Tuesday, 18 August 2020

part 3 & 4 : my every breathe in ur name

Part 3 - Sid talks to Atul about AR's past
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Armaan's POV

(Armaan in the forest)

I spent the whole night in the forest staring into space thinking where the destiny bought me in my life. When I thought that I would never loose my heart to a vulnerable girl like Riddhima, I fell in love with her. I was crazy about her. When I was about to step into a serious phase of relationship with her, I was forced to leave her alone. When I fought with the fate to be back to her, there is no way to reach my destination. It's believed that we don't get what we desire but rather land up with what we deserve. Is this what I deserve?

The soft rays of the sun extending slowly over the forest brought me out of my thoughts. I stood up and walked towards the orphanage not sure of what to do. I went straight to my room and fell flat on my bed.

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Sid's POV

(Sid with Atul in Atul's cabin)

"Dr.Atul I want to talk to you about Riddhima" said I slowly. Atul softly smiled at me and came towards me. He looked straight into my eyes and said "Whats's the matter Sid? Why are you so lost?" he said.

I hesitated a moment and told him what I want to talk about. "I want to know about Armaan's and Riddhima's relationship." I wondered whether it's me who spoke those words. Atul was surprised to hear those words from me.

"Why do you want to know about Armaan, Sid? Its Riddhima's past. Ridz is struggling hard to forget the life with Armaan. Why do you want to dig the past and makes lives more complicated?" he said

"Dr. Atul, I am not making lives complicated. I am rather trying to resolve the complications in the lives of all three of us. And Armaan is not Riddhima's past." I wondered whether Atul knows about Armaan being back." Armaan is back, Dr. Atul. He is back in Sanjeevani"

I could sense that Atul was shocked to hear that Armaan is back. After a moment he was rather happy that his friend is back safe.

Then he said with weak voice and eyes filled with tears "Is it true, Sid? Is Armaan back? Is he fine? Where is he now? Is he in Sanjeevani?" He was eager to meet his friend and shot innumerable questions at me. I interrupted him and said "Armaan is fine. He is in Lonavala now. He will be back in few days" said I. I was about to say something when Atul asked me one final question that I had no answer with me. "What about Riddhima, Sid? Does she know that Armaan is back? Did she say anything about it to you?" asked he in stern voice.

I told him everything that happened in our lives since Armaan's return. Atul fell back in his seat and closed his eyes for few minutes.

Then I asked him the question that was bothering me from many days."Dr.Atul, do you think Riddhima can ever be happy without Armaan?"

Atul was searching for words to answer me. He finally managed to say "Sid please, please don't'."

I cut him and said "Dr.Atul, please, I want to see Riddhima happy. I need to find out what her real happiness is. For that I need to understand the relationship she shared with Armaan. Please help me."I almost begged him.

He sat silent for few minutes and finally started speaking about Armaan and Riddhima.

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Armaan's POV

(In his room in orphanage)

I can't take this confusion any more. I can't bear her angry glares anymore. I have had enough. I have to talk to Riddhima.

I was determined and went to Riddhima's room. She was not in her room. I thought she might be in wash room and waited for few minutes. Making sure that she's not there, I turned around to step out of the room bumped into a person. Even if I didn't look at the person, I could sense that one person- Riddhima.

She immediately moved away from me and stared at me for a moment. I was searching for the lost love in her eyes. She blinked and looked away. She quickly made her way into the room when I stopped her.

"Why are you here Armaan?" she asked. That one particular question shook me. What did she mean? Was she asking about why I was back in her life? My heart twisted with pain.

"Riddhima, I want to talk to'" She cut me and said "I don't want to talk to you Armaan."

"Riddhima, but'" I still tried to stay calm. She didn't allow me to complete and said"There is nothing between us to talk about. Please leave Armaan" She said rather angrily and tried to walk away.

But I was determined to talk to her. I took hold of her by her arms and pinned her to the wall, frustrated. "Riddhima, but I want to talk to you. How can you say that there is nothing between us? How can you Riddhima?" I just spat the words at her rudely.

She closed her eyes tightly and tears rolled down her cheek. I can never see Riddhima in pain. All my frustration was just washed away at the sight of her.  I released her slowly out of my grip and stepped back. She slowly opened her eyes and looked at me.

"Riddhima, please listen to me" I said looking straight into her eyes and was lost.

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Part 4 - What A wants from R

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Sid's POV

(Walking in the corridor of Sanjeevani)

What should I do now? What does Riddhima want? It's true that I have developed feelings for Riddhima. But will that match up to that of Armaan-Riddhima's love. Now that I came to know about their past relationship, should I step back? Or fight for my love? I have seen how crazy Riddhima was when she came to know that Armaan was at Panchgani. Will she ever be happy with me?

Why does it happen to me always? First I thought Tamanna was meant for me. But she left saying that I would find my Tamanna soon and I accepted it. Next I landed up with Riddhima to whom I never thought I would ever loose my heart. I knew that she loved Armaan even while marrying her. But why am I not able to let her go from my life now? Why is life so complicated? Where do I find all the answers from?

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Armaan's POV

(In Lonavala Orphanage)

I was lost in her eyes. One glance at those beautiful eyes made all the past memories alive. Life was so beautiful in her company. It was full of colors of Love. Love makes life beautiful ' so true.

One big tear rolling down from the corner of her eye brought me back to present.

"What do you want from me Armaan?" said she fighting back her tears. "Why don't you leave me alone?"

Can I leave her alone? Even that thought sent shivers down my spine. I have left her once and that had been my worst mistake. Only I know how much turmoil I went through during that time. I know she was hurt. She felt she was abandoned. She even got married. It's not east to accept my presence now. Is that what I want?

"Riddhima, please listen to me. Riddhima I know I have hurt you so much. But I was helpless that time. I had to leave for your happiness" I said still searching for words to explain to her what I want from her now.

She was silent. I spoke again "Riddhima, when I left, I never expected you to wait for me. I know it would be selfish on my part to hope so. Even I returned only for you Riddhima. If I know that you were married, I swear I would have never come back. I always wanted you to be happy. Always, with me or without me."

"Happiness? Did you ever know what my real happiness was, Armaan? Who were you to decide about my life? Our relationship consisted of us both, Armaan, not just you. But every time you were the person who made all the decisions. You just left me because you felt it was good for me. And now you returned because you thought it was good for me now. Never bothered about my feelings. Did you? I made a mistake understanding you Armaan. I have learnt to live without you Armaan. And will continue to live." said she wiping out innumerable tears rolling down her cheek.

Her words shook me very hard. My heart twisted with pain. Does she treat me as a mistake in her life? I continued "Riddhima, please don't treat me as a mistake in your life. Please don't treat our relationship as a mistake. You were my life Riddhima. You are and you shall be. Please don't run away from me. I am here not to create any complications in your life. I just want you to accept my presence." my voice trailed off.

She didn't look into my eyes. I made up my mind to speak the last words. "Riddhima, after coming to know that you were married to Sid, I never expected you to be back with me. I just wanted you to be happy. But it's unbearable for me to stand all those angry glares that you put at me. I just wanted you to forgive me. I deserve an excuse. Don't I? Riddhima, for the last few months, I had been away from all of you. I had been away from all the love fighting alone. When I returned, the first thing I expected from you was that you would come and ask 'Armaan, are you fine?' I had always been waiting for one such question Riddhima. You know you are the only person who is close to my heart, not even my parents. I am really sorry Riddhima. Please forgive me" I put my heart before her.

Now she did look at me. But I have no strength to look into her eyes. Few moments of silence just tore me apart. Then I spoke again "Riddhima, I know you are not comfortable with me. I know you wanted to move on in your life. I will never come in your way. I will soon talk to Dr.Keerthi and leave Sanjeevani. Just be happy Riddhima." said I without looking at her and walked out of the room.

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Riddhima's POV

(In her room after Armaan left)   

Those last words from Armaan took my breath away. Will he leave again? I managed to be alive when he left me last time but will I be able to live without him once again?

My limbs started shaking. I took the support of the wall and managed to reach the bed and fell on it. I can't take this anymore. I shouldn't have said all those words to Armaan. But what else can I do? I can't loose myself to him. My life is now bounded to Sid. I can't leave him. He supported me when I was in need of Armaan. He healed my wounds. I am greatful to him.

But, but can I live without Armaan? Why is that I am deprived of happiness all the time? Armaan, you are my life too. I can never live happily without you. You make me complete. But now I am helpless. I can't let you into my life even if I want to.

I cried, cried and cried. I didn't know when the tears would stop.

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perfect smile

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