Monday, 27 January 2020

part 2 : MY WORLD UPSIDE DOWN


                                   
I could sense my cheeks wet. But I made no attempt to wipe off my tears…I knew he would do that for me…I would prefer it that way only…my vision was becoming hazier and the noises around me fainter and fainter…but I paid no heed…I drove as fast as I could…yet I couldn't circumvent the dreadful considerations that my brain worked up on…what if he had left? What if I couldn't get to him in time? What if….we never meet again? I couldn't leave room for that possibility… I shrugged my thoughts…that was not even a possibility…I wouldn't let that happen…I couldn't leave him alone…I had promised him once that I would stand by his side in all weathers and now I couldn't back off from my promise…my car came to a halt as I realized I had made it to the airport…I still have no idea where I left my car but I just remember scuttling like fanatics inside the immeasurable antechamber…I glanced all over the horde…there were so many people…with their loved ones…I could hear them amused and giggling…I knew they were laughing at me…coz they had people they loved and I did not…I did not have him…I looked around hurriedly with a ray of hope in my heart…I wished badly that I could see him…even if it was only for the one last time…I looked everywhere
around…but he was not there…I remembered riddhima telling me that his flight would leave at 10 p.m…it was 10:10 now…and anyways the boarding starts before time…now I knew for sure that he would have left…I didn't even know why I came here at the first place…I felt feeble than ever…I could commiserate with my own self… down in the mouth…I fell onto the floor still whimpering…I had lost him once again…and forever…it was all my fault…I should have made an attempt earlier…I should have stopped him…I should have never let him go. Never.

I remembered the day I last saw him…his eyes shouting ache…his face red due to incessant crying…I knew he had come to see me…to talk to me feasibly…I had run away that day…not giving him a chance to say his word…and today…he had done the same to me…I looked at the black vest in my hand…it had been with me since the day I had stitched his wounds after the dreadful fight…I hated him that day for putting himself in so much torment…and I hated him today again…I hated him helplessly…'I love you' I heard myself whispering into the black cloth…I had lost everything…I had lost him…I had lost my life…there was no use sitting there now…I made an attempt to get up and turned around… heading towards an incomplete dreadful existence…and I saw –him…I felt life returning to my cadaver…I couldn't  judge my own feelings…i was relieved…I was…I…I was alive… he was sitting on a chair in some secluded corner of the foyer…he had clasped something tightly in both his hands and rested his head above it…insentience I marched towards him…my pain my hurt all elapsed long back…I don't know if he sensed me near or what but he looked up in my eyes before I could reach to him… I saw him taking fast steps towards me…the pain in his eyes was reinstated with respite…but he was still crying…I think I was bawling too…I stood in front of him and slapped him hard on his cheek before he could say anything…it hurt, that slap…"shon-" he tried to say my name and though I fall in love with my name each time he enunciates it…I slapped him again on the same cheek…I was crying badly now…there was a fresh gush of tears down my cheeks due to the slap…it hurt, that slap…"kyun nhi btaya mujhe?" I said almost in a whisper…I actually doubted if he was able to listen that…"KYUN NAHI BTAYA MUJHE ARMAAN?" I held him by his collar and screeched aloud…he held my hands and just stared into my eyes…I hated him…I hated him badly…"ek baar bol nahi sakte the? Agar…agar aaj main naa aati toh? Kya karte armaan? Kya karte agar main naa aati? Door jaane wale the na…toh kyun nahi gye? Kyun baithe ho yahan? Say it armaan WHY?" I again shouted in the end…that man owed me answers and he had to understand he couldn't always get away with his twinkling eyes and deep dig dimples…"sab kuch mujhe hi karna padega na? hamesha? Why don't you ever say what is in there armaan…why don't you ever just speak!" I beat his strong  chest with my tiny finger as I dug myself into him…I hugged him tight and put my face under his chin…I held him as tight as I could and felt him hugging back too…his hold was firm and he hid his face in my neck…I knew he would never ever leave me. Never.

"coz I don't need to…you understand everything" I heard him whisper in my ear…he kissed my cheek and kissed my neck…he wiped off my tears…just like the way I would have preferred him to…I made my grip tighter-if it was at all possible…





Many days … the whole world seems upside down. And then somehow, and probably, when you least expect it, the world rights itself again.


 KRITIKA CHAWLA

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