Monday, 17 August 2020

part 10 : Khushiyon ka Intezaar

(Armaan's POV)

2 months later
It's been two months since riddhima left me and since then there has been no news of riddhima. I have searched her eyewhere but it seems like she is fulfiling her promise of not coming in front of me. The diary which riddhima had given me to forward it to rahul and muskaan, I did it but not before reading it. I know its bad manners to read someones personal diary but I couldn't hold my anxiety, I wanted to know about her and this enquisitiveness led to me read her diary.


Abstracts from Riddhima's Diary

Dear diary,
Aaj I won an award for topping in the class but when I looked towards the audience I had tears in my eyes rather than smile. Everyone was clapping for my success but that smile was not genuine as they were sad that their child wasn't winning this award. I was searching for that one genuine smile amongst the entire crowd which would be solely for me. But sadly I can't see that one person, papa nahiin aye ek vahi toh the jo dil se mere liye clap karte baki sab toh sirf clap karne ke liye clap kar rahe hain. After taking the trophey I went home expecting papa to be at home but as usual he hadnt come home, he was still in office. I kept my trophey in his study room hoping he would see it and then would congratulate me while hugging me tight.





Dear diary,

Papa ne tropehy dekhi lekin phir bhi mujhe congratulate aake nahiin kiya bas ek paper pe likh ke rakh diya trophey ke paas. Mujhe yeh bhi nahiin pata ki trophey dekhke Papa ko khushi hui ya nahiin hui, unke chehre pe smile ayi ki nahiin, unhe proud feel hua ki nahiin mujhe kuch nahiin pata chala. Kash mien dekh pati, pata nahiin diary mien kitni koshish karti hoon papa ko khush karne ki lekin har baar fail ho jati hoon kabhi lagta hai mien loser hoon. Diary dheere dheere meri himmat toot rahi hai nahiin samaj aa raha ki papa mujhse naraz kyun hai aisa kya kiya hai miene.



Dear diary,

Aaj miene papa ki baat suni papa mamma ki photo se baat kar rahe the, unhone kaha ki meri vajay se mom unse door hui hain. Kya yahi reason hai papa mujhse nafrat karte hain, miene apni mom ko mara hai, agar hain toh mujhe punishment milni chahiye. Diary mien koi friends nahiin banaongi bas rahul muskaan ke saath hi rahoongi baki or kisi ko dost nahiin banaongi kabhi nahiin banaongi mujhe akele rehna chahiye I don't deserve happiness.



Dear Diary,

Aaj miene middle school main kadam rakha ek ajeeb si feeling ayi pata nahiin logo ko bolte huye suna hai ki middle school days are most cherishing one dekhte hain kya hota hai. Aaj lunch time main miene ek ladke ko dekha shayad mujhse agemain bada hai per boht cute lag raha tha. Muskaan ko laga ki mujhe uspe crush hai lekin diary crush kya hota hai mujhe toh vo bhi nahiin pata pagal hai muskaan.



Dear Diary,

Pata hai diary mien kitni stupid hoon mujhe crush ka meaning ab samaj aya after an year, or vo ladka mere sapne main bhi aya, pata hai usne kya kaha ki vo mera dost banega or meri saari probems solve kar dega. Diary tumhe lagta hai ki vo meri problem solve kar payega? Kya vo mere papa ko samjha payega ki mien buri nahiin hoon? Pata nahiin diary mien kyun ek stranger se aisi umeed rakh rahi hoon!

Dear diary,
I hate everyone koi mujhse pyar nahiin karta, rahul muskaan bhi nahiin, vo sirf dikhawa karte hain. jab vo reena mera mazak uda rahi thi tab rahul muskaan mujhe bachane bhi nahiin aye or mujhe baad main kaha I should know how to handle such situations agar situation handle karni aati toh kar leti na. Diary mien boht akelapan feel kar rahi hoon iss duniya main koi nahiin hai mujhe support karne wala. Pata hai diary sports day aney wala hai lekin mujhe pata hai har saal ki tarah papa iss saal bhi nahiin ayenge. Diary jab kisi ko meri parwaah nahiin hai toh mien zinda kyun hoon? Acha hota agar mien bhi mar jati mamma ke saath kissi ko bura nahiin lagta, vaise bhi agar mien abhi bhi maroongi toh kissi ko bura nahiin lagega koi nahiin miss karega mujhe.



Dear Diary,

Aaj se mien senior school main aa gayi or kitni buri start hui, mien raat main royi thi na isi liye aisa hua hoga. Mien jab bhi roti hoon hamesha bura hota hai mujhe nahiin rona chahiye tha mujhe apne ansoon control kar lena chahiye tha raat main. Pata hai diary mujhe aaj hi uss ladke ka naam pata chala uska naam ARMAAN hai, per ab lagta hai vo hamesha hi mera armaan bankar reh jayega kyunki uski ek girlfriend hai, or vaise bhi mujh jaisi unwanted girl se koi kyun pyar karega mien toh boht buri hoon na.



Dear diary,

Aaj meri shaadi hui vo bhi uss insaan se jisse mien pyaar karti hoon vo bhi school days se. jab vo school se pass out hua tha mujhe boht dukh hua after five years mien usse dekh rahi hoon. Pehli baar jab coffee shop main dekha tha armaan ko toh laga shayad ab meri kismat mujh pe meharbaan hai shayad ab meri life main kuch acha hoga. School days main mujhe hamesha lagta tha ki infact mujhe umeed thi ki ek din vo stranger yani armaan mujhe help karega gam se bahar nikalne main. Mien college days main bhi sochti thi ki vo mere college main kyun nahiin hai, mujhe hamesha lagta tha ki vo ek din mere college ayega or mujhse dosti karega phir mujhse pyaar or phir kaheyga life main rone ya hasne se kuch bura nahiin hoga. He'll say I can freely smile or cry. Lagta hai aaj unknowingly vo meri zindagi main aa raha hai shayad kismat ka ishara hai yeh ki ab sab theek ho jayega. Diary I hope iss baar kuch gadbad na ho.



Dear diary

Diary sab gadbad ho gaya miene apni khushi ke chakkar main armaan ki hassi cheeng li. Diary vo mujhse pyaar nahiin karta vo kissi or se pyaar karta hai. Mere saath hi aisa kyun hota hai diary why? Mujhe rejection ki aadat ho chuki hai lekin phir bhi aaj reject hokar boht bura laga shayad iss liye kyunki mien school days se har din yahi soch rahi thi ki armaan will help me recover and will love me. Lagta hai khushiyan meri life main kabhi nahiin ayengi, mien iss duniya main raho ya na rahu kisi ko kuch farak nahiin padega. Mien hokar bhi logo ke liye na ke barabar hoon isse acha toh mien mar hi jaon lekin mien darpok nahiin hoon or na hi kamzor, mien armaan ko unke pyaar se milwane ke baad yahan se door chali jaongi or phir se apni life ek naye sirey se shuru karoongi.



Dear Diary

Pata hai diary miene kabhi nahiin socha tha ki life main mujhe kabhi itna akela pan mehsoos hoga but I guess I deserve it kyunki shayad mien achi ladki nahiin hoon shayad papa sach hi kehte the mien apni mom ki deadth ki zimedaar hoon or mujhe life main kabhi khushiyaan nahiin milni chahiye. Per mien kya itni buri hoon diary ki khushi ke ek pal ke liye tarasti rahoon, Kya mien sach main khushiyaan deserve nahiin karti? Pata nahiin diary bhagwaan ko mujhse kya problem hai har baar sirf dukh hi dete hain khushiyon ke pal aate nahiin ki dukh pehle aajata hai. Pata hai diary mujhe promotion mila hai aaj per meri kismat dekho na khushi share karne ke liye koi hai hi nahiin. Yahan koi aisa nahiin hai jisse mien apna keh sakoon mujhe pata hai diary tum ho mere saath or ek tum hi toh ho jo mujhe samaj sakte ho lagta hai sab bhool gaye hain ki riddhima naam ki ek ladki bhi hai jo insaan hai jiske seene main bhi dil dhadakta hai vo bhi udaas ho sakti hai usse bhi khush hone ka adhikaar hai. Meri life main jo aata hai sirf dukh deke jata hai ab meri life main koi nahiin ayega mien kissi ko aane nahiin doongi siwaye tumhare diary ab sirf tum bache ho meri life main.  Please mujhe Akeley chodkar mat jana. Bye diary I have to go now.



Dear Diary,

Aaj armaan ne rahul or muskaan ko sab bata kar pata nahiin acha kiya ki nahiin lekin jo mien nahiin dekhna chahti thi vo miene aaj rahul or muskaan ke chehre pe dekha, guilt. Miene unke chehre pe guilt dekha or ek sawal bhi ki miene unhe kyun nahiin bataya per mien unke kisi bhi sawal ka jawab nahiin dena chahti thi isi liye ghar aa gayi vapas bina kuch kahe. Aate hi miene ananya aunty se baat ki, per pata nahiin unki baton se aisa laga ki vo armaan ke pyaar ke baare main kuch nahiin janti, shayad mujhe rokne ke liye anjaan ban rahi thi. Finally miene apna promise poora kar liya diary miene ananya aunty ko mana liya armaan sunenge toh boht khush honge unhe finally apni khushiyaan mil jayengi jo meri vajay se chali gayi thi. Per jane se pehle unhe kaise bataon ki mien un lucky hoon or unke business main jo problem hui thi vo iss liye hui kyunki mien unki life main hoon. Kaise bataon ki uski saza miene khud ko de di thi apna haath kaat ke. Pata hai diary jab armaan ne poocha tha na yeh chot kaise lagi mien darr gayi ki mien kya boloongi kyunki jhoot mujhse bola nahiin jata but thankfully driver ne mujhe bula liya tha. Pata hai diary abhi abhi courier wala divorce paper deke gaya hai or yeh indication hai ki mien ab tak dream world main jee rahi thi or Truth/reality toh yahi hai ki mujhe saari zindagi akele hi rehni hai or kash mien isse bachpan main accept kar leti toh shayad aaj itna dukh nahiin hota mujhe khushi ki umeed nahiin rakhni chahiye thi. It's about time I come out of my dream world and live in reality.



I still remember I had cried after reading riddhima's diary for how many hours I still don't know and today also I cry thinking about how much pain she had gone through. She wanted me to remove her pains but sadly I increased her pains. Meri vajay se uski akhri umeed bhi chali gayi, she lost all her hopes of happiness because of me.



I still remember searching her room for some clue as to where she can go but instead I had found a note.



Dear armaan,

Thank you for everything, apne mujhe apne ghar main rehne diya or samaan bhi use karne diya. Lekin jab mien yahan se jaa rahi thi toh laga ki miene inn sabki keemat nahiin chukayi. Papa ne bachpan se leker aaj tak jo bhi mere liye kiya tha uski keemat thi yeh shaadi, or hamari shaadi ki keemat thi meri dosti with rahul and muskan jo toot gayi. Toh ab itne din apke saath rahi toh uski keemat toh chukani hi thi. Mere paas dene ko kuch nahiin hai siwaye in paison ke. Yeh miene apni job se earn kiye hain, iss waqt mere paas dene ke liye yahi hai. I wish you all the best for your future with your loved ones or hain ek last request please papa ke saath vo business deal mat toriyega unhe boht sara nuksaan ho jayega please.

Riddhima



I clearly remember my talk with mom on phone when I had come back home. She had called me at night when I had finished reading her diary and note. I was emotionally drained out to speak anything but had still picked her call up.



"Armaan mien nahiin janti ki tune mujhse kyun chupaya ki you found your love agar tu bata deta ki tujhe vo ladki mil gayi hai jisse tu itne salon se dhoond raha tha toh mien khushi khushi teri shaadi usse karwati. Or agar vo ladki tujhe shaadi ke baad mili toh beta mien nahiin janti ki tune riddhima ko batake sahi kiya ya galat per uss bachi ki zindagi zaroor kharab kar di. Aaj jab riddhima ne mujhse promise liya ki mien tere pyaar ko accept karu toh mujhe uske chehre pe na khushi na dukh kuch bhi nahiin dikha. Miene riddhima se promise kiya hai ki mien tere pyar ko accept karoongi lekin mujhe or tere papa ko time lagega normal hone main uss bachi ki zindagi kharab karke hum itni jaldi teri khushiyon main shamil nahiin ho sakte. Lekin hain hum tere liye khush hain ki tujhe tera pyaar mil gaya"



At that time due to all the sudden revealations I couldn't speak as I was under the shock then, also  at that time I didn't knew what to say or how to tell mom that I loved riddhima only.
............................................
 (Armaan's POV)



It's been two months since I am trying to find riddhima and the results are always negative. It seems like she is keeping her promise of not coming in front of me. I looked towards the ceiling like riddhima use to do and closed my eyes and wished 'God please fulfil all her wishes but not the one of meeting me. Please God hear me I want to meet her for once and see if she is fine or not please God'. This is the wish that I am asking from past two months, hoping that some good news comes from somewhere about riddhima's whereabouts.



After opening the eyes I looked at the house, it was still the same. Ever since riddhima has left the house I never intended to change anything, everything was kept in the same place as it was before riddhima had left. In this house I always feel her presence and also it makes me guilty that she wanted me to remove her pain but sadly instead of removing her pain I added more pains for her.



Two months have passed, my mom dad have also returned from their trip but haven't met me yet though they do call me every day. After gathering lots of courage I had told my mom the entire truth and I clearly remember her wordings which were "armaan tune jo galti ki hai usse beta sirf tu hi sudhaar sakta hai.

Anjane main tune apne pyar ko hi hurt kar diya or kehte hain anjane main ki gayi galti bhagwaan bhi maaf kar dete hain or phir to yeh riddhima hai jiska dill boht saaf hai vo tujhe samjhegi bhi or maaf bhi karegi. Jiss din riddhima ko tu vapas le ayega uss din iss ghar main hamesha ke liye kadam rakhna apne pyaar ke saath or yahan ek nayee zindagi shuru karna. I'll wait for my son and daughter in law to come back in this house for ever".



I was sitting on the dinning table and sipping coffee when suddenly bell rang. I know who it would be. I opened the door smilingly but seeing the dejected expressions on their faces my face fell. The smile which was there on my face few seconds back was now replaced by a sullen face.



I moved aside and walked towards the drwing room and sat on the sofa. I covered my face with my palms.



"Armaan there is no news of riddhima" said a male voice.



"Your facial expressions have already told me that" I replied back.



"Wow ab bada facial expressions samaj ate hain jab samajhna chahiye tha tab kya kar rahe the" said another voice.



"Muskaan chup kar na" rahul said.



"Oye khote dekh mujhe chup hone ko mat bol samjha na or armaan yeh yaad rakhna I am helping you because you love riddhima and she loves you and above all she deserves happiness, love and care which she was deprived off in her entire life. She had no one whom she could call her family, I want her to have her own family which I know she is craving for from long time" muskaan said.



I removed his palms from his face and looked at muskaan. Silence prevailed in the room.



I stared at an empty space and said "I know muskaan tum mujhse boht naraaz ho or hona bhi chahiye miene tumhari best friend ka dill jo dukhaya hai but honestly believe me agar mujhe pehle pata hota ki riddhima vahi ladki jisse mien pyaar karta hoon toh usse kabhi dukh dena toh door kabhi usse anjane main bhi hurt nahiin karta. Pata nahiin jab riddhima se miloonga toh vo mujhe maaf karegi bhi ki nahiin meri zindagi main lautegi bhi ki nahiin lekin itna zaroor janta hoon ki vo mere life main vapas aye ya na aye uski zindagi main khushiyaan zaroor bhar doonga".



Muskaan and rahul looked at me and I was looking towards the room in which riddhima use to stay.



"I still don't understand why you lied to her about your love?" rahul said.



I looked at rahul and said "and how many times should I tell you the answer for it?"



"Because we still can't believe it you lied for that stupid reason" rahul replied.



"look I am telling you this for the last time I was not ready for the marriage as I was still searching the girl whom I had fallen in love with during the school days but the agreement between my dad and shashank uncle forced me to agree for this marriage. I still remember that day when I had returned home"



FLASHBACK



Like everyday I returned home but today I was very upset as I was very close to finding the girl whom I love the most. But unfortunately the detective that I had hired for searching that girl whom I love met with an accident due to which he lost his memory.



I was in a very bad mood today and due to that my employees had to face my wrath. Poor employees they had no idea why I was irritated today or why was I shouting at their smallest of their mistakes.



While I was driving back home I had thought to hire a new detective and hand him over all the information that was collected by the previous detective. May be like him, this new detective would able to find that girl whom I love.



But when I entered my house I saw shashank uncle shaking hands with my father. May be some new deal they must have cracked together. But shashank uncle's words took me off guard.



"Bhabhi rishta pakka hi samjhiye aap meethai nahiin khilayngi" shashank uncle said.



I stared at my parents and shashank uncle. I was so confused were they talking about marriage wala rishta? Hope not but wait mom knows I love someone else how can she agree for this without asking me that's not fair.



"Arey armaan tu aa gaya beta aa ither aa aaj shashank apni beti riddhima ka rishta tere liye laye hain or humne rishte ke liye hain kar di" my father billy mallik said it proudly.



I looked at my mother who was smiling while looking at me. How can my parents agree for this marriage proposal when they clearly know that I love someone else and I am also finding her day and night? Before I could speak anything shashank uncle said he'll leave and start with the marriage preparations.



After shashank uncle left I looked at my parents and said "what was that you know I love someone else and also finding her how you can fix my marriage with someone else? Look mom dad I am very close in finding her if my detective wouldn't have met with an accident I would have found her by now. I'll hire a new detective and find her soon don't fix my marriage now please".



"Armaan hum jante hain ki tu apne pyaar ko dhoond raha ha lekin beta ab boht ho gaya teri shaadi ki umar nikali jaa rahi hai" my mother ananya said.

"Or tu naya detective karega phir usse paanch saal or lagenge uss ladki ko dhoondne main or kya pata jab vo mile uski shaadi ho chuki ho? Tab tu kya karega?" my father billy said.



I was dumbfounded after hearing my father. Before starting my search I never gave a thought about it what if she is already married and living a happy life? But still I won't stop my search after coming so far.  I don't know why I feel she also loves me and is waiting for me.



"Mom I don't know anything I'll find her please call shashank uncle and say this marriage won't happen" I said.



"Armaan this marriage will happen at any cost. Your marriage with riddhima will unite two families and we are also thinking of merging our companies with Gupta companies above all your marriage will be the talk of the town which will help our business too" my father billy said and left the place.



I was starring at the retreating figure of my father when I heard my mother saying "armaan please shaadi ke liye hain kar de. Mujhe tere sir pe sehra dekhna hai beta please hain kar de tujhe meri kasam hai"



"Fine agar apko yahi chahiye hai toh mien mana nahiin karoonga mien shaadi karoonga lekin mien ab iss ghar main nahiin rahoonga" saying so I left the house and started living in an apartment.



I called my friend abhimanyu atul anjali nikki and sapna. We were sitting in my new house.



"Guys its final mien shaadi kar raha hoon or isse nibhaonga bhi issi liye mien ab mere pyaar ki search nahiin karoonga"



"Armaan tu pagal ho gaya hai tu jisse pyaar karta hai ussi se shaadi bhi kar thoda wait kar tujhe mil jayegi vo" atul said.



"atul mom ne mujhe apni kasam di hai or mien usse nibhaonga, or shaadi ke baad agar mien apne pyaar ki search karoonga toh vo galat hoga iss liye mien ab sab kuch bhulake aage badhne ki koshish karoonga. Lekin pata nahiin kyun mera dill kehta hai ki mujhe apne pyaar ko dhoondna chahiye she.  Isi liye asking you guys kya karu mien batao na"



"Armaan tu ek kaam kar shaadi ki pehli raat ko tu uss ladki se boliyo you love some one agar usne kaha ki she'll help you in uniting with your love then saari problem solve ho jayegi after marriage you can still find your love and you'll still have a hope of spending a life with your love" abhimanyu said



"Or agar usne kaha ki mujhe uss ladki se milna hai toh mien kya boloonga usse ki mujhe khud nahiin pata ki vo kaha hai"



"Toh tu usse sapna se milwa dena. Waise bhi amit bahar hai or usse thodi pata hai ki sapna Teri cousin hai" nikki said.



"Hain or vaise bhi vo tujhe sweet heart darling hi bulati hai" anjali said and started giggling.



"Hain toh bhai hai hi sweet heart or darling sahi pet name diya hai miene unhe" sapna said.



"Fine its decided agar uss ladki ne kaha ki she'll help you in unitng with you love sapna will become that girlfriend ok" abhimanyu said and I smiled.

My friends talks and planning was giving me some hope that I can still be with my love but I am feeling bad for the girl whom I'll marry hope she'll take all this positively.

FLASHBACK ENDS



"You were mad who asked you to listen to your friends" muskaan asked.



"At that time I was just thinking about finding my love I know I became selfish but have you heard a line called everything is fair in love and war" I said.



"You never even thought for once that the girl whom you'll marry what will happen to her? You do know na that a divorced girl has to face so much in the society? No one marries a divorce girl so easily you know that or not? You were spoiling someones life dammit" muskaan said in an angry voice.



"Muskaan I was so happy when my friends suggested this idea that I never thought about its consequences and when riddhima said she'll help me in unting with my lover I was so happy that I didnt think about anything else. But as time started passing I realised my mistake and started feeling guilty. I was about to tell her the truth after hearing about her from you guys. But that day when riddhima took me to the school I realised she is the same girl I am searching for, she is the same girl I love I was so happy that day but after hearing her pain I was shocked and I didn't knew how to react or what to speak. My brain was thinking something else and my heart was happy.  By the time reality struck me she had left"



Before muskaan could speak anything rahul said "guys whats done is done we can't change the past but we can surely improve the present and future. Let's find riddhima and bring her back".



I and muskaan looked at rahul and nodded our heads in agreement. Its time to find riddhima, I can't wait for the day when I'll see her and confess my love for her but before that I'll clear all her doubts.

Srishti

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