Sunday, 16 August 2020

part 9 : Khushiyon ka Intezaar

Riddhima entered the house and straight away went to her room without bothering about ananya. After sometime armaan too came back and saw a note on the table. He picked it up and read it. it was from ananya saying due to some emergency she and his father are flying out of the country for two days to attend some business conference. Armaan sighed as ananya won't see riddhima in this condition.



FLASHBACK



Armaan was totally confused with rahul and muskaan's talk. When he couldn't take the confusion he thought to ask them.





"Guys will you please tell me what are you guys talking about I really want to know why you are saying riddhima is not fine" armaan asked.



Muskaan looked at rahul who blinked his eyes conveying her to tell him.



Muskaan sighed and said "we think she is in depression and since rahul is a doctor he can see the symptoms". Hearing about depression armaan was shocked beyond his limits.



"Depression" armaan mumbled not knowing whether he is asking them or trying to grasp the reality.



"Armaan can we sit and talk please" rahul asked and this brought armaan back to reality.



He looked at rahul and muskaan and found them staring at him with hopeful eyes. He nodded his head in agreement. All three of them sat on the table.



"Armaan did you ask riddhima why there is a cut on her hand" rahul asked.



This drew armaan's attention the incident where he had seen those cuts and had enquired about the same with riddhima but she didn't tell him anything in reply rather she had changed the topic.



"Yeah I did but she never told me anything" armaan said.



Muskaan sighed and asked her "when you told her you love someone else what did she do"



"Nothing simply went inside the washroom and after sometime she came out and said she would help in uniting my love that's it" armaan instantly replied.



He was trying to understand what is making them think that riddhima is in depression because he has never felt riddhima was in depression.  He was trying hard to recall any incident which might give him a hint that riddhima was in depression because a person who is in depression never smiles, never laughs and most importantly never behaves normal but riddhima was smiling, laughing and above all behaving normally. She was going to office, talking with his mom.



"She didn't shout at all" rahul asked bringing armaan back to reality. Armaan nodded his head in 'no' that she didn't shout at all.



"She didn't ask you or tell you about joining her office and dance class" muskaan asked.

This shocked armaan as he clearly remembers when they went to disco he had asked her to dance but she said she hates dancing.

"She told me she hates dancing" armaan said. Now it was rahul and muskaan's turn to get their share of shock.



"She said this? I can't believe it she loves dancing; she has been an ace dancer of our school and college. She has won so many awards for dancing and before marriage she was taking training in dance I did go there in a hope to see riddhima but came to know she withdrew her name from the class. Then I thought she must have joined the class which would be near her house" msukaan said.



Before armaan could react or let the information sink in him rahul asked him "did you take her or ask her to go for a movie"



"She told me she hates watching movie that's why she was sitting here in the cafe instead of theatre" armaan said.



This time rahul and muskaan were not shocked as they understood why riddhima did this. She didn't tell armaan who the real riddhima is? She was hiding her real self from armaan she told armaan everything opposite about herself. But one thing they couldn't understand was that why she did this?



"Dude you don't know how much she loves watching movie" rahul said.



"Why did she lie to me" armaan asked in a confused tone. He was not understanding anything, everything that riddhima told him about her was all wrong? Why did she do this?



"She didn't lie she was trying to hide the riddhima who everyone knows she was trying to be someone who she can never be" muskaan said.



"Matlab" armaan asked immediately.



"Matlab ye ki if she would have joined her dance class back and would have danced or seen a movie she would have felt better and lighter as whenever she is upset she likes to either dance or watch a movie. Since she didn't do all this may be deliberately, it slipped her into depression. She was trying to be someone who she herself doesn't recognize. Muskaan I think she was again pushing herself into depression like last time and those cuts are nothing but a proof that she wants to punish herself" rahul said.



Before muskaan could say something armaan asked "punish herself for what?"



"It's her childhood thing she feels whenever she cries or is happy something bad will happen with her so if she is happy she breaks her favorite thing to remain sad and if she cries she cuts her hand so that blood flows instead of her tears and it reminds her not to smile/laugh and not to cry. She thinks it makes her strong in avoiding happiness and tears but she is mad" muskaan said.



"After lots of convincing we made her stop doing this and told her not to think like this as its totally absurd instead we told her to share her pains and happiness with us though she never cut her hand after that but she did punish herself for smiling or crying in some other way which we also don't know but since we were not around her to make her think straight she resorted to the same old method once again" rahul said.



Silence prevailed. Armaan was shocked beyond limits he didn't know how to react or what to react. All this information about Riddhima was just too much for him to digest it. He never thought a person whom he saw smiling was actually not smiling but was hiding pains behind that smile.

Muskaan this is clear indication that she is in pain and depression armaan we need your help please bring her here again tomorrow we need to bring her back" rahul said.



Armaan looked at rahul and muskaan and asked "aren't you guys angry on me for hurting your friend to such an extent that she is in depression now"



"We are but, it's someone else who has hurt her more than you" muskaan said



Armaan asked them instantly "who"



"riddhima won't like we telling you about this and we have already told you more than you should know anyways you go home and bring her here tomorrow we'll meanwhile develop a strategy to bring the old riddhima back" rahul said and armaan nodded his head in agreement before leaving for home.



FLASHBACK ENDS



Armaan entered his room and saw it was empty he was about to leave when riddhima stepped out from the washroom all dressed up. After knowing the truth armaan can now see the pain in riddhima's eyes.



He cursed himself for not seeing it before, her friends just saw her for a moment and they realised she is in pain how lucky she is to have such wonderful friends. But then he suddenly realised and wanted to know why she stayed away from her friends.



Before armaan could ask anything riddhima asked him "kya apke paas abhi time hai? I mean kya  aap  abhi free hain?"



"Hain lekin kyun" armaan asked instantly.



"Agar apko koi problem nahiin hai toh kya aap mere saath chalenge please" riddhima asked with a hopeful eyes.



"Kaha" armaan asked.



"Apne aap samaj jayenge" riddhima said.



Armaan was confused he thought riddhima would shout at him for telling her friends everything but she is behaving totally different. 'Is this what depression does to a person?' armaan thought.



Armaan smiled and both of them walked out of the house.

 ......................................
"Agar apko koi problem nahiin hai toh kya aap mere saath chalenge please" riddhima asked with a hopeful eyes.



"Kaha" armaan asked.



"Apne aap samaj jayenge" riddhima said.



Armaan was confused he thought riddhima would shout at him for telling her friends everything but she is behaving totally different. 'Is this what depression does to a person?' armaan thought.



Armaan smiled and both of them walked out of the house.



During the entire journey riddhima didn't tell anything to armaan just guided him the direction. Both of them came out of the car after reaching their destination. Armaan looked at the building infront of him and was shocked completely.



"Riddhima yahan"



"Yeh mera school hai"

"Yeh toh mera"





"Janti hoon aap bhi isi school main the" riddhima said while smiling. Armaan looked at riddhima with confused look. He was not able to understand why she brought him here.


"Yahi soch rahe hain na ki mien apko yahan kyun layi hoon well uska jawab apko boht jaldi mil jayega aaiye andar chalte hain" riddhima said while trying to smile.



Armaan and riddhima walked inside the school. Since it was evening time the school was empty. Riddhima took armaan to the nursary and KG classes. Riddhima was looking at these classses with longing eyes where as armaan was looking at riddhima with confused face.



After starring the class for few minutes riddhima spoke "pata hai armaan yeh vahi classrooms hai jahan mien bachpan main padha karti thi".



Riddhima started walking towards her other classrooms while armaan followed riddhima. riddhima, after showing few classrooms she entered one of her classroom and sat in one the chair.



"Armaan mien hamesha iss seat pe betha karti thi yeh meri favourite seat thi" riddhima said excitedly. Armaan was totally confused so he didn't know what to do.



Riddhima took a long breath and said "apne mujhse poocha tha na ki mien uss din papa se kyun nahiin mili or miene kuch nahiin kaha tha, armaan sach toh yeh hai ki I want to meet him but he doesn't want to see my face. He thinks I am the reason why mom died. Pata hai sab apne bachon ko school chode aate the or phir pick karne bhi per mere dad vo kabhi bhi mujhe pick ya drop karne nahiin ate the. School main koi bhi function ho ya parent teacher meeting vo kabhi nahiin aye mien hamesha unka intezaar karti thi lekin vo kabhi nahiin aye or mien intezaar hi karti reh gayi. Yeh vahi classroom hai or yeh vahi chair hai jahan mujhe pehli baar realise hua tha ki papa mujhse pyaar nahiin karte, pehli baar ehsaas hua tha ki papa ke pyaar ke liye mujhe hamesha hi intezaar karna padega".

Tears fell down from riddhima's eyes. Armaan could feel her pain; he was too shocked after hearing the reality that he didn't know how to react or what to speak. Before armaan could give her his hanky so that she can wipe her tears riddhima herself wiped her tears and said "mien bhool jati hoon ki mujhe rona nahiin chahiye. Anyways aaiye"



Riddhima took armaan to an auditorium. Riddhima forcefully smiled seeing the auditorium and armaan noticed this.



"Pata hai armaan aap mujhse nafrat karenge jab apko pata chalega ki miene apse jhoot kaha hai hai per I am really sorry for that per mujhe jhoot bolna pada vo mujhe dance ka boht shauk hai or movie dekhne ka bhi. Pata hai armaan miene iss stage pe boht baar dance kiya hai award bhi jeeta hai per yeh sab dekhne mere papa kabhi bhi nahiin aye. Miene socha ki agar mien top karoongi toh papa khush honge or phir mujhe pyaar karenge per na hi vo kabhi khush huye or na hi kabhi mujhe pyaar kiya" riddhima said while trying hard to control her tears.



Armaan could see her eyes getting moist and she is trying hard to control her tears but above all was trying hard not break down.



Riddhima looked at an empty space and said "pata hai armaan sab parents apne bachon ko cycle chalana, ghoomane le jana yeh sab karte hain or mien bas unhe dekhti thi door se. honestly kayi baar jealousy bhi hoti thi mere paas sab tha jaise latest cycle, games etc sab tha bas ek hi chees nahiin thi love. Kafi bache mujhse jalte the ki mere paas bada ghar tha, latest cheese thi lekin unhone kabhi yeh nahiin dekha ki mere paas sab kuch hokar bhi kuch nahiin tha. Unke paas unke parents the khelne ke liye mere paas koi nahiin tha unn cheeson ka kya faida jab khelne ke liye koi tha hi nahiin. Logo ko vahi dikha jo samne tha vo kyun nahiin dikha jo reality hai? Kya log reality dekh kar bhi andekha kar dete hain ya unhe sach main reality nahiin dikhti"



Armaan was confused why riddhima is telling him all this and too today.



"Pata hai armaan aap boht lucky hai ananya aunty or billy uncle dono apse boht pyaar karte hain lekin unhone jab apke pyaar ki manzoori nahiin di toh aap ghar chodke yahan aa gaye rehne? Yeh sahi nahiin hai armaan" riddhima said.



Armaan was shocked hearing this and thought how she knows about it.



"Aap yahi soch rahe hain na ki mujhe yeh sab kaise pata chala miene aaj ananya aunty ko hamare rishte ke baare main sab bata diya or apke pyaar ki manzoori bhi le li vo apke pyaar ko accept karne ke liye tyaar ho gayi hai" riddhima said.



Armaan was shocked, he wanted to speak something but he was shocked beyond limits and his voice wasn't supporting him.  He stood there numbly not knowing how to react.



After gaining his strength armaan said "what? I mean why today? I mean". Armaan tried his best to put forward his point of view but sadly he was failing miserably.



Riddhima smiled and took out an envelope from her purse and handed over it to armaan. armaan looked at riddhima with confused look and silently opened the envelope. Armaan was shocked for the third time in a day. It was nothing but his and riddhima's divorce paper and now after seeing it carefully he was shocked for the fourth time, riddhima had already signed the papers. He immediately looked at riddhima only to get his fifth shock, she was smiling, and there were no tears in her eyes or sadness on her face.

Armaan thought 'is she hidding her pain behind that smile, if she is then she is a brilliant actress and if she is genuienly happy then why doesn't she feel any pain because any girl who is about to get divorced would feel sad but she, she is smiling'



Armaan's thought were broken when he heard riddhima "or ab apke sawal ka jawab mien apko yahan iss liye layi thi kyunki mien apki life se hamesha ke liye jaa rahi hoon or jane se pehle mien apko yeh batana chahti thi ki miene apse dosti kyun nahiin ki, vo iss liye kyun ki mere dil kareeb jo bhi ata hai ya hota hai bhagwaan usse mujhse hamesha cheeng lete hain pehle meri mamma phir papa, phir rahul muskaan or".



Riddhima immediately stopped speaking; she looked at armaan who was looking at her with blank expressions.



"Jaane se pehle apko yeh samjhana chahti thi ki ananya aunty and billy uncle love you or apko ghar vapas chale jana chahiye or ab toh vo apke pyaar ko accept karne ke liye bhi tayaar hain toh ab koi problem nahiin hogi apko. Kya mien apse ek last favour maang sakti hoon" riddhima asked armaan with hopeful eyes.



Armaan looked at riddhima and nodded his head in "yes". Riddhima smiled and immediately took out a diary from her purse.



"Yeh diary aap rahul muskaan ko dedenge? Miene unse promise kiya tha ki jis din mujhe yeh yakeen ho jayega ki mien unhe kabhi nahiin miloongi uss din yeh diary mien unhe dedoongi. Isme aisi kayee batien hai jo mien unge bolna chahti thi lekin kabhi bol nahiin paayi. Please yeh diary unhe dedijiyega or hain ek wish jo mien bachpan se mang rahi hoon please pray kijiyega ki vo poori ho jaye" riddhima said and started walking.



Armaan who was lost suddenly looked at riddhima's retreating figure and he realised whats happening and immediately said "riddhima stop tum kaha jaa rahi ho?"



Riddhima turned and said "pata nahiin per itna zaroor janti hoon ki galti se bhi apke samne nahiin aaongi miene jo promise kiya tha usse hamesha nibhaongi or hain all the best for your future with your loved ones".



Saying so riddhima left the place, leaving behind a shocked armaan. Before armaan could register things and react riddhima had left.

Srishti

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