Sunday, 26 January 2020


             part 1

The excruciating soreness in her eyes..the tears that were on the brink of gracing her cheeks'she could snivel any moment..i could see that in her eyes'her lashes flickered frequently as if to keep the dam of her tears in check'she was in pain..and I was the reason behind it all'I was the one who broke the promise'I was the one who backed off'her hands were clasped together but there was a constant movement in them'I knew she was miserable.. she was scared'however strong she portrayed herself to be,  I knew' and yet I couldn't do anything about it'I had put her in it'I had left her alone when she needed me the most'she saw me'her expressions changing from surprise to anguish in a split second'she turned around to leave and my heart thumped vigorously somewhere in the left side of my chest'I wanted to go to her and squash her in my embrace'keep her there forever and never let her go. Never.

And then I felt the sudden calmness in me'as the reality dawned upon, I realized I could not go to her'my guilt was way too much to even look her in the eye'I knew she would exonerate me'she always did, she loved me after all'I knew she would accept me back without a question'and then life would be perfect'only I would never be able to get over the remorse'and I knew I did not deserve her'she loved me with all in her'and I had thought I loved her too'but if I did, I wouldn't have left her alone and went away to start my 'happy ever after''I would have been there for her'like she had been'and now..there had been too much damage'I did not want to use her again'she had been my panacea..but now I had to bear my long deferred pain' I had to let her go..for her'I would never tell her what I came here for'I would never tell her I was sorry'if at all the word suffices my guilt'I would never tell her that me and riddhima are not together anymore and I would never tell her that I 'I loved her..i looked at her bracelet that I had fisted in my hand'I did not know if my brain had directed my hand to, but it came up to the level of my lips as I felt a little wetness on my cheek'I had been crying I realized'I kissed the bracelet involuntarily and stared at it blankly...'i love you' I heard myself whispering'


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