Tuesday, 9 June 2020

part 2 : Darkness and Hope(os)

I don't know from how long I am sitting in my car outside her house but I just don't want to leave. It's like there is this invisible thread between us that is stopping me from starting the engine and leaving her alone.

Just before leaving the car she had told me "I'll be alright Armaan... I promise..."

"Okay.." I had replied, unsure myself, as she got out of the car and entered the house. But I just couldn't.

 It's already freezing out here with snow around me but I am not feeling cold. Its coz her feeling, her warmth is still with me, beside me in the car. Rolling down the car window, I look at her window for one more time. "I hope what she said is right this time.." I tell myself, looking at her window for the last time. Starting the engine, I look back at the road and turn to go towards my destination- my house.

Keeping the keys in the key holder, I look around the empty house and everything is kept the way I had left in the morning. Sighing, I walk towards my bedroom and sit on the bed. Looking at the floor with my hands in the hair, I close my eyes as her angelic face appears in front of me. But I am not smiling coz her face isn't. My mind is completely blank and I don't know how..just how can I help her. She has closed all the ways for me and I know one thing for sure- I am not that strong. I am not...it's just a matter of time when I'll take her out of her misery and the smile that she always had on her face will be back on her face and on mine's too.

Getting out of the shower, I look at my cell to make sure I don't have any missed call or msgs.

"no miss call and no new messages.." I shake my head lightly.. "Hopefully she'll be alright this time.." I keep on telling myself. Keeping the cell on my side table, I jump inside the warm bed and cover myself with a comforter.  I am looking at the ceiling when I slowly turn and look at the empty space beside me. I touch it with my hands as her giggling face appears in front of me.

"I am allowing you to sleep this side but after marriage you'll have to shift this side..otherwise.." she said giving him a 'don't-mess-with-me' look.

"otherwise..what?" with a crooked smile, he pinned her hands on both sides and moved on top of her making sure not to crush her with his weight.

"otherwise...you'll be..."

"I'll be what..." he whispered coming closer, his eyes not leaving hers. "punished.." she whispered as her skin came in contact with his lips.

"Punishment...like what...like this?" he asked moving his head in the crook of her neck. He placed light kisses on shoulder moving to the other side, making her moan as he nibbled on her weak spot. Releasing his hold from her hand, her hands moved to his head, ruffling his hair as she pulled him towards herself. His hands slowly touched her bare waist and she shuddered at the contact. Breathing heavily, Armaan looked up in her eyes and all he could see was "LOVE- love for him, the same feeling he had for her. His lips touched hers and she opened her mouth as his tongue moved inside. Holding the ends of her top, he pulled it over her head breaking the kiss for a second before their lips met again. 

Once out of breath they pulled away and he looked in her eyes "Are you sure?" he asked and all she could was nod her head.

"Never been more sure.." smiling she said pulling him as their lips met once more.

For other's it may be wrong but for me it was the moment we called "LOVE". Love, it was and it is- the only feeling helping me in moving ahead. If it wasn't for this love, I would have died. Died the day when I got back and the life changing truth came in front of my eyes. It's also the same love that I know she still has for me but is scared to show. Just one chance...one chance is all I need to show her that I'll be there with her, for her what so ever the consequences are. 

With sleep miles away I get up from the bed and reach the window. Sitting beside the window, I see her making faces while eating her favourite ice- cream at 2:00 in the night. Only she can do something like this.

"Riddhima..." Standing behind her he wrapped his hands around her waist and kissed her on the cheek. She giggled as his cold lips touched her nape. Pretending to be angry, she tried getting out of his hold only to make him tighten it around.

"Armaan..let me eat my ice-cream.." she said trying to wiggle out as he shook his head.

With a naughty smile on his lips, he grabbed her hand and spoon- feed himself before she could eat it. Earlier she was pretending but now she was actually mad. No one, meaning no one can eat and get away easily.

"Here eat and finish it. I am going home..." she turned to go only to be caught by him. He turned her around and made her look at him. A smile appeared on her lips as she looked at him. Holding his ears he mouthed "I am sorry.." making a cute puppy face. She covered her face with her hand to not look at him. Armaan being the ultimate- lover boy noticed her expressions and brought one scoop in front of her.

"I love you..." he said making her look at him. She opened her mouth and ate it as a smile appeared on his face watching her eat.

"Fine..But I am still little mad.." she pointed her finger at him, pouting her lips and took the bowl from his hand. Reaching the window she sat on her favourite place beside the window crossing her legs with the bowl in her hands. This place had so many beautiful memories of them. It was the same window from where he saw her for the first time when she was trying to cross the road. The same window where he confessed his feelings for her and the same window where she mouthed the words, he was dying to hear "I love you too..."

They have spent numerous nights just sitting there talking about themselves and their future which was filled with love watching the moon and stars- the only witness to their love.

 I touch the window with my fingers, the same way she used to do watching the snow remembering the beautiful moments we spent together. I don't know if I'll ever get the chance to re-live those moments. As everyone says "live the moment". So that's what I am doing- living the moments and enjoying every minute of it.

As the light sun rays hit the window, I rub my eyes and look around. Morning is back, bringing with itself the dread emotions that I am too scared to feel. Never in my life, I imagined the beautiful mornings to be this painful. I just hope what she said last night is true and she'll be looking the same as I saw her last night.

Getting up from the sitting position, I stretch to relax my muscles. I check my cell and no miss call or msgs. After taking a shower, I reach downstairs and prepare my breakfast- all her favourites.

"Just look at you, you are putting weight eating this junk food. That's it, from now on you are going to be eating healthy and don't even think about it" she said turning around and pointing the spatula at him "I am not gonna melt at your puppy face this time, the one you are making right now...Healthy means HEALTHY..." 

That was the day and today is the day- I haven't eaten any junk food in breakfast even though we are not together anymore.

 Looking at the time I jump out from the chair and grab my bag. "Sh**, I am late". I grab my car keys and lock the door. Reaching the car, I throw everything in the back seat and start the engine.

Getting late by approximately 15 minutes, I enter the office and look around. I can't see him, so I quickly enter my cabin only to come face-to-face with him.

"You are late.." He tells me, keeping the file on the desk.

"And I am sorry..." I reply moving towards my chair. I sit and he sits in front of me.

"Where were you yesterday? I tried reaching you but ..."

"I had some personal work and I had informed about it before leaving the office" I say getting frustrated at his constant interrogation.

"And what kind of personal work are you talking about?" he asks and although my hands are itching to beat the sh** out of him, I can't coz I have promised someone. 

"I can't tell you.." I get up from the chair and move towards the window. In no way, I am going to tell him about Riddhima. She is already going through a lot and I don't want to add more to it.

"I hope your 'personal work' has nothing to do with Riddhima. Even she wasn't at home yesterday.." he says stressing on the word 'personal'. I don't know how in this world is she standing this guy? This   guy has no sense of values, no respect for her and still she wants to live with him.

"JUST STOP IT OKAY..." I turn around and grab his shirt pushing him into the wall. "What we had and what we shared is in the past so stop bringing her in every conversation and leave her alone. She has already suffered a lot and this attitude of ours is not helping her either." I tell him, anger dripping from my face. His hands are on my hands trying to release from my grip.

Before I can even move away, the door opens and the person I am least expecting at this moment is standing at the door looking at us in horror

"Once again I failed her.." My mind tells me as I release my grip from his. He moves away but I don't care coz my eyes are fix on that one person who means the world to me who at this moments is not even looking at me.

"What are you doing here?" I hear him speak to her and not in any friendly tone. My hands are curled up at my sides.

"I came to give you the file, the one you asked for.." holding the file in her shaking hands, she brings it in front of him. Taking it out of her hands roughly, he grips her hands and pulls her out of the cabin, directly telling me what's gonna happen next.


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