Sunday, 24 January 2021

OS : Armaan

She instantly sat on the bed  awake with heavy beads of sweat formed on her skin , her extreme long dark hair slightly wet due to fear lurking within in her, her heart beating heavily. Those blue eyes once again disturbed her dreams, in heart she knew something wasn't right this made her melt into trepidation and fret. She removed the thin piece of fabric that was covering her, her red sari was slightly damp, she felt weak and sick at that notion she got out of bed not disturbing Sid.

The night was dark and gloomy, no trace of the moon and the stars could be seen, it was pitch black lacking significant beauty that the night always brought in her Mansion. She paced around her room anxiously, the worry seemed to expand by the second & nothing made sense.

 Those blue eyes always invaded her life, no matter how hard she tried to let go, it always haunted her, but tonight something was erroneous, she could sense it and all she that could do was wish that he was okay. She slowly crept out of her room, shaking with fear, her body took hold of her trembling and quivering with no extent of her knowledge to why, her head was swinging and dizziness took over her making her ever more nervous for his safety.

Walking around the mansion nervously wishing and praying for his wellbeing somehow slowly the terrace pulled her towards it, her mind only picturing those blue eyes; his blue eyes. A tear escaped her remembering him but she deterred any emotion that seemed to creep in her heart; she wouldn't allow it not when she is Ridhimma Modi.

 Gupta; this word how she wished she never belonged to it, this remark, this name was and is the very sole reason of her state. Her status, her class, her rank and her family name did not permit their love. Tearing and ripping them apart, her marriage to Sid a consequence of virtually lowering her family's name.

She stood at the terrace remembering all the heartache she and he stood & faced for their love; it was never enough for the pride that her family held on their name. He being the lower class was a burden for my name, their name; my father's word still scars my heart til this very day. The day he announced that I would marry Sid Modi.... I never saw him again, he disappeared, vanished out of my life leaving me no other choice but withstand the punishment my family thought right. A year has passed and she composed herself to her husband's name, burying all her memories deep in her heart.

She wiped her uncontrollable tears, shuddering off the memories that haunted her to this very day. She stood there, still standing in the terrace, the wind fiercely blowing at her face splashing all her life in her eyes in a matter of instants.

 Tears were fighting to get out, her hair pushed by the wind, she grasped the iron steel of the balcony closing her emerald green eyes instantly at his touch. Her bare waist was held by a familiar hand, he pushed her hair aside revealing her bare skin, his lips touched her neck kissing it tenderly, her eyes shut at refutation that her husband had been awake and witnessed her state, he turned her around, kissing her at her forehead; the place He used to always kiss, a tear run down her eyes remembering Him. Her eyes still shut while the hand wiped the tear slowly off, his hot breaths neared her ears whispering "I love you Ridhimma" she opened her eyes immediately by the sound of his familiar voice.

Those prcising blue eyes staring at her, her heart seemed to stop beating, her breaths increased heavily, her body shaking constantly , her eyes wondering if it is really him. She slid down due to her weakling knees she closed her eyes opening them again not believing the sight, he slid down to her level, wiping the tears that had fallen, she couldn't speak, she couldn't believe that it is really him, his touch felt so pure, so light.

Silence drowned the mansion; joy had overtaken her, a sort she thought life would never be kind enough for her to experience again. She hugged him tightly; he kissed her forehead once again, saying nothing he pulled out of the hug, reaching to his pocket he pulled out a payal. She smiled widely seeing it, she whispered "that's mine" he just nodded with a tear in his eyes. His hands reached for her ankle enlacing the payal around it, placing it with a kiss.

Another tear escaped her eyes, his eyes reached hers again and their memories were weaving their love again that once was broken by fate. Both said nothing, their silence spoke thousand words, both were crying, their hearts lament for them, they seemed so lost at each other conveying all their emotions. He neared her, kissing her forehead with all his passion, and his hand slid down her face closing her eyes while whispering "Goodbye Ridhimma".

 She opened her eyes again, battling to know what he meant, as her eyes fell at the place he was she saw nothing, empty & gone. At that moment a soft breeze reached, kissing her for the last time. Tears run down her face stilling fighting with her thoughts that he was here with her. Without further inner battle, she run crazily outside calling for him, for his touch, for his eyes, nothing mattered anymore but him. She searched every corner of the mansion and its surroundings desperately to find nothing and no one.

At that moment a sadness took over that was unimaginable, her heart seemed to break all over again, her demons and worries seemed to return as the trembling feeling caught up with her, sweat once again formed, fear brushing away all the joy and fulfilment  she gained seeing him. She knew something was terribly ill. She returned inside, her body lifeless.

She couldn't sleep the whole night, fear not fleeing from her, sadness and worry capturing every corner of her body, mind and soul. She cried silently on the terrace, hoping not to wake up Sid. The sun ray hit her face, disturbing her, she woke up unaware how and when she fell asleep.

The memories of last night rushed back distorting her clear thoughts and image with his deep blue eyes. Another tear slipped out of her and down at her tear stained face, her imagination playing vividly with her she concluded and wiped her tear. Standing up she began pacing towards the large kitchen.

 A slight peaceful sound following her, she failed to recognize what it is and where it is coming from, she turned at every direction possible to glimpse where the sound is coming from but no luck. She took another step, the sound returned, she looked down, shock painted on her face, there was her proof for his existence last night, her payal.

Tears seem to never leave her eyes, she ordered one of her servants named Ramu Kaka to immediately to find whereabouts of him. That was three hours ago; her heart felt heavy and sad; not knowing how last night had happened.  She ran across at the door as she heard a faint knock, leaving the servants and her husband in utter shock. She opened the door wide, her eyes asking a shaken Ramu Kaka thousands of questions, he looked down sad and unable to look at her, she shook him and asked "where is he? How is he?" Ramu Kaka remained silence adding to her worries. He finally whispered " He is no more, he passed away last night". Her hands left Ramu Kaka, the tears were unstoppable, she fell on her knees slowly, denying the fact again and again, shaking her head sideways in denial she got up in tears whispering" nahi nahi" backing away and rushing to her room, Sid followed.

Ridhimmmmma Ruk  gao, she can hear Sids demanding voice, her legs carrying her as fast as they could to her room, images of his eyes and last night flashing, how could she believe he left her, it's not possible her thoughts were yelling at her, she reached her room and closed the door shut, locking it.

She slid down the door with tears and denial, she took of her mangalasutra, wiped her sindoor, took out a piece of paper and wrote.

Dear Sid,

I am sorry, but one day you shall understand these words.

I came in the world as Ridhimma Gupta.

Dreamt of being Ridhimma Malik.

Became Ridhimma Modi.

All this time, I have only been his Ridhimma.

She placed the letter on his bed side table, with the mangalasutra. Tears still beaming at the loss she faced today, she rushed to her cupboard taking out a bottle. She slowly walked to the terrace in her room, looked up at the sky with tears in her eyes, sid's knocking had became aggressive so much so that it sent shivers to her body.

Ridhimmmmaaa  OPEN THE GOD DAMN DOOR! Were his last words before he broke the door and entered the room, she layed on the terrace lifeless, a sudden worry shocked his body, he rushed towards her placed her head on his lap, with tears in his eyes, he called out for help!

Her eyes were slightly open, in Sids arms she laid but images of his blue eyes shattering in her mind, tears were clouding her image of Sid, her memory retorted back to him again, to his, to his blue eyes, his dimpled smile, to his face. She took her last breath drowned in his memory and spoke her last word in his name, she merely whispered Armaan.

"Ridhimma sirf Armaan ke hai & Armaan sirf Ridhimma ka hai" These two names shall always and forever remain together.

All love stories don't have a happy ending but that doesn't mean they are not successful. 


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