Sunday, 12 April 2020

AR os : Miracles Happen

Part (b) : It happened..Like that!

3 years.Three Freaking Years. And I'm still living through this.I'm seriously alive and still struggling to pass a genuine and heartfelt SMILE.This has happened to me,I've changed,I know..The old Riddhima Gupta is lost back somewhere and although a part of me still searches for the old me,I pull it back. It hurts. So damn much.Still. The question is Why?

I feel so bitter and unreal,so not at peace and so lifeless.I'm no more a tomboy,No. I'm now THE RIDDHIMA GUPTA,undeniably hot and single.A favourite among my colleagues,a dedicated workaholic.Only work keeps my head off this,my terrible heartbreak,my very brief talks with my family and friends..and Him..I've blocked out everyone from my life.I've created these strong walls around me,preventing the entry of any light in my life. I haven't even tried to let myself free..To love once more.Its just..I feel so defeated.My world revolves around my broken heart and my constant work to cover up my feelings from breaking me further.



I know,my heart knows,that if once more I look into those blue eyes which make me feel I am floating somewhere,I'll be back to myself..Back to the Riddhima,who even if she denies,breathes Armaan's name in her every heartbeat.That's why I've finished it all myself,I've let myself die,I've let darkness surround me,in short..I've put a 'THE END' sign to my feelings.

Again?I'm back to thinking about him?Shit.OhGod,why does this have to be so damn difficult? I do everything crazzy I can manage,still,still it rounds back to this.Armaan Mallik,why don't you just leave ,e and my feelings alone?Why I ever fall in love with you? Right from childhood,I've heard-that God writes someone for someone else and no matter what,it will them in the end,like happily ever afters. The thought makes me snort! I mean,how untrue can this get in my life? Am I the only one whos like this,empty inside..with a void thats only filled with Pain?Why ME?

My cell phone rings and I'm distracted.I sigh on seeing the caller-id.Its Di.The very sister.whom I love so much,and  who my love loves.A terribly heartbreaking combination,isn't it?

"Hey Di ",I say in a tight tone.
"Ridzi,don't you dare say that you are busy else I'm coming there to kill your boss and break down the company buliding.Just Listen.Don't Hang Up.Please."
I could sense that she was adamant and so,"Fine.I'm listening.Go ahead."
"Good.PLEASE,DON'T HANG UP.So what I was saying was..Ridzi,I am getting married." Pause. "Day-after tomorrow is my engagement and a week after that is the wedding.I need you here.No excuses.Please.For me?",her voice pleaded.
I sigh,trying to hold back tears,"Di,we've been through this before-"
"No,Ridz.We haven't.It wasn't my wedding then.Ridz do you hate me so much,that you'll not come to see me off that day when your elder sister is going away forever? Don't you miss me Ridzi..I lost my sister 3 years ago..I'm asking for her once..last time..I know I deserve to be hated what happened with Ar-",her voice was saddening,I could almost sense her trying to sniff back her tears. God,I was hating this every moment.
"Di,No!",I cut her off,not letting her even say the name,"Its just that we're handling some very important clients now,so I don't think I'll be able to attend-"
"Now Will you stop lying!",she said,her voice breaking,"I know you don't even want you see my face..Thats the reason you didn't come home for three whole years! But pleasee..Riddhima..If you still think I'm your sister,For me..I..I miss you..",her voice trailed away and there was silence. She was crying.

No way.I could tolerate anything but my sister crying and worse,when I am the reason.How could I let that sister down,who'd supported me through thick and thin? Just because my heart was broken..How could I? I'd seen them together earlier,right..So one last time..For her..I had to be strong..a thing which I'm horrible at.

"Okay,Di..I'm coming.Don't cry,please..",I said in my softest possible tone.
"Thank You..I love you my sister..Come soon..",she said,sniffing now.
"I Love you too Di..",I replied,cutting the call,but meaning the word.

I closed my eyes and put a hand on my head.I was having a terrible headache now,and it was tiring me all the more.Some silent tears spilled down my cheek and I let them,and finally when I composed myself,I went to my boss' cabin..Already predicting the circumstances.Rohit would be greatly surprised.

"Hey Rohit..",I said,getting in his cabin.
"Ah,My special little workagirlie!! How did you remember me,Miss Gupta? How can I help you?",he asked,smiling.
"I need a leave.For two weeks from tomorrow.",I said.
"WHAT?I don't think I heard you clearly..Um..are You sure someone here who hasn't asked for a leave/half-day since three years is asking for a leave..Or my ears are seriously damaged?",he said,dramatically bringing forward his ear as if it'll let him hear better.
I rolled my eyes,"I'm serious,Rohit.I need a leave..Its my sister's wedding."
"Really?",he said,getting up from his chair and then when I nodded,"GOD BLESS YOUR SISTER! Thank God you're asking for a leave or some day I'd be arrested for making you work constantly and then leading to your cardiac arrest !! Seriously,your sister is a life-saver!",he said,wiping off imaginary sweat from his forehead.
"Rohit...",I started,irritated.
He laughed,"Okay.Sorry..Ofcourse your leave is Granted! Go ahead,Girl,Dance and Sing and Enjoy! Go ahead!",he smiled,giving me a side-hug.
"Thanks!",I said,smiling back and leaving the room.

There was one thing I realised,that these two weeks,somehow..would change my life forever.Maybe I'd get my heart broken once more,more bitterly this time? I laughed sarcastically at the thought.Poor me.

***

I sighed as I collected my luggage from the Mumbai airport and walked ahead to find a taxi. I had made my family agree that no one would come to pick me..I'd come alone.Thank God they'd agreed. I got into the taxi,telling the driver the directions,I leaned back into the seat..Staring at the empty blue sky.Just like my emotions.Devoid of anything except its colour.

I thought of him as  switched on the cell phone. There was a text from him. I was quite surprised.It was his wedding,right? He must've known that Di had called me already..then why was he now- Oh,I guess its just simple courtesy.Sighing,I opened the text.

Hey,you're coming to the wedding,right?:( I miss you..
-Armaan

If only,he knew..that my feelings weren't any hobby that it'd change whenever I am bored with it.I still love him,he still dominates my heart.He is right there in my every memory,flashing his dimples.Maybe he'd notice me now..now that I look like a GIRL,finally..Even if he does,what would it matter? He loves Di,right..He's getting married to her..Armaan,My love my life..My best friend..would be getting married to my sister,in front of my own eyes.I was-

"Madam ji,aapka ghar aagaya..",the taxi driver's voice cut out my train of thoughts. I nodded and got down,paid the man,and put my trolley suitcase beside me.The house was decorated allover,and it pained my eyes to see that flashing sight,as if I'd been in contact with light after staying in 3years of darkness.There was loud talking and chatting,smell of food..People rushing in and out..the typical scenario..

I walked in the house,edging people out of the way.When I looked up,my eyes met with a familiar pair of blue eyes,His eyes..I saw the person I didn't want to see..The groom himself.

I froze on the spot.My blood started constricting,my heart thumped loudly in my chest..At the mere sight of him.Hell,I was losing my senses.But at the same time..I felt alive,like I was living.I yearned to reach out and touch his face,the face that was looking at me with a wide smile,the eyes spoke of something I couldn't decipher.
"Finally,Ri..",he broke the silence and hugged me.

I closed my eyes,processing what was happening.My mind was screaming to push him away,my heart rebelled to hold him..Alteast one last time?The bag from my hand dropped to the floor and I loosened my hold on my suitcase.Going with my heart,I wound my small hands around his strong shoulders and leaned into him,smelling his cologne.He felt so good..the moment felt so right,it almost made me cry to think that he wasn't mine.He didn't love me.I stayed numb in his arms,my throat drying up.
"I missed you..",he said,softly in my ear. We left each other.

I smiled among my teary eyes and nodded,"I missed you too.."
He shook his head,"No..You didn't.You hate me.I know after what happened that day at the airport,you can never forgive me.But Please,Riddhima..Listen to me.There's one truth you don't know.You need to know..",he trailed off.
"Please,Armaan..",I whispered back,"Don't...Don't do this to me..I can't take it anymore.This is your wedding,and.."

He raised his eyebrows at my last words."Wedding,Thats the reason?",he asked,softly,sounding surprised,and then,"Oh My God..Ri,you're getting it all wrong,Its not-"
"RIDDHIMA!",he was cut off by my mom,who ran to hug me.He polietly gave her space,and she hugged me tight,and I hugged her back.I watched him from the corner of my eyes as he mumbled a 'Excuse me' with a smile and left mom and me to privacy. I tried not to cry,the feeling of mom's arms gave me comfort.It was warm.

"Ma..",I whispered,looking at her.
"My Baby..",she said,lovingly,caressing my face,"You've grown so big..MyGod,look at you..You look So beautiful.."
"Finally like a Girl?",I said,jokingly.
My mother shook her head and kissed my forehead,"No..Like the Most Beautiful Daughter in the world...I missed you beta.."
"I missed you too,Ma..I Love You..",I said,hugging her again.
"I Love You too..Is that a thing to say?Idiot..Chalo,Anjali is waiting for you."

The name of Di brought back my pain and I felt guilter than ever,remembering the phone conversation.I'd made her cry..I was regretting my upburst at Armaan every moment now..Even my family had fallen prey to my pain..Oh God..I stopped thinking as we reached Di's room.She looked more beautiful than ever...there was this undeniable glow on her face,of happiness of love,of a perfect bride...She was sitting among sarees and her friends,and jewels,and as soon as she saw me,she hugged me tight.I got my sister back.And it felt good..Seriously good.

After our daily dose of 'Where-were-you-I-missed-you-You-didn't-even-call-me-How-did-this-happen-I-love-you's ,we finally were alone.I was silent as she spoke of how excited she was,how she'd waited for this day..How she was happy that I was there.I knew all those things were true,yet I distangled myself and looked at her,"Di..Are you happy?With jeeju..?",I didn't say the name.It would hurt so much to even think.

She blushed crimson,"OfCourse Ridzi..I am the most happiest person in the world,I Love Him..and there's one more thing..Armaan is Damn lucky,haina..",she laughed as I nodded,trying to control my tears from flowing down as I mumbled,"He is..lucky..to get you.." I looked away,wiped away my tears as my phone buzzed,a text message.

Meet me in the terrace,Its Urgent.
-Armaan.

I stared at the sms,surprised.Why was he behaving so strangely? What the hell was happening? I was getting confused each minute..Its his wedding and he..Cutting out my own thoughts,I excused myself and went to the terrace.There he was,pacing around in circles,his hands on his hips..He looked annoyed,excited as well as..Angry?
He raised his hands as he saw me.
"Thank God..Riddhima,we need to talk."
"About what?",I asked.
He sighed and very gently,said,"Ri..I..I don't love..Anjie.Actually..its..You.."

I struggled to hold on to myself.My head was spinning,my heart thumped loud.What the hell was he saying?He didn't love Di? But how?How can he break her heart?And if he had..Why didn't he tell me before?Oh,I got it..He's probably noticing me..Because I look like a girl.No,no ways..I amn't letting this happen..And when he himself is getting married?

I crossed my arms,ignoring how much it hurt,"Oh?",I said,sarcastically,"So finally..you notice me,because I look like a girl? Seriously,Armaan...How..How can you?"
"Riddhima you seriously think like that about me..?",he asked,stunned,"Ri we were best friends! You knew me best..And you're saying this? Ri,My feelings aren't a joke!"
"So Isn't MINE!",I shouted back,"Its not..Armaan,Its not! It never was!And Look when you're confessing..When you're Getting married.To my sister.Who loves you,Armaan,How DARE YOU BREAK HER HEART after Mine?Aren't you just done?",I yelled,accusing him,anger rising and then,"Wait..You're right.We WERE best friends..Its not we ARE best friends.I don't know this Armaan..I don't know you.My best friend Armaan believed in truth,in love..not in playing games with feelings.."
"STOP IT RIDDHIMA!",he said,grabbing my shoulders tightly that it hurt,"I am saying the truth! I never Loved Anjie..Never! You don't even know what happened back then! And For God's sake..You're getting it wrong.Listen to me!"
My anger gave way to bubbling hurt and tears in me,"I don't belive you.",I said in a hoarse whisper.

For a chance,I was speaking the truth.I could always read his eyes..they were like a open book.When he'd told me that he loved Di,his eyes reflected the love..A love so deep and real,and now..those eyes were scaring me.Threatening me that it would break me again.I couldn't take it.These were not the eyes of my best friend..The Armaan that I'd fallen in love with.This was someone so angry,hurt..and tired.I didn't know what to believe and what not.Even those I'd trusted had broken my heart.I need to get out of this,right now.

He left me at once.His eyes now reflected pure disbelief in my words.He was stunned,shocked,surprised.And all the more,his behaviour puzzled me,hurt me.I hadn't expected this,of everything.He didn't speak.Just stared at me.
"How can you even say that,Armaan..Now when you're getting married to Di?You know how much it'll hurt her?She LOVES YOU!",I said.
"Riddhima..",he said,softly,his eyes closed, and then opened to look at me,"You're getting it wrong.I am NOT breaking Anjie's heart,for chrissake.Yes,You're right that Anjie is getting married but-"

He stopped abruptly,and I looked at my phone.It was ringing.Rohit?,I thought annoyed,Now why was he calling me? Armaan looked at the caller-id,his expression hardened.
"Someone important?",he asked.
A perfect way to rush the situation.To end it right here.And noone would come to know..Di's heart wouldn't break.And me..I'll handle myself,but if this doesn't end here,I'll break down completely,I wouldn't even have strength to live.

"Yes",I lied,"My boss..and..My boyfriend."
He raised his eyebrows,and I saw anger flaming in his eyes.
"Your..BOYFRIEND? You're dating your boss?",he asked,his jaw hardening.
"Yes,I..I lik-I mean,yeah.I amn't single."

He nodded stiffly and left.I sighed to myself and picked up the phone,"Whats it Rohit?"
"Oooh..Oooh,Someone's getting hyper.Sorry sweety..I was just asking,there's a new branch of our company opening in Mumbai.You're one of our most experienced and deicated workers,so I was wondering if you want to shift there?You know because..Your family is there..and home?",he asked.
My mind was too preoccupied,"I'm sorry,Rohit..Gotta go.I'll tell you by tomorrow,is that okay?"
"Yup,fine.Enjoy yourself..Bye!"

He cut the call and I went downstairs.I needed to get my mind fresh.Everything was tiring me.

***

I got out from the bathroom,and my phone rang again.My head was already buzzing with tensions,and Him..Urgh I felt frustrated that he never left me alone.Drying my hair,I saw it was Rohit again.What the heck?This guy was seriously driving me mad..when I used to work,he'd be all ,'go home,get rest' and now,he wants me to transfer somewhere else?Is he insane?

Before I could say anything,"Okay.I'm Sorry,I'm Sorry.Don't kill me Riddhima,Its just that this is NOT related to work BUT is VERY VERY URGENT.EMERGENCY."
"Incase you're asking,I'm not going out with you.",I said sarcastically.
"Yeah,I know.I wasn't going to ask...But this is it all about,Riddhima,do you have a lover or something out there,whos extremely possesive..Some Ar-Arma..Whatever.Something like that.He'd called me a few minutes ago,and he didn't sound happy."
"Armaan called YOU?But he doesn't even know you!",I said,truly astonishted.
"I know,thats the very point !! He was all like,VERY VERY angry and he said exactly,'RIDDHIMA DOESN'T LOVE YOU.SO JUST QUIT GOING OUT WITH HER and STAY AWAY.She's MINE.' Yup,exactly,this."

I stayed silent,taken aback with what Rohit said that Armaan said to him.I was..His?He had a problem that I was going out with Rohit,which wasn't even true,but I told him that and he got angry?Why?He said he didn't love Di...what the hell is happening? I felt I could pull out my hairs any minute,but at the same time,I felt so good.He'd said that I was His.Armaan's Riddhima.

"Riddhima,Say Something!I am getting sweaty out here!I mean,you know Varsha,right?I am married to her,and I LOVE HER! I DON'T Do extra-marritial affairs !What is this happening? Care to explain..Please Speak Up!",he said,sounding extremely panicked.Armaan had definetely freaked him out.
"I'm So Sorry Rohit..I..",then I went on to explain how I'd lied to Armaan.
"Hmm..Okay.But make sure this doesn't happen again!! Varsha will kill me if she comes to know!"
"Ya,ya..I'm sorry.It won't happen again,Promise.Sorry,Rohit..really..I shouldn't have said that to him.Bye.."

I cut the call hurriedly and got out of my room.I needed answers,Very Urgently.Why had Armaan called Rohit..and Threatened him to stay away?When he was getting married to Di?And how did he get Rohit's no.? I was getting more and more muddled up by the second!

I froze as I heard his voice in Di's room.They weren't suppossed to meet before the wedding..so how come..
"You know na,Anjie...I have always loved Riddhima..She's always been the one..",

***


Love,
Maitree

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