Saturday, 27 February 2021

Part 1 : I LOVE YOU(Arsh os)

 Armaan sat in the bar downing peg after peg even though he never had drinks but today he couldn't control himself. He had to drown his pain. He couldn't find any other way to lessen the pain.

    Riddhima had once again chosen sid over him and had been happy over her decision. Why? She had promised him that she would never leave him then why today she was happy with sid in whatever she did? He tried everything he could do to make her realize that she still loves him but perhaps'she doesn't anymore and had moved on.

    Shilpa had a vague idea that where armaan could be but still she wasn't sure because armaan wasn't the sort to drink. She went out to search him anyways at the bar. She knew he was hurt because riddhima had chosen to go to lonavla with sid instead of armaan and moreover she had seen armaan looking at sid and riddhima hand in hand laughing with each other which must have been hurting for him.

   She spotted him just as she entered the bar. He was trying to get up and was about to fall when she ran to him and caught hold of him. After much difficulty she pulled him up to herself and turned her face away at the odor that was coming from his mouth.

"sorry" he whispered when he saw her and she quietly put his arm around her shoulder and lead him outside to her car, pushed him inside and took him to her house.

     She was angry with him. Was this the way to deal with one's problems? Alcohol. She reached her house and dragged armaan inside and kind of threw him on the couch angrily and stood away from him. She went in the kitchen and brought a jug of water and emptied it on his face making him jump. She had done it just to make his drunkard state sweep away and then she handed him a glass of water to drink. He drank quietly and his eyes opened.

    She was by now fuming with anger and he was quiet. He shook his head to shake off water from his head and she went inside and brought towel from him and handed it to him, but he was still slow and his hands shook even to hold the towel. She shook it away from him and went closer to him and dried his face and hair roughly and then was about to go back inside but his voice stopped her in midway,

"I'm sorry shilpa. I just'can't forget her' I love her and 'she chose sid'"

"Don't you dare blame her armaan malik. It's your fault that you can't accept her being with someone else. You said so yourself that it would be her choice to choose whomever she want then why are you crying over her if she's happy with sid and not you. Stop making her life miserable as well as yours. You had promised that you would be happy with her decision then MOVE ON." Armaan was listening to her quietly with his head bowed somewhere deep down knowing that she was right while she shouted at him.

"do you even know what you were doing there? You were drinking as if you had decided to pass out right there." She went near him and held his shirt front angrily making him look up, "if you would have passed out there, you might have ended up in jail, hospital, God knows where else and nobody would have bothered even if you had been on the road all night or even if you had'died" she hesitated to speak the word but she knew whatever she said was all the fear that she had felt in that mere moment when he had been about to fall down and she had realized that if she wouldn't have been there maybe no one would have helped him.

"and one more thing armaan malik, if you think I'll pity on you and have sympathy for you then you're wrong. I don't feel any such thing for you because you are creating all this yourself." With that she shook him back and started to walk away.

"agar itni hi nafrat karti ho mujhse to wahan kiyun ayi dhoondte hue mujhe? Why do you follow me everywhere when I am in pain? Itna ghussa kiyun aya tumhain mujhe us halat main dekh ker? Were you scared shilpa that I would die?" he asked mockingly.

"don't you dare to taunt at me! I don't give a damn what you do" she hissed angrily.

"then answer me, why did you brought me here? Why didn't you leave me there as I was?"

"because I'm not insensitive as you are who doesn't even care that someone might get hurt by this stupidity of yours" she shouted throwing the towel at the chair.

"who's getting hurt shilpa? You? Are you getting hurt because I'm in pain? Why?" she took a deep breath and closed her eyes. She wasn't someone to lose her temper so easily but he had brought her to the edge. Moreover his words were piercing through her heart. Yes she was getting hurt because he was in pain. She loves him that's why she was getting hurt but she couldn't tell him that or else he would mock her.

"bolo! Ub chup kiyun ho?" he asked again but still she was quiet. Tears of helplessness, fear and pain stung in her eyes but she blinked them away and looked up towards heaven to ask for strength and peace.

"come here shilpa" it wasn't a command. It was a request. A plead.

"please" he held out his hand to her and she went to him holding his hand and sat down beside him quietly but still looking away. As she sat there, he broke in her arms and placed his head on her shoulder and cried. Shilpa was held back by shock by his touch and the way he broke down. She knew how much hurt he was but she didn't want him to feel as if this was the end of life when it clearly wasn't.

"i tried shilpa. I tried to move on" he sobbed on her shoulder and she could feel the wetness of his tears on her bare skin because she was wearing a sleeveless top with a long skirt that was modest yet stylish.

"no you didn't" she spoke hesitatingly because he was holding her very tightly and moreover his closeness was drawing her senses away.

       Slowly he wrapped both his arms around her shoulders and closed the minor distance too. He had stopped crying but he was unusual sort of quiet as if he was lost somewhere, she felt. She knew he needed someone and he was lonely. She raised her hand slowly and placed it on his back gently yet hesitatingly. She wasn't used to being close to any guy and he was the first one.

     As if he sensed her care, he turned his head and buried his face in the column of her neck and her insides churned and she stiffened when she felt him nuzzling to her hair. She stiffened as she realized the extent of intimacy. She removed her hand from his back and placed it on his shoulders and held him back from her.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry" he spoke dazedly but he had stopped crying, "I'm just so lonely"

    She looked at his face and she felt daggers on her heart to see his pain. All because of riddhima. No, because of their fate. Riddhima had made the right choice to move ahead with her husband but armaan was left behind somewhere, stuck.

"armaan I think you should go inside and change" she spoke after a moment and he just nodded his head. She held his hand to help him get up and took him inside the guest room where she kept spare clothing. She handed him a shirt and trouser and went outside to bring hot milk for him.

    When she came back, he was just sitting on the bed with the shirt's buttons open and he was staring in empty space. He looked as if he was held in prison even though he was innocent and somehow it was the truth. His fate had drifted both riddhima and him apart. She went and sat beside him holding out the glass of milk to him.

    He looked up at her and saw her eyes. Those big, innocent eyes that could calm even a beast. He took the glass from her hands and took a long sip of it which was warm. He could smell her fragrance that was getting on his senses like a poison acting.

"you should' sleep now" she started to get up but he held her wrist. She looked at him.

"please don't leave me alone" he spoke with so much plead that she could feel herself melting away. One thing that shilpa couldn't refuse to was request or plead. She sat down beside him without another word and he drank milk quietly placing the glass on the table and they sat silent for a while without needing any word for each other. She was fine being quiet but didn't know about him.

    He felt himself at peace with her. This silent companionship was more than soothing to his senses. It was tranquility that he felt. He forgot about his pain and sorrows and tilted his head sideways placing his head on her shoulder while she sat quietly.  Her softness was filling his mind and he didn't realize when his hands traveled to her waist and he was embracing her towards himself but he felt her stiffening and her heart pounding.

    She could feel what he wanted. But was this right? He didn't love her neither did he care about her but then why did he want this from her. He was lonely and she knew that. Maybe the only way to make him forget his pain was this. Maybe he would feel better. She couldn't figure the rightness or the wrongness in this. All she wanted was that even for one night he would forget the injustice life did to him even if it took her to spend it with him. She had made her decision and she knew what she would do with the crack of dawn after this night.

    She placed her hand gently on his arm and turned her face to his hair and placed her cheek on his head. He raised his head and looked in her eyes and he saw'trust. She was giving herself to him. He raised her hand to her cheek and blinked.

    She had seen the droop of his blink and knew that he was still drunk. She doubted and started to move back in fear but before she could slide away he had kissed her cheek and she froze on the spot. His warmth and gentleness took her breath away leaving her wanting more. She closed her eyes when he raised his hands to touch her face and caressed her soft skin and his hands went behind her neck and his lips touched hers at first gently. When he felt her body respond immediately to his touch and she shivered, urgency took place instead of gentleness and he probed her lips to open and he kissed her hungrily to which she responded with the same passion.

     Within minutes they were both lying in bed skin to skin, making love to each other. Armaan was lost completely and he slowed down only when he heard her gasp of pain and she clung to him for a while. He kissed her tears of pain away and the night passed away with shilpa giving away all her love to him and taking out his pain from him and absorbed it in her own self. She didn't remember for how long she cried after he slept and she hugged him. Somewhere in his sleep he hugged her back tightly as if he would never let her go and he had whispered her name which had brought more tears in her eyes. This time, of happiness that at least he remembered that he was with her but he might forget tomorrow.

     Tomorrow was what she feared the most. She didn't want to face him tomorrow and she had to go away before he woke up.

    Sunlight hit his eyes and brought him out of his sleep. He opened his eyes reluctantly and flipped over on his stomach stretching out his hand on the bed to search for her to pull her closer to himself because he didn't remember anyone sleeping beside him and after last night he longed for such feeling every night. But the bed was empty and coldness went through him and he raised his head to only see the bed empty. He looked around but there wasn't even any noise in the house. He looked at the wall clock and it said 12pm. He got up and felt the throbbing pain in his head and at the same time he spotted his clothes all washed and ironed on the chair and as he turned his head he saw a glass of water and a tray of breakfast with a glass of juice, toast and butter.

    He thought she might be around but his sixth sense told him that she wasn't. He got up and got in his clothes and drank the glass of water. Just then his eyes went towards the bed and he saw the spots that made his stomach churn because they were because she had given herself to him, and he went out of the room. Without calling her name he searched the house but she wasn't around. He was about to go out when his eyes spotted a paper on the table just beside the door with keys on top of it. He picked up the paper and it just said,

                              "Lock the door and give the keys to the neighbors"

Why? Why to the neighbors? Where was she?

Panic overtook him and he went out locking the door and gave the keys to the neighbors just as she had said and went to sanjivani being the first place to find her.

   He had to find her. How could she leave like that without even a word? His head was throbbing with pain and he had to get rid of it as soon as possible. He stormed in sanjivani looking inside the wards on his way to locker room but she was nowhere to be seen. He went inside the locker room and found riddhima there.

"have you seen shilpa?" he asked looking inside the changing room.

"nahi." She replied looking at him with a frown.

"did she come to the hospital?" he asked without stopping.

"nahi. Everything ok?" she asked.

"hmm" he replied absently and started to go out.

"armaan listen I want to talk to you" riddhima called him.

"Not now riddhima. I have to go" and with that armaan went out without even looking back at her. Riddhima was taken aback that this was the first time that he hadn't listened to her and hadn't even talked to her.

    He went to the nurse station but couldn't find where she was. He took medicine for his headache and drank lot of water to drown the pain. He couldn't think of any place where he could find her. He was trying for her cell phone again and again but it was out of reach or unavailable. He stood at the nurse station not knowing what to do now. He remembered her sweetness with which she had given herself to him. She had responded to him, kissed him, hugged him, melted in his arms, and clung to him when he had given her the pain first time. She hadn't even cared for herself and forgotten everything for him. She had shouted at him, lost her anger at him, cared for him, showed affection, trust and 'love for him, all in just one night. And in the morning, she just vanished leaving a note that just told him that she wasn't coming back'maybe just for some time but he had to find her right now.

But what would he say to her? He thought and didn't know the answer. His mind went blank but he just knew that he needed to see her right now. She owed him answer to why she had left him.

No. she owed him nothing. She had tried to make him forget about his pain by giving herself to him and who was he to ask her anything? Yet he had the right to know why did she left? Was she ashamed of what they had done? Was she blaming herself? He thought with coldness spreading inside him. He had been responsible for what happened just equally. He couldn't let her take all the blame herself.

     Just then jiggy came on the nurse station and talked to the nurse,

"sister ye dr.shilpa ki file hai. Dr.yuvraj a kar abhi le jayenge"

"jiggy, shilpa ki file dr.yuvi kiyun lenge?" armaan turned to him.

"kiyun k dr.shilpa aj ayi nahi"

"and' kahan hai wo?" armaan asked as if he wasn't concerned.

"wo jis charity k liye kaam karti hain, NGO for special children, unkay kisi function k liye chali gayi hain wo even though unko jana to nahi tha wahan per achanak hi chali gayen"

"kahan hai ye NGO? I mean function kahan hai?"

"goa main"

"are you sure?"

"main ne suna tha unhain do din pehle baat karte hue phone pe kisi se per tab to wo yahi keh rahi thi k wo nahi jayengi. Pata nahi achanak kiya hua"

        Armaan left hurriedly for dr.kirti's cabin and told her that it was an emergency and he had to leave for 3 days. With a little reluctance dr.kirti gave him the leave because he was a senior doctor.

Why did you go there shilpa? What made you go there? At least you could have talked to me. What was so wrong about what we had done that made you leave? You weren't wrong at least maybe I was. I'll bring you back where you belong. You don't have to run away from everyone. You'll live your life with dignity and respect just as you did before.

   He questioned himself and was determined to bring her back but somewhere in his mind, something else was brewing. One more question that he feared to answer and face. Why did she spend the night with him.


Asmara.

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