. i've never been this angry in the past three years.. and in fact kabhi gussa hua bhi toh aise kabhi nahi.."

"toh fir? How did you deal with your anger? Did you shout on me?" she left his arm and sat up straight, demanding an answer..everything was so new to her that she couldn't even trust herself.. she wanted to know so much and needed so many answers.. she wanted to know what kind of a couple they were.. armaan had been so sweet to her in the past three days that she had almost started to believe in the possibility of being in love with the man, but today, the way he did not say anything to her and the way he took out his anger in his room.. the contrast in his behavior forced her to think.. was he always that angry? He could be dominating at at times.. she remembered the first time she met him, both had hated each other.. yes with time things had changed sure, but all that everyone told her now was still a little difficult to believe and cope up with..

"shout on you? Never! Tum maar daalti mujhe agar tum par chillata toh!" he told her the truth.. he couldn't believe his shilpa was asking this question! If it was actually his shilpa, she would right away smacked him on his head and and kissed the spot next moment.. he sighed, wo said it was going to be easy? Only nobody warned it was going to be this difficult either!

" seriously? What kind of a couple we were armaan? I mean.. i remember us as...i don't know.. w weren't friends then, but.."

"we both loved each other even back then, but we hadn't realised it. That's what you remember.." he gave her the exact words she needed. He obviously knew what she felt, but she couldn't say it.. the awkwardness they had between them back then , had somehow returned, atleast to her..

"what rubbish! I didn't love you!" she did not love him, not when she remembered the last.. maybe she liked him, yeah she had stopped hated him for sure.. and she enjoyed his company too.. she looked forward to meeting him the next day at work and thought about him at home..but love? She wasn't sure..

"oh you so did! And i did too..i loved you very very very much shilpa.. i was just stupid enough not to realise it.." he looked into her eyes and spoke with all the determination and love.. he wasn't stupid now.. and he wasn't going to let any opportunity of confessing his love slip out of hands.. he had already had enough of this seperation... he could see her, talk to her and yet, being with her in the real sense was still far away..


"then? Then what?" he was still lost in her eyes.. he could see her eyes flutter with nervousness and her chest heaving.. she gulped hard seeing him so close to her..

"then how did we fall in love? How did we marry? How were we after we married each other? Did we fight? Did we..uh..still love each other as much? I want to know everything armaan.. what was my life like? Did i work? Did i-" he put a finger on her lips and she shut up immideately.. his dark passioned eyes were speaking much more than her words did..

"the doctor has said not to strain you with the old memories.." he whispered near her lips..his eyes still dark and his lips so close to hers, she wanted him.. she wanetd those lips to be on hers.. she gazed at his lips.. they were perfectly shaped.. it would be a delight to kiss him.. and his eyes weren't scary anymore.. she didn't feel awkward.. she just felt- attracted.. she slowly put her arms on his shoulders and came even closer, not breaking the eyelock.. his hands were already around her waist.. he was lost in her.. he was finally seeing his old shilpa back.. she was there, and she was coming even closer.. she gently lifted her head up to match the level of his face.. their breaths on each others' lips before she gently carressed his lips with hers. He looked at her surprised. He knew she was aroused by him, but this was surely a wrong step taken, especially considering the time and circumstances.. he wanted to back out, he knew she would feel guilty for it and that would make things even more complicated than they already were.. but she didn't let him back out.. she kissed his lips again, urging him to take the charge.. telling him that she trusted him enough..that she wanted him and won't regret any of it.. and he complied.. he gently kissed her at first, telling her the tale of their love.. letting her know that this was what kind of a couple they were! That it might feel new to her, but it wasn't.. they had done it a million times before and would do a million times again.. showing her he still hadn't lost hope at all.. he still loved her.. whether she remembered or not, whether she accepted it or not.. he backed out after a sober sweet kiss but she wanted more.. she was left incomplete.. it didn't feel right to stop like that.. she leaned in again but he smiled and kissed her forehead.. "at the right time.." he said to both of them.. he had to control his emotions and think of her health first.. he didn't want to bring any new trouble for her by letting his feelings cloud his mind..

she hugged him as she heard those words and nuzzled in his neck.. all that he told her seemed so true.. there was so much a poosibility of falling in love with him and marrying him.. this house had felt like home since day 1. and now, his embrace felt like home too..

"i want to talk.." she demanded..

"only till it doesn't strain you!" he put forth his condition and put a little strand of hair behind her ears..

"see the doctor has said you shouldn't force me to remember old things.. you can always answer me when i myself want to know!"

"jee madam! Jaisa aap kahein!" he bent down dramatically submitting to her wishes..

"okay so i will ask you and you will simply answer. It has to be true and you won't change the topic either.."

"aye aye captain!"

"one, what did you do when you got angry?" she asked her first question with a straight face.. demanding an answer from him..

"oh god! You're not gonna leave that! Are you?" he sighed .. what was it with him getting a little angry? Why couldn't she just leave it and move on! But no, she was his shilpa after all!

"i said you can't change the topic! Just answer me already!"

"well uhm...when it was something you did, i usually used to pout and sulk and stop talking to you, and that was enough for you to understand and make it up to me!"

"we had a nice understanding?" she was amused by what he told her.. last she remembered, they never used to agree on anything and now as he told her, it felt like words were never needed between them..

"very nice.. there is no one in the world who can understand me as well as you do.." he told her honestly but regretted as soon as he said that, it was not present tense now.. " well as you did i mean.." he corrected himself, disappointment clearly evident in his voice..

"do you think i will be the same as before?" his head shot up to her at that question.. he didn't know the answer himself. As much as he wanted things to be back to normal, he knew it wasn't going to be easy.. there was a long way to go..and even then, things being exactly same was a long distant dream..

"i hope so.." he answered laconically.. trying not to let his emotions out.. "and anyways, why have you started interviewing me like this! I'm not ansering anything more unless you drop that demanding expression!" he tried to lighten up the air and made her smile but she didn't budge from what she was doing, so instead of an answer to him, what came was her next question, with gentle eyes this time though.. "were we a fun couple? Did we talk? I mean...i can't believe we used to live together the whole day! How was our life?"

"our life!" he sighed at that.. at least she was starting to adress their lives as one.. "well.. it can't be explained.. see hmari life was a bliss... we both worked almost all day, and all we had to ourself were mornings and nights..but it never felt like we were busy or something... like we used to talk on phone all day.. and i used to pick up from your office each evening..and.."

"why? Didn't i have another car? I saw there were two cars in the garage...both for you and none for me?" she asked with a genuine doubt.. and armaan realised they weren't on the same page here.. she wasn't understanding what he said.. he was talking about them spending time together and she was...ah! How much ever did he try to convince himself saying things would be better.. he knew the old understanding would never return back..

"what? You didn't like that i drove myself? Were you a dominating husband?"

" always called me that, bt never in the real sense of the word.. we both knew their was no scope of dominating in our relationship.. we loved and understood each other too well to boss around.. and about the car thing, you wanted it. I mean it wasn't there always, but lately we started having less time to spend and then one day after breakfast you just said you wanted me to drive you to office.. and then it followed daily.."

"oh..." she said in a small she couldn't accept what he said. It was disheartening for him to see how unbelievable it was for shilpa that she loved him.. he doubted himself.. was he that bad?

"yeah.." he answered..

"did i cook?" she asked out of nowhereand he nodded in a yes..

"did you like my cooking?" she asked with an expression of doubt.. last she remembered, she hated to step into the kitchen..

"i loved it.. i only ate what you cooked.. in fact you know ek baar anjli, muskaan and you almost had a fight over it.." he smiled nostalgically..

"what? How?" she asked now excited as familier names stepped in.. knowing that she was still in touch with her friends and sister was a positive sign..

" there was this pooja tumhare ghar pe.. i think it was our first aniversary or something.. and anjali had decided to cook..and she's a pathetic cook!"

"don't you say anything like that about my sister!" she warned him with a pointing finger..

"thank your starts you lost your memory and don't remember the taste shona! So anyhow, i am a little fussy when it comes to food and all, and you knew i wouldn't like what she made.. so you tried making it better with the maslas, and then when muskaan was serving me, i didn't like it and told you to serve me.. and then a lot happend.. muskaan felt bad coz of that.. and i didn't eat a lot fir ghar aakar you made maggi noodles.. and trust you me, tumhari maggi bhi uske lavish khaane se kahin better thi! Phir next day anjali complained to you about my behaviour and all.. and you told her off so badly.. 'don't say anything about my husband' and all... so yeah.. it was quite interesting!" he smirked at the end..

"i fought with di coz of you? I need to aplogise to her!" she decided at once.. and as much as it was delightning to see how cutely she wanted to aplogise for something that happened around two years, he couldn't help but feel sad too.. she wanted to apologise for standing up for him.. anyhow, life would be better again, he consoled himself..

"oh my god! Is that a swing?" her squeal broke his reverie and he saw her amusingly staring up at their balcony swing..

"yeah.. you didn't see it? You're living in that room for the past three days.." he told her..clearly not excited as her..

"what are we doing on a bench when we have a swing armaan!" almost ignoring his comment, she held his hand and took him upstairs to sit on the swing..

shilpa had been staying in their bedroom while armaan had decided to shift to the guest room for he thought it would be too much for her if she had to stay with him in the same room..

"i love my room!" he sang in joy and slumped on the bed as she rolled her eyes at him and proceeded to open the balcnoy door.. this was the first time in three days that she was going to the balcnoy.. she had not dared to venture into new areas of an unknown house..but the idea of a swing excited her as nothing else!

"OH MY GOD!" she almost screamed and he panicked.. there was nothing to make her shout like that.. and in those few seconds from the bed to the balcony, his heart raced against his chest.. he was scared as hell.. he hoped she was fine.. and when he reached the balcony, he saw her standing with her hands clasped over her mouth and her big eyes even bigger in surprise.. following her gaze.. he looked at the wall behind the white swing.. oh that collage! He had almost forgotten about it!

"is that us?" she asked in a small voice.. still surprised by what she saw in front of her..

"yeah.." he too was nervous.. he wasn't sure if this was the right time for her to see a wall size collage of their pictures.. it would strain her mind, he had thought and that's why shifted that collage from their bedroom to the covered area in the balcony.. but he hadn't hoped for her to see it just like that! Stupid him! He should've taken care and put that big photograph somewhere out of her reach.. all his fault! He mentally cursed himself..but smiled when he saw her smiling.. okay, so she was fine.. she hadn't fainted or something..

"that's us.." she declared going closer to the collage so she could see each photo closely.. it seemed as if she wanted to look at each picture and realise it was them... he smiled thankfully.. she was taking it all well.. a good sign again..

"armaan..." she called out without looking away from the collage..

"hmm..." he stood up behind her, somehow trying to control his hands from crawling up to her waist.. she would kill him if he took such a step.. it was way to early..

but her next action took him by amazement.. she herself took his hands in hers and rested them on her waist.. "put your head on my shoulder.." she ordered him, surprising him even more.. he looked at her, checking if she was alright before complying to her demand.. god, it felt returning home after so long.. he nuzzled in her neck as his hands held her even more possesively.. he was almost about to kiss her when he heard her "is that like this?"

"what?" he looked up at her in confusion..

"that picture.. vaisa hi pose hai na?" she asked referring to a picture in the upper corner of the full size collage, and that's when he understood she was trying to get them to the same position as in that click..

"yeah.." he sighed.. once again in despair.. just when he starts to get happy about her coming closer, she breaks his bubble.."that was at your mom dad's anniversary party.. you looked ravishing that day.." he tried to take a step back but fortunately she held it in place, this time returning his grin back.. so, she was finally getting closer!

"and that one?" she pointed to the one right beside it, the one where they looked like in a party or something and she was saying something in his ear while he bent forward to listen to her..

"that was at your party.. i mean.. after you had won the best artichect award.. your company had this official party.."

"wow! I won the best architect award?" she turned to him bemused..

"you did!" he brushed aside her hair and kissed her forehead softly..

she tried to concentrate on the other photographs, inspite of the crimson blush that crept up her cheeks..

"tell me about them all.." she viewed the wall again.. it was like she could live her life in all those photographs.. they were not only pictures.. they were a reflection of all the emotions building up inside her.. seeing the images in front of her eyes made her believe all that he had been telling her about their life.. it clearly showed they were madly in love with each other...

"all?" he naugtily asked, reffering to the centre picture, the biggest of them all, in which they were kissing.. she looked away at his besharm comment..

"vaise..let me start from that one only! I had gone to pune for some work and you were staying at your mom dad's.. and i was to return at the new year eve.. so we were just wishing each other a happy new year!" he winked at her while she blushed harder.. of course after the kiss that they had just shared downstairs, he was at least sure she wouldn't run away or something..

"armaan.."she turned to him, her hands on his shoulders..

"haanji.." he said in a submitting tone.. smiling madly seeing her calling his name with love after so long...

"pta hai...that day in the hospital when you told me about us..i couldn't believe it.. i mean.. i was thinking we were still working together for that sanjeevani project and that's why you were there at the hospital..but now... it all feels so real.. like it was always meant to be.." she let out her emotions for the first time.. for the first time since her accident, she was telling him how she actually felt.. how difficukt things were for her to believe and how easy they seemed now.. he kissed the top of her head, embracing her in his arms.. "i love you shilpa.. and we were always meant to be.." she looked up at him cpming out of the hug, her eyes a little teary and face nervous.. "armaan what if-" he knew what she was going to say.. that was the only thing that disturbed them both.. what if she never regains her memory? What if she never remembers how her life before the car accident was.. but he couldn't let his fears out in front of her.. he was the only hope, the only support she had and he couldn't let himself be weak..

"then we'll create new memories shona.." he smiled at her positively and pecked her cheek..

"what is shona?" she scrunched her brow..

"you!" his smiled never faded as he kissed her nose now..

and all she could do was to lose herself in his arms for a loving hug...

"everything will be fine.." he repeated again rubbing her back..

"how did my accident happen?" she asked the first thing and saw his expressions stiffen.. "coz of me" he said in a low tone, leaving her utterly confused..

"you?" he led her to the swing and sat sideways, her back touching his chest..

"you were talking on the phone to me when i heard your loud shriek.. "i should've never called you up.. aisa kuch na hota.." she saw the guilt in his eyes.. he was blaming himself for her accident.. and he couldn't see that.. she rushed her hand up his cheek to wipe away the taer before it could even fall..

"never say that again.. you have no fault.." she asuured him and gave him a tight sloppy kiss on his cheek.. already he had been dealing with much more than her, the accident had changed his life more than hers.. his own wife was behaving awkwardly with him.. she knew she couldn't do anything wih her feelings or behaviour, but she could at least help him not feel guilty for something that wasn't even his fault..

"how often did i used to tell you that i love you?" she wiped both his cheeks and tried to distract him by her question..

"a million times a day.." he spoke in a low voice.. he looked into her eyes.. a glimpse of his old shilpa was back.. she was finally accepting him and her surroundings..

"i love you.." she spoke and before he could even react, she kissed his lips..

"shona i-"

"i love you armaan.." she said again and kissed him ever so softly on his lips..

"i love you too.." more than his words, his tears reflected his feelings..

"i loved you when i remember the last and its my fortune that i can relive everything with you.. we can do it again.. we can live our lives again armaan.. i am all yours.." she confessed her feelings for him and almost stradling him, sat on his lap..

"how often did we make love?" the naughtiness in her eyes was back.. she played with the hair falling on his forehead..

"almost everyday.." he replied in an equally naughty voice before picking her up and leading to the bedroom..

"so how about i make up for the million 'i love you's and you make up for the love making?" she winked at him as eh settled her on the bed and removed his shirt to follow her.. he switched off the lights with one hand and covered her petite figure with his own..

"that seems like the perfect idea mrs. Mallik.." he took her into a soft kiss while his hands went down to the hem of of her kurta to do exactly what they were supposed to.. he didn't care if she had forgotten the four years of her life.. he was contended that at least she was here with him.. and as long as they were together.. the past, the present and the future.. all seemed to be perfect!


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