Tuesday, 10 March 2020

OS part 1 : Remembering, reflecting and waiting...

The smell was a mixture of freshly plucked green apples, smell of earth after getting soaked by first rain and rich honeysuckle. Every time this smell was in the vicinity of my nose, I knew you were nearby. It was an exotic mixture of spring, monsoon and autumn; both your perfume and your personality.

I had whispered these words as softly I could. Your rich laughter following my proclamation still reverberates in my ears whenever I smell the fresh smell of earth. That laughter was as soft as ripples on a dream. You always said that I was mostly an "autumn"; not too cold but not too warm either. I did not disagree with the fact that I am a little cold person, but it did stung a bit. Your touch was reassuring that day; gentle, cool and full of unspoken protectiveness. At times this strange protectiveness of yours has caused me a small deal of mental turmoil.

My feet were hidden below ankle length stream and my hands busily searching for anything unique inside water when I brought up the topic of your overbearing sense of protectiveness towards me. You had answered not looking at me saying that I was my worst enemy. I had realized now, for a while that you had an uncanny sense of perception that made me realize and accept things that I did not even want to acknowledge. I am not sure if I should thank you or simply shrug you off.

There were times when I had hurt you because of my words. Your eyes bore a crystalline tear like a dew drop on a young leaf at dawn. The tear never left the comfort of your eyes; no words came out of your mouth. Your touch was enough to let me know the depth of your pain and anguish but you had not let me apologize for my words. Every time I made you feel this way, I would die a little death. There was something about your eyes that gave me a strange sense of familiarity; as though they were my closest kin. The aqua of your eyes competed with the color of mid-day summer sky. It was so easy to get lost in that set of eyes, like I was taking a stroll in a never ending maze. Your gaze was strong, long and gentle. It was always a challenge for me to match that gaze in a staring match that we used to play so often. So little words were exchanged during that time but so many things were understood.

You always said that action spoke volumes. Even though I didn't believe that, I didn't disagree either. We were lying on our backs face upwards towards the skies and looking at the fading sun on a deserted shore of a small stream. Our conversation had started from exchanging odd facts about human behavior and with in several minutes it had turned out to a light banter. You simply could not understand my cynicism and I could not comprehend for the love of God, why you were being so sensitive about everything.

"Define love" you had muttered. "Chemically, it involves surging brain elements called monoamines, dopamines, norepinephrine, and serotonin. Love chemicals controlled by phenethylamine, also found in chocolate, peas'" My words were drowned by the roar of your laughter. "Bookworm" you had uttered fondly. I had given you that answer because I wanted to see your dimpled smile in sunset and wanted to burn it forever in my memory.

You disappeared with the last rays of the sun. Now here I am, waiting for you to return from the conference, so that this time, I can bottle your dimpled smile. Also, perhaps I might tell you this time that I really missed you.

To be continued...


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