Tuesday, 23 June 2020

Part 14: CLOSURE?TO BEGINNING

She looked at her eyes shocked. Seeing Riddhima's eyes piercing her's she looked away hurriedly. The fear is definitely creeping in making her numb to counter replying. "No .Di. . .i .its nothing like that. . ." and she turned her back not meeting her eyes. But Riddhima already has her answer so she came round  and stands in front of her.



" Is it?." she said holding up her chin. " Do u think u can hide it from me always?. . . I had let u go that day, but not today Shilpa. . .I always knew that u loved Armaan. . .I had seen that in ur eyes back in Sanjeevani . . .and I can still see it. . .there is no point rejecting  as I can see through ur heart clearly  . ." Riddhima uttered her each words with firmness making her flinch and helpless.




Shilpa's eyes become misty and her vision blurred. She knows she can't be able to hold it anymore. Whom she kidding? Her every wall of defense collapsed and she broke down in Riddhima's arms, "I am .sorry. . .Di. . .I am . ..so.rry. . .pls don't hate me. . .pls"



At first Riddhima becomes socked at her reaction. What the heck she is saying? Why would she hate her? Then it comes to her that actually Shilpa is afraid that she will hate her after knowing that she loved Armaan. But may be she is right in feeling so as her previous behavior with her regarding Armaan was never on happy terms. But now things hav been changed and she smiles at her crying sister and begins to sooth her rubbing her back .Her tears also flowed seeing her little sister in so much pain…. "Shh. . ..shhh. . .Shilpa .don't cry. . .pls . . .don't cry. . ."



 Riddhima parts from the hug and holds her chin up,"Shilpa . . .look at me. . ." and she looked up teary eyed.  "Shipa . . ..u don't have to be sorry for anything. . .I didn't wanted to make u cry. . .Shilpa. . . I don't hate u and I don't have any grudge against u. . .Infact. . . I AM sorry , I have not thought about ur feelings. . .its my fault. . ." Riddhima looks down ashamed.





"No .di . . ." She shakes her head violently refuting her claim, "Its not ur fault. . .I betrayed u. . .I . . I. ..shouldn't have fallen for him."  Her voice chokes and Tears of resentment flow from her eyes. The torturous feeling of betraying her own sister is screaming in her conscience. She never wants her Di to be sad and that too, for her.



Riddima smiled through her tears at her childish sister. "Pagal. . . can Love ever be planned? . . .it just happens. . .Its not in our hand  whom we should love. . .our heart just take us to the direction it has settled for us . . .when u love some one , it only proves that u have a heart that can feel. . .so don't think like this ok,. . .Its may be my luck, that he loves me. Or may be because I came in his life before u. . . but that does not mean that ur love is false or u can't fall in love with him. . ." She of all the people knows what Armaan is capable of doing to a woman's heart. Just like a magician he charmed his way into your heart even before u knows and then he owns it. Never to leave it even if u tries so hard. And there will be no way out than to fall helplessly in love with him. So how can she blame this little innocent soul? She is rather amazed at the strength of this girl and can not help but adore her. "U r an amazing person, Shilpa. .No one will want to leave a girl like u in their life time. . . ." and she hugs her



She sobs in relief as now she is out of one of the biggest fear of her life, her sister's hatred. She feels like some heavy rock is lifted from her heart.  "Di .trust me. . . I never thought I will fall for him . . .I don't know what it is but something just pulled me towards him. . .the more I wanted to stay away from him the more I felt him closer to me. . ." Shilpa feels that she is again going to loose herself in her past. The wonders that the man had created on her. The immense and magical pull by which he just with a flicker of eyes taken her everything. She is still amazed; puzzled and astonished with every little step that taken her towards him even without her own knowledge. She would have been lost in all those memories all over again if the wall clock does not strike making her jolting out of her thoughts.  She suddenly remembers where she is and with whom she is talking. Again her fear begins to settle down at the pit of her stomach as she thinks what would Riddhima going to  think of her when she saw Riddhima looking at her with an expressionless face. She grabs Riddhima's hand tightly to make her understand that she didn't mean to do any of it intentionally. " But belive me Di,  when I get to know that U r his love. . .I tried to go away from him.  Really. . .but,it was too late then. . " She lowers her eyes at her inability.



" I trust u Shilpa. . .But u should have told him . . ." Riddhima wants to

know if she loves him this much then why didn't she told him. I mean yes, he loves Riddhima but at that time she was not with him. " And may be . . . u know . .he would hav moved on with u . . ." Though this whole idea seems incredulous to her own ears, knowing Armaan , but she could not help but ask her. But more than Armaan she is eager to know what she thinks. Why exactly she stepped back.



"Move on?. . .Di, People move on IN their life. . .They can't move on FROM their life. . Di , for Armaan u r his life. . .And u will always be. .   I hav seen the passion, the hurt and the pain with which he loved u. . He can never be of anyone else. . . I am happy that I realized this truth before I took any wrong step. . . .And now when I turn back, I found myself being foolish to fall in love with him. . . But then it was never in my control. ." She sighs wondering that out of all people she is telling all these things to Riddhima. Riddhima is the last person on the earth she

wants to talk about this But then why was she not feeling any kind of hesitation? Why is it so easy to talk to her? It feels like she was waiting for someone like her to come and hear her out.  May be because she is talking more like a sister to her rather than Armaan's wife. She is amazed at the calmness of Riddhima. Can any wife be so patience to listen to an another girl taking about how she loved her own Husband? But then it is Riddhima, who always cares about the others before herself.  And more over it shows how much unperturbed and strong her trust lies on her love. No wonder God has blessed her with so much love and that one perfect lover. And she felt proud to hav a sister like her.





" And that's why u left all of us?. . .Even me?" Though Riddhima is overwhelmed by the maturity and mental strength of her sister but she could not keep in check the little complaining tone that came out with her question.



She nods lowering her head "Believe me Di, it was not easy for me also . . .I wanted to stay for u, with u  . .I really did. .But then, It was not easy to see the man whom u love so deeply, will never love u back. . .its hurts Di. .it hurts too much. And I could not bear that. . .".She admits.

Her eyes beaming with tear. It hurts still so much. She can still hear the deafening sound of her broken dreams. She is a human after all.



Riddhima at once takes her in a warm embrace, "I am sorry Shilpa . . .I am so  sorry. . ."she is feeling guilty for her sister's state. She knows she is indirectly the cause of her little sister's pain. She could only ask for her apology. " But . . .But . . .u can at least hav told me. . ."though she herself don't know what would she hav done if she had told her.



 And that's exactly sounded in Shilpa's question" And what would u done if I dold u? . ."



Riddhima can not but stare at her blankly. It is true , when it comes to Armaan , she is as helpless as her. . She can not bring herself to from a solid answer.  "I . . .ummm. . .I.."



 Shilpa smiles at Riddhima's condition. She knows her Di wants to help her, but its not always easy " Its ok Di. .  I know. . .u could not have  done anything. .It was destiny . . .we were never meant to be. . ."



 " But Shilpa. . ." Riddhima tries to argue very well knowing that she is fighting a lost battle.



" No buts Di. . .he loves u. . .and that's the reality. . .u have only said na that love can not be forced . If I told u then, may be u would hav stopped ur steps towards him but what would it result? Will that made Armaan to love me back. . .U know that is impossible Di. . . what is left is pity or sympathy and I can never accept that in return of my love. . .so. I think we do not go there. . . It would result in only pain, hurt and guilt. . .I accepted that what happens was always meant to happen and we hav to be satisfied with that. . . and u better accept it too di. . .U both r happy. . .and I am happy to see the persons I love most in the world are happy. . ." She said looking at Riddhima's eyes while Riddhima's eyes become watery. She caressed Shilpa's chin. Is shilpa the same girl who happens to be a prank star and do frivolous activities around Sanjeevani?  Or shilpa is this girl who can put forward the biggest complications of life in simple philosophies? Who she actually is?" u really have a golden heart Shipa. . . "Riddhima can not but utter.  Today her little sister made her look small before her.



 Shilpa decided there is enough of serious atmosphere. She really don't want to waste this blissful time with her di in these grim talks. She wants to enjoy her last moments with her." Yea. . .that I know. . ." she chuckles through tears



Riddhima smiles and puts a sweet kiss on her fore head. Riddhima guides Shilpa to the bed and both sat there with Shilpa's head against Riddhima's shoulder… "Shilpa,. . ."



" Humm. . ."



" Why didn't u let Armaan tell me . U has given the picture to Sid to tell me that, .Right.?. . . but then ,why did u prevented Armaan from telling me?



She straitenes her head from Riddhim's shoulder and lowers her eyes " Wo Di. . .yes I have told Sid to tell u. . .but After some days when Sid came to me. . ."



" Sid?. . .came here?" she asks startled. She does not know anything about this, but then the two person concerned here are not really in touch with them. And she can't blame them for it.



" Yes Di. . .he came here before leaving for US. . .In fact we are still in touch . . .Its because of him that I got this job and he will be working with me there. . .so ,where am I . . .yes, From him I came to know that u both got together. . .so .I thought I should not create more problems for u .If u have known who I am u should have felt guilty. . .I have already seen Armaan's Guilty Eyes, I can not bear u being guilty too ,and that also for me. . . I thought it was the safe way if u don't know it. . ." She admits.



Riddhima does not know that Sid did all this behind them and she can not but thank him enough for this. He had taken care of Shilpa when they had failed..  She was grateful that once in her life she had the chance to know this man.  But she can not help smiling at Shilpa's innocent reasons. And hugs her again. "U are just crazy Shilpa .u know for ur childishness what would I have lost?" and she holds Shilpa's chin up and kisses her forehead " I would have lost a lovely sister like u. . .then I could not have forgiven myself"  Shilpa smiles and hugs Riddhima tight.



" But Shilpa why do u want me to be apart from u again?. . .Havn't I done my waiting enough. . .I don't want to loose my sister again. . .Pls  don't go . . for me. . ." Riddhima parts from the hug and holds her shoulder. She don't want to loose her again. If there is anyway to stop her she can do anything.



Shilpa can see all this in her eyes, The love, the craving, the hurt, the pain everything. And it pierced her heart. Her heart screams to give Riddhima all that she wanted. After all it's also what she herself wanted. But now it's not going to be possible. She can not back out. If she steps back now all her efforts will go down to sea. And she will be measurable again. She hav to be firm for Riddhima , for him and for herself also. It's the last possibility of her survival and she is not going to let it go . And it in turn will made them all happy . So, she speaks out with all her existing efforts. " Di . .  U will never going to loose me . . .I am always there for u. . But this time u have to let me go. .. .    for me  di" She added when Riddhima opens her mouth to argue. " I can not go if u stop me but then it will only be my shadow that will live with u. . . I want to give u the real Shilpa . . . It's not me. . . I hav to search for myself, the real me . . and I can not do this living here di. . ." She looks at Riddhima's eyes pleadingly, " Pls let me go di. ."



And Riddhima knows that She can't do anything now. She can't be that selfish to make her force to leave all the chance of a new life just because she wanted to be with her. She deserves to live happily. And she should support her. She needed her support in this new step of her life and she can't deny that to her. After all it's for her happiness. And she should be happy to help her find that. She looks at her eyes and slowly nods her head with a teary eye.



Shilpa smiles and hugs her again. Riddhima sobs in her embrace " But only in one condition. . . U have to keep contact with me. . .Call me regularly . .and if any problems comes just give me a call . .  I will be there. . ."



Shilpa chuckles at her Di's concerns but at the same time felt warm from inside. So, is this the feeling of having a real family? It feels like heaven. She parts Riddhima and wipes her tears "Of course Di . . . I know u r there for me. .and I will always thank god that he gave me u. . ." .'And thank u too Armaan ' she thought in her mind  now as she realizes that she would not hav her di this time in her arms if he had not decided to break her promise. " I love u Di. ."



" Me too" Riddhima Tight her hold around her one more time taking in all the beautiful moments that she had with her.



And with some sweet talks, cherishing each others company .and talking about their childhood and life like two long lost friends they drifted off to a peaceful sleep.

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