Thursday, 9 January 2020

OS - You Are My Rain

"Don't fall for me Armaan. I am stone hearted." the girl said trying to wave off Armaan who was trying to lure her in his love. 

"That would work in my favor ridhima. You see I can engrave my name on your heart and no one can remove it rub it off then" he replied making her shocked. She have never expected someone can even look at it that way.

Unable to say anything in words she kept staring at him. "Ridhima I know you had a past. I am not forcing you. I may not know what your past hold and I am not asking you to tell me anything. I respect you and love you for what you are. You keep showing that you are the most heartless person one can meet, people see only what you show them but I see what you try to hide."

"Why you do that Armaan. Why can't you keep away? Is it too much to ask for." she said looking at him wanting him to leave.

"Ridhima I have been too much curious as kid I don't know what it is. But I always try to go and search for what is hidden. And you know when I try to find what you are hiding I found a golden heart. You might not know ridhima but you can't really make it look that bad."

"Armaan. please keep away." ridhima said this with the finality in her tone as she think but then what she hide is what he see.

It’s been days.

Earlier Armaan ridhima use to handle few of the project together but the day he made it to her the very next day all he knew was that she was removed from all the projects they were working on together in a team.

Whenever he tried to talk to her she would chose the alternate route to take the exit. "Why are you doing this ridhima" he asked to himself.

"I am sorry Armaan I can't drag you in" she said to herself taking an exit.

Few days went in all this. Though ridhima was avoiding Armaan but she have her constant gaze on him and his activity which she justified to herself as "if you don't keep an eye on him then how will I avoid him" but reality was far away from what she was thinking. Reality was she can't keep it away from him.

He was not coming office from days she was curious now. What happen to him? Is he okay, was there any problem. is he ill. What’s going on with him?

The curiosity was killing her but she can't do anything. All those day when she tried to convince herself saying that she look out for him only to avoid him came rushing back at her make fun of her own thoughts. 'And you said it was to avoid him hahahahah' said her mind.

At night

Ridhima was sleeping peacefully as it look from far but when u go close you will see her moving her face from one side to another murmuring something while sweat was all over her face. But then she fell calm like someone just hugged her worries out.

Ridhima's Dream

'Maa papa.' she called out to an old couple walking in a park as she followed them. Hear OK ng her voice they both turn around say 'Hey my baby' the woman said coming towards her caressing her face.

'What you guys are doing here' ridhima asked.

'We came to meet you ridhima' man said coming towards them.

'But why today why. You guys never came to meet me so why today.' she asked with tears in her eyes.

'Because we know humne tumhare liya kuch choda tha bahut kimti, bahut nazuk. But tumne usko khone ka maan bana rakha hai.' Padma said.

'Mein kuch samjhi nahi' ridhima asked all confused.

'Armaan' Shashank whispered.

'Armaan... ‘Ridhima exclaimed.

'Ridhima Armaan bahut hi nazuk hai. Ladne ko vo sab se ladh jayega but tumhare bina vo haar jayega. Vo sab se lad sakta hai but tumse nahi.' shashank spoke out clearing her confusion.

'vo tum se nahi ladh sakta but tumhare liya ladega. Armaan bahut nazuk hai ridhima, uska dil bhi dukha hai pehle par phir bhi usne himat ki tumhe pyaar karne ki. Usse aur maat todhna ridhima. Tum takat ho uski, uski jeet ho, uski har maat bano, nahi toh uske sath sath tum bhi bikhrogi' padam told her caressing her hairs.

'aapne aap ko khushi do ridhima. Apne Armaan ko khushi do. Apna lo usse. Sath mein sab gum bhula sakte ho par aise alag rahe ke gum sirf bhadenge kum nhi hoge. ‘Padma told her looking directly in her eyes with all the concern and love.

Before she can react she was woken up by her alarm clock.

First thing she did was to take bottle from the side table and drank it until empty. Catching on her breath she closed her eyes keeping her one hand on the heart her mind debated with heart.

Mind - hey heart go away you make her weak.

Heart - And you do what exactly.

Mind - I make her strong...

Heart - And lonely. You make her sad, depressed and lonely.

Mind - That's what you feel but at least I keep her away from all the torture you bring for her.

Heart - And what like you are the one who bring all the happiness, all the warm feeling. If I bring the sadness in her life then it’s you who avoid all the bad vibes in the cover of hopes. I always wanted her to be happy to be loved and to love. But all you did was to hope for love not actually felt to be loved. You were the one who wanted to believe that she loved him and keep hoping the love back when you knew it wasn't.

Mind - Please I don't want to even think about that pig.

Heart - Yeah. Now you know he was a pig after you broke me into pieces. You are resisting to me know because of him while even you know this one is different. He is totally opposite of that pig.

Mind - No he is no different. He will hurt you again.

Heart - no he won't hurt me.

Mind - I know that he won't but please keep away.

Heart - why you want me to be away from him.

Mind - Because U LOVE HIM ALREADY.

Heart - See even you love him.

Mind - fcuk. Okay fine go to him tell him what I was afraid of and I promise I won’t stop you. Even I have started to feel overworked running all alone.

And by the end of the heart and mind fight ridhima found herself standing in front of her wardrobe unable to decide what she want to wear for the day. It’s just the regular day for everyone else but then for her it’s the day when she will confess her love to the person who will stay.

After a while ridhima was standing in front of his door. She rang the bell several times not that the un-answered door started to worry her more than nothing.

"Why is he not answering the door? It’s locked from inside that's for sure then why the hell he is not coming. I hope he is doing well. But if he okay then he would have answered the door. What if he is sick and can't help opening the door. Had he eaten anything? Is he even okay." Ridhima spoke to her self all worked up.

She ran to the opposite door asking the neighbors for the key Armaan once mention he keep it with them in case of emergency. They shoot a weird look at her.

"Hey can I get the key to his house. I am his friend and he call in for sick at work and he is not opening the door. I am worried what's going in there. Please help me." Ridhima asked with panic in her voice clearly dipping out.

The Lady who came to answer the door can easily see the helplessness. She went inside without a word and came back with the key. Smiling at ridhima she gave in the key.

Ridhima - Thank you so much.

And then she ran back. Opening the door she moved in searching for him calling out his name loudly. When she was passing by the door she heard a small voice calling her name but with the questioning tone.

"RIDHIMA...?" came a voice with the tone of question in it.

Ridhima instantly moved towards that door. Opening it she saw a very pale Armaan lying on the bed it seems like he have lost all the weight in a week.

"Ridhima." this time his voice hold surprise.

"Armaan." ridhima whispered.

She ran to him and hugged him lying half over him as he was sleeping a while ago. Her sudden action baffled him also got him worried.

"What's Wrong Ridhima? Did someone said anything to you?" Armaan asked getting worried taking her appearance in.

Ridhima cried for a minute without answering him. Armaan caress her hair trying to make her stop crying. "Hey..!"

"Vo. I am sorry." Ridhima look up at him sitting back releasing her position.

"Ridhima what happened." he asked looking at her holding her hand.

"Vo nothing. You were not coming back at work so I thought to check on you." she said getting embarrassed.

"Why." he asked smiling at her childish way of telling still wiping her tears out.

"Actually there was a case I needed you opinion."

"And the case made you cry. The person must be really special." he teased her.

"No actually there was something that went in my eyes." she defended herself.

"Yeah right and you were taking it out using my vest. Right." he wasn't leaving the teasing tone as she wasn't leaving her pretense.

Ridhima shift uncomfortably in her place removing the fringe of her hair behind her ears.

"Ridhima you can say what you came to say. You know I already love you and it doesn't matter to me if you want to let it all fake-ness go. I already know what front upfront you want to hold but you can let me in and let me see the real you. Though I had known the real you from long but it's time you let someone in. It will not make you weak but will make you strong as you will have some to let all the weight on." he told her to which she just hugged him once again.

"Armaan I don't want to be alone. I want someone to be there for me. With whom I can share every raw emotion that I have or even to hold someone at their high and low. But the past I have made me fear it all. I don't know how you will react but I want to share it with you after that it's your decision to stay or l....." he just hugged her tight before she can even say leave word.

"You know I will always be there for you. I don't want to know that past which hurt you. Know what you are and want to build future with you that's all." Armaan tried to assure her. But she wasn't convinced. "No Armaan. I know it won't matter to you know but, in future if something bad came in front to you from my past in worst of situation then it would matter to you the most. So please let me." nodding at her kept silent giving her chance to speak up.

But only silence prevailed in the room.

"Armaan I was in love before that's what I thought so. But I was just another teen to know anything like that would happen to Me." and a small tear form in her. Armaan wiped it out of her eyes before it slips out.

"Armaan there was a boy 'Vikas' he was my senior but he helped me when I was stuck in some problem. But I use to admire him for the person he was as he was helpful to my friends to. Then one day he asked me if I can be his girlfriend. I was happy with this new thing that films use to show that boyfriend is the one you can there to listen to you, one to give you small-small gifts, I was happy to get one. I was only 12 I didn't have much in mind but what these films shows us. But then he started getting physical I never liked that but he said it's also what films had but they hid it behind. I was awkward but still I went it for his demand. I never let me that close to him" she said pressurizing on THAT.

"But a small amount of closeness that we had he made a tape of it and after a while he started ignoring me as I wasn't letting him closer. In all the denial I gave him he end up making my video viral in the college. I was so humiliated. My parent they went to police to complain about him but I never knew what his father's powers. He made the file shut within an hour and also he planned an accident of my parents. That day I had lost my parents and also my pride. I grew up in adverse situations where I have no pride left to face anyone but I kept studying. One day I was thrown out of the school too. But then I found Bi. She use to teach me in night but once again god took away her also. That day I started building a wall around me. Life taught me to be what I appear."

"But you can't change the soft side in you. You remain what you are form within and a fell of it. Ridhima it’s not that after listening to you my respect for you will even shiver but I didn't want to hear it because I don't want you to live that part again which made you rock outside. I want you to be the one as that childish ridhima was. And just to clear it out, I let you tell me all this not because I would fall for anything in future but because I saw the way you looked at me and wanting to tell me. I wanted all your raw emotions to break out and never break you again. This time you have me with you." saying that he kissed her forehead.

This never felt awkward or sinful to her instead she felt at home with this small gesture of his.

"I told you. If you have a heart of stone I would be happy and see now my name is engraved for forever." he said smiling at her making her laugh a bit with small tear hitting his arm playfully. "I love you" he whispered.

"Maa was always right. She use to say don't be afraid of these dark clouds, they are surely making it all dark for us but if we wait then these Dark cloud are the one that showers Rain on us. You are my Rain in the dark. I love you Armaan. I love you" she finally confessed.



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