Friday, 20 March 2020

AR OS : Prelude to rest of our lives…

She saw a paper dropping out of his white coat when he took a pen out to write prescription on a patient's case sheet. He wasn't aware that she was watching him and she preferred it that way. She could stare at him to all her hearts content without being distracted by his intense gaze and gentle smile in her direction. She was on her break and he was on rounds in general ward. She could see that small slip of paper was fluttering slightly because of his long strides.

She waited at her spot till she was certain that she was out of his peripheral vision. She quickly retrieved the small scrap of paper and moved hurriedly over fire exit to read its contents without being disturbed. She knew that her boyfriend was not exactly a poetic material. Sure he dropped in lines here and there when they were alone, but as far as she knew him, the content was mostly borrowed. Her eyes widened in surprise when she read the words written on that paper.

When thoughts lay heavy on mind, then time, almost always, seems at its slowest. Everything in this world seems trivial when you focus on that one thought, that one need. No one could possibly know how you feel. At that moment, you are truly alone in this world and where no understanding exists. All the other problems that exist in this one life are thrown aside for this one desire...

This desire drives you through the day and it drives you through the night. All your thoughts are filled by it. You are completely consumed verging on the sense of obsession. In the mornings it envelops you as the warmth of the sun and in the nights it comes to you in your dreams; sweet and bitter combined. It makes you want to scream, to cry, and to giggle. It gives a whole bunch of emotions in a go.

Sometimes she is a mother, all nurturing. Sometimes she is a sister, completely annoying. Sometimes she is a daughter, delicate and vulnerable. Sometimes she is a teacher, brilliant and understanding. Sometimes she is the best friend, fantastic listener and great fun to hangout with. But sometimes, she is this person to whom you want to go home to. She is the person with whom you can tell your darkest secrets and your silliest insecurities and yet be confident that even after knowing all these things, she will still treat you the same. She is the person with whom you can fall in love with every new sunrise. This kind of a person exists and she is my girlfriend.

She didn't know what to make of that note. It was the most honest heartfelt words that she had ever read and it beat any kind of romantic poetry any day in her book. She knew that he would never give this to her. It was something private to him and him alone. She wondered if she ever raided her boyfriend's room, could she possibly get more collection of words like these. For a fleeting moment, she decided to not to give him this paper back and keep it for herself. But a thought stuck her and she took out a pen and started to write.

He saw his girlfriend making her way amongst the masses of nurses and ward boys. She stopped in front of him and handed him a sheet of paper. His heart stopped to see her clutching the paper where his most private thoughts were penned.

"You dropped this in general ward. I presume you want it back?" She waved the paper in front of his face. She dropped it in his out stretched palm and offered him a hurried goodbye as she was expected somewhere else. He opened the folds of paper to see her words at the end of the sheet. His face broke into an easy smile and caressed her words gently.

Sometimes being ourselves is not enough, yet we somehow manage to get through this life. But sometimes, you honestly wish that there was someone else to share the things that you are going through however bad it might be; just so that you could be understood better. I stopped looking for that kind of person when I met you.

What people don't realize is that nothing is forever or permanent. People fall in love, sometimes get married and have kids. In the process they get swept away by life and become oblivious to everything around them. It's not like a person stops caring about the other overnight; it's a gradual devolution. Everything has a lifespan and a shelf life; even love, even commitment. Given the state of things, our jobs, our attitudes towards life, you would want to know answers to these questions.

Will we fall out of love? Not if we are equal partners in the relationship. Will we be together for the rest of our lives? We might if we continue to learn things from each other and nurture our relationship every passing day. Will we be happy? I am certain that will be. Today, all I can do is to fall in step with you and be next to you and deal with what ever life would throw at us.



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