Monday, 4 January 2021

Happily divorced os

“You know what, we are getting addicted to each other and this is going to be with us for  life..” when he said this to me 10yrs ago, as we lounged by the sea on a calm afternoon, I just thought it was cute..

We Belonged to different cities and different worlds.. yet when our paths crossed and we met at a dull boring business meeting, sparks flew and how.. Both if us were too professional to try and take it forward immediately.. I mean, i didn’t even know if he was single..

I was, and at twenty-eight, I thought  that’s how I would stay all my life.. I was not gonna compromise and settle down with just another guy, only because people have started to think that my biological clock is ticking.. i was an intelligent, attractive, copywriter with a designer firm.. He headed the marketing team for a huge software firm.. 

Heartbreaks in the past didn’t make anything easier for me.. yet Armaan Mallik was one guy who was taking too much of my mindspace and attention after alot of years.. And when he called that evening , I knew he felt the same way..

What clicked instantly was that he never had an awkward vibe nor did he ever beat  around the bush.. he clearly stated that he wanted to meet again and it was nothing related to work.. I am glad that it was a phone conversation and he couldn’t see me blush..! 

We met again... and again..

Both of us didn’t seem the kind, but when cupid strikes, all the sanity and common sense goes for a toss.. So we used to spend all the nights on the phone or chatting whenever we were in different cities.. his trips to Bangalore became more frequent, while my travel plans included Mumbai every 20 days.. soon enough we both were caught humming arijit singh songs despite our bad tuning and lyrics..

It was uncanny how similar we were.. from our tastes in music n movies.. our values in life.. our food.. even our priorities.. hence we overlooked our minor differences.. Alas.! Not such a good thing, but we did.. our families and friends looked on surprised.. happy I guess, since both of us have been labeled as hopelessly uptight individuals..

One of the most beautiful feelings in the world is to love someone and feel loved and cherished in return.. it was magical.. i'd never been able to read someone inside out so clearly ever.. or had someone to guess n tell me what exactly is on my mind.. if there was a soul to soul connection ever,for me it was this..

Three months of bliss seemed too short.. Neither of us could imagine a life without eachother in it.. We were way more ahead of it.. yet when he proposed, it seemed so right.. both of us gave deaf ears to all our well wishers who tried to give us a reality check.. We were sensible and mature adults, weren’t we.? 

Ten months since the day we met, I was Mrs. Shilpa Mallik.. it was one of the best things I’ve done for myself..

I moved cities with him, put my career back stage and began believing in happily ever after.. 

Well, just like most of the love stories, our fairytale romance couldn’t stand the pressures nd expectations of marriage.. reality hit hard and soon.. we loved eachother to bits and still do.. But..!

It can’t be defined whether it was the conditions or boundations.. The considerate lovers were just not able to fit into the clichéd and sketched roles of husband and wife.. it was as if suddenly we didn’t have to be just perfect life partners, but a brilliant sister in law or a dutiful son in law aswell.. the pressure was too much to take.. we did vouch to be by eachother’s side but family was not into the picture back then.. we thought love was enough to sustain our relationship but society thinks otherwise.. 

We were seeing new sides to eachother every other day.. i was his and he was mine, why did the other people matter..? Both of us were miserable and wanted OUR MAGIC back.. it was painful that over a period of struggle we both have blocked out all those lovely memories..

I know for the fact that neither of us regretted getting married.. we both did try to the best of our abilities to sustain together.. we were also people who were successful and good at our work places.. intelligent and intellectual.. Maybe that is how we both took the wise decision.. cutting the chase and moving away before we ruin eachother..

The intensity with which we loved was also the same when we fought.. we both felt cheated by our fate.. This was not hiw our life was supposed to be..

I think we loved eachother too much to see eachother suffer in pain.. Sure, self-esteem came to the front but the idea was never to the otherone crumble under the pressure.. Not for any sadistic pleasures to satisfy our ego..

We Split..

I moved cities again.. soon enough i realised that i still miss him.. I missed, The Armaan I knew before he became my husband.. we were both hurting and needed time to heal..

Yet I know that we were both possessive enough about  our relationship and refused to talk to anybody else about what went wrong in our fairytale.. or Maybe, we are still trying to figure out..

I refused taking his calls and he stopped replying to my messages.. his stuff was still with me.. my things were still in his house.. We just couldn’t take things back.. they were OURS.. that stuff and those memories.. but NOW there was no US.. so who did the things belong to.? 

It felt so strange as if the well-wishers around have just vanished in thin air.. knowing how headstrong both of us can be, nobody suggested any common grounds for reconciliation.. or fonding someone else for that matter.. For me it will always be him.. how could someone ever match up to HIM.. 

I Finally took courage and called on his birthday.. we spoke through the night.. mourned our marriage.. cried.. laughed.. there wasn’t even a small moment of awkwardness.. the care and fondness was still intact.. and yet the relationship was a question mark..

After that we kept in touch.. but what took all our strength was to not slip back into a relationship together.. we both knew what we had was special and will always be special.. Maybe so special that it could never stand the pressures and monotony of a married life..

We got divorced legally, by mutual consent but never returned eachother’s things.. we were free from that conventional mould of marriage.. once there were no expectations, we got back to being friends again..

Neither of us has ever dreamt of finding someone else again.. it never seemed possible.. we knew eachother more than anyone else could understand and there was absolutely no space for even air to pass through us as friends nd lovers.. yet both of kept suggesting potential matches for eachother..! 

It does seem strange to some people, but what we shared in last one year is as special as spending a lifetime together.. it was as if I never had a life without him.. we both know that the other person is just a phone call away.. will drop everything to be by other’s side whenever needed.. that confidence and reliability is so strong that we never felt the need to test it.. 

We do make trips together.. Go see eachother every couple of months.. and we both know that we wouldn’t trade that time for anything in the World..

LOVE really never goes away.. it just changes its shade.. We are far more giving now, not in a rush to prove our worth to eachother and families..

The issues we had with eachother like family and time, still remains, so I don’t think so that we’ll ever be married again.. I don’t even think there would ever be a relationship in our lives as beautiful as this one.. I am glad we found eachother again.. And I know how clichéd this might sound but we will always hold eachother’s names as spouses in our passports..

Huh..! As I told you before.. we were both hopeless and mad for our love..


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