Monday, 15 June 2020

Part 6 : CLOSURE?. TO BEGINNING

Riddhima is struggling with the patient. Her BP is falling continuously. She is deteriorating every minute and now Riddhima is getting tensed. She is getting distracted by the memories that she has with the patient, Roma.  She has bonded well with her. Roma is a very sweet person and she loves her husband and their going to be child very much. Even before going for the operation she said to save the child if something happens to her. Riddhima at 1st refused to do the operation as she is really attached to the patient but Roma declined to do the operation without her. But now the thought of loosing her is making Riddhima nervous.  Roma is dependent on her. But the situation is now slipping out of her hand.  Her eyes become watery. She badly needs a support and the thought itself leads her to only one man and her eyes unconseousely dart to the viewing gallery. There he is. Right there in front of her. Her life-support. Smiling towards her .It feels like a weight suddenly leaves her heart and her nerves calms down. Her body relaxes. It's really amazing how he is always there when she needs him and its more amazing how his mere presence can affect her. He blinks his eyes in assurance and mouths "You can do it. . ."



 A small smile comes to her lip and she nods. It's like getting a new power and conviction all of a sudden. She takes a deep breath and again concentrates on the operation. After more than half hour of struggle the patient's condition stabilizes. She has to do a pre mature delivery but the mother and the child both are fine now. She breathes in relief and look towards the gallery again. But now he is not there. She wonders if she saw a hallucination. She watches the clock that confirms that it was well past the time of resuming his duty. She comes out from OT and goes to the nurse station



" Sister Lovely ,have u seen Dr. Armaan?" she enquires.



" Yes ji, He is in Children ward. . .by the way , how was the surgery ?"



" Its good .done a pre mature delivery but both mother and child are safe. . ."



"Ohje .congratulation ji. ."



" Thank u sister Lovely. . ." she smiles . So she had not seen any hallucination. He was there. But now she has to see him. So she heeds towards the children ward where she meets with the most adorable sight ever. Armaan is sitting on one of a child's bed with one of them in his lap and the other is encircling his neck from behind while a small one is tugging at his hand to have his attention. She smiles widely at the amount of competition she has here. Actually the competition is in whole of the hospital .She has to fight hard to get his attention here. From the old lady to the small child everyone is after him. She some time wonders how he keeps all their expectation. It's really amazing how he can touch everyone's heart in matter of few moments. She is proud of him. And she is proud that she has this man in her life. She looked at him for some time intently but then a thought occurs that made her blush and she lowers her eyes and that very moment he looks toward her.



He was playing with the kids when he feels something. He very well understands the feeling. It always happens whenever Riddhima is near. He looks towards the door and she IS there. Her eyes lowered and she is blushing? He really wants to know what it is that is making her blush that much and he is quite sure that it is related to him someway so he gets up and goes towards her. When he comes near she looks up and he can see happiness, love, admiration, hope and something that he can't decipher, in her eyes."Hey, . . what's happened? " he asked softly.



She shakes her head in a no. "Nothing. . .Armaan. .can I talk to u? . ."



 He looks at the clock. May be its time but he also wants to know what she wants to tell him. Then said. "Ok. . .after 5 minutes . .fire escape. . even I want to tell u something. . ."She nods and goes from there.



After 5 minutes he comes to the fire escape. She is already there, standing against the wall, lost. He comes to her. "Busket." he calls her softly.



She looks at him and he sees tears beaming in her eyes. He gets worried. Suddenly the scene from operation theater comes on his mind. The thought of how vulnerable she looked back then. He wanted to be there with her but could not as he has to attend his duty. Did something go wrong back there? "Hey, What happened? Busket, . . tell me. .is Roma ok?" he cups her face.





 She nods her head slightly and hugs him tight which she wanted to do from the time she got out of OT." I was so scared,  Armaan I. . I thought that I can't save har .  .I was loosing her. . . I was loosing my faith. .All I can see is her smiling face. . .how she told me about her child. . .She was so happy in the morning . . .We talked for some time and then. . .then every thing changed. . . I was so afraid Armaan. . .I know I am a senior doctor . . .I can't show my vulnerability to others .But. .but I can't help. . .I was afraid for the child. . .If I couldn't save it what will I tell to her? She trusted me so much. . . I couldn't have forgiven my self if anything happened to them. ." she continues sobbing in his arms seeking comfort from him.



 All the time he listened to her and rubbed his hand on her back soothing her. She is so sensitive. But that's his Busket.  It is her this sensitive nature that always gives him the feeling to protect her from every kind of pain however small that can be. He parts and makes her seat with him at the stair and cupping her face he wipes the tears with his thumb that came out of her eyes. " Shhh. . .Busket. . .don't say  that. . .You have done everything u could..I knew u can do it . .u r the best.(kisses her forehead)  .But u have to understand Riddhima that we can't do everything. . .we are doctors ,not God .We can do only whatever in our hands and I am sure u have done everything that is in ur hand. ." she nods her head innocently he smiles and takes her in his arms and continues in his soothing  voice, " don't blame urself , Riddhima. . . ur vulnerability is not ur weakness it's only shows that u r a human and a very good one indeed. . .But as a doctor we have to control our feelings. . .if we get nervous, patients are bound to get too. . .so just try to be strong and do ur best . It's only what we can do right?." He slowly rubs her cheek and looks at her eyes seeking response.



 She nods her head. This kind of talks are so much used but coming from him it always gives her the mental and emotional strength that she needs. It givess her the feeling that there is someone she can lean back. She is much more relaxed and composed now.  His security and warmth is encircling her and she feels safe there.



" So .how is Roma  now ?'he enquires.



" She is Fine .we have a pre mature delivery  but both of them are fine. . .u know Armaan it's a boy .and he is sooo adorable. . ."she thinks dreamily.



" Really?"



" Hummm" she snuggles up more in his hold.



" Armaan. .?"



 " Huu?"



" Thank u. . ."



" What for?



"For being there."



" I will always be  Busket. . " and he squeezes her into him more. They seats there like this for some time in silence then Riddhima broke it.



 " Armaan . . .u said u want to talk to me. . .what is it?..." and that brings him back to the hard reality. He remembers he thought of ways to tell her at the time of coming here but after seeing her in that condition he forgot every thing.  But now he has to tell her. It brought the urgency of the situation back. He parts from her.  "Yes Riddhima. . I . . I want to tell u some thing. . .it's really important. . . I . . umm" he struggles with how to start the conversation.



Riddhima at first becomes a little disappointed after loosing his warmth but as she looks at him, she can see the creases of worried lines on his forehead. She can feel he is troubling with some thing and it's serious. It worries her. "Yes Armaan . . .Tell me. . .I am listening. . ." She squeezed his hand …



 "Wo . .Wo . . .Riddhima. I. . .I. . . Want to tell. . .".he fumbles.



 "Yes Armaan. . ."she encourages. He has to tell her now. He draws in a long breath,  "Riddhima. . .actually . . ." he begins. ...


  His pager beeps. He curses it thousand times. He looks at it. It's an emergency. He has to report immediately. He fists his hand and thinks of throwing it. But then, controls himself. . As if things are not difficult enough already, that now he has to wait more. He takes a long breath, "Busket. . .have to go. . .emergency."



She becomes disappointed. She knows there is something serious that is troubling him. She has noticed since yesterday and she thought that he is now going to tell her that. But now he can't. She holds his hand "Armaan. . . r u alright?"



He presses her hand. "Yes Riddhima. . .I am alright. But I can't talk to u right now. . .I have to go. . ."



" Armaan,  r u sure na ?"



" Yes Busket. . .I am sure. .Bye. ." He places a soft kiss on her forehead and hurries from there leaving Riddhima in a pool of worry.





The ride back home was in silence which did not break in the dinner table too. As Riddhima looks at Armaan she can see that he is lost somewhere .She remembers that how Armaan tried to talk to her in rest of the hospital hours but they could not get the time for one or another reason be it duty or their friends. How she wish that she can take those worried look from his eyes and it will only be possible if he talks to her. She looks at his food and the food is still in the plate as it is. He had not taken one byte and is just playing with the spoon. Riddhima has had it enough. She can't see him like that. She keeps her spoon down.



" Armaan. . .what is it??"



His thoughts broke ." Huh?. . .have u said something?"  he asks her.



" Yes Armaan ,I said what is it ?. . .I am noticing u are not in urself and that  too from yesterday. . .Did something bad happened? Why r u  so worried? . .It's scaring me Armaan. . .Why don't u tell me what's bothering u?" she asks all concerned. He knows he is not doing it right. He doesn't want to make her worried but still he is struggling how to tell her.



 " Riddhima . .wo. ."



" Don't even dare to make me fool. . .it's enough Armaan. . .U know I can't see u like this. . .just tell me Armaan." she is angry now. It's now getting on her nerves.



He become stiff for some moment then sighs. "Ok .Riddhima. . .I'll tell u. Lets just get over with the dinner." She nods and they finish the dinner as soon as possible.





After dinner Armaan made her seat in the couch and went to the bed room .He goes to the closet and opens his locker. He takes out a brown envelop. For sometime he just stared at it. He doesn't know what consequence he has to face. Either it will pass smoothly, and if that happens he will be one of the happiest man, but if it takes some unwanted turn things will bound to get more complicated to handle. But what ever happens he is ready for it now. He takes a long breath to gather all the courage and comes out of the room taking it with him.





She was seating on the couch thinking about what may be the reason. After sometime she sees Armaan coming out with an envelop in his hand. He seats beside her. He continues to look at that envelop for some moment making Riddhima puzzle. " Armaan. . .what's this?"



He sighs and hands the envelop to her. " Open it."



 She looks at him for a moment then opens it and it shows a picture there. She takes that out. It is like a family picture with a small girl and her parents. She looks at the picture puzzled. She can't think what this picture has to do with them. Heck, she does not even know these people there. 'Are they Armaan's relatives? But Armaan never talked about them!! I can't even remember seeing them at our wedding. But what it is about them that is making Armaan so worried? Has something happened to them? I don't think they are any one close to Armaan because if they are I should have known. Don't I? Is there something that I should know about them that I don't?' she thinks. She Searches for almost some thousand reasons in her mind in that few moments but she can not pinpoint anyone of them. Her impatience gets the better of her and she decides to ask Armaan"Armaan . . .what is this? whose picture is this?. .Did I know them?"



 Armaan Nods his head and points at the little girl in the picture. "U know her. . .She is Shilpa."



" Shipa?" she is still confused..



 "Shilpa Malhotra. . ." he tries to make her remember.



" Shilpa. . .Malhotra. . .!!" she rummages her memory and then it clicks her . "Oh! Yea, Shilpa Malhotra . . .that intern na?" and he slightly nods his head which in returm makes her more confused "But What she has to do with it ? . . .and by the way, why did u have her family picture with u?"  She asks looking at her picture. Of course, she remembers her. She is hard to forget. Such a prank star. She resembled the notorious Armaan of his early internship days. She does not used to like Shilpa a bit. But then all of a sudden she changed herself. Though she understood the reason why but see does not want to think about it now. But later she realized that Shilpa is actually a good girl and they bonded well before she left Sanjeevani. Even she had started to like her on those days. But still she can not fathom why Armaan is showing her Shilpa's picture. Moreover, she can not understand why Armaan actually has her picture with him. Though she tries to suppress it but it only raises a not so welcome thought in a corner of her brain.She looks at Armaan for further details.



Armaan gathers all the courage he has and after clearing his throat he said "Wo. .Riddhima. . .Shilpa . . .Shilpa. .umm. . . is  actually. . .she is ur sister. ." And that's it. He has said it. He releases the breath that he was holding. Now all he can think is about the reaction. So he looks at  her. . .

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