Thursday, 20 August 2020

part 7 & 8 : my every breathe in ur name

Part 7 - Sid: I want to be someone's Armaan

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Sid's POV

(Waiting in Riddhima's cabin in Sanjeevani)

I was determined to talk to Riddhima at any cost today. I had to know what's going on in her mind – or rather heart, to be accurate. Armaan is miserable. Riddhima is in pathetic state and I am not happy as well. Three lives are getting spoiled. I had to end this. Infact I am the only person who can end this.

Just then Riddhima entered her cabin. I took a deep breath and prepared myself.

"Sid……. Here?" she said not expecting me. She looked very tired and completely lost. I can never relate her to the Ridhhima that Dr.Atul told me about. She is just breathing, not living and so is Armaan. I concluded. And what about me? The question rose in brain immediately.

"Yes, Riddhima. I want to talk to you. I went to your home. Dr.Shashank said that you were here. So…" I said slowly.

"Dr.Sid, if you want to talk about the patients, you are welcome. Or else I am busy." said she searching for some file on her desk.

"Riddhima, I want to talk about Armaan. He…" I didn't complete but she cut me off and said. "Dr.Sid, there is nothing to talk about Dr.Armaan. You may leave if it's all that you want to talk about." said she without meeting my eyes.

"Riddhima, I am not here to talk about Dr.Armaan. I want to talk about Armaan and you" I returned back without waiting a moment.

"Sid, please" said she this time almost requesting me. I noticed tears escaping from the corner of her eyes.

"Riddhima, whom are you running away from? Why are you doing this to yourself? I know that Armaan loves you and you too….." I spoke softly so that my words would not hurt her more.

But she didn't let me complete my sentence and shouted back. "Armaan, please stop it. I don't…." she suddenly realized what she said and stared at me in horror and broke down to tears. She fell back in her seat.

Armaan is her world. Her every thought starts and ends at Armaan. I was convinced of that fact now even more. My heart twisted in pain at that thought. But I have decided. So put my thoughts aside and slowly walked to Riddhima's chair and kneeled down beside her chair.

I started calmly "Riddhima, I know you can never eliminate Armaan from your heart. So why are you fighting against your feelings? You are only hurting yourself more. And moreover hurting Armaan and me. We both want your happiness. And I knew that your happiness is only Armaan" said I.

"Sid please. Armaan left me when I needed him. He never looked back. You were the person who stood by me and……" her voice trailed off.

"Riddhima, you know very well why Armaan left then. He thought he might hurt you and he was scared like hell at that thought. Was he happy parting from you? I guess you know the answer very well than me. He was helpless then Riddhima. But you took it for his rejection. I am pretty sure you might have done the same thing if you were in Armaan's place." I said looking straight into her eyes.

She didn't speak for few minutes and the silence tore me apart. Then she said slowly "Sid, why are you doing this?"

Why I am I doing this? Do I have a reason? All I know is that I want Riddhima to be happy and she would only be happy with Armaan.

"Riddhima, I am doing it for myself. Remember, I promised you that I would unite you with Armaan? You know, I always keep up my promise." said I and winked. She remained silent. I know I have a very bad sense of humor.

"Riddhima, a relationship is one that brings two people closer only if they are happy. No matter how long we stay together, we are not going to be happy and content; and that's the truth. You are just risking three lives, depriving them of happiness. Don't think that I am pushing you away or sacrificing. No, I am just safeguarding a pure love from getting lost. I know Riddhima, we rarely find true love. I want to be someone's Armaan, Riddhima. Armaan and Riddhima are meant for each other. And I knew it." I finished. I noticed that tears also formed in my eyes.

Riddhima still looked at me with shock in her eyes "Sid, but…….. but what about you?" said she in weak voice.

What about me? I didn't have an answer for that one. I took her hands in mine. "Riddhima, I am fine. I'll be fine. I assure you. I'll talk to Dr.Shashank about this tomorrow. Don't' worry about me. I am sure that I can live without you. But Armaan can't live without you Riddhima. He's madly in love with you and I saw that. My feelings for you can never match to that of Armaan and I know that. You are his life Riddhima and he yours. Please don't hurt yourself and Armaan more." I said and stood up. I looked into her eyes for few moments and started leaving.

"Sid" Riddhima called me. I turned around and faced her. She came towards me and hugged me gently. "Sid, you are a very good person. I am glad that you were in my life. I owe you a lot." said she and cried.

I held her securely in my arms and drew back after few moments. I looked at her for one last time and left.

My heart grew heavy with pain. I said that I would live without Riddhima but can I? The question haunted me for all the day.

I drove back to my house and fell flat on bed with mind full of thoughts. I didn't understand how to talk to Dr.Shashank about Armaan. About Riddhima and me. I could no longer sleep. I stared into darkness not sure of where my thoughts led me.

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Part 8 : "Shashank:I am sorry Riddhima"

Next day morning.

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Armaan's POV

(Walking through the corridors of Sanjeevani)

This place had been almost my home for the last two years. I laughed here, cried here. I fought here, apologized here. I loved here, was loved here. Yet everything seemed to be new now. Life had changed so much in Sanjeevani. I never expected that I would leave the place and people close to my heart, in such situation. Will I be able to live away from this place forever? I had no answer for that question. Infact there were many unanswered questions in my heart.

As I reached the reception, I saw Dr.Keerthi and other interns waiting for me with flowers to bid me good bye. I slowly walked towards them, happy to know that they love me so much. But one love I had always been wishing was not with me now.

"Good bye, Dr.Armaan. I'll miss you" said Dr.Keerthi. I could sense that those words came from deep in her heart. I was so touched. "Take care of yourself" she concluded handling me the flowers.

"I miss you too Dr.Keerthi" said I weakly and moved forward. I couldn't speak more.

"We miss you too Dr.Armaan. You had been our very good senior" said all the interns.

"Miss you all. Wish I could be back someday" it was all I managed to say. But I knew very well that would never happen. I moved still further towards the exit. I met Atul there. "Bye Champ. I'll miss you the most." I managed to say. "I am coming with you to the airport Armaan" said he in a stern voice. I couldn't say no.

Most of the Sanjeevani staff was there to bid last bye to me. But my eyes had been searching for one person all the time ' Riddhima. I didn't find her. My heart longed to see her for one last time. But she was not there. I didn't even find Sid. 'Bye Sid. Take care of Riddhima' I said to myself. I couldn't say bye to Riddhima as she would always stay with me in my heart.

My heart grew heavy with pain. But that's how life is and I accepted it. I sighed and walked out of Sanjeevani.

I called for a taxi and left for the airport. Atul tried to lighten the air around us but he was hardly successful. All the time throughout our journey to the airport I was surrounded by the wonderful moments I shared with everyone in Sanjeevani, especially Riddhima.

'I'll miss your presence, Riddhima. I love you. You are my life. Be happy.' I said to myself and closed my eyes.

Atul woke me up after sometime. We reached the airport. I went to the enquiry to confirm the flight timing while Atul said that he would take care of my luggage.

I returned back to where Atul sat and said "The flight is late by 4 hours."

He smiled and said "It's good. I get to spend more 4 hours with you". I returned a smile and sat in the chair beside him.

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Sid's POV

(In Shashank's Study)

"Dad" I said as I entered Shashank's study noticing that he was going through a case file.

"Siddhanth!" said he at the sight of me. "Come. It's good to see you here. Riddhima is in her room. I guess she is getting ready to go to Sanjeevani." He said pointing his hand towards the chair asking me to sit.

"Dad, I want to talk to you." I said. "I want to talk to you about Riddhima..... and Armaan." I said rather slowly. He looked at me in sheer shock. I felt embarrassed. I wished that I was never in such a situation. I was also a bit scared to talk to him as I was never good at talking serious matters.

"Siddhanth, what do you want to talk about?" said he shifting in his seat.

I didn't understand where to start from. "Dad, Armaan is leaving Sanjeevani today." said I.

"I know. Dr.Keerthi talked to me about it." He said and again went through the case file.

"Dad, I think you know what I am talking about. I don't want Armaan to leave from Riddhima's life. I want them to live happy." I blurted out.

"Siddhanth, are you out of your mind? Riddhima is your wife. You are in her life." He said shutting the case file.

"Yes dad. I am in her life but not in her heart. You know it very well. Riddhima is not happy dad and nor am I. Riddhima's happiness lies only with Armaan. Armaan is her world." The words came out of me stronger than what I expected.

"I know Sid. But it's too late now. It's not possible now. She is married to you." He said.

"Dad, we are living in the society and not for the society. I know we are bound by the society but it's ones happiness that matters at last. And Riddhima can never be happy staying away from Armaan and you know it very well than me." I said. But he remained silent.

"Dad, Riddhima is Armaan's life and Armaan Riddhima's. They can never wipe away each other from their hearts. Both are just breathing, not living. Let them live, Dad. They have the right to be happy. Let's not separate them." I said wiping a tear that just escaped my eye.

Shashank was in tears by then.  He seemed to be convinced of what I said but didn't speak for a few moments.

"And you Sid? Don't you have any feelings towards Riddhima?" he asked me. That was one question I prayed would not come from him. That was one answerless question I was haunted for many days.

"I do love Riddhima, dad, but not at the cost of her happiness. I just wanted her to be happy. And her happiness is Armaan." I heard the words in my voice.

Shashank stood up and came towards me. I too stood up. He came closer and hugged me. "I am very proud of you Sid. You have a very brave heart which I lacked. You understood Riddhima more than I did. If I had a son, I wish he were like you. Thank you so much. Thank you." He said and drew back.

 We remained silent for few moments and I turned back to leave. Then I saw her. I saw her standing against the wall near the door, eyes bloodshot. Since when was she standing there?

Shashank moved forward by two steps when Riddhima came running towards her and cradled in his arms. "I am so sorry Riddhima. I put you across all the troubles. I failed to understand you. I am so sorry" he said caressing Riddhima.

Then she looked at me with eyes filled with tears but didn't speak. 'Thank you Sid, for everything' I read her thoughts. 

After sometime I and Riddhima started for Sanjeevani. I felt relieved. I looked at Riddhima. There was a hidden spark in her eyes and I noticed it. After many days I saw life in them. And I was happy. I was happy for both of them. But was I really happy? I didn't dare to think about it.

While I drove, my mind was surrounded by the moments I shared with Riddhima. They bought a soft smile on my face. They are very less in number, but as many enough to get me going!

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